For The Love Of Pete... He's Just A Little Boy..

[youretooloud]

He's not even three. The mom wants absolute perfection from him.

She wants me to find him a behavior specialist.

I honestly do NOT see any reason to think he needs anything at all. He's a nice, sweet, generous two year old boy. He's cute. He's no more difficult than the other boy the same age.

I can't EVER, ever tell his mom anything he's done wrong, no matter how small, or she gets so mad at him.

If his shoes are on wrong, he's in trouble. Nothing is good enough for her. I

He wet his pants today several times. I washed a load of clothes just so he wouldn't get caught, and redressed him, and he wet them again. "Okaaay, well, now kid, I can't help you." So, she is furious with him.

I am in way over my head with this lady. But, I really like the kids, and they are only here for a few months while Dad is in Iraq. When he comes back, they are going to where ever he gets stationed next. I actually fear for this kid. But, I have nothing I can say to CPS. "She's mean to him". She's never hurt him... she's just mean to him. It's a parenting choice really, not actual abuse. So, I just have to smile and say "He was wonderful today".

The other odd thing is, neither one of her kids cry when normal kids would cry. The baby fell between the table and a chair, and it left a red mark for 30 minutes... most babies would cry. She just looked at me like "Uh.. maybe you could get me out of here?". But, no crying.

[sharlan]

Poor babies, don't you just want to hold on to them until dad comes home? Dad's gone and Mom's a B***H. Hopefully she's just overwhelmed being a single parent.

Why is it your responsibility to find a behavioral specialist? She's the mom, that's her job.

[youretooloud]

Poor babies, don't you just want to hold on to them until dad comes home? Dad's gone and Mom's a B***H. Hopefully she's just overwhelmed being a single parent.

Why is it your responsibility to find a behavioral specialist? She's the mom, that's her job.

I think she's got some other issues. She always seems like she's going to burst into tears. She's SO stressed out, and I don't see why really. She just seems like the unhappiest person in the world. About two weeks ago, she found out dad is coming home to visit for ten days. That was the first time I've seen her happy. Ironically, that was also the first day her baby girl stopped screaming non stop. SO, I think she is stressed, and the baby is stressed, and the boy is just too much for mom.

I don't even know of a behavioural specialist. So, I told her she needs to go through her pediatrician. But, I added in that I don't see any of the behaviors she's concerned about. That doesn't mean he's not displaying this at home... just not in front of me.

[sharlan]

Does she have any type of support system that can give her a hand? She's in a tough situation trying to work a full time job and be both mother and father to two kids. She's in a vicious cycle. The more stressed she gets, the more stressed the kids get, the more they act out, the more stressed she gets, etc.

Do you feel that she is a danger to her kids? If the answer is yes, a call to the base commander may be in order.

[kidkair]

I'd be stressed out if I didn't get to see my husband too. I feel sorry for the wives who are stuck with the kids day in and day out with no help at home. It's perfectly understandable for her to be stressed to tears and unable to see the stress she's under is effecting her children. Maybe suggest that instead of a behavior specialist she should get a teenage babysitter to help out at home a few days a week so she has someone to help her out with the evening chores and help out with getting much needed one on one time with each of her kids.

[Kaddidle Care]

Wow! She sounds like she could use some deep breathing lessons. (And maybe a friend too.)

Also mention to her how well her boy is doing. A lot of boys aren't fully potty trained until 4! Some even wet the bed at night later than that!

As far as them not crying, I have a neighbor that doesn't allow their children to carry on when they get hurt. She may be the same. They are good, obedient kids that take life's knocks with a grain of salt. Everyone's form of parenting is different.

Stress (and I use that term lightly) the good and only mention the bad if it's something really horrible. Help her to enjoy her children.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I think she's got some other issues. She always seems like she's going to burst into tears. She's SO stressed out, and I don't see why really. She just seems like the unhappiest person in the world. About two weeks ago, she found out dad is coming home to visit for ten days. That was the first time I've seen her happy......

Its Iraq. Its soooooo hard. Please, please be patient with her. These families have to deal with so much, stuff us non-military people don't understand. She needs a friend and sympathy. A little inderstanding means a LOT LOT LOT to the ones left behind by deployment. Thank you for caring for these children hugs ()

[Auntie]

Maybe offer to keep the kids longer one day and tell her to go out to a movie with a friend or dinner.

[youretooloud]

Well, I bought the boy some new shorts, and I already have undies here, so I'll just change him out of his shorts and chonies in the mornings, then, change him back in the afternoon. That way, she'll never know. (unless she asks.. I'm not a good liar)

I'm going to not only be super supportive, I'm going to try to set the little guy up for success every day, and try to make sure he's totally ready before mom gets there so she's more relaxed.

[Kaddidle Care]

You go girl!

[sharlan]

I want this little guy and his sister.................

[PeanutsGalore]

Well, I bought the boy some new shorts, and I already have undies here, so I'll just change him out of his shorts and chonies in the mornings, then, change him back in the afternoon. That way, she'll never know. (unless she asks.. I'm not a good liar)

I'm going to not only be super supportive, I'm going to try to set the little guy up for success every day, and try to make sure he's totally ready before mom gets there so she's more relaxed.

