The warning call

[daycare]

So I have a DCK age 4.5. Behavior is out of this world. Mom is aware that the child's behavior is this way. We were supposed to have an eval take place this month and for some reason the mom changed her mind about it and did not want to do it.

I know that the boy will be leaving us in August, but that is still months to go. I am thinking that since mom declined the evaluation, that I am going to demand that when the behavior is off the charts she comes to pick him up.

Already this morning he has
hit a child in the face with a fork
spit at another child
flipped his chair over and knocked his milk off the table

all of this and its only 9am.

I have not set the contract yet so i don't know if it would be fair of me to call the mom this morning and warn her that if this continues child is going home for the day.

We have a lot of stuff planned today and becuase of this we are not going to be able to do all of it. All of the parents have paid for a singer/panio player to come in today for a music lesson/class I am so angry right now becuase the person had to sit and wait 20min so I could clean up this mornings mess.

What would you do in this situation

[Live and Learn]

I would call the mom right away for pick up.

[PitterPatter]

What's not fair is the issues he is causing already. I would send him home now! Too much in too little of a time. I would also have the contract ready for her tomorrow. Let her take it to work and review it if need be and bring it back signed at pick up tomorrow.

I probably missed something but can I ask, why isn't there a contract before enrollment?

[daycare]

What's not fair is the issues he is causing already. I would send him home now! Too much in too little of a time. I would also have the contract ready for her tomorrow. Let her take it to work and review it if need be and bring it back signed at pick up tomorrow.

I probably missed something but can I ask, why isn't there a contract before enrollment?

no there is a normal contract... what i was trying to say is that i want to write up a behavior contract since mom declined the behavior eval.

I want to say in it that if is behavior is off the wall that he will need to be picked up. Right now my current contract does not have that in there...

[momma2girls]

I would call for pick up immediately!!

[DaisyMamma]

oh man. He's disturbing the entire household and harmony of your daycare. You should not feel bad to explain this to the mom with a 3 strikes you're out rule. That will take all of what - 3 days? Then start calling for pickup every time he causes trouble. He is leaving in August anyway, so if you can afford to term him then don't feel bad doing it. Your stress level will go way down.

[CdnMumof4]

I'm sure mom is aware of this behaviour- and it probably continues, if not escalates, at home. Have her pick him up for sure when this behaviour arrises...that's not fair to you, or to the other children! schools can put kids in principals office and then suspend...if his behaviour is so damaging, you may have to consider that alternative, to be included in the behaviour contract. Sad when you have to write up a contract, specifically for someone's behaviour!! mom is embarrassed about boy's behaviour, that's why she cancelled eval. she knows what she's going to hear, and knows she's not going to like it, although she probably agrees..

good luck mama, I'm having one of those days here too, but thankfully m behaviour issue is with a pint-sized creature...not a 4.5yr old!

[wdmmom]

My contract lists all the rules and regulations I have. These rules and regulations start immediately. They are the do's and don'ts that keep my business running smoothly and successfully. The contract portion more-so is related to the money side of things.

I would suggest separating the two. Make the rules known up front or as soon as possible. I would send mom and email or text telling her that his behavior has been unacceptable today and that if it continues, he may not be allowed to further participate with (name of daycare).

Transition is another factor that should be discussed. But at 4.5 yo, he should by far know better. She probably knows her son is already a pain and she's not willing to do much if anything about it.

[daycare]

My contract lists all the rules and regulations I have. These rules and regulations start immediately. They are the do's and don'ts that keep my business running smoothly and successfully. The contract portion more-so is related to the money side of things.

I would suggest separating the two. Make the rules known up front or as soon as possible. I would send mom and email or text telling her that his behavior has been unacceptable today and that if it continues, he may not be allowed to further participate with (name of daycare).

Transition is another factor that should be discussed. But at 4.5 yo, he should by far know better. She probably knows her son is already a pain and she's not willing to do much if anything about it.

i think you hit the nail on the head about she already knows her son is a pain ans shes nto willing to do much about it...

I have written the contract and will give it to her tongiht at pick up. The boy has been laid down for his nap early so that he is not to upset the rest of the group.

I don't want to term right now, as its only a few months away and I have had zero luck in filling other spots. I also want to make it a point to the mom that she should reconsider the eval. I want to be helpful. This bboy is very very smart and he will be labeled at school if he does not get the help he needs now.

i have been doing all I can, but if mom cant see that there is ann issue here, then I am going to let her deal with it on her time. I know getting eval wont stop it all the way, but it can also give me some insight on how to better my ways with these types of situations in the future. ohhh lordy lordy.........

