Parents Treating Children Poorly

[Unregistered]

A tough situation

Even though the neighbor mom could definitely be doing better, it seems like reporting her for might end up being pointless because for every parent who yells at their children, I'll bet that there are more that are doing much worse to their children than that. There's not nearly enough money in budgets as it is for social workers and they are already stretched so thin. I'm not saying that yelling at her kid is right, I just think that there are too many cases out there of abuse that are much more extreme.

As far as her punching and slapping, are you sure that it's not just how they play? It wouldn't be the first time that I've heard of that. With her calling him a "punk" and things like that, I'm as guilty of that as she is because I have always played around with my daughter that way. It's always been that way. I used to say things like "Wanna fight, punk?" and then wrestle around with her. If you are going to report her for physical abuse, I would pay close attention to the context.

[dEHmom]

For everyone saying that there are worst cases out there let me say this...

MAYBE SO! but that doesn't make it right. the kids who are silent, the kids are are verbally abused daily, the kids who are secretly beaten, punched, slapped, screamed at, there's no where for them to go? the ones who are too small to stand up for themselves have to just take it until one day mom/dad beats them in public and someone sees? Is it ONLY then that someone will step in and help these children? Is it only after they are dead that someone will care?

Yes there aren't as many resources as there needs to be. But it doesn't matter. There are people in jail cells because they robbed a store to feed their children, people who don't pay their taxes, people who tagged along or were involved in some way for a ridiculous crime, people who steal cars, all using up the system, wasting space. They deserve to be punished, but then there is no one to defend, no one to stand up for these little kids who are treated so badly and can't stand up for themselves, they put up with it, and may be part of a suicidal statistic one day, because their parents put on a happy face when a report was looked into or brushed over because they are fed, clothed and sheltered?????

[Crystal]

for everyone saying that there are worst cases out there let me say this...

Maybe so! But that doesn't make it right. The kids who are silent, the kids are are verbally abused daily, the kids who are secretly beaten, punched, slapped, screamed at, there's no where for them to go? The ones who are too small to stand up for themselves have to just take it until one day mom/dad beats them in public and someone sees? Is it only then that someone will step in and help these children? Is it only after they are dead that someone will care?

Yes there aren't as many resources as there needs to be. But it doesn't matter. There are people in jail cells because they robbed a store to feed their children, people who don't pay their taxes, people who tagged along or were involved in some way for a ridiculous crime, people who steal cars, all using up the system, wasting space. They deserve to be punished, but then there is no one to defend, no one to stand up for these little kids who are treated so badly and can't stand up for themselves, they put up with it, and may be part of a suicidal statistic one day, because their parents put on a happy face when a report was looked into or brushed over because they are fed, clothed and sheltered?????

thank you!

[SimpleMom]

[QUOTE=PitterPatter;121419]The last time I reported someone for verbal abuse (over a yr ago) nothing came of it. I was asked if I saw the child beaten, bruises, do they have clothing are they fed etc. When I told them yes but... I was told they would check into it and the parent still verbally bashes her child on a daily basis. Bosses him around like cinderella and always f this f that, u do it or else...

I think our system is severely flawed and in need of a huge change. I have even requested that a case worker just sit in a parked car for 30 mins on a certain street and watch. They would have enough to prove a case. I was told "We don't have the resources for that"

I am reporting this tom tho see where this 1 goes. Thanks for the reply daycare![/QUOTe


I took classes in college on this and what I was told was that they keep record of every report. their hands are tied, but the more reports,. the better chance they will be able to investigate and do something about it. I think mom needs some better parentiong skills for certain. sad to say, it's possibly how she was raised sad, very sad.
i would def. report that. that little one may end up getting badly injured.

[mrs.meg]

I wish that we could recognize overspoiling, never telling your child "no", and letting your child run your household as abuse, but this is the way people want their kids these days.

I live in a part of the US where lots of people are kind of like this mom, it is ignorant, we are southern bred and it is a different culture, just that way. It may be abusive, but even the most well meaning parents fail in some way or another.

[jen]

For everyone saying that there are worst cases out there let me say this...

