Really Missing Being A Stay At Home Mom

[sahm2three]

I have been licensed for a year + now, and did daycare unlicensed for a while before that. I have been a stay at home mom for 12 years now, and I miss just being with my kids. I feel like I am missing out on so much with just them. We had to give up our pool because of the daycare, and we used to spend every day in it during the summer. We are going thru a really hard loss in our family and I am struggling with the days that I just want to stay in jammies and snuggle my kids, I can't do that because of the daycare. I need to keep doing this, its just that my heart wants something different than my head.

[cheerfuldom]

I think a lot of other providers here are in the very same position. I have never been a SAHM. I had daycare kids starting right when my first was born and I still miss that time that I should have had with just her. There is nothing I can do about it though. My kids need more than snuggles and me working keeps food on the table, etc. Thats what I remember when we all have to sacrifice for the daycare.

[Cat Herder]

I opened my daycare before I got pregnant to be able to afford to stay home with mine. I had to make sure it would work so I actually did it for 3 years before I had my DD.

Before that I spent 5 years working overtime paying off all debt and saving up for the C-section co-pays I knew was coming ($5000 each out of pocket). It was a long process and I have much better medical insurance now.

I guess maybe the way to look at this is to be grateful for the time you had instead of what you lost? I cannot even imagine that and I am sure many here feel the same.

You have been blessed and now have to opportunity to teach your children business management, self-sufficiency and work ethics. It is all about perspective, YKWIM?

[SilverSabre25]

I have felt like that several times over the last 18 months, and in fact, went through some very difficult feelings about having a new baby and being thrust right back into the normal course of things rather than having several weeks or months of being able to focus on my baby and my family.

I have found that the absolute best way to feel ok about everything is to make sure that all/most of the daycare work and the housework gets done during my work day. That way, the evenings are given over to relaxing and having fun and being able to go run errands, and the weekends (we only get Sunday together as a family with no daycare kids) are all about having fun--that's our special family fun time and I try VERY hard to have nothing boring to do on those days.

Remember, you are grieving right now, and you are under a lot of extra stress. Maybe make a list of what's most important (laundry, cooking, grocery shopping...) and only do what's on that list and let the rest slide. Relax your daycare routine for awhile and just let the kids play while you rest and relax.

[safechner]

I know that feel. I feel the same way and I really do miss being a stay at home mom too. After my first child was born, I was a sahm for a year. Again, my second child was born and I was a sahm with both of my girls for another year. It was off and on. When we moved into a new house and I have been doing daycare for a long time. I used to be taking my girls to go swimming pool every single day and I really enjoyed to be with my girls all the time. I was supposed to stop doing daycare a few weeks ago but something came up. I hate it but that is life. My husband and I discussed that I should be closed my daycare around August 5th before going on vacation. I am going back to school this fall that I missed out for 5 years due to fight my daughter's school.

To be honest, I burned out for a long time but I need money to pay my lawyer for fighting my daughter's school. I hope it will be over soon in 6 weeks.

[SimpleMom]

I get that way as well. Miss that, but it's fun for my kids to have kiddos to play with. I used to take a large number of kids, but now I only take 5 or 6 and it's much better. I do some of the same things I would do as a SAHM. Never been one (was the plan, though)

I just do the best I can and I'm really glad I can be home with them, even if it's not as a SAHM. I make the best of eves and weekends as well. I try to get all DC related work done during my open hours, too. That has helped a lot.

I also try to give each of my kids time with me during the day--without the other kids feeling left out and such (i.e. after the kids fall asleep I'll read to mine onene and/or rock them to sleep. Things like that).

[Country Kids]

To the original poster you sound like you have children that are older so they don't get the joy out of playing with the kids. That is where I'm at. Mine are are elementary and up. They seriously just want to be with their mom and be able to do some stuff. None of their friends are in childcare so they are always getting to do stuff that my kids aren't able to do. I know there is the argument of being at home with your children which I'm grateful for but not at the expense of them being trapped because of this. I know I wouldn't have wanted to stay home all day during my summer breaks. I could let them always go to friends (which they get tired of) but they can never have friends over because they count in my ratio. Over the years I have told my husband that I'm cut out to be a wife and mother or a business woman but not both.

Fo the posters who say they do their cleaning and such during the day-how do you do that. I'm not able to leave my kids-seriously. I went to the bathroom one day, came back they were putting marker on each others face. Went to make snack and one learned how to open my sliding door! I gained 15 pounds this winter due to having to stay in my childcare room constantly. I have several parents that aren't comfortable with their children doing fieldtrips and such. Plus my whole house is not for the childcare so they aren't allowed to be in other parts.

I am having to do all cleaning in the evening and weekends. This weekend we were in and out and by Sunday evening the house was just a mess. I either have to stay home all weekend to get caught up or spend every night doing the cleaning and errands and such.

If anyone has any tips on how to balance both I'm all ears and I'm sure many more are also!

[SilverSabre25]

To the original poster you sound like you have children that are older so they don't get the joy out of playing with the kids. That is where I'm at. Mine are are elementary and up. They seriously just want to be with their mom and be able to do some stuff. None of their friends are in childcare so they are always getting to do stuff that my kids aren't able to do. I know there is the argument of being at home with your children which I'm grateful for but not at the expense of them being trapped because of this. I know I wouldn't have wanted to stay home all day during my summer breaks. I could let them always go to friends (which they get tired of) but they can never have friends over because they count in my ratio. Over the years I have told my husband that I'm cut out to be a wife and mother or a business woman but not both.

Fo the posters who say they do their cleaning and such during the day-how do you do that. I'm not able to leave my kids-seriously. I went to the bathroom one day, came back they were putting marker on each others face. Went to make snack and one learned how to open my sliding door! I gained 15 pounds this winter due to having to stay in my childcare room constantly. I have several parents that aren't comfortable with their children doing fieldtrips and such. Plus my whole house is not for the childcare so they aren't allowed to be in other parts.

I am having to do all cleaning in the evening and weekends. This weekend we were in and out and by Sunday evening the house was just a mess. I either have to stay home all weekend to get caught up or spend every night doing the cleaning and errands and such.

If anyone has any tips on how to balance both I'm all ears and I'm sure many more are also!

the laundry room is right by the daycare room so I bring it down in the AM or the night before and then do laundry all morning, carrying all the folded stuff up at naptime and putting it away. I clean the daycare spaces (playroom, bathroom, naproom) while they are playing contentedly. I clean the kitchen while they eat, and do other cleaning while DH makes dinner or puts DD to bed. DD's room gets cleaned each night before she goes to bed and I do more in-depth stuff on Saturday morning (I have one dcb on Saturday and DH works Saturdays like mopping and whatnot.

[Unregistered]

Sometimes it does get overwhelming trying to stay on top of housework, while taking care of kids and I can't stand a messy house! Some days it just gets too busy with the little ones though and dishes don't get done and floors don't get swept.
I try to utilize the times when the kids are content and occupied playing to stay on top of things and I always use nap time to my advantage to resurrect my house...picking up toys, etc.
Staying organized is the key to my success...needless to say, it doesn't always happen so you just have to allow yourself some grace!