New Child - Worrier/Food Issues

[Country Kids]

I'm sorry but I have to totally diagree with nanny. Letting a child go and choose whether or not she wants to eat is letting her have control of what goes on in a house. I don't care if a child doesn't want to eat but they will get to sit at the table with the rest of the kids. I too cannot watch children eating and a child playing by themselves in another room. And if I allowed that behaviour of every time a child doesn't want to eat my whole crew would be playing instead of eating.
as for the puking, she's probaby not use to eating real food, acually no one has told her that she has to eat so this is something new.
I also find it very unprofessional that all you do is tell the kids "go play toys" I'm sorry but as a parent and a provider I find this practise intolerable towards children. Do you ever talk to them. This child is new, this is a new place, new people, new set of rules. She is exhibiting anxiety by talking like this, she needs reassurance not be told to go and play with toys.

Another one I totally agree with!

[nannyde]

I'm sorry but I have to totally diagree with nanny. Letting a child go and choose whether or not she wants to eat is letting her have control of what goes on in a house. I don't care if a child doesn't want to eat but they will get to sit at the table with the rest of the kids. I too cannot watch children eating and a child playing by themselves in another room. And if I allowed that behaviour of every time a child doesn't want to eat my whole crew would be playing instead of eating.
as for the puking, she's probaby not use to eating real food, acually no one has told her that she has to eat so this is something new.
I also find it very unprofessional that all you do is tell the kids "go play toys" I'm sorry but as a parent and a provider I find this practise intolerable towards children. Do you ever talk to them. This child is new, this is a new place, new people, new set of rules. She is exhibiting anxiety by talking like this, she needs reassurance not be told to go and play with toys.

Nope

It's mean to a kid to make them sit at a table around food that makes them want to puke. It's mean to the other kids to have a protesting kid at the table. They deserve to have the fellowship of a healthy group meal without another kid coming in and distracting them away from each other and the meal they are eating together.

Meal time is SACRED in my house. It's a time for everyone to come together at the same time and eat nourishing food. It's a time to talk and laugh. It's a time to fill that hungry little body.

It's not a time to watch someone wretch and be upset. She shouldn't be at the table if it sickens her. The goal is to GET her to the table over time but only when she does it willingly and without revulsion.

I don't have kids who would rather play than eat. All of my kids want their food. By the time we eat meals they are very HUNGRY. They have been eating these meals their whole life and they WANT it and NEED it. As it should be.

You said "I also find it very unprofessional that all you do is tell the kids "go play toys""

Hmmmm well I say many things to children during the day and "go play toys" is one of them. Isn't it a sad day when someone would think that it was unprofessional for a child care worker to tell a kid to go play toys? Kids are SUPPOSED TO PLAY. How lucky these kids are that they live in a country where they are allowed the freedom to just be little kids and GO PLAY. I think there are a lot of kids living on this planet who would love to be able to just GO PLAY TOYS but instead they have to fear whether or not they will have food in their bowl today, safety from the adults around them, clean water, a roof over their head, an adult around who CAN watch them and keep them safe and fed.

There are millions of orphans in this world who have had their whole lives devestaed by diseases such as AIDS and wars that have desemated their entire families. How lucky is it that this kid gets to GO PLAY TOYS. Telling them to go play toys is a GIFT.

I'm sorry but as a parent and a provider I find this practise intolerable towards children

It's what I want THIS type of child to do. I want her to go play toys. Go play toys means: Go entertain yourself. Go find YOUR happiness. Go be with your new friends. Go enjoy this awesome toy collection you are so blessed to have access to. Go interact with your own age and your own kind... you will learn from THEM. THEY are the ones who will teach you how to be a stable functioning group member. THEY are your mentors. THEY are your equals. They are the ones who can show you how to behave in a group because they have been raised by me and each other. THEY (as a group) are more important to you than I will ever be.

You said Do you ever talk to them.
:::::::: I talk to them so much that most of them have my voice. They have my inflections... my midwestern "accent"... my non verbal and facial expressions. A couple of them are "mini me's" down to exact body movements. One of my dcd's just told me yesterday his two year old was like having a mini "Nan" at home. We have tape of her when she was just starting talking where you could have sworn she was me cloned ::::

This child is new, this is a new place, new people, new set of rules. She is exhibiting anxiety by talking like this, she needs reassurance not be told to go and play with toys

Nope. I don't believe this is anxiety but rather control. She may be anxious because she doesn't have control but control is the root of the behaviors she is exhibiting.

