The Boy And The Pink Dress

[nannyde]

I think will put it up after school today and see what happens tomorrow. Thank you Nannyde If it goes horribly wrong tomorrow, I will request a parent conference so we can reach an agreement. If I nix the dress at school, shouldn't I ask her to nix the dresses and nail polish at home though too?? Doesn't he need some consistency of rules? Why should she dress him up and then let me deal with "no" at school? The dress IS going to disappear, I just don't want to harm him psychologically.....

What happens at home... stays at home.

Say it with me ya'll

I wouldn't even talk about home to her. I could care less what they do there. I just want them to be good here and go play toys.

If he won't play toys then THAT'S the problem. I would want him to enjoy the wonderful world of toys and he can't if he only does one toy.

Word of warning though... I've never had anything like this... BUT I do believe in allowing kids to be who they really are. My concern isn't him being in a pink dress it's that the pink dress consumes him.

He could come with painted nails... dresses... hair in a pony and a minnie mouse bow as far as I'm concerned... as long as he can go play.. nice to his mates... eats and sleeps well... we are all good.

[Country Kids]

OK here is what I see. Mom has no problem at home but out in public yes. She wants him to be a boy in public, but a girl in private at home. I would say the mom has the problem not the child. Is he an only child and if so did mom want a little girl and not a little boy so she has him be the little girl as long as they are at home. Is there a dad involved? I have heard of little boys wanting to wear dresses but never the parents incouraging the full thing-nail polish, make-up, etc. I think the mom has something to do with this.

[daycare]

my family is very interesting....

first of I am not saying that there is anything wrong with what this child is doing, or that it labels him in anyway...I am just telling a story and don't want to flamed for it..

Ok so, I have several gay people in my family. On both sides Mom and Dad.

One of my cousins was exactly like this little boy when he was growing up. He would dress like a girl, even one time he came to our house to spend the night and he wet the bed. Well his mom didnt pack extra underware, so he had to borrow mine. After that day, he always wanted to wear pink ruffel underware... His parents refused...
One his 4th birthday he blew out the candles on his bday cake. When someone asked him what he wished for, he said he wished he was a girl. I even remember him asking my mom "when do you get to decide if you are goign to be a boy or a girl?"

the bad part about all of this, is that no one would except him for who he was. They were always trying to stop him or tell him that it was wrong, boys don't do that.
Years go by and he is about 18 at the time. He finally comes out at a christams family party. kinda strange place to do it, but whatever... Anyways, I talked to him in detail and he told me if he could wish for one thing is that someone stopped to validate his feelings and actions when he was growing up. He hated himself for so many years because he always felt WRONG. That's because everyone told him that the way he felt and acted was wrong...

Anyways, I think that it is great that you are allowing this child to feel and be himself as well as excepting him for who he is. I am not saying in any way that this child is going to grow up and come out of the closet, but you never know. This is why its so important to validate a childs feelings.....

ok ill stop babbling....hahah

[Unregistered]

I'm sorry, I don't agree with any of this, someone needs to tell him he's a boy and boys are awesome. Maybe his dad is violent or not around, maybe girls in the family get more attention, but this is so sad to me.
I have 3 boys and 3 girls and I was an awesome example of how to be feminine for my girls and my husband was an awesome example to my boys. They are all very successful and well adjusted.
This poor kid needs a mentor or redirection.
flame me if you want but I am right.

[SilverSabre25]

I agree with everyone who said to just put the dress away and see where it goes (but give him a week or so to adjust)...maybe even put ALL the dress-up stuff away for awhile, to take the attention off the boy in question. My reasoning is the same as others...to treat it the same as any other toy that is being fixated on.

BUT...

I do want to add that the preschool years (3-5) are the age where gender identity/gender roles/gender (gosh I forget the term...permanence?) are really being explored and comprehended. It's very common for preschool boys to like pink and dresses and say they want to be girls; it's very common for preschool girls to say that they are going to be boys when they grow up. Preschoolers are starting to understand that gender is a permanent thing--that they aren't magically going to turn into the opposite gender, that wearing a dress doesn't make you a girl or playing with trucks doesn't make you a boy. Exploration is common at this age.

