UPDATE: DCB Violent Towards My Animals

[wdmmom]

I think you are well within your right to place on probation and advertise potential openings. If you are going to advertise such, I would either say you are pre-interviewing or are currently scheduling interviews for openings. If you get any bites, get an idea of when they are looking for care and tell them that the potential opening might open as early as 30 days.

While this DCB is on probation, I would keep any and all animals away from this child and see how he reacts. As much as you might not want to, you might need to keep your cat in the laundry room and the dog outside or on another level of the house.

[PitterPatter]

[QUOTE=wdmmom;111680]I think you are well within your right to place on probation and advertise potential openings. If you are going to advertise such, I would either say you are pre-interviewing or are currently scheduling interviews for openings. If you get any bites, get an idea of when they are looking for care and tell them that the potential opening might open as early as 30 days.

While this DCB is on probation, I would keep any and all animals away from this child and see how he reacts. As much as you might not want to, you might need to keep your cat in the laundry room and the dog outside or on another level of the house.[/QUOTE]

Personally IF I had to do a probation period I would do the same for fear of my animals being injured but how will she know he is over it if he is away from the animals? What if he does fine for his probation period (because there is no contact) and is in the clear and once he gets back in contact with an animal it happens again? (I'm just worried about her pets) Does he get termed right there on the spot or would she have to go through a whole other 2 week notice, something else, how would that work with u guys?

I'm just curious here as I have never had to do a probation period. In the past I just put up with a lot and would finally get my fill with issues and out the door they went with a 30 day notice.

[Lilbutterflie]

For those who are wondering, he has two large dogs at home that they adopted from a rescue about 3 months ago. I can only imagine what he does to them at home. DCM has already admitted to me that he chases them around with a toy that scares them. She has not admitted to him hitting or kicking them, though. She also admitted that when he was 3, his grandma would watch him, and grandma told her in light of recent events that he used to kick their dog, too.

I think the solution to redirect his behavior when he is angry or excited is a good one; it's just that I never really know that he is angry or excited until he does something. He's totally unpredictable. The very first symptom of him being angry or excited has recently been to hit or kick my dog. On Friday, it was simply that we were going to go outside to play and he was walking down the hallway, my dog was passing him, and he bopped him on the nose twice very quickly. I was within arms reach, but he did it too quick for me to stop him before it was done. His punishment after this was that he was not able to play for the next two hours until he was picked up. He stayed by my side. This has worked for him with other behaviors like climbing on my furniture; but I have done this on several occasions for his violence and it isn't working.

[Kaddidle Care]

Let's hope your neighbors aren't watching this going on or you may be reported to the Humane Society for ALLOWING this abuse to your animals.

[Unregistered]

definately time to talk, as a group, about good touches only, nothing else.

OK - its a pattern that has not been addressed in a number of settings. Everyone has to work together now to stop it in its tracks. We all respect living creatures - dogs, cats, bugs, kids.

I am sorry this is happening.

Do not walk him past the dog - move the innocent dog first and tell him why you are doing it.

You and mom and grandma all come up with a response you can be consistent with and tell him this stops now and why. Then stick to it. If you do not all agree to the plan, he goes home, now.

Then teach good behaviors, acceptable outlets, and tricks for self control. Want to hit the dog? Do----x---- instead.

He has gotten the idea its ok. Probably he was bullied or saw someone mistreat animals. Help him be a better person by working it out and don't let it go on anymore.

If you can't predict his excitement - teach him a word or sign - pretend we're excited....do this (clap, hooray, high five)....

When you see the dog, say, "Hi dog!" Gentle smile, no touch.....

Teach what you WANT to see...

Lots of people grow up to abuse animals. Don't let this one. Consider having a local animal control agent come talk about dogs and cats? A trip to the shelter, a project to help animals? Shift the power to one of helping empowerment. Let him give dog a cookie when he's ready. Let him give some water, do nice things.....put him in a position of responsible caring.

[Lilbutterflie]

Let's hope your neighbors aren't watching this going on or you may be reported to the Humane Society for ALLOWING this abuse to your animals.

Come on, that's a little harsh. This has been going on for just two weeks, and I'm taking it VERY seriously. The next outburst and he's GONE. I'm watching him like a hawk and he has been told not to play or cuddle with my animals in ANY way; and so far today he is doing well. Only time will tell.

I've told him when he feels he has lots of energy to do jumping jacks. If he needs to use his hands, he can clap. If he's mad, he can hit or kick a pillow.

I've been trying to think of an appropriate reward for having a successful day, and I think I'll use unregistered's idea of letting him give my dog a treat.

