Hard Time Connecting?

[MommyMuffin]

I read some of your post and I think it is so cute how much you love your dcks! I feel awful that I just dont. I know some of you may think bad about me for this but:

I have 1 that I do love and I would love to keep him as my very own! I find the other ones cute but I dont "love" them.
There is also one child in my care that no matter how much I try to make a connection I can't. I think I will term him soon because I am having such a hard time with the child. I think something is wrong with him and I cant pinpoint it and I dont know what to do.

I feel like an awful person and provider. I dont know what is wrong with me. Am I just not the right kind of person to do this?

[Abigail]

I never use to say I love you to the dcks until one day one of the kids said it to me. My response when the girl said it: nothing at all. LOL, I didn't know what to say! ::

Anyways, so I decided to start saying it when the time was right and over time the children just grow on me. It's made it easier to connect. We have one child specifically who others refuse to get close to and I am drawn to the child because they don't have any friends or anyone to hug. I wouldn't have this child in my own home daycare, but in my group daycare that I'm employed at I do my best to become close to this child to give them a better life.

I don't think just because you don't have a genuine love for a child that you're not the right person for the job. You know you genuinely care for the child and will do your best to help raise them.

[cheerfuldom]

I personally don't like when providers promise to love a child just like the parents would. Nobody would ever love my children the way I do. I don't ever promise this nor do I feel compelled to say I love you to the DCKs. However, I am being paid to care for them, treat them with respect, guide them as they grow, make sure all their needs are met while they are in my care. Do I love some of my daycare kids? I don't know. I do get attached but I don't love any other kids like my own kids. I don't feel that that makes me less capable of doing my job. There are certainly some kids that I get more attached to for whatever reason but I still treat them all the same.

[Cat Herder]

I feel like an awful person and provider. I don't know what is wrong with me. Am I just not the right kind of person to do this?

You are human and any provider who tells you they have loved every child they have ever cared for is FOS.

Chin up, you are not alone.

[safechner]

Well it is a little different from mine. I do say "I love you" to my daycare kids like my own. I love my own kids and two daycare kids the same very much. My parents are very impressed with me how much I love them. I am lucky to have a great two different family. It takes me a long time to find a right family who respects me and my business. I got a card from my daycare girl for Mother's Day a month ago. It was so sweet that she loves me so much like I am her second mom. I have 28 months old dcg and 23 months old dcg tell me that they love me all the time. It was so cute to hear their little voice.


In the past, I don't love some daycare kids, I know it sounds mean but it depends who.

[nannyde]

I love my daycare kids.

As sure as I know my name is Tori DeClay.... I am sure that I love them.

I don't love them in the same way I love my son. I don't love anyone like I love him.

But I know that every day I see them... every day I'm with them... my love for them grows stronger and deeper. When they go to school or move to wherever life takes them, a big piece of my heart melts away. It makes me profoundly sad when they leave.

I have one going off to Kindy in a few months and the grieving process has already set in. I can't even imagine how life will be without her here every day. She's my little sweetie.

[Meeko]

It's impossible not to have favorites sometimes. I treat them all the same, but I am happy to see some arrive each morning and some who make me take a deep sigh..!!! Some kids leave and it's a big hug and off they go. Some...I get emotional over, because I am very fond of them and sad to see them go. A few......have left me heartbroken when they go. It's usually the ones who have bonded with me as babies. Thank goodness I am still in contact with the ones I got closest to. Some now have children of their own!

I have to admit, it's easier to get close to the children who have good parents. I get to be fond of the whole family in those situations.

[wdmmom]

I love spending time with my dck's, I love teaching them new things, I love playing and watching them grow and learn to be more independent. I can't say as I love them like my own children but each of the dck's fulfill my life. I love the group I have.

[Cat Herder]

I love my daycare kids.

As sure as I know my name is Tori DeClay.... I am sure that I love them.

I don't love them in the same way I love my son. I don't love anyone like I love him.

But I know that every day I see them... every day I'm with them... my love for them grows stronger and deeper. When they go to school or move to wherever life takes them, a big piece of my heart melts away. It makes me profoundly sad when they leave.

I have one going off to Kindy in a few months and the grieving process has already set in. I can't even imagine how life will be without her here every day. She's my little sweetie.

