Parents Treating Children Poorly

[dEHmom]

i didn't read all the posts, but I am 50/50 on what mac said.

the bum smack isn't the reportable issue. But the lack of supervision, the "fake" punching etc is. And the way she speaks to her child.

HOWEVER, based on what you stated regarding the fist and the "do you want this" and him saying no, tells me the child knows what "this" is. That if he misbehaves he will get the fist, and that's her threat.

As someone else stated as well, if she's on good behavior in front of strangers and she behaves that poorly, just imagine behind closed doors. One of these days that child is going to step on the road, and it's going to be too late. And that mom is going to be the victim. If there is enough reports on her to have a decent file saying she is neglecting the child, or not supervising, should the day come, she can't cry innocent.

i dont' agree with reporting for any little thing. and I have never reported. I had a mom give her daughter a smack on the bum once, but she was being really bad, and had been warned many many times. but this little girl is a perfect little angel. And I don't feel it's up to me to tell them how to discipline their child. If it was a hard smack ok maybe i'd say please don't do that here. but there are some things i couldn't walk away from without a guilty conscience. And that would be one of them.

[Crystal]

I would report. I would, every time I visited my frend, document every harsh interaction I observed. I would report every single time until something was done about it. CPS would get so sick of hearing from me they'd investigate just to get rid of me. At the very least this is emotional abuse, which has been proven to be as bad or worse than actual physical abuse in many cases.


And, I would have a very hard time not telling Mom to come on over and pick on someone her own size.

[dEHmom]

I would report. I would, every time I visited my frend, document every harsh interaction I observed. I would report every single time until something was done about it. CPS would get so sick of hearing from me they'd investigate just to get rid of me. At the very least this is emotional abuse, which has been proven to be as bad or worse than actual physical abuse in many cases.


And, I would have a very hard time not telling Mom to come on over and pick on someone her own size.

i agree. I think the issue with lack of support when reports are made, is lack of proof. if a kid is being physically abused, there will be clear signs of this. Bad parenting, they can put on an act in front of the people while they are investigating. Just imagine it reversed though, if this woman complained about YOU and they come and take your kids away while they find out what's really going on. I mean it ****s, but that's the way it is, because there's too many people who would abuse it.

[jen]

I would report. I would, every time I visited my frend, document every harsh interaction I observed. I would report every single time until something was done about it. CPS would get so sick of hearing from me they'd investigate just to get rid of me. At the very least this is emotional abuse, which has been proven to be as bad or worse than actual physical abuse in many cases.


And, I would have a very hard time not telling Mom to come on over and pick on someone her own size.

And while you are making constant complaints over what is certainly poor parenting, children who are being starved, sexually abused and beaten won't be getting the help that they need because overworked social workers are busy chasing after "harsh interactions."

None of the issues stated would ever result in a child being removed from a home...they'll check on the kids, determine that they are healthy, well fed and don't show signs of physical abuse and then they will move on.

[Michelle]

i agree. I think the issue with lack of support when reports are made, is lack of proof. if a kid is being physically abused, there will be clear signs of this. Bad parenting, they can put on an act in front of the people while they are investigating. Just imagine it reversed though, if this woman complained about YOU and they come and take your kids away while they find out what's really going on. I mean it ****s, but that's the way it is, because there's too many people who would abuse it.

I think if someone reported them, they would just be made to take parenting classes.(which they need badly) and hopefully would be too scared to treat their kids this way again... or just not in public

Do you worry about retaliation?

[PeanutsGalore]

Pitterpatter, you are a good soul. On the one hand, a lot of what you described I would put in the MYOB category, just like you said...but, if you really want to get CPS attention, you can just report her for letting her child run into the middle of the road. That is a physical danger. If I saw a toddler running into the road with no supervision, I would call 911 immediately and go get the kid.

Sounds like she's just parenting based on what she's familiar with, like most of us do. Sad, but someone needs to teach her to break the cycle.

[Crystal]

And while you are making constant complaints over what is certainly poor parenting, children who are being starved, sexually abused and beaten won't be getting the help that they need because overworked social workers are busy chasing after "harsh interactions."

I get what you are saying, but THIS child and any siblings are at risk. I cannot believe that anyone would think otherwise.

I have a DCM who works for CPS.....she said this should be reported. I just talked to her at drop off. She said that THESE types of cases are often not reported and those are the children that tend to become statistics. Mom is one bad decision away from seriously injuring or killing her child.

[Blackcat31]

I think if someone reported them, they would just be made to take parenting classes.(which they need badly) and hopefully would be too scared to treat their kids this way again... or just not in public

Do you worry about retaliation?

http://www.co.dakota.mn.us/LawJustice/ViolenceAbuse/ChildProtection/MandatedReporterInfo.htm

You are required by law while working in certain fields to report incidences of abuse and or neglect...regardless of your fear of retailiation. YOU can be prosecuted for not reporting.

In this situation, however, I too think it is poor parenting and possibly offering support or some friendly education to this mom may be a better way to approach the subject. This mom may not know how to prent and may not see the error in her ways. Who knows how she grew up or was treated by her parents. I would try niceness before "telling" someone else how to parent when there is no way as an observer we could possibly know all the details. I used to tell my daughter when she was young (like under 5), "Do you want me to beat you again?" Of course, she was never even spanked and it was kind of a running joke with between us and a cue for her to behave etc. So I am just saying it is impossible to know all the details in regards to this mom and her parenting abilities.

