Off Topic: Next Door Neighbor Not Watching Their Kid Outside

[elle73]

This is off topic but thought I would get some advice from you guys(this might be long sorry), a new neighbour moved in next door and they have a 4yr old daughter, yesterday was the first time we introduced ourselves. While I'm cooking dinner I notice her in our backyard and she's over at our neighbours house behind us(we live in a fairly new subdivison so there are no fences up yet) the father is nowhere to be seen she's on their deck trying to go into their house and I can see our other neighbour is getting pretty frustrated(they happen to be one of the families that come to my daycare). So after dinner we go out to the backyard and my kids are playing with daycare families kid and out comes my next door neighbours daughter wanting to play with them well the parents are still inside the house and not once did they come out to see where she was in the mean time she is running through all the other neighbours backyards pulling on their newly planted trees, running up between all the houses, she pulled out our garden hose and tried to spray everyone(actually her dad did come out then and told her to stop but when she didn't listen he just went back into the house) so me and dcm are telling her not to do this and that and we're thinking where the heck are her parents, she was also yelling at my 2yr old son not to touch his toys and trying to pull him away and getting in his face. Finally we had enough and went inside but my thing is I don't want her coming out everyday especially when school lets out I'm not going to be chasing this kids around everywhere. I was thinking of saying to her oh your parents aren't out here so you better go back inside and maybe her parents will get the hint to come out and watch their kid.

What would you guys say or do? And also they don't know any of us for all they know we could be a bunch of weirdos and they weren't worried about her being outside with a bunch of strangers. Sorry this is so long but it was really bugging me last night because I know I will be stuck with this kid all summer.

[heyhun77]

I would just be frank with the parents that at her age she should be supervised outside. Here in our state the guideline is 4 for being outside on your own (for your own kids, not daycare regulations) so it wouldn't necessarily be neglect to let her be out on her own but if she's destroying other people's property and trying to go inside other homes then I'd nip it in the bud. That's definately not the way to announce yourself to the neighborhood by letting your 4 year old make themselves at home in everyone elses home.

[melskids]

i agree....

if not, put up a fence...a really tall one with a locking gate...::

[nannyde]

Just go over and talk to the Dad and tell him that you have a child care and she is not able to come on the property at any time because she could throw you over capacity. Tell him you do child care odd hours so it's best to make sure that she doesn't come on the property at all unless you invite her directly.

Then when she comes onto your property tell her that she is not invited and to go tell her Dad she was on your property. If she continues go back to the Dad and say "Did Susie tell you she was on my property without me inviting her? I told her to come tell you this."

So the issue gets thrown back to him and it's in relation to her being INVITED. That's the key phrase. Not that she can't be there but she has to be INVITED to be there.

Then invite her if and when you want. I wouldn't do it once in the first three to six months at least.

I know exactly what you mean. My neighbors really want their kids at my house. They love it when they are here. They know the house is clean and child friendly and SUPERVISED. They know from their kids that we have all the toys you could ever dream of for little boys. The parents want a place to send their child where it's safe, supervised, fun, but best of all FREE.

I would stake your claim NOW. Do it every single time. He's going to be mad about it cuz he wants free and easy. It's better to get his anger about it to the surface and dealt with before he settles in to the neighborhood. I would also reccommend the neighbors on the other side using "invited" also once he gets used to you saying invited.

He will most likely say he doesn't like it or thinks it's rediculous because his past neighbors weren't like that. When he does just say.. "yeah it's WAY different here. People here don't allow kids coming onto their property without an invitation and adults outside with her supervising her. She's so young".

[nannyde]

I would just be frank with the parents that at her age she should be supervised outside. Here in our state the guideline is 4 for being outside on your own (for your own kids, not daycare regulations) so it wouldn't necessarily be neglect to let her be out on her own but if she's destroying other people's property and trying to go inside other homes then I'd nip it in the bud. That's definately not the way to announce yourself to the neighborhood by letting your 4 year old make themselves at home in everyone elses home.

He's going to say the words "I'm watching her" so your suggestion of being frank with him won't work. He's solving your concern with "I'm watching so she's fine... go play four year old".

I think it's best to just speak about YOUR property and the rules for that.