MAYBE SO! but that doesn't make it right. the kids who are silent, the kids are are verbally abused daily, the kids who are secretly beaten, punched, slapped, screamed at, there's no where for them to go? the ones who are too small to stand up for themselves have to just take it until one day mom/dad beats them in public and someone sees? Is it ONLY then that someone will step in and help these children? Is it only after they are dead that someone will care?

Yes there aren't as many resources as there needs to be. But it doesn't matter. There are people in jail cells because they robbed a store to feed their children, people who don't pay their taxes, people who tagged along or were involved in some way for a ridiculous crime, people who steal cars, all using up the system, wasting space. They deserve to be punished, but then there is no one to defend, no one to stand up for these little kids who are treated so badly and can't stand up for themselves, they put up with it, and may be part of a suicidal statistic one day, because their parents put on a happy face when a report was looked into or brushed over because they are fed, clothed and sheltered?????

Just so you know, it isn't that I agree that it should be this way...it just is what it is. Do I think that each and every one of us should stand up when we see a child mistreated...absolutely. I have made more than one phone call to CPS. One for a child whose Dad was drunk off his butt, on a boat with two of my daycare kids. The police met him at the dock, he blew a .17 and guess what...he didn't even get a BUI. This same Dad was in court another time for throwing his child up against a wall at the Target Center. Mom has had him in and out of court several times. Nothing. Zip. Zero.

Another time I had a daycare parent tell me that she lost her temper with her dd and threw the remote at her. It left a mark, the child was 2.5, I called CPS...guess what...nada...

Another time I saw a man pushing his child in to the car, screaming at him that the child was stupid, reaching in and smacking the kid around. I pulled up behind him in the parking lot and called 911. The police called me back later and said that there was no evidence of physical injury and...you got it...thank you for my time, but nothing can be done.

I am not unsympathetic, but I think it is important to understand the difference between abuse and poor parenting. It is also very important to realize the limited role the CPS actually plays in the welfare of children outside of the extreme cases.

Do I wish it were different? Absolutely. Does it infuriate me? Yes. I'm just giving the reality of the situation from my personal experience.

[Crystal]

Jen, I totally understand where you are coming from, but I feel that we cannot allow it to make us cynical. We should still report, even if we believe nothing will be done about it. Because WHAT IF our instinct is right and CPS checks into it and finds it to be even worse than we ever imagined? And, if they don't, at least we did our best to make a difference, to attempt to ensure a child's safety.

I know I never want to be faced with the "what if" when a child is found dead because I didn't call due to thinking that CPS wouldn't listen or act when I believed that there was a possibility that a child was being abused.

[PeanutsGalore]

I have been visting with a friend and everytime I go there I know I will see the neighbor treat her children poorly. Usually it's just shocking behavior that will teach them bad habits such as the parent play tug o war and saying "give me that toy" or taking things away and saying "MINE" to get a rise out of the child. Another is calling them "punk" or "brat" etc when addressing them. Even worse is allowing a 22 month old to run down the sidewalk and just yelling his name and saying "he knows better he better stop" then when he doesnt and runs into the street the Mother gets up and picks him and cracks his butt for not listening.

Today I actually had to leave because I can't keep my mouth shut much longer and the Mom doesnt care for my opinion as she already stated in the past when I made suggestions. Today she was taking her fist and acting like she was punching a 9 month old in the forhead! She would show him her fistand say "U see this?" then set it on his forhead and push his head back saying "POW". She did this many times 6-8 maybe. I spoke up again and was loud about it this time. Her reply was "shut up he likes it watch" and she continues doing it. I didnt see him liking it, he was just sitting there. He wasn't crying but still!! Then she slaps the sides of his face, little cheek pats repeatedly and that does make him laugh but what is this teaching him???!!!

Again the 22 month old gets up and takes off. Shes yelling as he gets to the curb and stays seated texting. I had enough and went after him myself. I get him back to his still seated Mother who then makes a fist and puts it in his face asking "DO U WANT THIS?" He shakes his head no and she says "Then Fn listen or I'll knock your teeth out" It was then i had to leave!

