Baby 'Firsts', How Do You Handle Them?

[DCMom]

I just wondered how the rest of handle it when a baby crawls, rolls over, sits up, etc. for the first time? Do you tell mom and/or dad when it happens or do you wait till they tell you? I have always waited until mom or dad mentions it to me and then I just act as though it is the first time. I have never told them that they did it first here, kwim? I always felt the like the first time for mom and dad IS the first time.

I'm asking because I got a rather snippy email from a dcm this morning; it in effect said: "How dare you NOT tell me when my child has done something new? Why would you keep that to yourself? I need to know when these things happen. You did this with sitting up and rolling over too" She dropped of late this am (no call of course ) and proceed to tell me that baby had crawled the night before; just then one of the other kids piped up with 'Oh yeah, she did that yesterday'. She asked if it was true and I said "yes, she was trying really hard" to kind of brush it off, but then she just glared at me and left. She seemed ticked off but I didn't really give it a second thought until I got her email.

I have been a dc provider for a long time and I have never had a parent not appreciate that I don't tell them about the firsts. I don't know how to respond to this email or if I even should; part of me is kind of po'd actually but I'm not sure why ::

Was I wrong to not tell her?

[nannyde]

I only tell about flipping because that's a safety issue. Parents need to know when they flip to protect them at home.

Other than that... I tell the parents that I don't discuss firsts. Bad for public relations.

I just say "they are getting close to" blah blah

They know going into it that I don't do firsts.

[laundrymom]

I never tell. we all know we see most firsts,.. but that is a moms and dads thing. Here if this had happened I would have said,.. well she didnt really crawl, but she really wanted to, she ended up scooting a bit but not a real crawl so I didnt say anything. We were cheering her on though!!! Im sorry if our reaction and excitement upset you. I kept telling the bigger kids, look sally is trying to crawl, look at her go, wow she will be crawling soon,... and leave it at that.

Moms and Dads miss so much being away from their babies,... they dont need to know everything they miss.

[momofsix]

I never tell, it's a special thing for the parents IMO. As for that mom, I would bet she's just feeling the normal working mommy guilt that she wasn't there for the real "first" and she took it out on you. I'd just let her vent and be as understanding as possible

[wdmmom]

I never tell. When parents tell me, I act all surprised and usually wait a day even a week to say that I've finally seen him do it for myself.

[busymomof2]

You did the right thing. She'll understand if you explain your reasoning to her & that the purpose was to not have her feel bad that she has to work. Before I did daycare my daughter was in daycare starting at 4 months. The provider was always telling me things "she rolled over today" "she smiled today" etc. Although I was happy she was developing and in a good dc, it broke my heart that I missed all those precious moments. When I got preg with my last son I left work to become a dc provider so that I would not miss a single moment. I'm sure she wishes she could have been there. Maybe this is her way of acting out her feelings of guilt/sadness by taking it out on you.

[Stacy214]

You did do the right thing! See if you would have told her she would have been hurt because she missed it..sorry but when you make the choice to put baby in daycare for 10 hours a day then this is when it's more then likely to happen, .

I will picture text a ton through out the day when they are beginning to do their "firsts"...makes a parent happy to see their baby during the day. I know they need to work and understand its so hard but they need to understand they will miss some of those firsts. and not be so hard on us, geesh

[youretooloud]

I never tell either. I did video tape one girl crawling for the first time, but I didn't post it on facebook until her parents told me she was crawling at home.

[Blackcat31]

I guess I don't really tell them anything either. I have actually had a parent tell me NOT to tell them if their kid does something for the first time. She said it would break her heart so she would rather not know. This was a first time mom.

By the time she had her second kid and enrolled him she didn't seem to even notice when her kid did anything new. Funny how parents treat their first one so differently. NOT necessarily worse, just different.

[jojosmommy]

I always tell them at interview and remind them periodically I DO NOT TELL FIRSTS. They need to feel like they are the special ones who got to see it for the first time. I have never had a child tell though like in your case. I don't know what I would do then except what you did and say they were trying real hard etc.

[MsMe]

I tell about rolling over. I once had a DCM that I knew left her child on the sofa when she was very little. I didn't want her rolling off bc the Mom didn't think she could.

I also tell about pulling up in the crib.

I stay silent on all other firsts.

[MsMe]

A few years ago I had a DCB loose his first tooth at the snack table. He was the oldest child. It had been loose for days and I never let him wiggle it here ( I was terrified she would miss it) well that day it just fell out....I took a million pictures. I wanted so bad to super glue that darn tooth back in his head

[sharlan]

Rolling over yes, everything else no. I wait until the parent tells me. My kids always seemed to do thier firsts at home.

[DCMom]

Thanks ladies ~ I'm glad I'm not crazy!

I can see letting them know about rolling over; I guess I never put them on elevated surfaces, they are always on the floor or in a playpen so I don't think about at home. That one I will concede.

I'm just going to ignore the email; if she brings it up at pick up, then I will explain my reasoning then. And I guess in future I will tell her about the baby's firsts!

Happy Friday!

[kidkair]

I had one mom who asked me to not tell. She would tell me when the kid seemed to be getting close and I would assure her I would walk out of the room or close my eyes so I wouldn't see her do it first. I kept my mouth shut at every first that happened and sometimes found that she had been doing it at home first anyway but dad forgot to tell me at drop off.