You are so awesome, I love this! I also think that if there's any way you could offer to take the kids so she could have some mommy time and get a movie in, or a pedi, or take a jog, or have a bath with a glass of wine and a good book...that would be tremendously beneficial to her. For free, of course.

Or maybe you know of someone who can do it for her. If I lived near you, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[QualiTcare]

maybe she thinks if you tell her about something the boy has done "wrong" then it's worth being upset over? otherwise, why tell? i could understand that line of thinking, "well, you're telling me this, so it must be a problem." i'm sure that's not the case and maybe you're just making conversation, but she probably sees it as her son is being "bad" at daycare and you want her to know.

i think it's funny that we always complain about how parents aren't strict enough, and now this parent is too strict.

my kids didn't cry a lot over bumps and scrapes either and it was intentional "training" so they wouldn't. i didn't want them crying and wanting a production over every stumble like sooo many kids do because their parents feed into every whimper and put on a big show every time the baby falls. i would simply say, "uh oh!" in a sing song voice and talk like, "you're okay. get up" etc. and suddenly their lip would stop quivering and on they'd go. BUT when parents run every time their kid trips, pick them up, kiss them, and act like they're dying - they love it and they'll scream every time. let's face it - if a kid is REALLY hurt - they are going to cry no matter how well they're "trained" not to. i see nothing wrong with that aspect.

the getting upset over him having accidents or having his shoes on wrong sounds a little extreme, but i haven't met her so i don't know the interaction. meaning - is she really upset or does she want him to know she's not happy? just telling a kid you're not happy in a sweet voice doesn't usually work.

i know people probably thought i was "mean" when my kids got in trouble when they were toddlers bc i wouldn't pick them up and give them affection like i normally would bc i wanted them to KNOW that i was upset. picking them up, kissing them, and saying, "oh, it's okay" is not teaching them anything except that it IS okay even when it isn't. i've used this example before, but my daughter bit someone once (which she learned from being bitten) so when i picked her up from daycare, i didn't pick her up and hold her/kiss her like normally. i made her walk to the car (i know, abuse) and didn't talk to her except to tell her i was upset and NO BITING! i would see other moms come in and as the provider would be telling them about the biting, they'd be holding their kid, stroking their hair, and using a baby voice to say, "whadd'ya do that for?" which kid do you think stopped biting?

of course, they didn't get "in trouble" often so it was obvious to everyone that we had a good/affectionate relationship. so, how does the mom behave on the days her son hasn't done something "wrong"? does she seem happy to see the kids? are they happy to see her?

[CheekyChick]

My (now) ex-husband worked out of town most of children's early years. It was hard, sad, frustrating - yet I NEVER took it out my children. IMO, the mom is the one who needs help, not those poor children.

[Kaddidle Care]

maybe she thinks if you tell her about something the boy has done "wrong" then it's worth being upset over? otherwise, why tell? i could understand that line of thinking, "well, you're telling me this, so it must be a problem." i'm sure that's not the case and maybe you're just making conversation, but she probably sees it as her son is being "bad" at daycare and you want her to know.

i think it's funny that we always complain about how parents aren't strict enough, and now this parent is too strict.

my kids didn't cry a lot over bumps and scrapes either and it was intentional "training" so they wouldn't. i didn't want them crying and wanting a production over every stumble like sooo many kids do because their parents feed into every whimper and put on a big show every time the baby falls. i would simply say, "uh oh!" in a sing song voice and talk like, "you're okay. get up" etc. and suddenly their lip would stop quivering and on they'd go. BUT when parents run every time their kid trips, pick them up, kiss them, and act like they're dying - they love it and they'll scream every time. let's face it - if a kid is REALLY hurt - they are going to cry no matter how well they're "trained" not to. i see nothing wrong with that aspect.

the getting upset over him having accidents or having his shoes on wrong sounds a little extreme, but i haven't met her so i don't know the interaction. meaning - is she really upset or does she want him to know she's not happy? just telling a kid you're not happy in a sweet voice doesn't usually work.

i know people probably thought i was "mean" when my kids got in trouble when they were toddlers bc i wouldn't pick them up and give them affection like i normally would bc i wanted them to KNOW that i was upset. picking them up, kissing them, and saying, "oh, it's okay" is not teaching them anything except that it IS okay even when it isn't. i've used this example before, but my daughter bit someone once (which she learned from being bitten) so when i picked her up from daycare, i didn't pick her up and hold her/kiss her like normally. i made her walk to the car (i know, abuse) and didn't talk to her except to tell her i was upset and NO BITING! i would see other moms come in and as the provider would be telling them about the biting, they'd be holding their kid, stroking their hair, and using a baby voice to say, "whadd'ya do that for?" which kid do you think stopped biting?

of course, they didn't get "in trouble" often so it was obvious to everyone that we had a good/affectionate relationship. so, how does the mom behave on the days her son hasn't done something "wrong"? does she seem happy to see the kids? are they happy to see her?

I get ya!

Where I work when the kids fall down I'll usually say "Yay! or Cool!" and sometimes my co-workers look at me like I have 2 heads - UNTIL the child gets up, grins, brushes off and moves on.

Sometimes they go down and then look at you like "did you see that?" and they look for your reaction. Then they react accordingly.

Like QualTCare said, if they are REALLY hurt, they're going to cry no matter what. Then I handle things differently.