Hard Time Talking With A Parent

[daycare]

Hi guys, I am having a really hard time communicating with one of my clients because I am letting my emotions get the best of me. Let's face it, if my DC business was ran off my emotions, I would be giving free daycare...

I was wondering if anyone would let me PM a letter that I am sending to the mother and let me know what you think or if I need to add/take away to/from it. I am sure that when you read it, you will understand what it is all about. I am very close to this family and they mean a lot to me. They are more than "just clients".

thanks in advance for reading this.............

[Lucy]

I'm not sure I can be of much help since I don't know the circumstances, but I'd be happy to read it. I'm just sitting here watching "Becoming Chaz" LOL.

[Michael]

Be more specific.

[momofboys]

I'd be happy to read it & offer my opinion if you want to PM me.

[sahm1225]

me too. You can PM me and I will let you know what I think...

Abigail is really good at letter writing (and leaving out the emotions on the letter!) and has helped me out tons of times too..

Good luck...

yea, i know... I just wish parents realized that we CANT do free childcare, even when we would want to

[sharlan]

It's hard when you become so emotionally attached to a family.

[daycare]

So I guess that the letter is too long to email....hahahah thats a very scary thought!!


I will just post it here....


Thanks for reading.... Please feel free to offer any advice. I am very close to this family and am responding to an email about not having a spot for her new child, yet to be born...


Dear ***,
Sorry that I was not able to get back to you right away regarding our conversation from the other day. I was waiting to see if I was going to hear back from the owners of our house and finally did.

First off, I want you to understand that I have been trying for months to find a way to be able to create a spot for your new baby. Currently, I am only licensed for a total of 8 children with the small daycare license that I hold. Of the 8 children that I am limited to on a daily basis, I do not have an opening for a child of this age on most days of the week .Currently the only days that I have any openings are the two days of the week that the *** &*** do not attend, Monday and Friday.

I thought from the beginning when we first talked about your baby coming that it would not be an issue for me to make these changes. However, In order for me to create a spot for an infant, I would be required to apply for a large family daycare license (up to 14 children with assistant), which would then require me to make several changes. Just to name a few, these are some of the things that the state would required me make: Hire an employee with the same qualifications that I have, purchase workers comp, employee payroll, increase group daycare insurance and a long, long list of other things. The owner of my home would also require an extremely large deposit in case of damages that could be caused by a larger number of children in the home.

Secondly, I have also had to take into consideration that I ended a contract with a previous client, because our agreement to watch their infant for a few weeks turned into months. It was only one day a week, but I was not able to continue to focus on my main goal of teaching a preschool curriculum for all of the preschool age children here, as well as offer the one on one lessons to each child by myself.


I hope that you understand that this is not because I don’t want to care for your new baby, it’s because I can’t at this time. I really adore your family and have tried everything I can to create an opening, but it’s just not going to be possible. No one could ask for better behaved children than yours and I have grown to love yours children as if they were my own. I hope that when baby ****** is old enough to attend, that he would be able to join the girls here as well. If there is anything that I can do to help find care for the baby, please let me know. I know that Jame's little sister goes to a nice family daycare located at the other end of town. I know that they pay about $60-$65.00 a day for their child that attends there and they seem very pleased with the care that is offered. If this is something that you might be interested in, I would be more than happy to help you get in contact with the provider.


One of the other things that I need to discuss with you is your maternity leave. When I first spoke to you about your maternity leave, I guess I misunderstood how long you would be taking your leave. Originally, I had the understanding that you would be out on maternity leave from the second week of June until the middle of August. As you know, the state limits my daily number of children that I can take in, which basically controls the amount of income I can make. I have no problem allowing the girls to attend 2 days a week for 8 weeks, but after the 8 weeks (August 4th), I would need for them to return to their normal schedule of 3 days a week. I hope that you understand that this is from a business aspect and just like you, I too have a finical commitment to my family.


I know that timing could not be worse for your family with the new baby coming and the sale of your house, trust me, I don’t want to add any more stress to your life if I can help it. I was going to wait to make the announcement until June; however I wanted to let you know now since we are on the topic of change


My husband was accepted into medical school for the fall of this year. While we are extremely excited about his acceptance into school, unfortunately, that will mean *** will be quitting his job to attend medical school full time. As stated above, because the state limits my numbers of children per day, which limits my income, I must take 100% full advantage of maximizing my potential profits. It is with much regret, I will need to close all part time spots and will only be offering full time care for all existing and new clients starting September 1, 2011. This was a very difficult decision for me to have to make, however, I must do what is necessary to support my family through these times.


