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Ok, I have ONE dcg who is 5. She has lots and lots of issues. History of mental illness in her family. She can turn it on and be as charming as can be, put on a GREAT show. The next second she is violently pushing the little kids down, throwing toys, bouncing off the walls. I try to intervene and she laughs this crazy laugh. And gets this crazy look in her eyes. She has written on walls, ran from me when we are on a walk and crossed 2 streets without me, flipped people off, went completely nutso screaming and running and flipping off furniture (which she knows all of those things are against the rules and will get you a time out) but does it when there are other parents around. She swears, teases, and has stolen from us. I have talked to the parents on many occasions about her behavior and they are as stumped as to what to do as I am. They are incredible and work with me and if she has a terrible day of misbehaving here, they follow thru at home as well. The dad has shared that he worries that she has deep mental issues, and mentioned sociopath to me. I am no expert, but I would guess there are some issues. She has even thrown our cat down the stairs (she is no longer allowed to have any contact with the animals). She has a little brother who I love to pieces, and I do feel for this child, but she is making it really really hard to love her. Any advice? BTDT? Thanks! It has been an especially trying few weeks with her.
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wow you are a stronger more patient than I. The sec that child touched my cat she would have been termed on the spot.,.....
there is something not right about any child who behaves in that manner. How does the brother behave?.
If the parents think that there is something wrong, then why aren't they getting her evaluated? -
BTDT.
If the parents are receptive to 'possible issues' with their kid, you are well on your way. That was the hardest part for me.
She needs an evaluation, by one or more professionals. This is the quickest way to get to the root. In my DCG's instance, she had been to several diff. docs and they were somewhat varied- bipolar, adhd, with a sprinkle of dyslexia, all wanted to prescribe antipsychotics or behavior modifying drugs. Poor thing was really testing the limits and a butthair away from termination. Anyway, she was 8 when she finally got treated for the right diagnosis. She is thriving now, 2 years later. She is 10 now. This all started when she was about 4.
I am not advocating prescribing medication for behavior problems as a rule, but I can tell you this: without her little pill, she would be living in a hospital. Multi-professional evaluations over time.
And this is possibly too much for a home care provider to take on. Good luck, please keep us posted.Comment
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I watched a show last night on childhood schizophrenia on OWN
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She is showing many of the signs of sociopathic behavior, but it could be other things too. If the parents are open to it, they should definitely have her evaluated asap. Do they seem reluctant to do that?Comment
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Stories like this just tear my heart out.
Please tell the parents that they HAVE to have her evaluated ASAP. She's a danger to everyone around her.Comment
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Our local CCRR has a behavioral therapist on staff (really a mental illness specilist in disguise) who offered to come to my home and observe the child I was concerned about. I didn't need to take them up on the offer because I termed, but might they have something similar? If the parents are open to working with you and the child needs help, which she obviously does, they might be willing to sign the waiver. If you're not comfortable with someone coming to your home to "observe", then they may have some suggestions as to where else the parents can get help. It's a starting point, at least.
You have a lovely spirit, taking care of this child for so long. I hope she gets the help she needs.Comment
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As a parent of a special needs child it is VERY hard to admit your child NEEDS help. Encourage them to get her to a psychiatrist ASAP for a proper evaluation this is the best thing they can do for there child. Good luck and bless your heart for sticking it out with her.Comment
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Thank you all for your responses. The dad is all for getting her evaluated. Mom is hesitant. It is moms side of the family that has mental illness in it. Mom's dad is bipolar, and I guess the maternal grandmother of the mom lived in a mental hospital and was never really diagnosed with anything specific. Mom doesn't want her child labeled, which I get. But also think she could benefit from an evaluation and possible diagnosis. She really dislikes being in trouble (I think). She really really likes to be in control.
I hope parents will think about having her seen. I may check with my DSS to see if there is an evaluation that could be done in my home (or outside my home if they would rather). It is rough. I feel for the parents. They have the same issues at home. She is going to go to kindergarten next year and I think if something isn't done, there are going to be major problems!Comment
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Her child WILL be labeled, incorrectly - as a troublemaker or a delinquent - if she doesn't get her diagnosed. At least if she has mental issues and they have a diagnosis, they can get help and treatment for her!Comment
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I am doing this unregistered for obvious reasons. I am a regular on these boards.
My oldest son is 28 years old and is a sociopath. Sociopaths tear families apart if they can. Luckily, my marriage is rock solid and my other children are a constant source of joy.
Sociopaths are superb liars and manipulators. To many people they are VERY likeable, outgoing and charismatic. Most of you probably know one and don't know it. To those caught in their web, they can make life hell on earth.
My family have had to remove ourselves from our son's life as much as possible for our own sanity. As a mother, it has broken my heart because I love him very much. It is hard to break away, but I have other children to think of.
The child you talk about may have other issues...but if she IS a sociopath, then the FAMILY need help. There is not much that can be done for a sociopath. We had our son in various therapy situations over his life. We were eventually told they would not see him any more. Therapy often does more harm than good for a sociopath. They lie during sessions and just learn more about human fraility and how to manipulate it.
We were told to pull away from him for our own sanity and that WE should go to therapy to cope with the loss of our son.
As a mother...this is the hardest thing I have ever done. My son lives only 50 miles from here. We have had no contact since last summer and I hate to say it....but our family life has been so much better without fear.
He got married this past January. His new wife will find out soon enough what life is like with him (he is still charming her off her feet right now in true sociopathic style). I am sad to say that I know for certain he will leave her as soon as he feels she's served her purpose.
With this little girl:
Watch for signs of chronic lying.
Watch for signs of her hurting the other kids or your animals with no guilt.
Watch for her manipulating every situation (they are masters at this...they will make you feel that YOU are at fault)
The family need to get a diagnosis as soon as possible (it can be harder in children) THEY are the ones who will need help and guidance if she is sociopathic. (Understand that sociopathic does not mean pyschopathic. But they are still dangerous)
Do not scare the parents, but urge them to get a diagnosis from several places. Hopefully she may just be ADD or even just going through a stage she will outgrow. But if not, the sooner the family learns how to cope the better. They will need to educate themselves. We got counseling and I joined several support groups and that has helped a lot.
I am a religious woman and I have faith that in the hereafter our son will be whole and will be a part of my family again and I can hug him then. Right now, I have to put all my energies into my other children and my husband and help them cope with the loss of our son......for it is a loss. The baby I held in my arms all those years ago is gone.Comment
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This is SO true plus the school WILL also look at her child and think its a parenting problem, or just a plan old misbehaved spoiled child and calling her Mother everyday to pick her up or getting suspending from school been there done that the FASTER she gets her child evaluated the better and she can have a plan in place at school as soon as she starts.Comment
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Was it the one about 7-year-old Jani Schofield? I've seen that before. I came across it by accident and couldn't stop watching it. It was so sad because mom and dad had to take turns living with each child and the family couldn't live together because of the possibiltiy off her hurting her younger brother. It was a heartbreaking story.
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