No matter what I have to say, kindly and gently or sternly and loudly she doesn't give a damn. What can be done? I have never seen her beat him just that crack to his rear when he ran into the street. It is her fault!!! He's playing chase me! But this other verbal abuse and the fists... What can be done here if anything.

Pitterpatter, you seem to WANT to report this issue, because seriously, something DOES need to be done and arguing over what social services can and cannot do shouldn't even be a factor in whether or not to make a legitimate call to them because what they may or may not do is completely out of our control.

I suppose I don't quite understand why a 2 year old running alone in the streets, even for a minute, doesn't qualify as life-threatening enough to make the call. It only takes a second or two for a car to run over a baby and kill it. Is he, actually, running alone in the streets?

If it were me, I may have overlooked the abusive speech and threats of beatings and chalked it up to bad parenting. I would not and could not overlook a 2 year old running alone in the street, even if it's not a busy one.

Why the hesitation to make the call?

[PitterPatter]

I hesitated because I had no proof and that is always 1 of the 1st questions they ask for along with the feeding, shelter, clothing and did I witness bruises or beatings etc. As I said I reported before on a family and nothing came of that report and I was left looking/feeling like an idiot and another time the children were removed but because they found serious issues in the home. It could open a can of worms and end up being worse on me when I am found out as the reporter and the children still have the same life. I would take the possible repercussions if it meant the Mom would treat the kids better but in all reality I dont see that happening. I tried a few approaches myself and she is too stubborn.

To clarify, He isn't running in the streets all day. He has ran to the street, off of the curb, onto the street where cars park but he's not running up and down the middle of the street playing in the street or anything. He just wants her to chase him.

Another reason I didn't know if I should report it is I don't know what really is considered abuse these days that's another reason I posted asking for the advise. Just look at the replies here. Everyone has a dif opinion on what abuse is. It seems to me families are more verbally abusive than ever so it seems to be becoming accepted. I just feel it is wrong and I would never treat my child or any child that way. I guess I was born at the wrong time. I should have been Beaver Cleavers neighbor.

Then I have this "mandated reporter" thing hovering over my head everytime I see parents mistreating thier children and it's such a fine line I don't know what I should do most of the time. I feel put on the spot so to speak. This instance just had me too worked up because I have sat there and watched it more than once. I decided I can't go to my friends anymore because I don't want to see these kids treated this way. She will have to visit me from now on or we will stay inside.

Oh and the street isn't constantly busy but it does have many cars through the day. There was just a lot of questions going through my mind so I wasn't sure what to do. I put it in the hands of the monitor when he came. He asked the same questions I knew he would ask. When I replied yes they are fed, yes they are clean... etc I just felt stupid going on with it. He said he will check into it. Whatever that means.

[Meyou]

I'm pretty floored at the number of you who think that although it's bad parenting it shouldn't be reported. Our job as responsible adults is to protect the innocent. Children that are suffering verbal abuse are at risk for long term psychological damage. That breaks my heart. They can go on to be abusive themselves, have horrible relationships and overall are unable to be good parents themselves because of their poor role models. This woman is raising statistics to me and it's awful. On top of that she's neglectful IMO.

I would never hestitate to defend any child I thought was being treated poorly. Who knows?? Maybe that one second in the spotlight for the parent will make them uncomfortable enough to think twice the next time they feel like telling their baby to "effing listen" or to get up when their child is running into the street instead of screaming.

[Auntie]

Wouldn't this fall under maltreatment of a child? Maybe you need to report it that way.

[jen]

Usually it's just shocking behavior that will teach them bad habits such as the parent play tug o war and saying "give me that toy" or taking things away and saying "MINE" to get a rise out of the child.

This might be considered poor parenting...some might consider it playing. It's a judgement call, not abuse or neglect.

Another is calling them "punk" or "brat" etc when addressing them.

Again, not abuse or neglect. Poor parenting, not reportable.

Even worse is allowing a 22 month old to run down the sidewalk and just yelling his name and saying "he knows better he better stop" then when he doesnt and runs into the street the Mother gets up and picks him and cracks his butt for not listening.