[PitterPatter]

Thanks for the advise everyone! My daycare monitor is stopping by tomorrow to bring me a book. I will mention it to him when he comes and see what he says. I hate being put in a position like this! Maybe I need to just stay home and not go anywhere so as to avoid witnessing such things.

[jen]

I get what you are saying, but THIS child and any siblings are at risk. I cannot believe that anyone would think otherwise.

I have a DCM who works for CPS.....she said this should be reported. I just talked to her at drop off. She said that THESE types of cases are often not reported and those are the children that tend to become statistics. Mom is one bad decision away from seriously injuring or killing her child.

They certainly may be at risk...and I don't know about California but I do know about Minnesota...and here NOTHING would happen. In fact, in talking with a Family therapist with a Master's in social work, I learned that without any actual broken bones the State probably won't be able to do anything.

Keep in mind one thing...most of the time crack heads get there kids back even after they have starved and abused their kids. The State is severely limited in what they can do. Of course your friend is going to tell you to report, to suggest anything else from her position could be considered unethical and if something did happen and she told you it wasn't reportable, it would be on her. ALL social service employees will tell you to report.

That doesn't change the reality of the situation. Nothing will come of it, and the kids may end up being put in more danger due to a report that doesn't lead anywhere. Mom and Dad's stress level may increase and abuse may escalate, but now they will be more careful about when and where they are doing it.

All I'm saying is to use caution or you may do more harm than good. From a social services perspective, reporting is the right thing to do; but if we are talking about being realistic, maybe not.

[jen]

On another note...all kids are one bad decision away from being seriously injured or killed. Kids allowed to ride without helmets, who bathe or swim unattended, who eat grapes without being cut up, not in proper car seats, etc...

The State can only regulate poor parenting to a certain point...

[Unregistered]

Did you ever thing that maybe this mom is just trying to get your goat as she knows you are watching her and your past history with her???

I do not at all think any of this is reportable and if you do, most likely nothing will become of it other than possibly putting the children at a real risk. I hope she doesn't know who you are or that you run a childcare. I would be worried about backlash from her and we all know that reports against providers are taken much more seriously.

[PitterPatter]

http://www.co.dakota.mn.us/LawJustic...porterInfo.htm
You are required by law while working in certain fields to report incidences of abuse and or neglect...regardless of your fear of retailiation. YOU can be prosecuted for not reporting.

In this situation, however, I too think it is poor parenting and possibly offering support or some friendly education to this mom may be a better way to approach the subject. This mom may not know how to parent and may not see the error in her ways. Who knows how she grew up or was treated by her parents. I would try niceness before "telling" someone else how to parent when there is no way as an observer we could possibly know all the details. I used to tell my daughter when she was young (like under 5), "Do you want me to beat you again?" Of course, she was never even spanked and it was kind of a running joke with between us and a cue for her to behave etc. So I am just saying it is impossible to know all the details in regards to this mom and her parenting abilities.

I tried that 2 weeks ago. I started by talking to the child myself and redirecting him when he would venture out to the sidewalk and down the street so the Mom could see an example of how it can be handled differently. He would come back with me and I gave him a distraction (collecting fallen flower petals and lining them up in a row which worked to keep him busy for a while!) Next day he ran off again and Mom just sat there yelling down the street as he ran away. So when the example didn't work after a few times I tried talking to the Mom. I sat down with her and told her I know how frustrating parenting can be.... blah blah... She doesn't care. She said "well its my way or the highway" She's too busy sitting on her butt texting or doing her nails etc to get up and make a correction. So I backed off for a week until yesterday. I did get firm with her and was told to shut up so I am done discussing it with her in any way.

[Blackcat31]

I tried that 2 weeks ago. I started by talking to the child myself and redirecting him when he would venture out to the sidewalk and down the street so the Mom could see an example of how it can be handled differently. He would come back with me and I gave him a distraction (collecting fallen flower petals and lining them up in a row which worked to keep him busy for a while!) Next day he ran off again and Mom just sat there yelling down the street as he ran away. So when the example didn't work after a few times I tried talking to the Mom. I sat down with her and told her I know how frustrating parenting can be.... blah blah... She doesn't care. She said "well its my way or the highway" She's too busy sitting on her butt texting or doing her nails etc to get up and make a correction. So I backed off for a week until yesterday. I did get firm with her and was told to shut up so I am done discussing it with her in any way.

Well, you tried. . It is a sad situation and it is even sadder that there are parents out there who treat their child like you described. I wish I could offer some cure all advice that would be beneficial to every child and every parent out there so they wouldn't have to live in that manner, but then I guess I would have found something equivalent to the fountain of youth then huh?

[PitterPatter]

Well, you tried. . It is a sad situation and it is even sadder that there are parents out there who treat their child like you described. I wish I could offer some cure all advice that would be beneficial to every child and every parent out there so they wouldn't have to live in that manner, but then I guess I would have found something equivalent to the fountain of youth then huh?

Yeah then we wouldn't need this forum either for all the help, support and guidance! We would have perfect angels and perfect clients... ::

Thanks Blackcat!