What she needs is SIMPLE straight forward directions of what she is expected to do RIGHT NOW. Go play toys is perfect for this child. It leaves little room for discussion. It tells her in clear terms what she is to do. It's KIND to her to give her SIMPLE. It's kind to give her something we KNOW she can do. It's kind to entrench her into the other children because they are awesome and she can be awesome with them.

When you spend too much time answering her "terms of engagement" ("Im not tired." "When is my mom coming? When is my off day?" "where are you going?") you are petting an unstable mindset. Responding to these are ESCALATING her and keeping her fixed in you doint HER. She's been there SEVEN days and she seems to be fairly intelligent. She's been there long enough to GET what the environment has to offer and she is saying NO to that and "do ME" to the provider.

If you deconstruct each of her phrases and her behavior towards the kids and the environment she is making it about HER. It's time to teach her that it ISN'T about her individually... that it's about the GROUP and you in the GROUP. The group is led by me.

Being a good group member and taking excellent leadership is GOOD for a little kid. She needs to get to THAT. Now once you get to THAT ... THEN... you start pulling out her little uniqueness. You start asking her about her puppy at home or her little cousins she plays with on Saturday. You start asking about her trip to WalMart last night and if she saw any new dollies or the big beach ball they have in the big ball bins.

Bring her individual little self forward when she accepts her position in the group so that she can then add her layer onto the group and they will become her too.

This post I wrote a month ago: https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...ighlight=plate

I don't care if they don't eat. Food issues are big fat loosers. You will never win.

If you have a kid that is refusing everything go back to the basics in meals. Do old school things you would have at grandmas. Do chicken and noodles with mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole and biscuits. Do roast beef, carrots, and potatoes with mushroom gravy. Do ham, sweet potatoes, butter peas and honey rolls. Do spaghetti with garlic bread, fresh salad and some apple crisp for desert.

Then when meal time comes ask her if she wants some of it. If she says no then say cool fool... can I have your honey biscuits?

Love me some honey biscuits.

Ask her if she wants to eat with you guys or would she rather go play? She's welcome to just sit and visit with everyone or go play. Either way is cool.

Then CELEBRATE your food. Eat with the kids if you can and really ENJOY the meal.

When the other kids want seconds on the mashed potatoes say "oh you don't like Nan's mashed taters... I'm going to eat them all MYSELF. ::::

Let her have the experience of being around people who love each other, love eating together, love laughing together. ....

That's all it takes...

good food
good friends

If she just wants the "desert" then make your desert as healthy as you can and enjoy desert with her.

I wouldn't ask her to try anything. I would just want her as near to me as I could get her. If she's interested and wants a little sompin sompin then let her have a little piece off of your plate. (I know that's against the rules but it's okay.... sometimes it takes Mama love to cure this).

No matter what she does it's okay. She gets to choose. As long as she doesn't misbehave during this meal time play and allows everyone else the celebration then you are all good.

She'll come around.... just give it time.

[MyAngels]

Nope

It's mean to a kid to make them sit at a table around food that makes them want to puke. It's mean to the other kids to have a protesting kid at the table. They deserve to have the fellowship of a healthy group meal without another kid coming in and distracting them away from each other and the meal they are eating together.

Meal time is SACRED in my house. It's a time for everyone to come together at the same time and eat nourishing food. It's a time to talk and laugh. It's a time to fill that hungry little body.

It's not a time to watch someone wretch and be upset. She shouldn't be at the table if it sickens her. The goal is to GET her to the table over time but only when she does it willingly and without revulsion.

I don't have kids who would rather play than eat. All of my kids want their food. By the time we eat meals they are very HUNGRY. They have been eating these meals their whole life and they WANT it and NEED it. As it should be.

You said "I also find it very unprofessional that all you do is tell the kids "go play toys""

Hmmmm well I say many things to children during the day and "go play toys" is one of them. Isn't it a sad day when someone would think that it was unprofessional for a child care worker to tell a kid to go play toys? Kids are SUPPOSED TO PLAY. How lucky these kids are that they live in a country where they are allowed the freedom to just be little kids and GO PLAY. I think there are a lot of kids living on this planet who would love to be able to just GO PLAY TOYS but instead they have to fear whether or not they will have food in their bowl today, safety from the adults around them, clean water, a roof over their head, an adult around who CAN watch them and keep them safe and fed.