[nannyde]

Come on, that's a little harsh. This has been going on for just two weeks, and I'm taking it VERY seriously. The next outburst and he's GONE. I'm watching him like a hawk and he has been told not to play or cuddle with my animals in ANY way; and so far today he is doing well. Only time will tell.

I've told him when he feels he has lots of energy to do jumping jacks. If he needs to use his hands, he can clap. If he's mad, he can hit or kick a pillow.

I've been trying to think of an appropriate reward for having a successful day, and I think I'll use unregistered's idea of letting him give my dog a treat.

His hitting the dog has nothing to do with the dog.

If it weren't for the dog being a safe outlet for him he would be expending his energy and lack of self control on something else.

I would NOT use the dog in any reward system. The animals need to be 100 percent off limits to him at all times.

[Live and Learn]

Lilbutterflie:

You have been given varying advice from maybe a dozen or more other daycare providers in these two threads.

Everyone agrees that it is wrong to have your dogs around this child as long as he is in your care.

[MG&Lsmom]

As far as knowing when he is too excited or angry, there is a book called "The Incredible 5-point Scale" by Buron & Curtis. It is a book directed at children on the autism spectrum, but really it's useful for any child. It helps put a visual cue on emotional responses. It's probably too late for you with this child, though I sincerely hope someone gets him some help. But for future reference.

I also find that social stories also help all kids to work through the complex world of social competency. Too many adults, and I don't mean any of you here, forget that children need to be taught how to act. Major parenting fail of this generation. Kids don't know what to do until they learn through modeling and practice. My teaching mentor from when I taught middle school once told me, if no one teaches to the kids to walk to the right, how will they know that's the socially correct way to walk in a hallway? How many times do you see adults rush onto an elevator before letting others off? These are skills being left behind by our society. Sorry for the rant. As the parent of an autistic child I spend countless hours a week teaching my DD these things while her classmates are only taught math and reading. Then she models their bad behavior sending her back to square one and I wonder why I'm beating my head against a wall...

I'm wondering where the child learned this type of behavior to begin with? I think you'd see warning signs of an emotional problem in the absence of the animals as well. This behavior may be modeled by a family member and won't stop at your house until it stops there. Even one time seeing grandpa or dad shove the dog out of the way could have been enough to trigger the behavior until it snowballed into this.

[Cat Herder]

This has been going on for just two weeks, and I'm taking it VERY seriously.

:confused: I was under the impression that he had been doing this the whole time, even while in the care of his grandma before he came to your daycare, and at home. :confused: I think the two different threads may have me confused.

If that is not the case I may have misspoken as well. Longterm consistent behavior and sudden changes in character are two different things.

I really hope the parents and you get this sorted out soon.

I like calm, order, laughter and fun.... Something like this would really mess up our days.

[Lilbutterflie]

:confused: I was under the impression that he had been doing this the whole time, even while in the care of his grandma before he came to your daycare, and at home. :confused: I think the two different threads may have me confused.

If that is not the case I may have misspoken as well. Longterm consistent behavior and sudden changes in character are two different things.

I really hope the parents and you get this sorted out soon.

I like calm, order, laughter and fun.... Something like this would really mess up our days.

In the year I've had him, he's always been DEFIANT to the bone. I've had issues with him not listening to me, being warned one minute and breaking the rule two seconds later. I often feel he does it just to spite me. I've also had problems with him climbing on my furniture, but it stopped after a few weeks. In the beginning, he was a loner. He often would play by himself or with the animals. But I did not see any violent behavior with the animals. Just playful behavior. It took him a good 6 months in my care to start consistently playing with the others, even though the others were his siblings!

Three weeks ago, he wacked his brother across the side of the face so hard it left his brother's cheek red for two hours. That's when all this violent behavior started. And most of it is aimed at my animals in the last two weeks. He also had an issue last week of backing my son into a corner (my son is 2 yrs younger) and intimidating him with a hoola hoop (almost hitting him with it, but not quite) while my son was crying and saying "Please STOP! Please STOP!" It was terrible.

Now, Grandma came into play b/c DCM called her last week for some advice about DCB. Grandma watched him two years ago. It was during their phone conversation that she admitted to DCM that DCB used to kick their dog. This was apparently news to DCM, Grandma never told her this was going on.

His mom has made no mention of anything this week, and is acting like SHE is upset with ME for giving them a 30 day probation on Friday. You better bet one more outburst from him and she'll be handed a two week notice or maybe even a notice of immediate termination.