My hopes would be that ***girl and ***Xboy both could continue to stay here, but not sure if this new schedule would work for your family. I hope that we can find a way to work something out, I am open to any suggestions that you may have and invite you to discuss any ideas with me. I feel horrible that I am being put in this situation to have to make this choice. In the daycare business, it’s almost impossible not to get so attached to the kids, which often makes it extremely difficult to make business decisions.

Again, I am really sadden by all of the changes and am really trying to make things as fair as possible for everyone, please understand the position that I am in and that this is not personal .

[momofboys]

So I guess that the letter is too long to email....hahahah thats a very scary thought!!


I will just post it here....


Thanks for reading.... Please feel free to offer any advice. I am very close to this family and am responding to an email about not having a spot for her new child, yet to be born...


Dear ***,
Sorry that I was not able to get back to you right away regarding our conversation from the other day. I was waiting to see if I was going to hear back from the owners of our house and finally did.

First off, I want you to understand that I have been trying for months to find a way to be able to create a spot for your new baby. Currently, I am only licensed for a total of 8 children with the small daycare license that I hold. Of the 8 children that I am limited to on a daily basis, I do not have an opening for a child of this age on most days of the week .Currently the only days that I have any openings are the two days of the week that the *** &*** do not attend, Monday and Friday.

I thought from the beginning when we first talked about your baby coming that it would not be an issue for me to make these changes. However, In order for me to create a spot for an infant, I would be required to apply for a large family daycare license (up to 14 children with assistant), which would then require me to make several changes. Just to name a few, these are some of the things that the state would required me make: Hire an employee with the same qualifications that I have, purchase workers comp, employee payroll, increase group daycare insurance and a long, long list of other things. The owner of my home would also require an extremely large deposit in case of damages that could be caused by a larger number of children in the home.

Secondly, I have also had to take into consideration that I ended a contract with a previous client, because our agreement to watch their infant for a few weeks turned into months. It was only one day a week, but I was not able to continue to focus on my main goal of teaching a preschool curriculum for all of the preschool age children here, as well as offer the one on one lessons to each child by myself.


I hope that you understand that this is not because I don’t want to care for your new baby, it’s because I can’t at this time. I really adore your family and have tried everything I can to create an opening, but it’s just not going to be possible. No one could ask for better behaved children than yours and I have grown to love yours children as if they were my own. I hope that when baby ****** is old enough to attend, that he would be able to join the girls here as well. If there is anything that I can do to help find care for the baby, please let me know. I know that Jame's little sister goes to a nice family daycare located at the other end of town. I know that they pay about $60-$65.00 a day for their child that attends there and they seem very pleased with the care that is offered. If this is something that you might be interested in, I would be more than happy to help you get in contact with the provider.


One of the other things that I need to discuss with you is your maternity leave. When I first spoke to you about your maternity leave, I guess I misunderstood how long you would be taking your leave. Originally, I had the understanding that you would be out on maternity leave from the second week of June until the middle of August. As you know, the state limits my daily number of children that I can take in, which basically controls the amount of income I can make. I have no problem allowing the girls to attend 2 days a week for 8 weeks, but after the 8 weeks (August 4th), I would need for them to return to their normal schedule of 3 days a week. I hope that you understand that this is from a business aspect and just like you, I too have a finical commitment to my family.


I know that timing could not be worse for your family with the new baby coming and the sale of your house, trust me, I don’t want to add any more stress to your life if I can help it. I was going to wait to make the announcement until June; however I wanted to let you know now since we are on the topic of change


My husband was accepted into medical school for the fall of this year. While we are extremely excited about his acceptance into school, unfortunately, that will mean *** will be quitting his job to attend medical school full time. As stated above, because the state limits my numbers of children per day, which limits my income, I must take 100% full advantage of maximizing my potential profits. It is with much regret, I will need to close all part time spots and will only be offering full time care for all existing and new clients starting September 1, 2011. This was a very difficult decision for me to have to make, however, I must do what is necessary to support my family through these times.


My hopes would be that ***girl and ***Xboy both could continue to stay here, but not sure if this new schedule would work for your family. I hope that we can find a way to work something out, I am open to any suggestions that you may have and invite you to discuss any ideas with me. I feel horrible that I am being put in this situation to have to make this choice. In the daycare business, it’s almost impossible not to get so attached to the kids, which often makes it extremely difficult to make business decisions.