There are millions of orphans in this world who have had their whole lives devestaed by diseases such as AIDS and wars that have desemated their entire families. How lucky is it that this kid gets to GO PLAY TOYS. Telling them to go play toys is a GIFT.

I'm sorry but as a parent and a provider I find this practise intolerable towards children

It's what I want THIS type of child to do. I want her to go play toys. Go play toys means: Go entertain yourself. Go find YOUR happiness. Go be with your new friends. Go enjoy this awesome toy collection you are so blessed to have access to. Go interact with your own age and your own kind... you will learn from THEM. THEY are the ones who will teach you how to be a stable functioning group member. THEY are your mentors. THEY are your equals. They are the ones who can show you how to behave in a group because they have been raised by me and each other. THEY (as a group) are more important to you than I will ever be.

You said Do you ever talk to them.
:::::::: I talk to them so much that most of them have my voice. They have my inflections... my midwestern "accent"... my non verbal and facial expressions. A couple of them are "mini me's" down to exact body movements. One of my dcd's just told me yesterday his two year old was like having a mini "Nan" at home. We have tape of her when she was just starting talking where you could have sworn she was me cloned ::::

This child is new, this is a new place, new people, new set of rules. She is exhibiting anxiety by talking like this, she needs reassurance not be told to go and play with toys

Nope. I don't believe this is anxiety but rather control. She may be anxious because she doesn't have control but control is the root of the behaviors she is exhibiting.

What she needs is SIMPLE straight forward directions of what she is expected to do RIGHT NOW. Go play toys is perfect for this child. It leaves little room for discussion. It tells her in clear terms what she is to do. It's KIND to her to give her SIMPLE. It's kind to give her something we KNOW she can do. It's kind to entrench her into the other children because they are awesome and she can be awesome with them.

When you spend too much time answering her "terms of engagement" ("Im not tired." "When is my mom coming? When is my off day?" "where are you going?") you are petting an unstable mindset. Responding to these are ESCALATING her and keeping her fixed in you doint HER. She's been there SEVEN days and she seems to be fairly intelligent. She's been there long enough to GET what the environment has to offer and she is saying NO to that and "do ME" to the provider.

If you deconstruct each of her phrases and her behavior towards the kids and the environment she is making it about HER. It's time to teach her that it ISN'T about her individually... that it's about the GROUP and you in the GROUP. The group is led by me.

Being a good group member and taking excellent leadership is GOOD for a little kid. She needs to get to THAT. Now once you get to THAT ... THEN... you start pulling out her little uniqueness. You start asking her about her puppy at home or her little cousins she plays with on Saturday. You start asking about her trip to WalMart last night and if she saw any new dollies or the big beach ball they have in the big ball bins.

Bring her individual little self forward when she accepts her position in the group so that she can then add her layer onto the group and they will become her too.

This post I wrote a month ago: https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...ighlight=plate

I don't care if they don't eat. Food issues are big fat loosers. You will never win.

If you have a kid that is refusing everything go back to the basics in meals. Do old school things you would have at grandmas. Do chicken and noodles with mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole and biscuits. Do roast beef, carrots, and potatoes with mushroom gravy. Do ham, sweet potatoes, butter peas and honey rolls. Do spaghetti with garlic bread, fresh salad and some apple crisp for desert.

Then when meal time comes ask her if she wants some of it. If she says no then say cool fool... can I have your honey biscuits?

Love me some honey biscuits.

Ask her if she wants to eat with you guys or would she rather go play? She's welcome to just sit and visit with everyone or go play. Either way is cool.

Then CELEBRATE your food. Eat with the kids if you can and really ENJOY the meal.

When the other kids want seconds on the mashed potatoes say "oh you don't like Nan's mashed taters... I'm going to eat them all MYSELF. ::::

Let her have the experience of being around people who love each other, love eating together, love laughing together. ....

That's all it takes...

good food
good friends

If she just wants the "desert" then make your desert as healthy as you can and enjoy desert with her.

I wouldn't ask her to try anything. I would just want her as near to me as I could get her. If she's interested and wants a little sompin sompin then let her have a little piece off of your plate. (I know that's against the rules but it's okay.... sometimes it takes Mama love to cure this).

No matter what she does it's okay. She gets to choose. As long as she doesn't misbehave during this meal time play and allows everyone else the celebration then you are all good.

