The Boy And The Pink Dress

[Sugar Magnolia]

Thank you ALL!

I have heard some GREAT ideas and some excellent feedback....(Except for the insensitive person who said this ",... someone needs to tell him he's a boy and boys are awesome. Maybe his dad is violent or not around, maybe girls in the family get more attention, but this is so sad to me.....This poor kid needs a mentor or redirection.
flame me if you want but I am right" .) That's lame, sorry.

This person is not right. All you wonderful providers have the best of intentions and I appreciate your thoughtful replies. After much thought, my husband and I decided to let him wear the dress, as we would let ANY child wear it, but NO "hogging" allowed, no matter what, sharing a MUST. And we will continue to neither encourage nor discourage his preferences. Consider this: It would be an outrage to tell a girl "don't wear that policeman outfit, cuz that's for boys. Girls don't wear that." So, he can wear the dress, WITHIN REASON. We have allowed him to wear it as he goes about his business of building, coloring, puzzles, etc, as we do all the kids, but I think a new rule is in order. "Dress up clothes stay in the quiet area. (This is where they always are stored anyways) If you want to do other things, you have to put dress up clothes away first." And enforce it. "No, Boy X, if you want to color, you have to take the pink dress off. I'm sorry its the rule. Dress up clothes stay out there. No, Girl X, you can't build with blocks until you put the nurse outfit away. Thank you, Boy Z, for putting the police outfit away before you do puzzles. DRESS UP CLOTHES OUT THERE in the quiet area PLEASE! Thanks! YAY good job guys!!!". If this particular boy has issues with the new rule, the dress MUST disappear, but will be replaced with a less attractive, green or blue dress. No fixations on ANY one dress!
I will let you know how it goes. Your comments are much appreciated, but BEGS a new question!!! Should ALL toys be 100 percent gender nuetral? But that's another thread! Lol! Thanks again, kind people!

[sharlan]

I think you made the right decision. "IF" the pink dress continues to be an issue, I'd put it up for a few days as I do with all toys that cause fights. Right now I have a fish, sword, and boat vacationing on my fridge. They'll return on Monday.

This little boy is who he is, he will be what he will be.

[Live and Learn]

I'm sorry, I don't agree with any of this, someone needs to tell him he's a boy and boys are awesome. Maybe his dad is violent or not around, maybe girls in the family get more attention, but this is so sad to me.
I have 3 boys and 3 girls and I was an awesome example of how to be feminine for my girls and my husband was an awesome example to my boys. They are all very successful and well adjusted.
This poor kid needs a mentor or redirection.
flame me if you want but I am right.

YOU ARE NOT RIGHT!!!!

You just happened genetically to have produced only straight children. It speaks nothing to just how perfectly awesome you and your husband are at mentoring to your children.

So pitiful to be you with you narrow little mind!!!:

Next time if you want to make an inflammatory statement like yours at least have the backbone to be a member.

[SilverSabre25]

I'm sorry, I don't agree with any of this, someone needs to tell him he's a boy and boys are awesome. Maybe his dad is violent or not around, maybe girls in the family get more attention, but this is so sad to me.
I have 3 boys and 3 girls and I was an awesome example of how to be feminine for my girls and my husband was an awesome example to my boys. They are all very successful and well adjusted.
This poor kid needs a mentor or redirection.
flame me if you want but I am right.

Did you know that it was not that long ago that pink was considered masculine, and blue, feminine? And children ALL wore what amounted to dresses until they were 3 or so? Look at photographs from the 1800s/1900s (Anne of Green Gables era, for example) and you'll see lots of babies/toddlers in dresses....and they are NOT all girls!!!

Get over it. Clothes and colors do NOT make the gender, the gender identity, or the sexuality. Society make the first two, and genetics, the third.

And boys can be "well-adjusted" even if they wear dresses...adjustment has a lot more to do with having people in their lives who support them they way they are...who encourage them to be themselves, to express themselves, and to find their own way in the world.

[MamaBear]

YOU ARE NOT RIGHT!!!!

You just happened genetically to have produced only straight children. It speaks nothing to just how perfectly awesome you and your husband are at mentoring to your children.

So pitiful to be you with you narrow little mind!!!:

Next time if you want to make an inflammatory statement like yours at least have the backbone to be a member.

I LOVE IT! Perfectly said. Love the last sentence especially!

[Meeko]

YOU ARE NOT RIGHT!!!!

You just happened genetically to have produced only straight children. It speaks nothing to just how perfectly awesome you and your husband are at mentoring to your children.

So pitiful to be you with you narrow little mind!!!:

Next time if you want to make an inflammatory statement like yours at least have the backbone to be a member.

I wish there was a "like" button....like on Facebook!!! Thanks Live and Learn! You put into words what most of us were feeling.

[nannyde]

I have heard some GREAT ideas and some excellent feedback....(Except for the insensitive person who said this ",... someone needs to tell him he's a boy and boys are awesome. Maybe his dad is violent or not around, maybe girls in the family get more attention, but this is so sad to me.....This poor kid needs a mentor or redirection.
flame me if you want but I am right" .) That's lame, sorry.

