Wwyd? Constant Tattleler?

[MNmamaOf4]

I have a DCG who is 5-1/2 she'll be heading to school in the fall. She has been here for almost about a month. Her grandparents have custody of her and she has lived with them for a few years already. Grandma always comments on how she needs to be "handled with care" and has already asked that her kindergarten teacher be changed because she wasn't happy with who they assigned for DCG and she told the principal that she needs to be handled with care and doesn't feel that the teacher would do that. Though my DD has this teacher this year for kindergarten and we have no complaints.

Anyway, this girl tattles ALL the time, every 5-10 minutes she's coming up and saying "So and so did this" "So and so won't let me have that", etc etc. It's always about the dumbest stuff too. I know kids tattle a lot at that age, but it's getting old and my own kids don't tell on each other constantly. Finally this afternoon I told her that she doesn't need to tattle on every little thing and that they need to work it out amongst themselves. DS is 4 and DCB is 5 as well, so thy are all close in age and generally the three of them play nice together, but she is constantly telling on the boys. I don't feel I need to be the referee all of the time, especially over stupid stuff. Obviously if it was something stupid I'd intervene, but the non-stop tattling is really getting to me, especially because it's never anything that is putting anyone in danger.

WWYD? Was I wrong in telling her not to tattle all the time?

Thanks!

[Lucy]

When I get one like this with non-stop tattles, I just ignore them. You listen and take it in - because it really could be that someone is being naughty. But you don't want to give her the power of policing the group. So I hear what they are saying, but I act like I don't. I don't give eye contact or make any kind of response. If they repeat over and over to where it's driving you nuts, I just say "bye", or "go play". When they don't get the reaction they wanted, they'll eventually quit.

As far as WHAT they're tattling on - if it truly does need to be handled, I would do it a bit later so that the tattler doesn't get the satisfaction of knowing she got someone in trouble. I'm talking an hour later or so, I would pull the offender aside and quietly discuss what they are doing wrong. The tattler doesn't even need to know you are having the conversation.

[MNmamaOf4]

When I get one like this with non-stop tattles, I just ignore them. You listen and take it in - because it really could be that someone is being naughty. But you don't want to give her the power of policing the group. So I hear what they are saying, but I act like I don't. I don't give eye contact or make any kind of response. If they repeat over and over to where it's driving you nuts, I just say "bye", or "go play". When they don't get the reaction they wanted, they'll eventually quit.

As far as WHAT they're tattling on - if it truly does need to be handled, I would do it a bit later so that the tattler doesn't get the satisfaction of knowing she got someone in trouble. I'm talking an hour later or so, I would pull the offender aside and quietly discuss what they are doing wrong. The tattler doesn't even need to know you are having the conversation.

That's great advice, thank you! It's always piddly little things she is telling on. Like this afternoon DS was looking at a piece of paper and she came and told on him that he wouldn't let her have it. That's when I told her they need to work it out themselves.

Thanks!

[countrymom]

you need the tattling toad, it works like a charm.

[Lilbutterflie]

The policy at our house is: If someone isn't hurt, I don't need to know about it. I have one that is 5 as well and constantly wants to tattle. He gets one warning for it and then after that he gets a timeout. Often, though, when he comes to me saying

"Miss _______!"
I'll stop him and ask "Is anyone hurt?"
He'll put his head down and say "No"
I'll say, "Then I don't need to know. Use your words to try to solve your problem."

Usually the words I tell them to use is
"May I please have that"
"Can you please share"
"I don't like that. Please stop."

Then when I hear them using their words to solve their problems instead of tattling; I give them TONS of praise!! It works pretty well around here.

[Childminder]

Yep, Is someone hurt? If you tattle you can sit in timeout. Stops it from happening fast.

[daycarelady68]

I do a lot of what is suggested. I also make them start their sentence over if it starts w/another child's name. It's almost imposible for a littleone to tattle usung this rule.... They try and then usually forget about it and handle the situation themselves.

[SimpleMom]

I do a lot of the suggestions as well. I haven't tried the starting the sentence over without using someone elses name I'll have to try that one!
I do have tattling Elmo. I usually have one that says "is this something to tell Elmo?". I let them know if someone is hurt I need to know, but otherwise Elmo needs to know. They go over and whisper into Elmo's ear. They go back and play. It's pretty funny. I always chuckle when they do that