Can I Pick Your Brains?

[momma4many]

So a few days ago I wrote about my one dcg. Her parents have become more unbelievable by the day, even going as far as telling me they don't want state pay kids around their little darling, so be careful who I interview ::::

For the past few days, dcd has been showing up at random times. They said they would be doing this to make sure I wasn't letting her CIO, but I really didn't think they would since in the weeks previous, they would be here THE MINUTE they had to in order to not go over their contract. He scared the heck out of me yesterday!! Showed up 3 hours early. She had just woke up from her nap and he was irritated that I was on the phone with a new client, trying to wrap up a 5 min conversation, and her diaper had not been changed yet. I asked the new client if I could call her back (she's super nice, a referral from a friend...yay!!) and changed her diaper. He followed me into the room where I have the diaper station set up and said, "I really need to see where you change her" then proceeded to watch me directly over my shoulder. Wierdo.

Anyway, today...she cried all day. I mean it. ALL DAY. No matter what I did, she cried. This girl is now 13 months old. It was not only a cry but a scream/screech, complete with slapping me and scratching at my face. I know this is not the norm, I have three children of my own, but does anyone have any insight here?

I could not hold her while I was making lunch, so I set her outside the baby gate and tried talking to her in a soothing voice. She was screeching and throwing herself down. She actually hit her head on the floor so hard I worried she would have a bump, but thankfully did not. I tried putting her in her high chair and she was throwing herself around screaming and almost got out, she was trying to jump down. I could not believe this! At one point, I went to the bathroom and she screamed and pounded/kicked the door so hard she would have gotten it open had I not caught the door (small bathroom, ) Finally, after feeding her, which was difficult and changing her, I told her "night night" and put her in the pack n' play. I didn't know what else to do. She would not stop and I was afraid she would hurt herself. She never went to sleep, just screeched and pulled her own hair so hard she broke her pony tail holder. Has anyone else seen this? I carefully broached the subject with dcm because I thought she should know about her hitting her head on the floor, and she said it was just teething. Yeah, right

She can be difficult, but never like this. I really don't know what to think.

[littlemissmuffet]

1) NOBODY tells me what to do in MY HOME/BUSINESS... nobody!

2) Do parents not understand that by putting their children in a bubble that they are messing them up for the REST OF THEIR LIVES?? Do they care?? What happened to teaching children life skills... *shakes head*

3) If a parent doesn't trust me, and is rude about it, as this father is, I term. They can hire a nanny and buy 50 nanny cams. This is my JOB and my LIFE, I do not need to be checked up on. Here's your term letter and there's the door.

Anyhow, I have had difficult babies that would cry/scream/tantrum for hours on end... for days or weeks at a time... BUT, once they settle, they're the happiest, calmest and quietest babies I ever know. Imagine that. Haha. How long have you had this 13 month old for? Is she still just adjusting? I once had one that cried and screamed 8 hours a day for 5 weeks... and she's a little angel now. Mom and dad had never ever ever put her down on the ground and instead held her for the first 12 months of her life 24/7... it was a huge adjustment for her, but she made it - oftentimes we're the only ones who teach these kids a good balance between affection and independence!

[daycare]

Anyone who has to question my ability to care for their child does not trust me and needs to take their child some where else. WOW I would have never put up with any of that. I don't know how you guys do littles like that. I really hope that you are able to help that family see their way out.

This is your business and you do things YOUR way, not theirs. YOu are offering group care and must run your DC to meet all the needs of the group not independently. Ugh I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don't think I would sleep at night if someone treated me this way and told me how to run my day care. Me without sleep is like a lion without food. NOt GOOD.

I hope you find some way to get a backbone with this family, you can borrow some of mine,

[wdmmom]

No one and I mean NO ONE would tell me who I can and can't have as clients. I would make the comment that if I couldn't take state paid families, that they'd have to pay for that spot too than! ::

And as for watching you change a diaper. No way. You come early, you wait til the child is ready to go.

I require a 30 minute notice if parents come early so I can have the child ready so they aren't waiting on me.

As for being on the phone when he got there, unfortunately that's on him. You show up early and without notice, you take the chance of me being busy and having to wait! Calls from potential clients is par for the course!

As for the child, give her 2 weeks to see if this behavior stops. If not, you might want to consider terming. Sounds like this baby and her parents are going to be more hassle than they are worth!

[morgan24]

DCD is a nightmare and is only going to get worst. Now with dcg crying so much I would replace them. Daycare is a hard enough job to do without having parents that don't trust you, when that is an such an important part of care. Even if dcg was the prefect kid, there is no way I would put up with dcds behavior. They need a private nanny that they can mircro manage.

[nannyde]

I think they are checking in to make sure she is UP. They are trying to insure that you keep her up all day so they can put her to bed right when they get home.

Saying she is not to CIO is the same thing as saying that she has to be up all day long and they KNOW this.

Time for her to go. She needs THEM. She needs her own adult who will keep her up all day long. She needs an adult who can withstand the self injuries she is doing and will continue to do... who won't be under fire by child protective.

It's too risky to keep her. She could harm herself and you end up on the receiving end of an abuse complaint.