This person is not right. All you wonderful providers have the best of intentions and I appreciate your thoughtful replies. After much thought, my husband and I decided to let him wear the dress, as we would let ANY child wear it, but NO "hogging" allowed, no matter what, sharing a MUST. And we will continue to neither encourage nor discourage his preferences. Consider this: It would be an outrage to tell a girl "don't wear that policeman outfit, cuz that's for boys. Girls don't wear that." So, he can wear the dress, WITHIN REASON. We have allowed him to wear it as he goes about his business of building, coloring, puzzles, etc, as we do all the kids, but I think a new rule is in order. "Dress up clothes stay in the quiet area. (This is where they always are stored anyways) If you want to do other things, you have to put dress up clothes away first." And enforce it. "No, Boy X, if you want to color, you have to take the pink dress off. I'm sorry its the rule. Dress up clothes stay out there. No, Girl X, you can't build with blocks until you put the nurse outfit away. Thank you, Boy Z, for putting the police outfit away before you do puzzles. DRESS UP CLOTHES OUT THERE in the quiet area PLEASE! Thanks! YAY good job guys!!!". If this particular boy has issues with the new rule, the dress MUST disappear, but will be replaced with a less attractive, green or blue dress. No fixations on ANY one dress!
I will let you know how it goes. Your comments are much appreciated, but BEGS a new question!!! Should ALL toys be 100 percent gender nuetral? But that's another thread! Lol! Thanks again, kind people!

Hmmmm

Are you worried that if you don't leave it out for him that he's going to start tantruming to not come to your day care and influence the Mom that he shouldn't? Do you think just putting it up or away will end up putting his slot in jeopardy?

[Cat Herder]

As usual, I agree with Nan. NO OBSESSING ALLOWED.

Whether it be a dress, blanket, football or a pacifier; allowing one object to effect whether this child can function within a group at all is not in his best interest.

Now for "Unregistered" an article came to mind from a few years back. It is worth a read. I also wanted to add that dressing someone in pink can NOT make them effeminate, just ask my mother.....

http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/37278.html

[Sugar Magnolia]

Hmmmm

Are you worried that if you don't leave it out for him that he's going to start tantruming to not come to your day care and influence the Mom that he shouldn't? Do you think just putting it up or away will end up putting his slot in jeopardy?

No, not in the least worried about that.....they are perfectly happy here. Mom even thanks me for working with him on this issue. One of the reasons she signed up here was because we have my husband as a teacher. After her divorce, she wanted him to have positive male role models and a man in his life daily. So I am more than confident a tantrum over a dress would not even remotely be a reason to leave. I am happy to report:

There was no tantrum!!! Yay!!! So happy!!!! I sat him down when he came in and talked to him with mom present. I told him the dress up clothes stay in the quiet area and when he wants to do something else, he has to take it off. Oh I should really start a new post to tell the story.....brb!

[jojosmommy]

What about putting the dress away just in the AM when he and the other kids arrive?

Once he has settled into something else bring out the dress and the other dress ups and choose children to play in that center. Make a class list or a can with sticks and choose names out. Then this child will understand he can still enjoy the item without claiming it as his own. His turn will come too. Seeing other children enjoying it and being emotionally ok with that is a skill that needs to be learned. Teach him some paitence too.

Maybe he is just obsessing over it b/c it gets him attention. He knows you are going to check in with him about taking it off, sharing it etc. Maybe he is seeking attention from mom and somehow she is giving him attention especially b/c you said she claims to not like it but lets him at home. Could he be doing it at school knowing she will allow him to do it only in private to get a reaction from her?

[Sugar Magnolia]

What about putting the dress away just in the AM when he and the other kids arrive?

Once he has settled into something else bring out the dress and the other dress ups and choose children to play in that center. Make a class list or a can with sticks and choose names out. Then this child will understand he can still enjoy the item without claiming it as his own. His turn will come too. Seeing other children enjoying it and being emotionally ok with that is a skill that needs to be learned. Teach him some paitence too.

Maybe he is just obsessing over it b/c it gets him attention. He knows you are going to check in with him about taking it off, sharing it etc. Maybe he is seeking attention from mom and somehow she is giving him attention especially b/c you said she claims to not like it but lets him at home. Could he be doing it at school knowing she will allow him to do it only in private to get a reaction from her?

See update thread! Limits seemed to work well! I do think what happens at home with mom fuels the dress obsession, you're so right, but that is beyond my control.

[Sugar Magnolia]

As usual, I agree with Nan. NO OBSESSING ALLOWED.

Whether it be a dress, blanket, football or a pacifier; allowing one object to effect whether this child can function within a group at all is not in his best interest.

Now for "Unregistered" an article came to mind from a few years back. It is worth a read. I also wanted to add that dressing someone in pink can NOT make them effeminate, just ask my mother.....

http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/37278.html

Really liked the link! Thank you!