Again, I am really sadden by all of the changes and am really trying to make things as fair as possible for everyone, please understand the position that I am in and that this is not personal .

My first thought was it was so long it may be overwhelming to the parent but for me I like long b/c it shows that you put a good deal of thought into what you had written. Aside from a few spelling errors (which are no big deal) I think it is fine. I like that you went into explanation as to WHY. I assume you have been working with this family for a while & that is why you did so.

I might change this paragraph:


"I know that timing could not be worse for your family with the new baby coming and the sale of your house, trust me, I don’t want to add any more stress to your life if I can help it. I was going to wait to make the announcement until June; however I wanted to let you know now since we are on the topic of change"

I am not sure HOW I would change it but I would change it b/c honestly although you may care about this family if this is truly a business decision then it shouldn't matter to you that they are having a new baby/selling their home, etc. You have to do what is best for you & your family & we can't do things all the time based on our emotions. I would revise it or eliminate most of that paragraph.

[nannyde]

I wouldn't give this letter to them.

You are making this way too complicated. You can't take the baby and they need to be full time by September. The two to three day deal is only four or five days between when they MUST switch from two days to three on the mat leave. Five days of pay TOTAL on two kids is what this is about.

Just write them a short note and tell them that the kids must be full time by September first and you can't take the baby. That will give you the same amount of money as your original bottom line dates without all the stuff in between if they are going to stay.

If you are worried about them ditching you then allow them to drop to two days a week when she wants and then give her a month notice that she must go to full time.

You don't need all that explanation. In the end she will scan this letter just to see her best deal.. so just offer her the best deal you can at the time that is the least risk to you.

[daycare]

I wouldn't give this letter to them.

You are making this way too complicated. You can't take the baby and they need to be full time by September. The two to three day deal is only four or five days between when they MUST switch from two days to three on the mat leave. Five days of pay TOTAL on two kids is what this is about.

Just write them a short note and tell them that the kids must be full time by September first and you can't take the baby. That will give you the same amount of money as your original bottom line dates without all the stuff in between if they are going to stay.

If you are worried about them ditching you then allow them to drop to two days a week when she wants and then give her a month notice that she must go to full time.

You don't need all that explanation. In the end she will scan this letter just to see her best deal.. so just offer her the best deal you can at the time that is the least risk to you.

If it were any other client, i don't think that I would take the time to explain anything at all. But this is a family that has been here a long time and I have become very close to over the years. The mom is looking for a reason WHY i cant take the child....

[sharlan]

You can't take the newborn BECAUSE the state says so. As much as you would like to, it just isn't possible for you. It's not worth the possible fines that you could incur.

[Abigail]

Don't ever start a letter apologizing. You have nothing to say you're sorry about because it's your business and her loss. The first paragraph is not needed because you don't even mention why you needed to wait to hear from your landlord.

Your next paragraph begins with "first off" as if you're going to give her a list of reasons why she--the client--is hindering you and putting you in a bad place as you rattle off reasons why only she is making a burden on you, JMHO.

You also have way too much mentioned in this letter. There is no need to mention you ending a contract because it seems like a threat like "If you don't listen, I'll end your contract too". KWIM? You also mention you can't teach preschool with an infant in care (at least that is what I took from it), so it doesn't make sense to say "I hope that you understand that this is not because I don’t want to care for your new baby, it’s because I can’t at this time" because you should either state you only enroll ages X to X excluding infants from your program.

Don't mention your competitors location and rates or the names of others enrolled in your program when you are offering to help find alternative care for her next child. She'll call if she takes you up on your offer and find the same information you tell her was in your letter.

As far as maternity leave, do you have it in your contract? If it's in their then you should talk to her about it again and/or negotiate something if you feel you're being unfair with giving a verbal yes prior to understanding the situation since you're really good friends with this family.

Lastly, don't mention your family's joy about your husband being accepted into medical school after all the negative in this letter. LOL.

My Answer: Ask to schedule a meeting or ask when is a good time to talk to her on the phone. Talk about her maternity leave and her plans for the new baby. That's what I basically understood what you're trying to get across, right?

[daycare]

Don't ever start a letter apologizing. You have nothing to say you're sorry about because it's your business and her loss. The first paragraph is not needed because you don't even mention why you needed to wait to hear from your landlord.

Your next paragraph begins with "first off" as if you're going to give her a list of reasons why she--the client--is hindering you and putting you in a bad place as you rattle off reasons why only she is making a burden on you, JMHO.

