School Agers Wanting To Help With Younger Ones

[Preschool/daycare teacher]

We have some very helpful schoolagers (so far) this summer. They all want to help, especially with the younger ones. Thing is, when we allow it, or encourage it like we used to, they seem to get the idea that the rules no longer apply to them, since they're older, or our helpers. They go so far as trying to make a younger one do time outs. We DO NOT allow them to discipline the other children, but when we are busy with something else, they try to help us out by having someone sit, even for minor things we don't do time-outs for. We explain that the teachers take care of that sort of thing, not them. One of them even spanked another child when I was in the bathroom helping one with pottying. Of course we got after her and explained that we DO NOT spank here, but just the thought!!! And they threaten the others and say Ms x and Ms Y said they're going to come spank you if you don't stop. When we said nothing even close to that. They make it up on their own. Again we immediately tell them we didn't say that and not to say things like that, but what if the child went home and told mom that Ms X was going to spank them? Or if the school ager said that when the state was here?! They also want to pat their backs at nap time, which doesn't work because then everyone is up and talking, even if the younger ones are laying down and letting the older ones pat their back, they're talking the whole time, and they don't take it serious that it's time for nap until EVERYONE is laying down quetly, probably because there's so much going on to entertain them and keep their mind active.
So how can we encourage the older ones to help with the younger ones in the appropriate ways without it causing trouble? Everytime we allow them to help with something it just causes trouble all the way around. If we ask them to help the younger ones clean up or help them with a project, something that would actually help us, they don't want any part of it I think we just have too big of a group for it to work having older ones helping younger ones. We have to explain so much, and get after them too much, and have to remind them to "help" the younger ones, not do it for them. And that discipline is not up to them! And just because you're helping, doesn't mean the rules don't apply to you... etc etc etc. Sometimes I want to tell them to just go play and mind your own business. A 7 yr old got mad at a toddler today and pulled her hair (she was trying to take a toy away from the toddler). When I talked to her about it, she said, "well she pulled my hair, so I was teaching her not to do it again."

Ideas anyone? I must be doing this "helping the younger ones" thing wrong.

[Abigail]

I would create a "helping hands" board with cards that have simple tasks on them that the older kids can do. It will not be as personalized unless you handwrite things that you plan ahead for the day to assign to a child. Have each child do 1-3 tasks depending on how challenging and how willing they are to help. You can do a lot of basics like "Story Time Helper" "Craft Helper" "Outside Helper" "Meal Helper" and then just tell them specifically what they need to do for their project of the day.

As far as naps go, EVERYONE lays on a mat/cot and only adults can pat backs until you get a nice routine of who can help who without talking. We have one girl who will be in K this year and she helps with things. If she can't do it without disruption, she needs to stop.

[WImom]

Love the helping hands board idea. My own 8 and 6 year olds are helping me this summer so I may do something like this for them. I'm adding $5.00 a week to their allowance for helping me all week. One thing they are doing that is a big help is turning on the water for hand washing since most of the kids can't reach so I can do other stuff instead of spending a bunch of time in the bathroom.

[Ariana]

I would even get them involved in developing those cards so it feels less like a rule and more of their idea. Then they're more likely to stick with the boundary. It's important to set expectations and boundaries right away so good luck

[daycare]

when i was a camp director we used to have little helpers.

We would give them special shirts and hold morning mettings for about 10-15 min. During that time we told them what they would be doing that day and how to go about handeling the kids. As well as what their rules were...They were very young, so we had to do it daily.
it was a great program for the little helpers, becasue the little kids looked up to them and knew that one day they could be a big helper too if they had good behavior.



I cant recall all fo their rules, but i know that one of them was that if the younger kids were having behavior problems then they needed to report it to an adult right away. Also, if the little helper broke the rules, they would lose the privillage of getting to be a little helper any longer. Only good role modles got to be little helpers.

It seemed to work out very well.

[sharlan]

I always paired up the oldest to the youngest to help me out. It was made very clear from the beginning, that any discipline of any type was off limits and only I could do that. I also made it very clear that they were "helpers" and a second set of eyes for me, but only I was the "boss".

My own daughter (7) came home from daycare one day to tell me how she and the provider's daughter "had to spank" another daycare kid 3 times each when they took her to the park because she wouldn't mind them. I calmly got all of the details and immediately called the provider and raised holy h**l. She was insistant that her daughter would NEVER hit another kid. Guess again, lady. Why would my daughter confess to me about hitting another child when she knew she was going to get into trouble. I pulled my kids shortly after that.

[Symphony]

I have had to talk to my older ones a few times already this summer because they are being too helpful to the toddlers and twos. I don't have any sort of aggression/discipline issues, but the older girls are basically playing house with the little ones as their babies. They are SO loving and SO helpful, that the littles become completely helpLESS when they are around.

So yeah, we have been having discussions about how the little kids know how to walk, they can climb the ladders to the slides on their own, they can hold their own water bottle when they need a drink outside, etc. They are being so sweet, but it is no beuno for the babies! ::

[bice99]

Love the helping hands board idea. My own 8 and 6 year olds are helping me this summer so I may do something like this for them. I'm adding $5.00 a week to their allowance for helping me all week. One thing they are doing that is a big help is turning on the water for hand washing since most of the kids can't reach so I can do other stuff instead of spending a bunch of time in the bathroom.

You should read Tom Copeland's blog on paying your own kids. You can claim it if you pay them by the hour vs a flat rate per day

[Blackcat31]

I sometimes have the older ones help me with some things but NEVER with younger children. I am a bit paranoid and not willing to take the risk of an older one accidentally injuring a younger one in the process of 'trying to help'....kwim?

I have had older sibs in the past not really understand that just because they can hold and/or pick up their younger sibs at home that they can not do it at daycare. So the rule for everyone is "no hands on others." period.

I am the only one allowed to pick up, hold, carry or boss around the kids.

[kidkair]

I sometimes have the older ones help me with some things but NEVER with younger children. I am a bit paranoid and not willing to take the risk of an older one accidentally injuring a younger one in the process of 'trying to help'....kwim?

I have had older sibs in the past not really understand that just because they can hold and/or pick up their younger sibs at home that they can not do it at daycare. So the rule for everyone is "no hands on others." period.

I am the only one allowed to pick up, hold, carry or boss around the kids.

I so hope the older sib of one of my kids learn this soon too. He's constantly handling his younger brother and has started to do the same to my other little one. I've been stopping him quickly and say something like "Not here!"