She'll come around.... just give it time.

"Like!"

Oh, and can I have your recipe for Honey Biscuits::::?

[nannyde]

"Like!"

Oh, and can I have your recipe for Honey Biscuits::::?

http://www.food.com/recipe/churchs-honey-biscuits-98519

[wdmmom]

I'm sorry but I have to totally diagree with nanny. Letting a child go and choose whether or not she wants to eat is letting her have control of what goes on in a house. I don't care if a child doesn't want to eat but they will get to sit at the table with the rest of the kids. I too cannot watch children eating and a child playing by themselves in another room. And if I allowed that behaviour of every time a child doesn't want to eat my whole crew would be playing instead of eating.
as for the puking, she's probaby not use to eating real food, acually no one has told her that she has to eat so this is something new.
I also find it very unprofessional that all you do is tell the kids "go play toys" I'm sorry but as a parent and a provider I find this practise intolerable towards children. Do you ever talk to them. This child is new, this is a new place, new people, new set of rules. She is exhibiting anxiety by talking like this, she needs reassurance not be told to go and play with toys.

I'm sorry but ARE YOU NUTS?! What I wouldn't give to be a kid and GO PLAY TOYS! Kids today are overstimulated by outside figures (parent's especially) and need to live in a KID'S WORLD...not an adult's world! Daycare is just that...a kid's world! They can play toys and be themselves and have fun! They don't need to worry about going out to eat at McDonalds...they will be fed, they don't have to worry about going shopping, they can pretend (like a child SHOULD do), they don't have to worry about mommy and daddy taking her to the park, we will go outside and play with other kids her age! How great is that?!

My daughter went to Nannyde for 2 years and I worked for her! She's got the best gig in town! Her methods are proven! She's successful and her rules and routine WORK! Effectively!!!

You find it very unprofessional to tell the kids "go play toys"?! Are you kidding me???

I do home daycare and I use this saying probably 20 times a day! It solves all issues upfront.

The kids ask when lunch is??? GO PLAY TOYS. It'll be done when I tell you to pick up toys!

I don't want to eat....Super, you can PLAY TOYS til we are done.

I don't want to play play-doh...aww, that's too bad. You'll be missing out on some fun. You can GO PLAY TOYS since you don't want to do what the group is doing.

I don't want to take a nap....good, than don't sleep but you are still laying down.

Leadership and control are above all else. No way would a little run MY house. You be a kid and do what we all do or you GO PLAY TOYS. Soon she will see what she's missing out on. If not, she doesn't belong in your group.

[MissAnn]

I'm sorry but I have to totally diagree with nanny. Letting a child go and choose whether or not she wants to eat is letting her have control of what goes on in a house. I don't care if a child doesn't want to eat but they will get to sit at the table with the rest of the kids. I too cannot watch children eating and a child playing by themselves in another room. And if I allowed that behaviour of every time a child doesn't want to eat my whole crew would be playing instead of eating.
as for the puking, she's probaby not use to eating real food, acually no one has told her that she has to eat so this is something new.
I also find it very unprofessional that all you do is tell the kids "go play toys" I'm sorry but as a parent and a provider I find this practise intolerable towards children. Do you ever talk to them. This child is new, this is a new place, new people, new set of rules. She is exhibiting anxiety by talking like this, she needs reassurance not be told to go and play with toys.

If meals are pleasant, kids won't want to leave. Meals are more than just the nutrition, they are a time of conversation and learning good manners. Children who are crying and wanting to puke are not showing good table behavior. They disturb the children who are enjoying their time together. When the crying, puking child realizes she is the one missing out.....she may correct herself and decide to stay at the table....next time.

[Country Kids]

I had a child one time that was very stubborn on eating-I mean stubborn. Probably had the child 3 years and maybe only ate lunch a handful of times during the whole time. Wouldn't eat breakfast either, only snacks. What the child would do most of the time would be to stuff the mouth full and cheek it all and have so much in there that they couldn't chew it all up. Now the ironic thing is there was I took care of the sibling also. Child could eat till there was no tomorrow and want more. Both of them didn't like white milk at first (found out only drank chocolate and mom would have it in the car at pick up time) but when the sibling that ate well tasted it, there was no problem getting him to drink it every day.

