Please help me!

[Ms. Stephanie]

Quick background:
I'm 23, been in daycare for 5 years. I worked with infants for 4 years, now I am with 1 year olds. I am currently going to school for early childhood ed. I graduate May 2012.

I am a lead teacher in a center that is NAEYC certified and we use the Creative Curriculum. I am at my wits end and ready to quit. I have 9 enrolled in my class and 6-8 on a daily basis. I have 7 boys and 2 girls. The boys are AGGRESSIVE. One is very aggressive and is pretty much hitting or tackling or doing something that can hurt himself 100% of the time. If I am changing diapers and my assistant cleaning up the table from snack so the younger ones dont go under the table and eat whatever fell on the floor, we are both not able to be on the floor with that one child who is constantly doing something sassy. If I keep him strapped into the chair at the table, he becomes too bored and chews his feet or sticks his hand down his throat and throws up. Or he will simply stand up strapped into the chair and walk around. I have given him toys to occupy him, he throws them on the floor.

I was reprimanded today because I took a child by the arm (didnt pick him up by the arm) and picked him and said firmly and loudly "no, thats not ok" when he was slapping one of my younger ones repeatedly while the child was crying. A parent across the playground saw this and told my boss I was being verbally abusive.

I know this is a lot to take in, but someone please help me!

[dEHmom]

sorry to hear that has happened.

if it is how you say it is, i highly doubt there will be any concerns even if someone filed the complaint. they will have to look into it of course, and make sure all t's are crossed and i's are dotted.

[PeanutsGalore]

I don't see anything wrong with what you did. You weren't violent, and contrary to popular belief, saying "no" to a child is not abuse.

Sounds a lot like this kid is bored silly and acting out. I don't have a ton of experience in daycare, but I do have a lot of experience with kids--especially boys--and they love the rough play. If they are super-active, like this little boy sounds, they will act out in horrible ways if they're bored. Maybe his parents need to put him in a different program? Sounds like there are either too many kids for him to get the attention he needs or not enough of a structured program that's interesting to him. Or maybe he just needs to hear the word "no" from his parents once in awhile!

[Cat Herder]

I wish I could help. Unfortunately until they turn 3 we are no longer allowed to discipline in any form. (not even time-out) Only redirection to something more fun...

We are set up for failure in centers, now, so the turn over rates will continue to escalate.

I will be leaving the field myself in just a few more years for this very reason.

The quickest, simplest solution I see is to never do diaper changes until your assistant is completely free of tasks.

If one directly supervises, empty handed to intervene, at all times this will be limited, but the problem will still exist.

[Ms. Stephanie]

I have a suspicion that it is the home environment. He has 2 nannies, one that doesn't speak English. His brother and sister are much older, and I've noticed they are a little off as well. I would live to give him more one on one attention, but quite honestly, with all these NAEYC and State and ECHERS requirements I have to fulfill (like washing their hands a billion times a day), I quite frankly do not have the time. It's sad, but true. It sounds bad but I truly wish this child was not in my class anymore. What makes it worse is I have a child, D, comes 2 days of the week on the same days as this aggressive child. D has a learning disability (not sure what it is exactly, just began working with therapist) and is also very aggressive. Needless to say I am constantly filling out incident reports. Which takes even more time away from my kids.

I'm kind of annoyed with a majority of parents at my center. I'm not sure why saying "no" to a child is so wrong. One of my parents won't say "no". She says "safety!". She has 3 kids, a fourth on the way. The 2 older girls DO NOT listen to her whatsoever. So am I just supposed to let my children misbehave or risk someone hearing me raise my voice to a child and telling my director?

[Meeko]

OK...I'm grumpy......long story, but American Airlines are leaving my elderly parents stranded in Chicago O Hare airport with no luggage for the next 24 hours. My mother is disabled and my father is 80 years old. They flew in from England and were supposed to get a fight to Salt Lake City, but the airline screwed up. I am livid.

That said...this post makes me so mad! What the he!!. Our youngest generation are being raised to be self-absorbed brats. "No" is now considered abuse?!

I feel so sorry for you in this situation...it must be so frustrating. The child is a danger to himself and the other children. And he is teaching the younger ones his bad habits.