You are one of the lucky ones.... You get to have them from birth until school . It is a different emotional investment when you "grow them" yourself. Many providers just get a short window of anywhere from 2-4 years. Some even less. I want to move to your neighborhood and community so bad I can't even tell you.

I enjoy my daycare kids and love my time with them...I have an awesome group right now. I don't love them as their parents do or like I love my own but I'd give my life keeping them safe. I miss the days where I had them long term..before free government pre-school between ages 3-4.

Many of my former clients are still viewed as "family".

[MyAngels]

I love spending time with my dck's, I love teaching them new things, I love playing and watching them grow and learn to be more independent. I can't say as I love them like my own children but each of the dck's fulfill my life. I love the group I have.

This is the way I feel now, too. I will say that it has not always been that way for me. When I first started out all those years ago I didn't have the same strong feelings for the first few families that I cared for that I do now. Maybe for some it is something that comes with a little time.

[kitkat]

You are human and any provider who tells you they have loved every child they have ever cared for is FOS.

Chin up, you are not alone.

Well said!

MommyMuffin: You are not alone! I'm right there with you! To me there is a big difference between love and like. I like my dcks (most of the time :, but I wouldn't say that I love them. You don't love every adult you meet and I bet you don't feel like an awful person for that, do you? Do you think school teachers love every student in their class? I can guarantee there are some they can't wait to say good bye to at the end of the year, or even end of the day! Don't feel too bad about it...you're human!

[daycare]

I think that regardless of age we always don't connect with every person we meet. This includes children.

I care and have love for my DCKs, not like my own kids, but I feel for them.

There are some that melt my heart and some that make my head pound. I give them all equal respect, but I too have a hard time connecting with one or two of the kids from time to time. It's only human!

[PitterPatter]

It is impossible for any daycare provider to say the have always loved all of their kids in care. I wouldn't worry about it of I were u.

I admit I have had children in care that I really didn't feel comfortable with but I show them the same respect and care that I do the ones that I do love. Now when I say I love my daycare kids. I really do love some of them, but it's a dif kind of love. No one will ever come close to the love that I have for my own child. I love children in general but there are a few that have just touched my heart and I bonded more so with. I have two that come right to mind from a past client. We still give hugs and update when we see each other. It's those kinds of kids that keep me going. I know there are more like that out there and I keep my doors open waiting for them. For the time being I try to form bonds and sometimes it doesn't click so I just go on treating them the same as every other child even if that means saying I love u when I dont. Every child deserves to be told they are loved. Sometimes they don't get that at home so I will never deny a child that if they say it to me and need to hear it in return.

[TBird]

I have two DCB's who tell me they love me. The one boy says it with SO much passion, adoration, hugs, kisses, and genuine love for me. I always return the I love you because I really FEEL that I love this little boy. When I think of him moving on to Kindergarten I get all hysterical, teary-eyed, and the whole nine.

Now my OTHER DCB is a different story. I like him to death (he's temporary so he'll go back to Greece at the end of the summer and I'll even cry when he leaves) but I don't LOVE him. He says I love you but he doesn't love me either...I can tell that he only says it because my other DCB says it. I say it right back though...it's the right thing to do!

Let me clarify that I treat them EXACTLY the same...it's just a different feeling in the heart. I guess it's human nature, how long you've known the kids, and how genuine the sentiments are. Certainly nothing to worry about!

[nannyde]

I have two DCB's who tell me they love me. The one boy says it with SO much passion, adoration, hugs, kisses, and genuine love for me. I always return the I love you because I really FEEL that I love this little boy. When I think of him moving on to Kindergarten I get all hysterical, teary-eyed, and the whole nine.

Awwwww

I love it when they tell me they love me. I always say "I luh you too boo boo yuckky".

When I have one going to kindy I start grieving in Febuary. It's hard to be upbeat with the kid about going to school but I force myself to do it. I want them to be happy about going to school.

That look... when they are scanning your face to see what you REALLY mean ... it's hard to fake.

One thing I know for sure: When a Kindy teacher gets one of mine she knows pretty quickly what she's got. A nice stable healthy kid is pretty easy to pick out of this generation. I've thought often of asking THEM to give me a reference.