This is quite possibly the least effective way to teach a child not to cross the street, especially at this age but it is NOT abuse.

Today she was taking her fist and acting like she was punching a 9 month old in the forhead! She would show him her fistand say "U see this?" then set it on his forhead and push his head back saying "POW". She did this many times 6-8 maybe. I spoke up again and was loud about it this time. Her reply was "shut up he likes it watch" and she continues doing it. I didnt see him liking it, he was just sitting there. He wasn't crying but still!! Then she slaps the sides of his face, little cheek pats repeatedly and that does make him laugh but what is this teaching him???!!!

Again, this isn't abuse. What she's "teaching him" isn't reportable. The kid was laughing. I personally wouldn't pretend to punch a baby in the head because it is pretty trashy behavior, but that doesn't make it abuse.

Again the 22 month old gets up and takes off. Shes yelling as he gets to the curb and stays seated texting. I had enough and went after him myself. I get him back to his still seated Mother who then makes a fist and puts it in his face asking "DO U WANT THIS?" He shakes his head no and she says "Then Fn listen or I'll knock your teeth out" It was then i had to leave!

Shockingly bad behavior...and perhaps the only reportable thing here. And to be honest, I have to wonder if she isn't doing some of this stuff just to get you riled up.

No matter what I have to say, kindly and gently or sternly and loudly she doesn't give a damn. What can be done? I have never seen her beat him just that crack to his rear when he ran into the street. It is her fault!!! He's playing chase me! But this other verbal abuse and the fists... What can be done here if anything.

In the end, we weren't there. You are the only one who can judge whether or not you believe this kid is actually in danger or if his Mom is simply an idiot. Well, not the only one. What does your friend think?

[Country Kids]

I'm also very astounded by everyones responses. Why, you may ask? I know for a fact that if a provider was doing this to a child, oh my gosh, holy **** would be raised but since its a parent doing this its fine! If a provider was doing this she would lose her liscense and probably never be able to do the profession again. The things we have to do to be able to do this job is incredibly ridiculous at times but parents can put their childs life at risk everyday and no big deal.

I was talking to a friend that is a nurse and asked if she would like working on the Labor/Delivery floor. Sadly, she said no as it is a rarety for her to see parents excited about having a baby! That broke my heart as it seriously was not the first time I have heard this. When my last child was born the nurse said it was so nice to see a couple that wanted their baby and was excited to be taking it home and be parents.

To say that maybe they live in the part of America where treating your child like that is the norm and excepted. I think that is very sad! No wonder certain parts of our country are looked down and we don't expect much from the people that come from there.

Please, please let this lady know that this is unacceptable and you will be sticking up for this little boy. Will your friend back up your claims or do you have a husband or boyfriend that can go with you, witness it and then also call in a report. You are this little boys voice and because we have let people do this for so long and looked the other way that is why the states have such a hard time keeping up with the case loads.

[mac60]

But what gives other individuals the right to suggest, decide, or judge how someone else should treat and or discipline their child. No one. Yes, as a member of society, if we blatently see someone abusing a child, it most definately is our duty to intervene, but, if the authorities got a phone call for everytime someone "didn't like what they saw in how a parent was treating/disciplining their child, it would be total overload, a little like the boy who cried wolf. Some people don't believe in spanking, some do, etc. This is only a very small example of the wide range of bringing up/disciplining someone's child and the wide range of variety in our society. While some may not believe in spanking, some may think that a time out or redirection is a joke. Everyone has the right to believe in their own way.

[jen]

I'm also very astounded by everyones responses. Why, you may ask? I know for a fact that if a provider was doing this to a child, oh my gosh, holy **** would be raised but since its a parent doing this its fine! If a provider was doing this she would lose her liscense and probably never be able to do the profession again. The things we have to do to be able to do this job is incredibly ridiculous at times but parents can put their childs life at risk everyday and no big deal.

I certainly don't think its fine, but since we don't require parents to get a license to practice, they aren't held to the same kinds of standards that we are.

That line of thought goes along the same lines as a person who is making the family dinner being held to the same standards as a commericial kitchen in a restaurant!