Making Sure My Backbone Is Strong...So I Don't Get Bullied!!

[MsMe]

I have new parents coming Friday for an 'interview'

I say an 'interview' bc I know I am NOT going to take this family.

I know the Mother and Father outside of daycare (we dont 'hang out' but we have in the past) this is my #2 no-daycare-for-you rule.

My #1 rule is that I DO NOT make exceptions for my daycare hours EVER.

She call the minute she got preg and I told her I was full. end of story....but she called back two months later. Thankfully her work hours start @ 7 so it was another easy..no.

NOW she emailed me last week.

"can you take my baby in Oct?"

"Do the hours work for you now?

"not really but I love you and I want my baby with the best, I work @7 only 2-3 days a week"

"I open at 7:30'

"Its only a 1/2 hour and ONLY 2-3 days a week. I want my baby with you!! Can my hubby and I come and talk with you next week?"

"sure we can talk, but I can not change my hours"


I am firm and have a GREAT backbone. She will not bully me into opening up early.

I anticipate her tactics to be
1. I get off early so the baby will leave early
- Great! But there will still be other children here so it does not change MY work hours any.


I also plan to tell her that I already work 60 hours per week (DC open 50 and 10 prep hours) That is my limit. To be a good provider I know I can not handle more hours on my plate.

I am just getting over a serious case of burn out so I have no trouble saying no to situations I feel will stress me out or cause me to resent my daycare.

Has anyone had someone try to bully you into opening early. How did you hadle it? Any other advice on how to tell her no?

I am afraid she will walk away just thinking I am lazy and I don't want to get up early (I had a CCRR rep tell me I was when I refused to take the call of an early family).

[cheerfuldom]

sounds like she is already "winning" since you know that what she is asking is against your policies but agreed to an interview anyway. I would refuse to interview unless she had a specific plan to stay within your open hours.

[Blackcat31]

I agree with pp, why are even agreeing to interview with her in the first place?

I would simply tell her that you value her friendship and have a business rule to not do business with family or friends. That is just asking for it IMPO.

If you do not value her friendship and don't want to use that, then tell her that her attempt to "bargain" with you is a red flag for you and that you do not want to even go there at all.

[MsMe]

The little bit of talking we have done has been over text or email. I want her to come over and have a face to face conversation.

I have told her 'no' twice in electronic ways. She keeps on. If she comes over has the oppertunitly to 'lay it all out' and I still tell her No...she will have no reason to call, text, or email. again.

I do not like communicating through phone, text, and email for anything other then one or two short messages.

I do not think her coming over is she winning....I think it is me stopping the 'run around' of all of her begging.

She will say:

will you do this?...No

Well how about this...No

what if I.....No

but when I....No

only when....No

In person I can be firm, kind, and professional. It is SO easy to be misinterprted over email, text, and even the phone.

[littlemissmuffet]

The little bit of talking we have done has been over text or email. I want her to come over and have a face to face conversation.

I have told her 'no' twice in electronic ways. She keeps on. If she comes over has the oppertunitly to 'lay it all out' and I still tell her No...she will have no reason to call, text, or email. again.

I do not like communicating through phone, text, and email for anything other then one or two short messages.

I do not think her coming over is she winning....I think it is me stopping the 'run around' of all of her begging.

She will say:

will you do this?...No

Well how about this...No

what if I.....No

but when I....No

only when....No

In person I can be firm, kind, and professional. It is SO easy to be misinterprted over email, text, and even the phone.

Right on! You already know what you're doing - you don't need any advice

[cheerfuldom]

well it sounds like a waste of your time to me but if thats how you prefer to handle things, sounds like you have a plan. I don't know why you are worried about being misunderstood by email, etc. when you aren't taking her anyway.