In my 25 years as a day care provider I have never wanted to, or needed to spank a child. But I am very strict and very fair. My house. My rules. No exceptions. Children have thrived here because they know EXACTLY what the rules are. I demand respect. Nothing is given without a please and thank you. I guess I'm just old fashioned...but I am not going to change.

I would be so frustrated with your superiors at the center. Then again...their hands are tied by those above them too.

Heaven help us, when these toddlers are the ones making decisions about OUR futures when we are old.....

[SilverSabre25]

Unfortunately I have no advice for you. That's a hard situation. There are good reasons why I work in my own home rather than a center, and that sort of thing (being reprimanded for telling a child no) is definitely one of them.

Stick it out as best you can...you only have a year left until you have your degree. What are you planning on doing once you graduate?

[dEHmom]

the issue with the word "NO" is it's become an entire phrase.

When kids hear the word NO everytime they do something, it doesn't have any meaning any longer.

I've said it in another post somewhere, that I was given an activity to do for 1 week. Keep a tally of how many times I said NO. The following week it was do not use the word NO, but find an alternate way of saying it.

Basically to sum up the experiment, people so NO and leave it as it. Sometimes the child is confused as to what the word NO is for. Was it for standing in a particular spot, was it for throwing a ball, what was it for?
You MUST follow a NO with a reason why. And save the simple NO for situations where it is enough to make them freeze in their tracks. A SAFETY word.

Some people did not agree with what I had mentioned. It's not that the word NO shouldn't be used, it's how it is over used, and abused, and it loses it's meaning quickly.

By the sounds of it, you explained to the child exactly what you were saying NO to. So I would not worry. If things are as you said they are, your supervisors will do what they have to do, just as you did, and you shouldn't have any problems. Please understand, that if it was YOUR child this happened to, you would want to get to the root of the cause, and then determine the right course of action.


ALSO, on a note of what catherder posted.....

I understand you're not allowed to discipline anyone under 3. I am not attacking you on this. I am just commenting on the fact that this is a regulation...

That is ABSOLUTELY B.S. Children learn from infancy how to manipulate and get what they want. The fact that they are not allowed to be disciplined in any way under the age of 3 is teaching them, they will get away with anything they want. The first 3 years of life is where they learn to most in terms of values and morals, behaviors and whatever else.

It scares me to think.... what i do now, will affect my children when they are grown up. It's not that you can't teach an older child/teenager how to behave, but it's not as easy. Teach them young, it will be with them forever.

If your 3 yo sees you walk into a store, and put a pack of gum in your pocket and not pay for it....this is a lesson learned.

If that same child at 10 yo walks into a store, and puts a pack of gum in his pocket and walk out....??????????????????????????????????????

sorry i did not mean to write a novel. it just ticks me off to hear all of this. and it's all going to fall on the providers not on the people making the regulations.

[Ms. Stephanie]

Thank you all for your support and words. It seriously makes me feel so much better just to hear that you all agree.

Yesterday after my near anxiety attack, I sat down, talked to my assistant, and we figured out some ways to help our situation.

It has come to the point that this child, we will call him Papa (because thats his nickname), has become my enemy. Anything he did was annoying to me, so I have basically just labeled him. Yesterday, I wiped the slate clean, sat down with Papa, and read him a book. Just in the 5 minutes I sat with him, I gained a new love for him, and decided we are going to make this work.

I took in the suggestion to do diapers after the table and floor was cleaned, and it worked great. I pretty much shadowed Papa the entire time, and we didn't have any issues. Then when my assistant was done, we switched and she sat on the floor shadowing the child, and I did diapers (I usually change all diapers because I enjoy the one on one time with the children, the poop, not so much ).

I too share the same concern for the direction child care is going. Toddlers can not make their own decisions for their safety. I have to do that for them. When I told that child (it wasn't Papa btw, another child from a different room who is also a holy terror) "No, that is not Ok!" I feel like I did the right thing. I told the child NO, and followed it with an explanation. Im pretty sure after I put him down I told him "we do not hit our friends".

I am SUPER happy I joined this forum. I am 100% sure you all are going to restore my faith in child care and help me not burn out at 24 years old

[dEHmom]

glad to hear things have worked out.

when you start focusing on the bad, you will only see the bad. it's easy to fall out of love with something when you only see the bad/negative. we must keep positive in the line of work we do. kids have bad days as do we. but they show their feelings in different ways. it's up to us to help them learn to cope, and manage.