[elle73]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I will see what happens this weekend since yesterday was the first time it happened(and I'm sure it will happen again) I was thinking the same thing as nannyde about telling him that I run a daycare and there are rules and regulations about having kids on my property. I've actually never had this happen before all my neighbours know I do home daycare but they have all been very respectful and have never just sent their kids over they always ask first to make sure its ok with me.

I wish I could put up a very big fence , we are in the process of selling our house so maybe it will be sold soon I can only hope!!!

[ammama]

I would let my own 4 year old child play in our backyard unsupervised (well, with me not outside anyway). I leave the backdoor open so I can hear what's going on. I don't think it's unusual at all. Now, my backyard is fully fenced, with a 6 foot fence to keep her in (and others out), and I NEVER let my dck's, no matter the age, play outside alone.

It could be that this family is used to this from their last place, and doesn't realize that 4 yr old girl is getting into everyone else's stuff. I would just talk to the parents about it, how she is welcome to come over when invited, but due to daycare regulations, she cant be there whenever she wants to be, and mention that you know that some of the neighbours leave dangerous chemicals out around their property on occasion, and that it is really unsafe for her to be running around like that.

[nannyde]

It could be that this family is used to this from their last place, and doesn't realize that 4 yr old girl is getting into everyone else's stuff.

Oh he knows she is getting into everyones stuff. He doesn't care. He has her outside by herself for a reason. It's easier for her to be outside in other peoples stuff than inside bothering him and his stuff.

My guess is he has had neighbors who have just taken over watching her for him and he's fishing to see who is going to be the replacement. Some people don't want neighbor confrontation and would feel sorry for the kid and allow her to be there with them. He maybe also had someone around who wanted a kid to play with their kid so they obliged him by doing it.

Once you get used to free and easy it's hard to give it up. He's crossing his fingers hopeing someone will come to the plate and watch her so he doesn't have to. Best plan is to tell him no right from the begining.

[laundrymom]

If it happens again I would march her home knock on the front door, tell him that while you are sure she is a nice kid, she is turning on your hose, interrupting your family time, attempting to enter other homes, tell him that she must not be old enough to play unsupervised and you though it best to bring her home before something bad happened to her. If he says he was watching from inside say.... So you SAW her go after my hose? And did nothing? You saw her try to enter a STRANGERS home alone? And you thought that was ok!? Maybe I should involve the authorities if you find this acceptable.

[Blackcat31]

I would be concerned about not only all of the things pp's have mentioned but insurance. I have explained to all of my neighbors who have children as well as the families in my child care that my liability insurance is meant to cover enrolled children ONLY.

If this neighbor girl were to get hurt or hurt one of the dck's while on your property it could be a whole other issue.

just a thought...

[missnikki]

Make sure to get his phone number. Call him on your cell phone (so you have record) each time she wanders. Tell him "She's out here again, I'm sure glad I saw her this time before she got to Mr. Smith's weedkiller! He doesn't have kids, so he doesn't realize that she could wander over there and get into it." And keep telling him everything she does until he says "OK, I'll go get her."

[nannyde]

I would be concerned about not only all of the things pp's have mentioned but insurance. I have explained to all of my neighbors who have children as well as the families in my child care that my liability insurance is meant to cover enrolled children ONLY.

If this neighbor girl were to get hurt or hurt one of the dck's while on your property it could be a whole other issue.
just a thought...

What she said.

[elle73]

My husband was outside this morning and he said she was running around in just her underwear outside ??? He came inside just shaking his head. When dcm showed up for dropoff this morning we made a plan of how we are going to nip it in the bud right now because she wasn't too happy about it either.

Also what bugs me is the lack of respect I would never let my kids run up onto someones deck that I don't know and let them go into their house without permission or without me. I forgot to mention that I caught the dad and his daughter in our garage yesterday and she had on my sons bike helmet and was getting ready to ride my daughters brand new bike, I said no and when I told my husband he was kinda shocked.

I appreciate everyone letting me vent about this its really bugging me for some reason .

[ammama]

HE WAS IN YOUR GARAGE??? What did he say when you caught him? I would be livid, and would probably threaten to call the police. That's crazy.

[nannyde]

I forgot to mention that I caught the dad and his daughter in our garage yesterday and she had on my sons bike helmet and was getting ready to ride my daughters brand new bike, I said no .

Is he crazy?