You also have way too much mentioned in this letter. There is no need to mention you ending a contract because it seems like a threat like "If you don't listen, I'll end your contract too". KWIM? You also mention you can't teach preschool with an infant in care (at least that is what I took from it), so it doesn't make sense to say "I hope that you understand that this is not because I don’t want to care for your new baby, it’s because I can’t at this time" because you should either state you only enroll ages X to X excluding infants from your program.

Don't mention your competitors location and rates or the names of others enrolled in your program when you are offering to help find alternative care for her next child. She'll call if she takes you up on your offer and find the same information you tell her was in your letter.

As far as maternity leave, do you have it in your contract? If it's in their then you should talk to her about it again and/or negotiate something if you feel you're being unfair with giving a verbal yes prior to understanding the situation since you're really good friends with this family.

Lastly, don't mention your family's joy about your husband being accepted into medical school after all the negative in this letter. LOL.

My Answer: Ask to schedule a meeting or ask when is a good time to talk to her on the phone. Talk about her maternity leave and her plans for the new baby. That's what I basically understood what you're trying to get across, right?

Abigal,thanks for all of the feed back.... My mind is all over the place with this letter because there is so much I am trying to get across. I have asked a million time to set up a time to talk, but I never get a response. She always wants to talk at pick up and I refuse to try to talk over the kids, or to give her my attention instead of watching the children that are still here. Her kids are the first to get picked up.


So she emailed me several days ago and i still have not responded to the email becuase I am so not sure what to say, or what NOT to say....

You brought up some very good points, Guess it's back to the drawing board for me...

Also, one of the other reasons that I don't want to take the baby, is because it's too risky for me to take 3 children from one family. (even if i did have a spot)

[nannyde]

Abigal,thanks for all of the feed back.... My mind is all over the place with this letter because there is so much I am trying to get across. I have asked a million time to set up a time to talk, but I never get a response. She always wants to talk at pick up and I refuse to try to talk over the kids, or to give her my attention instead of watching the children that are still here. Her kids are the first to get picked up.


So she emailed me several days ago and i still have not responded to the email becuase I am so not sure what to say, or what NOT to say....

You brought up some very good points, Guess it's back to the drawing board for me...

Also, one of the other reasons that I don't want to take the baby, is because it's too risky for me to take 3 children from one family. (even if i did have a spot)

It sounds like you are convinced she needs to know why but honestly, she just wants to know what you will and won't do and what the best deal is for her if she wants to do what you want her to do.

You are making this really complicated and it's not.

I have decided not to take any infants.
I can or can't do x number of days per week

and then when the time is right for your business tell her that she needs to go to full time with the preK kids.

Something is missing from your words. Are you just trying to figure out a plan to get her to keep the kids with you even though the baby will go elsewhere? Are you worried if you don't do THIS part right you will end up loosing her other two kids SOON?

[sahm1225]

I agree with Abigail.

I know it's hard because this is a special family for you, but the letter needs to be short and sweet. You can tell her all the other stuff when you talk to her.

Did you want to have the conversation via email instead of phone/in person? If no, then you could always send her an email requesting an appointment to talk about 1) maternity leave 2) starting sept 1st new policies 3) the new baby

That way she knows what to expect on the conversation and why it's so important.

If you prefer to do it in email, I would shorten it, add some bullet points/paragraphs and make it more like you are stating what is going to happen vs asking her permission...

- like this:

Hi ***x,

I wanted to confirm that we are going to sit down and reveiw the information listed below on ***xx. We will discuss maternity leave, the new baby, and new policies effective Sept 1st.

Baby *** -

As we had discussed previously, I was working on adjusting my schedule to have a spot for baby ***x. I regret to inform you that at this time, I would not be able to offer you a spot on the days you requested. Licensing dictates how many children I can have and their ages, and at this time the days that I do have open and available are Monday and Friday.


Maternity leave -

As we had previously discussed, the girls will be attending 2 days a week for 8 weeks. After the 8 weeks (August 4th), we will resume to the normal schedule of 3 days/week.


New policy changes effective September 1st -

I am making the formal announcement next month and wanted to share the information with you now.

My husband was accepted into medical school! As you may know, acceptance into medical school is such a huge honor that we are forced to make some major changes and adjustments to show him our full support. The state limits the amount of children that I can register in my program (a total of 8) and my income is based on the amount of children attending daily. In order to be in compliance with licensing and maximize my income, I am being forced to offer only full time spots as of September 1st. This is such an exciting time for our family and I hope you understand that this has been a decision that I have taken lots of time to review.

I look forward to talking to you in more detail on ***X. Thank you!