[Blackcat31]

My contract reads:
"If behavior is persistently unacceptable, the child will be separated from the group until they have gained sufficient self-control to rejoin the others. If your child is separated more than 3 times in one day, you will be notified and required to pick up your child immediately."

My reasoning for this little section in my handbook is so that the child's parents are the ones responsible for their child's behavior NOT me. Well, the child should be, but when they are not able to be, the parent needs to be the one who takes responsibility in these situations. Especially in your situation where the parent had not followed through on the evaluation and left this bad behavior in your hands. NOT ok.

I think if he is not behaving appropriately you have every right to call the parent and expect them to retrieve their child. She is paying you to care for him, not provide therapy for him or her. The other parents in your care are also paying you to provide a safe environment for their child. If I were one of them and found out that child hit my child in the face with a fork and you did not remove him from your house, I would remove my child.

Please do not take that or this harshly but it seems to me that the only person bothered by this kids behavior is you. Why? This mother needs to take some responsibility for her child's behavior. Backing out of the evaluation says that she either knows there is something amiss and doesn't want to face the music or she is in denial and thinks it is your problem.....don't let it be. kwim?

[daycare]

My contract reads:
"If behavior is persistently unacceptable, the child will be separated from the group until they have gained sufficient self-control to rejoin the others. If your child is separated more than 3 times in one day, you will be notified and required to pick up your child immediately."

My reasoning for this little section in my handbook is so that the child's parents are the ones responsible for their child's behavior NOT me. Well, the child should be, but when they are not able to be, the parent needs to be the one who takes responsibility in these situations. Especially in your situation where the parent had not followed through on the evaluation and left this bad behavior in your hands. NOT ok.

I think if he is not behaving appropriately you have every right to call the parent and expect them to retrieve their child. She is paying you to care for him, not provide therapy for him or her. The other parents in your care are also paying you to provide a safe environment for their child. If I were one of them and found out that child hit my child in the face with a fork and you did not remove him from your house, I would remove my child.

Please do not take that or this harshly but it seems to me that the only person bothered by this kids behavior is you. Why? This mother needs to take some responsibility for her child's behavior. Backing out of the evaluation says that she either knows there is something amiss and doesn't want to face the music or she is in denial and thinks it is your problem.....don't let it be. kwim?

blackcat I would never take what you say harshly,,,, I seek to you for advice and you gave your advice....which i think is correct. I am so bothered by the behavior. i am bothered by the fact that the parent is not being a parent and leaving me to deal with it.

I will be calling her here when the rest of the kids go down for nap. I need for her to also realize that next year when he does this is school, she will be held responsible for the way he acts out. I think getting a taste of that now might get her to change her mind about the eval.

I am going to steal a part of your contract words if that is ok with you. I need to state something similar to that in my policy... I don't know why I don't already have it...
I thought that I have everything covered and then a kid or a parent throws a curve ball at me

[Blackcat31]

You may use any of the words, phrases and/or sentences you wish I added that portion a few years back for a kid that was well, exactly as you described in the original post. I had just about had enough and mom would say all the right words but then never follow through on anything (including an evaluation). I started noticing how different the dynamic of my group was when he was absent.

I started thinking "Boy am I glad my own kid doesn't behave this way because I don't know what I would do." and then I suddenly had an epiphany, here I am wondering what I would do if it was my kid and yet this kid's mom wasn't worried about how her kid was acting. She was leaving it for me to be worried about. So I thought, why am I allowing this to be MY problem? He isn't my kid and the other kids shouldn't have to deal with him either.

Give her back her problem.

[PitterPatter]

no there is a normal contract... what i was trying to say is that i want to write up a behavior contract since mom declined the behavior eval.

I want to say in it that if is behavior is off the wall that he will need to be picked up. Right now my current contract does not have that in there...

Oh I see. Well I would get that contract amendment submitted and signed ASAP. How did the rest of the day go? What did u do?

[daycare]

Oh I see. Well I would get that contract amendment submitted and signed ASAP. How did the rest of the day go? What did u do?

So I have written up a new behavior guidelines contract for this mom to sign and then going to add it to my PHB...thank you blackcat for those words..

We are in CA so its only 1:00 here. The kid went down early for a nap do to throwing sand. I am going to call the mom here in a few and let her know that this is NOT going to go on any longer. Either she does something about it in some way or I am going to call her each and every time. I may use the 3 strikes your out, but for example this morning with the fork, I think that way crossed the line and needed a call home ASAP.
In this case, I will go on a case by case basis depending on what the child does.

Hopefully I can make it until august...... I do also plan to give the contract at pick up tonight if the makes it that far....so I should say whenever pick up takes place.