Oh Boy....I'm In Trouble

[Hunni Bee]

I often put the two together. I say "No screaming inside. You may scream outside later. Right now use inside voices." The "no" gets them to stop and gets their attention. Then I can explain why I said no. I use "stop" a lot too for the same reason/effect. The earlier children are trained to follow rules the better they will be later in life because it will be so very engrained. In my opinion saying no to a child shows you truly care about that child and want them to be safe and happy in their life.

I do that too...so it shows them I'm not just being mean and there's really a reason. But sometimes you can do too much talking to kids...with three year olds...you get about three short sentences before their attention has wandered off.

I take their hands off (of remove their feet from the chair, or their butt off the table, etc.) and say firmly and quietly "NO" about three times in a row while making eye contact.

[GretasLittleFriends]

Ummm, and to all these parents that won't let their little darlings hear the word no..........Jump forward 15- 18 years or so.....They are in the back seat of a car, parked on a lonely road, doing what teenagers do.......She won't know "how" to say NO and even if she does figure it out, He won't know what "NO" means.


Just think about the future.

You bring up a wonderful point! The kids at my place all know what "No" means at my house. Well, except for my 6 yr old ds lately, I may as well speak French to him some days. He knows what consequences and punishment are though.

[daycare]

So what do you tell kids about drugs.
Just say no? Right?

So if you can't say that then what will you say?

I don't understand this theory at all?

[PitterPatter]

I try to limit the amount of times and things I say no to for the simple reason I don't want the kids to pick it up fast and use it back on me. I do say "no" in daycare when I need to but for the basics I use positive behavior terms/sentences like instead of saying No running, we say use your walking feet. Instead of No yelling, we use quiet voices etc.

My own son is 9 and I find myself saying no to him more than ever as he grows older and gets in with new people etc.

[Meyou]

I've been thinking about this and I really don't say "no" alot. I've been watching myself this week just to see how I react to negative behavior. Most of the time I address the child by name sharply, "DCB!" and they make eye contact. Then I address the problem, "Furniture is for bums, not feet" "Taking toys from other children is not nice. please use words and ask for a turn" "We do not scream in the house. Please use your inside voice"

Most of the time the other children start chiming the rules too as I'm correcting. "We sit on the furniture!" "Hands are for helping!" "Screaming is for outside!" "Use words to solve problems!"

I guess I save NO for when there is real danger. Never realized it until I watched myself for a few days. For the record...I'm a firm believer in the word no. :P

[Lianne]

I've been thinking about this and I really don't say "no" alot. I've been watching myself this week just to see how I react to negative behavior. Most of the time I address the child by name sharply, "DCB!" and they make eye contact. Then I address the problem, "Furniture is for bums, not feet" "Taking toys from other children is not nice. please use words and ask for a turn" "We do not scream in the house. Please use your inside voice"

Most of the time the other children start chiming the rules too as I'm correcting. "We sit on the furniture!" "Hands are for helping!" "Screaming is for outside!" "Use words to solve problems!"

I guess I save NO for when there is real danger. Never realized it until I watched myself for a few days. For the record...I'm a firm believer in the word no. :P

I think a lot (most?) of us do this, too. I think the thing to remember is that while "no" may not always be the first word out of my mouth, I will use it when necessary without a second thought or any guilt. For some children it may be more necessary than others but no matter how often I use the word no, I know I'm not harming poor Jimmy's psyche by telling him no.

[dEHmom]

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again and again....

One of the biggest problems which I think relates to the reasoning behind the not saying NO parenting style, is because it's abused.

For a kid that constantly is told no for EVERYTHING especially when they are so young and exploring their environment, it means nothing to them because no matter what it's going to be a no. touching the dog- NO! touching the tv- NO! walking to far from mom in the park- NO! tasting the dogs food- NO! playing in the cupboards- NO! playing with the broom- NO! you get my point.

Then there are the people who stop and say "no bobby, you can't touch the stove because it might be hot and you can get a booboo"

There's a big difference between using JUST the word no, or helping them understand what the no is for.

Sometimes the kids are told no, and they have no idea what no was. Bobby's throwing the ball in the house and they are told NO! well is it no we don't ever throw balls?

I also believe parents put too much responsibility on young children. We forget sometimes how hard the simple things can be for them. Like putting on their pants. It's not as easy as it is for us. I myself am guilty for this. My dh and I had a talk one day because our oldest is almost 7, and youngest is 3. We would ask them to clean up the mess they made, and expect our 5 yo and 3 yo to do the same. Our 3 yo would pick up 1 or 2 toys, and my dh would get mad. To a young child, their attention span is so small, that when they create a huge mess, picking up a few things to them is cleaned up, and they go on their merry way. When my dd was 3 yo she did not have the same expectations as my ds does now. Sometimes we forget. Because as the older ones get older and more responsibility, we forget how to let the younger ones be. I'm having a lot of difficulty right now trying to express what I mean, but I hope I've sort of explained it.

[AmandasFCC]

I had an inspector tell me we should never say the word no. She said we should use the following verbage when talking to children....
Instead of "no running", say "walking feet please":
"No hitting", say "we use gentle hands"
"no screaming", say "inside voices please"
"no jumping on the couch", say "here, you can jump on the floor"

It went on and on. She was a total quack! I dont see a problem with telling children no. Its a simple word they understand quickly. No child has grown up poorly becuase they were told no!

This is the way it is here too . It's very difficult but I won't lie to you, I have found it much more effective than constantly yelling NO RUNNING!!! I stop them, have them walk back to where they start, ask them, "What kind of feet do we use in my house?" "Walking feet."

I avoid use of the word no, but there comes a point when NO is what is necessary. I think some parents are taking it way too far. Yes, it's true, when these kids grow up and start trying to find jobs, they're gonna hear a whole lot of NO. We are setting them up for failure. Carrying on like this can only last so long. Sorry but by the time you leave elementary school you better have a good handle on yourself because NO ONE IS GOING TO BABYSIT YOU ANYMORE.

And when are these kids going to learn to be accountable for their actions? When they get charged? When they get thrown in jail?

......

Sorry for the rant ...