It's not worth it.

It's not good for YOU to be around a child who is so ragefull. That eats away at your happiness and will cause you incremental stress that will affect everything you do with her and your own kid.

It's never good for an adult to be around a kid like this unless they are trained to deal with this extreme behavior, only have the ONE kid, and have some protection around them to PROOVE that they are not abusing the child. She needs a specialist who is being taped all day long and only has HER. OR... she needs to be with the ones who say NO CIO so they can execute no CIO.

[momma2girls]

YOu really need to terminate immediately- give them the notice now!! Have your doors locked at all times. If they come to your door, you can answer it when you are ready. I have my doors locked at all times, you never know who could walk into your private home, and you never know which child, could get outside as well.
I would never put up with being treated this way- NEVER!!
Here is some of my backbone for you as well. WIth all our share of it, you should have plenty of it.

[daycarelady68]

I can't stand ppl like that, judging state clients. Yeah that would be enough for me to term! If you keep them on, I would do what someone else suggested....keep the door locked!

[DCMom]

Terminate them today. For all of the above reasons and then some. Most of all because it's the best thing for YOU. I would be really worried about her injuring herself and being blamed for it. They sound like that type of family.

They need to stay home with their own kid. They created the situation, they should be dealing with it.

You poor thing. You must be completely stressed out by the end of the day. I had a non-stop screecher for about a week once. I was so on edge by the end of the day, that I would cry!

[Cat Herder]

Lifes to short to deal with that.

I'd tell DCD to not let the door hit him where the good lord split him.....

[Mom_of_two]

TERM!! Agree with PP's. Sorry you have to deal with them! Good luck.

[MyAngels]

I didn't read the other responses, but I'm sure others agree - terminate, for your own sanity. I've never even had any state paid kids, and the comment they made about that *issed me off.

[Mom_of_two]

TERM!! Agree with PP's. Sorry you have to deal with them! Good luck.

[momma4many]

1) NOBODY tells me what to do in MY HOME/BUSINESS... nobody!

2) Do parents not understand that by putting their children in a bubble that they are messing them up for the REST OF THEIR LIVES?? Do they care?? What happened to teaching children life skills... *shakes head*
That is the hard part for me too. They feel guilty for her being here so much, so they spoil her when they have her (for 2 hours per night) but don't realize they are making things SO hard for her!
3) If a parent doesn't trust me, and is rude about it, as this father is, I term. They can hire a nanny and buy 50 nanny cams. This is my JOB and my LIFE, I do not need to be checked up on. Here's your term letter and there's the door.
Yeah, I feel the same way. They really do need a nanny. I think that will be part of my suggestions for them.
Anyhow, I have had difficult babies that would cry/scream/tantrum for hours on end... for days or weeks at a time... BUT, once they settle, they're the happiest, calmest and quietest babies I ever know. Imagine that. Haha. How long have you had this 13 month old for? Is she still just adjusting? I once had one that cried and screamed 8 hours a day for 5 weeks... and she's a little angel now. Mom and dad had never ever ever put her down on the ground and instead held her for the first 12 months of her life 24/7... it was a huge adjustment for her, but she made it - oftentimes we're the only ones who teach these kids a good balance between affection and independence!

We are at 3 weeks right now. I did tell parents she is still adjusting, but they are so worried about her happiness that they think "adjusting" is a bad thing . How did you help them settle in? I have just been doing the EXACT same routine every day, no exceptions. She is very smart and is getting to know the routine already, but still hates it, .
[QUOTE=nannyde;115017]Time for her to go. She needs THEM. She needs her own adult who will keep her up all day long. She needs an adult who can withstand the self injuries she is doing and will continue to do... who won't be under fire by child protective.
OMG, that scares the heck out of me. I was thinking the same thing yesterday as all that was happening.



It's not good for YOU to be around a child who is so ragefull. That eats away at your happiness and will cause you incremental stress that will affect everything you do with her and your own kid. You are absolutely right here. I have been so stressed, I am like a zombie at night. I am brand new to daycare, so I kept thinking if it's always like this, I can't do this at all! I have wanted to do this for years, I hate to give up this dream and flush all the hard work/money I've invested in my program down the drain, so it really helps to hear all of you ladies' insights and have some support!!
QUOTE]

Here is some of my backbone for you as well. WIth all our share of it, you should have plenty of it.

Ha! Thanks!

You poor thing. You must be completely stressed out by the end of the day. I had a non-stop screecher for about a week once. I was so on edge by the end of the day, that I would cry!

Oh yes, I have cried more days than not. My husband thought I was being rediculous until he was home with us one day....he spent the whole day outside in the garage! :: When she left he said, "Now I see why you cry after she leaves!

[cheerfuldom]

It is not within your power to change a child who is struggling this much and is so young. Take the advice from all of us (many who have been doing daycare for many years) and let this family go. Nothing you do for the parents will every be enough because what they really want is nanny care for a daycare price. They want to know that you are putting everything and everyone else aside for their child and that is not going to change. They are never going to be reasonable and after 3 weeks, you already know enough to see what it is that this family requires. If you can let them go at all, do it now!