I do know that these children were served healthy meals every day and I had been to their house on several occassions so I do know what kinds of food they ate. I believe the none eater child was just very stubborn. When I was at their house one time this child wouldn't eat and a relative said I get tired of trying to get this child to eat. Child won't eat anything for anyone. Bingo-made me feel better-thought she just wouldn't eat for me.

This child also threw up after almost every time we had a party. It was almost like the stomach couldn't handle all the party food almost like the child was so hungry and ate to much to carry themself threw mealtime.

This child did sit with us every day though at lunch time because that is what is I expect a any child to do that would be here for childcare.

[nannyde]

I had a child one time that was very stubborn on eating-I mean stubborn. Probably had the child 3 years and maybe only ate lunch a handful of times during the whole time. Wouldn't eat breakfast either, only snacks. What the child would do most of the time would be to stuff the mouth full and cheek it all and have so much in there that they couldn't chew it all up. Now the ironic thing is there was I took care of the sibling also. Child could eat till there was no tomorrow and want more. Both of them didn't like white milk at first (found out only drank chocolate and mom would have it in the car at pick up time) but when the sibling that ate well tasted it, there was no problem getting him to drink it every day.

I do know that these children were served healthy meals every day and I had been to their house on several occassions so I do know what kinds of food they ate. I believe the none eater child was just very stubborn. When I was at their house one time this child wouldn't eat and a relative said I get tired of trying to get this child to eat. Child won't eat anything for anyone. Bingo-made me feel better-thought she just wouldn't eat for me.

This child also threw up after almost every time we had a party. It was almost like the stomach couldn't handle all the party food almost like the child was so hungry and ate to much to carry themself threw mealtime.

This child did sit with us every day though at lunch time because that is what is I expect a any child to do that would be here for childcare.

Did he eat healthy meals at home? How was his behavior at your house?

[Zoe]

I don't agree with Nan 100% of the time, but I agree with her on this one. It's not worth it to me to argue with a child. It just frustrates both of us and my life is stressful enough. They get one explanation for why I'm asking what I'm asking of them, then that's it. I'm done talking to you. I think I may just try this "go play toys" idea.

[Country Kids]

This child ate very healthy meals at home (fruit, veggies, meat, stir-fry, etc.) and I served healthy meals also. The behavior of this child was fine also. Always played with everyone, manners were well, napped every day just didn't like to eat breakfast or lunch. Was a big mystery to me-I always worried about it but then gave up because why stress if this child wanted to be stubborn. Just made them follow our routine and when we were at the table eating so were they (sitting with us).

[Unregistered]

I had one like this a while back and I think I should have tried the either eat or go do something else technique. DCk was in care 9 months and still had daily food issues. I prefer to make the kids read a book- out of sight of the others (right around the kitchen wall) so the other kids aren't enticed to go play while they should be eating.

[mrs.meg]

Nannyde, if I lived in your town, I would be working! I want you to keep my kids!!

[nannyde]

Nannyde, if I lived in your town, I would be working! I want you to keep my kids!!

Awww that's really nice.

Thank you

[Hunni Bee]

I have the same kid...instead of being new, she's been here all but about six months of her life and she's four. Controlling, dramatic, won't eat regular food, princess complex.

She used to gag at the table, cry when something was placed on her plate that she didn't like, cry when she couldn't fill up on juice when she didn't eat, demand more of whatever she did like without touching anything else on the plate. She ruined lots of meals.

True she does have a lot of food allergies and texture aversions...but she was never encouraged to eat the things she could eat that were good for her. ALL she eats at home is crap...chx nuggets, pizza, sugar-laden drinks, chips, with an occasional fruit thrown in. She really has grown out of most of her allergies - supposed to be allergic to milk, but eats ice cream and cheese, allergic to nuts but eats Reese's...she's conveniently "allergic" to whatever she doesn't like.

I got really sick of the power struggle at the table. She's not required to eat or even sit at the table, but she cannot talk to us from another room while we're eating or sit at the table and cry, gag, or pout. If she does, she leaves the table and doesn't come back. She gets everything everybody else gets, eats what she wants, and waits until everyone else is mostly finished to dump her plate. No negative comments about the food or she leaves. No juice is served - water or nothin'. She conformed easier than I expected because she hates to be apart from the group.

[nannyde]

She conformed easier than I expected because she hates to be apart from the group.

YES this.

You did some great work setting boundaries on how she can behave at the table.

NO drama at the table.