Tattle Telling, "Mean Faces", And Hitting

[SunflowerMama]

Most of my kids are 4 year old girls and I feel like the last couple of weeks I hear my name 350 times a day on average.

"Miss H ** touched me...** made a mean face..** said they weren't my friend..**HIT ME!!"

And the hitting/slapping is getting out of control.

I try to sit with them after the fact and talk about what they could have done differently instead of hitting but 2 seconds later there is more whinning/tattle telling and hitting.

I try and explain that they need to talk to each other and take care of their disagreements by talking and only include me if someone is at risk of getting hurt. But it never happens this way.

What do you do with constant tattling and hitting?

Advice desperately needed.

[PitterPatter]

Most of my kids are 4 year old girls and I feel like the last couple of weeks I hear my name 350 times a day on average.

"Miss H ** touched me...** made a mean face..** said they weren't my friend..**HIT ME!!"

And the hitting/slapping is getting out of control.

I try to sit with them after the fact and talk about what they could have done differently instead of hitting but 2 seconds later there is more whinning/tattle telling and hitting.

I try and explain that they need to talk to each other and take care of their disagreements by talking and only include me if someone is at risk of getting hurt. But it never happens this way.

What do you do with constant tattling and hitting?

Advice desperately needed.

Tattling I have no idea I haven't been there yet so I will be looking for that advise as well.

As for the hitting we have helping hands not hurting hands. We also have a book called hands are not for hitting we read together. When someone hits I sit them down and tell them to use their words because we don't hit our friends. Then when they agree I ask what they could have said with their words instead of using their hands to hit. They will usually say something and if they shrug I help them and tell them what they can say. Then I have the child who was hit explain that hitting hurts and again we don't want to hurt our friends right? they will USUALLY hug and go back to playing. If it repeats then the time out comes into play.

HTH

[Blackcat31]

The only tattling I allow is for physical acts (or safety things) such as hitting or kicking (which is dealt with pretty firmly and punishment is strict and swift so it doesn't happen much here thankfully). But, any other tattling that happens, I have the tattler themselves sit in time-out. Makes them think twice before tattling.

Most kids who tattle are simply looking for validation and just want you to say somehting like "Oh, I am sorry Jill is making faces at you. I can see that makes you sad. Now go play."

Since I started handling things this way years ago, I really have virtually zero tattling happening here. Helps kids learn conflict management and how to problem solve for themselves.

[SunflowerMama]

The only tattling I allow is for physical acts (or safety things) such as hitting or kicking (which is dealt with pretty firmly and punishment is strict and swift so it doesn't happen much here thankfully). But, any other tattling that happens, I have the tattler themselves sit in time-out. Makes them think twice before tattling.

Most kids who tattle are simply looking for validation and just want you to say somehting like "Oh, I am sorry Jill is making faces at you. I can see that makes you sad. Now go play."

Since I started handling things this way years ago, I really have virtually zero tattling happening here. Helps kids learn conflict management and how to problem solve for themselves.

What is your punishment for the hitting/kicking? TO?

[morgan24]

I do the same thing as Blackcat. If they hit or kick, they sit in a chair next to me because they can't be trusted to play. Then they get their own little area with a couple of books and toys. I make sure they are toys that they really don't like. The times vary on how long they sit. If they don't normally hit its not that long, but if its a repeat offender it may be longer. I hardly ever have any hitting. No one wants to play alone.

[Blackcat31]

What is your punishment for the hitting/kicking? TO?

I don't use many time outs. When someone tattles, they are just separated from the activity or group but not really expected to sit in one spot until I say, they just don't get to rejoin the activity...they have to go find somehting else to do.

Hiting/kicking; Any one who hits or kicks or engages in any form of physical behavior like that must shadow me for the entire day. NO playing with anyone or anything for the whole day. When we go outside, they sit on picnic table and are not allowed to interact with anyone. Second offense and they are sent home....parent must enforce and support my rules so the child learns other ways to handle conflict management. Third offense, child is termed. Happened only once in last 5 years.

If you are really firm with this sort of thing, you will be amazed at it kind of eliminates itself.....

[MissAnn]

Most of my kids are 4 year old girls and I feel like the last couple of weeks I hear my name 350 times a day on average.

"Miss H ** touched me...** made a mean face..** said they weren't my friend..**HIT ME!!"

And the hitting/slapping is getting out of control.