[MarinaVanessa]

I can see why people think it's a waste of time (I know I wouldn't schedule an interview with her either) but I also see that she's already wasting her time and being bothered by this womans excessive begging. That would irritate me and I wouldn't want her to keep begging me, it would just plain bother me and drive me crazy. Can you ....No Can you ....No Can you ....No Can you ....No Can you ....No Can you ....No UGHHHH!!! STOP IT ALREADY!!

I think that a face to face meeting is what she feels like having to be able to be given the opportunity to look her in the face in a serious and VERY unimpressed expression so she can not only read and hear the word NO but actually see on the look of her very unhappy face that no I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH YOUR KID EARLIER THAN MY SCHEDULED HOURS. Again, not saying that I would do it this way but yes I get why she agreed to do it.

PS. Can't you just tell her that you and your hubby use that time in the AM to do the funky monkey?

[PolarCare]

You know what I would tell her?

I would tell her that the main reason I don't want to take her baby is that she seems to have no respect for the contract, and my hours of operation, and doesn't seem to take "NO" for an answer very well. I'd be really hesitant to take a family with a parent that was pushy and felt that they should be the exception to my policies. Been there, done that, didn't even get a souvenir.

[TBird]

UGH!!! Totally my pet peeve....if you see my hours are advertised for 7:30 to 5:30, DON'T EVEN CALL ME IF YOU NEED CARE UNTIL 6:30!!! Obviously, I have a reason for closing at the time that I do and I won't let ANYONE bully me into doing what's best for their family instead of mine. The audacity of some people...

Hey, if you feel you need to tell her face-to-face so be it. I'm just glad you're telling her!!!

[texascare]

If you take her and make an acception for her others will expect you to do it for them! Be careful. Stick to your guns. If your hours are 7:30 then don't waver form it. Be firm.

[MarinaVanessa]

The funny thing is that this mom doesn't understand that it's not just "30 minutes" earlier than regular opening. She STARTS work at 7am which translates to that she'll need to drop off at least by 6:45am and that's IF she works close.

I'm personally one of those "if the money is right" people (as of the moment) because we've done 2 major renovation projects and I want to buy a daycare van so right now every little bit counts to me ... I personally would see this as an opportunity to make more money and be inclined to offer her the care at let's say an extra $25 a week. I charge $160 right now so watching a DC kid earlier for 2 days a week at $185 would be worth it for me. Maybe you could offer her that at a rediculously high price ... but only if you're willing to really do it or who knows it may backfire and she may pay the price and take you up on the offer ::.

[LittleD]

The funny thing is that this mom doesn't understand that it's not just "30 minutes" earlier than regular opening. She STARTS work at 7am which translates to that she'll need to drop off at least by 6:45am and that's IF she works close.

Oh yes, I have fallen into that. Told care would be parttime 12 to 5:30. Then I find out she got off at 5:30, AND she doesn't have a car, she uses the bus. Soooo basically, that translated to at 6-6:30 pickup, when I close at 5pm. No thanks, 10 hr days is long enough for me!

[momma2girls]

Oh yes, I have fallen into that. Told care would be parttime 12 to 5:30. Then I find out she got off at 5:30, AND she doesn't have a car, she uses the bus. Soooo basically, that translated to at 6-6:30 pickup, when I close at 5pm. No thanks, 10 hr days is long enough for me!

I agree- I used to work 12 hr. days for only $25.00 per day. It ****ed!!! I was only open 11 1/2 hrs but one or two were always late. Now my 9 hrs. is great!!! I think this is long enough. If I did any longer( I used to do 9 1/2 hrs.) I would keep missing my daughter's swim lessons, ball games, gymnastics, soccer, etc..... and I am not willling to give any of this up!

[bice99]

I agree- I used to work 12 hr. days for only $25.00 per day. It ****ed!!! I was only open 11 1/2 hrs but one or two were always late. Now my 9 hrs. is great!!! I think this is long enough. If I did any longer( I used to do 9 1/2 hrs.) I would keep missing my daughter's swim lessons, ball games, gymnastics, soccer, etc..... and I am not willling to give any of this up!

So what are your hours?