Advice On Terming ONE Sibling But Not The Others?

[Lilbutterflie]

I'm forced to write my very first termination letter. It's the DCB that has grown violent recently; particularly with my animals. I'm done. He had two instances of violence with my DS today; which is the last straw.

He has two siblings here that are generally wonderful and well behaved. The parents pay on time, and are generally on time picking up and dropping off. Up until recently; they have always been on board with their children's behavior if any issues arise.

Should my termination letter apply to the whole family; since I would think she'd take them all elsewhere? She's gonna be hard pressed to find three openings anywhere IMO. Should I state in the letter that it applies mainly to DCB and to notify me immediately if she wishes to continue my services to care for the other two? I do think I could continue to be friendly with her as long as she remains friendly with me.

Or should I just bite the bullet and write a short, simple termination letter that applies to the whole family?

[Michael]

Here is an earlier post on the subject: https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29655

[wdmmom]

I would attempt to just write the letter based on the violent child and the actions that have brought you to termination. Continue to offer services of the other children and tell her how long she has to provide termination of services for the other children. I would start advertising immediately. You have a 50/50 shot whether you will lose 1 or all 3.

Good luck to you! I hope you find a great group of new kids and soon!

(**This is a prime reason I don't allow sibling groups of more than 2. Losing the income of 2 is hard but losing 3, I can't even imagine!)

[Lilbutterflie]

Well, no need for any other responses. Upon picking her children up today; and hearing about her son's violence towards my son today; she admitted they had interviewed at a daycare center and gave two week's notice. She did it for me.

All 3 are leaving. All of my income. And I have two weeks to fill my spots. But it's for the best. I let it go too long. I am relieved to say the least.

[wdmmom]

In the end, it will be better. I hope you can find single kids to fill these spots so if they leave, all of your income don't go with!

[Live and Learn]

she admitted they had interviewed at a daycare center

Ah yes....the daycare center....the dumping ground for kids who flunk out of in home daycares!

[nannyde]

It's usually the violence towards the providers child that is the last straw. There's no amount of money that will pay someone to have thier kid terrorized.

I would write the letter for him alone and then let her know in the letter that this does not affect the position of the other two children and should she decide to seek care elsewhere for them that regular contracted notice is required.

I don't know the economy in your area but here she would be able to find a newbie provider willing to take all three in a day. It would be a dream come true for someone who just opened their door. It will also be their worst nightmare after a couple of weeks when the newness wears off.

She may try to bargain with you with words of "we are working on it". Be prepared for that. Just remember her words came before the termination and they will be as effective as the words that come after.

Bottom line is this kid needs his own adult every day all day long. Nothing you or she can say will change that fact.

Parents of sibling groups have POWER in the relationship. They figure that out by the way you talk to them, look at them, negotiate with them, make allowances for them. Over time they GET what their income means to you. It's that "weakness" that allows them to say stuff like "we will talk to him" and believe it is enough.

The thing you have going for you is that the two older ones are going off to Kindy in the fall. That's a big plus. She really only needs to make arrangments for the summer at this point. She may try to work it out so you make it till the crop of summer workers become available too.

The thing that is against you is that whoever takes the boy is most likely going to want the income of the younger two when they can. If the Mom looks for individual care for the oldest the pressure on her to bring the other two is going to be strong if the place CAN take them. She's also had the luxury of having one place for all three where she has been able to have a lot of power. That's not going to be easy to give up when there is three months left on the power clock.

[Lilbutterflie]

Ah yes....the daycare center....the dumping ground for kids who flunk out of in home daycares!

Yup, they are going to one of a chain of popular daycare centers in the local area. The one by my house has recently been cited for letting the wrong child go with the wrong parent ; the one by their house (which I'm sure is the one they will be going to) has been cited for not seeing a child slip through an opening in their gate as he/she escaped the playground.
I didn't tell her this. She's made up her mind.

I'm just going to focus now on filling those spots; preferably with NO siblings! LOL

[nannyde]

Yup, they are going to one of a chain of popular daycare centers in the local area. The one by my house has recently been cited for letting the wrong child go with the wrong parent ; the one by their house (which I'm sure is the one they will be going to) has been cited for not seeing a child slip through an opening in their gate as he/she escaped the playground.
I didn't tell her this. She's made up her mind.

I'm just going to focus now on filling those spots; preferably with NO siblings! LOL

You will be so much happier without this crew in your life. I know it's hard now to envision it but a year from now you won't know how you made it as long as you have.

[PitterPatter]

Here is my outlook on things like that.

I am going to trust that rejection, in any form, from anyone, is simply God's way of saying "Careful, kiddo. You were going the wrong way".

Her pulling her kids before u termed is a blessing. I hope u get some great well rounded children in their place and soon! Oh and with different Mothers

[nannyde]

Here is my outlook on things like that.

I am going to trust that rejection, in any form, from anyone, is simply God's way of saying "Careful, kiddo. You were going the wrong way".

Her pulling her kids before u termed is a blessing. I hope u get some great well rounded children in their place and soon! Oh and with different Mothers

That's right Pitter.

There are some awesome parents out there... ones who make your life rich and full.. ones you can LEARN from and keep in your heart for the rest of your life.

There's awesome kids out there... nice kids who are sweet, kind, loving, generous, and balanced.

Get some of that in your life