I try to sit with them after the fact and talk about what they could have done differently instead of hitting but 2 seconds later there is more whinning/tattle telling and hitting.

I try and explain that they need to talk to each other and take care of their disagreements by talking and only include me if someone is at risk of getting hurt. But it never happens this way.

What do you do with constant tattling and hitting?

Advice desperately needed.

"You can talk to so and so about that"

I don't get into the tattling much. They can talk directly to the person who offended because I have given them the tools to speak their minds and for both parties to be respectful. I pretend to not be listening in....but I do, and if they need a few hints I will give them that. I also have a tattle toad....if the absolutely have to tattle.....tattle toad will be glad to hear it.

[Hunni Bee]

This is what usually happens with my 4yo girl tattlers:

Them (in tattling voice): *I'm telling!!!" Ms.______, she -

Me: I hope you're not tattling.

Them: Uh...no....I love you!

They know I will absolutely not hear them and not respond if its tattling. I just ignore the tattling and as soon as they say something that's not tattling, I respond like we were talking all along. They usually go to "I love you" because they know they'll get a response they'll like.

It works most of the time.

[MarinaVanessa]

I also have a tattle toad....if the absolutely have to tattle.....tattle toad will be glad to hear it.

I have a tattling turtle .

[nannyde]

Tattling: I have them go tell the youngest walker in the room. That child IS the complaint department.

The older one gets to tattle and the youngest gets attention from the older kid.

Win win

[PitterPatter]

Tattling: I have them go tell the youngest walker in the room. That child IS the complaint department.

The older one gets to tattle and the youngest gets attention from the older kid.

Win win

That's great!! LOL

[Kaddidle Care]

Tattling: I have them go tell the youngest walker in the room. That child IS the complaint department.

The older one gets to tattle and the youngest gets attention from the older kid.

Win win

Love it! Unfortunately I don't have a "youngest walker" since ours are 4-5 year olds.

I love the Tattle Toad idea. (Searches house for an ugly frog toy!) ::

[SilverSabre25]

ugh, I'm having trouble with hitting and tattling...and it's from my two year olds and my very young 3 who doesn't seem to "get" things like TO yet. *sigh*

It's an interesting insight into how the home life is for the two year old who tattles...she is 2.25 years and only partially talking, yet tattles about EVERYTHING--it's all in the tone. And omg, if she doesn't get her way about it, the waterworks turn on. Largely she tattles about sharing issues (she expects sharing to work the 'traditional' way that is "I ask, I get" vs our way of "I ask, I wait for him to be done, then I get") and people not playing with her. I don't know where she's picked up this tattling thing but it is SO annoying, and at her age I'm limited in what I can do about it.

The hitting is mostly between the 2 yo boy and 3 yo boy I've got...and neither is verbal enough to really "get" it. The 3 yo in particular doesn't really "get" it, partially due to the as-yet-undiagnosed speech delay I'm 95% sure he's dealing with.

[SimpleMom]

I don't use many time outs. When someone tattles, they are just separated from the activity or group but not really expected to sit in one spot until I say, they just don't get to rejoin the activity...they have to go find somehting else to do.

Hiting/kicking; Any one who hits or kicks or engages in any form of physical behavior like that must shadow me for the entire day. NO playing with anyone or anything for the whole day. When we go outside, they sit on picnic table and are not allowed to interact with anyone. Second offense and they are sent home....parent must enforce and support my rules so the child learns other ways to handle conflict management. Third offense, child is termed. Happened only once in last 5 years.

If you are really firm with this sort of thing, you will be amazed at it kind of eliminates itself.....

Wow, pretty strict, but I like the idea. Might even implement that one here. If it gets the hitting and kicking to a zero!!
What do you do when it's a one year old doing the hitting? or biting? They are so young. (I've always just kept letting them know hands are for...and not hurting. remove them from the area of conflict and say "no bite" or "no hit" in a firm, but gentle voice. That kind of thing and ride out the stage.).

[Jewels]

I have found this works great, When someone comes up to me to tattle, and are about to say

"X Called..............I stop them and say, you are only aloud to tell me something about yourself, you can tell me your favorite color, how your feeling, but whatever your telling me must be about Robert, no one else.

They all know, so all I have to say now is "whatever your going to say need to be about you" In the beginning you get alot of But....but ....but ....but!!

someone getting hurt however is Reporting, and you are aloud to report to me if someone is getting hurt.