Kinda Upset

[elle73]

Today at dropoff dcm of 4yr old dcg said that her daughter did not like coming here lately because my 2yr old son is always bothering dcg, she said that dcg said that he is always poking her and just plain bothering her all day long. I was shocked because the 2 of them get along pretty good and play really good together, my son did pull her hair a long time ago and dcg keeps mentioning that to her parents and saying my son is mean to her, I must of looked surprised because dcm said oh I know its not all him and I know she instigates things too.

I explained to dcm that my son really likes playing with dcg and she gets really upset at him sometimes if he sits next her or tries to play with her, also I explained to her that sometimes dcg will be something to him that they both think is really funny but as soon as he does the same thing back she freaks out and starts crying. So anyway as soon as dcm leaves dcg runs off playing with my son all happy, and that's another thing that she has been doing is when her parents drop her off she acts all sad and doesn't want them to leave but as soon as they are gone she is happy and laughing and same with pick up she is all happy but as soon as she sees her parents she puts on this sad face and act like she's been miserable all day.

Now I don't want her playing with my son because I don't want her telling them that he has been mean to her when he hasn't. Also when my son wanted to play with the kids today dcg was nodding her head no at me so now she thinks because her mom told me that my son is bugging her he can't play with any of them

Sorry this ended up being so long, I guess I'm just kinda shocked and upset about it, I've never had anyone complain to me about not liking it here or about my kids.

[GretasLittleFriends]

Can you video the kids without them knowing and show mom that they get along just fine? Like on a cell phone or a camera?

Sounds to me like this girl has got stuff figured out on how to play her parents.

I have a dcb who just turned 7. He's been coming here for 1.5 or 2 years now. Shortly after he started he got bit by another dc boy (who was 18mo at the time). Older boy still often says "Billy" bit me. It happened only once, well over a year ago. To hear the boy talk about it, he makes it sound like he got bit that morning.

[Cat Herder]

Ugh, yeah... Sometimes the other parent will not realize that to the kids it is a Sibling Relationship... They are together all the time.

Occasionally Parents just see it as yours and theirs instead of the cultural "blended family" that it is to the kids. It does not occur to them until it is pointed out.

I bet if she asked her daughter what she liked about your son she would get just as much information.

Tough situation.

It may be time to play the "What I like About You Game". Fill DCG with nice things to say about her friends.

The rule is that to be able to say something they don't like about someone they have to say three things they like about them. I make the kids "Pay Up my 3 Likes" when I hear it....

Good luck!!

[sharlan]

It sounds like the child has learned the "make Mommy feel guilty" game.

I had one parent who really fed into it. I started calling her the second she walked out the door and put the phone on speaker so that she could hear what was really going on. The minute she got into her car, the crying and tantrums stopped and he was all smiles and happy. I did it for a whole week before she believed that he wasn't being traumatized by us, but by her.

[cheerfuldom]

I would not rearrange anything to accommodate this DCG and her stories. The mom will either choose to believe you or won't. Just because she doesn't believe you doesn't mean you are lying or doing anything wrong. I would not go into long explanations and examples, just simply say that the stories are not true.

[laundrymom]

I would video them happily playing a few times today. And at pick up today let her see them. And tell her that they do play nicely most of the time but like adults sometimes you just don't want to. And that if she feels your atmosphere isn't what her DD needs you understand.

Don't let her dictate your Childs playmates You are the boss. Her DD is older and is figuring out how manipulate. Your child is a great playmate until she's tired of him. Too bad for her. Learning to adapt to varying ages is a skill she needs in life and figuring out she is NOT alpha girl is just as important as potty learning and crossing a street.

[elle73]

Yeah I don't know, I don't really know what dcm wants me to do because I'm not going to keep my son from playing with the other kids and interacting with everyone, I had another post about this dcg because she cries about everything and she's not usually like this, I'm wondering if all this has to do with the fact that her mom is having a baby soon and dcg is not happy about it dcg has told me that she does not want to share her parents or her toys with the baby and she has started calling my son the baby maybe she's taking out her frustration on him.

Btw she has been playing great with my son today no issues at all.