[Country Kids]

I still think its the mom wanting a little girl. Anyway, I have always seen, heard little boys that want to be girls when they grow up, dress girly, etc. I have never seen or heard a little girls say they want to be a boy. I was a tomboy when I was little but still loved dresses, looking like a little girl but wasn't afraid of getting dirty. Why is it always the little boys wanting to be girls not the girls wanting to be boys?

[missnikki]

How has no one said this yet:

Get enough dresses for everyone (thrift store, secondhand, garage sale...whatever) ?

You could then determine if it is a possession of THIS dress or just a chance to wear ANY dress thing.

[Lucy]

Only read your question and none of the responses. I would go for option D (something else). I would buy a couple more dresses so everybody gets a turn.

The issue of whether this is a boy or girl is completely irrelevant to me. If another parent came in and gave me an inquisitive look, I'd just look at them with squinty eyes and shrugged shoulders and say, "what??" as if I have absolutely no clue what their question means. Intolerance like that makes me ill. (not talking about you, just in general)

[Sugar Magnolia]

How has no one said this yet:

Get enough dresses for everyone (thrift store, secondhand, garage sale...whatever) ?

You could then determine if it is a possession of THIS dress or just a chance to wear ANY dress thing.

We have several dresses. This dress, however, is the only PINK one. He only wants the pink one.

[Lucy]

my family is very interesting....

first of I am not saying that there is anything wrong with what this child is doing, or that it labels him in anyway...I am just telling a story and don't want to flamed for it..

Ok so, I have several gay people in my family. On both sides Mom and Dad.

One of my cousins was exactly like this little boy when he was growing up. He would dress like a girl, even one time he came to our house to spend the night and he wet the bed. Well his mom didnt pack extra underware, so he had to borrow mine. After that day, he always wanted to wear pink ruffel underware... His parents refused...
One his 4th birthday he blew out the candles on his bday cake. When someone asked him what he wished for, he said he wished he was a girl. I even remember him asking my mom "when do you get to decide if you are goign to be a boy or a girl?"

the bad part about all of this, is that no one would except him for who he was. They were always trying to stop him or tell him that it was wrong, boys don't do that.
Years go by and he is about 18 at the time. He finally comes out at a christams family party. kinda strange place to do it, but whatever... Anyways, I talked to him in detail and he told me if he could wish for one thing is that someone stopped to validate his feelings and actions when he was growing up. He hated himself for so many years because he always felt WRONG. That's because everyone told him that the way he felt and acted was wrong...

Anyways, I think that it is great that you are allowing this child to feel and be himself as well as excepting him for who he is. I am not saying in any way that this child is going to grow up and come out of the closet, but you never know. This is why its so important to validate a childs feelings.....

ok ill stop babbling....hahah

Extremely well said. Thank you.

[Lucy]

How has no one said this yet:

Get enough dresses for everyone (thrift store, secondhand, garage sale...whatever) ?

You could then determine if it is a possession of THIS dress or just a chance to wear ANY dress thing.

I hadn't read your post when I said pretty much the same thing. I agree with you!

[missnikki]

Hmmm. The PINK one. What if you had tshirts and as an activity, tye-died them (or decorated them) for when they play at your house? Then, they can individualize each one to their liking.

[Kaddidle Care]

We have several dresses. This dress, however, is the only PINK one. He only wants the pink one.

I'm thinking he just plain really loves the color pink. And there are a lot of little boys that like the color pink. I'm betting he goes for the pink crayons and markers too.

You know what? It's time to "wash the dress up clothes" and let that be your reply if they are asked for. Summer is right around the bend and they'll be spending more time outdoors - put the dress up clothes away for a bit. Just like you rotate other toys. Don't let it stress you.

We had a pair of identical twin boys once and that was one of the ways we could tell one from the other - one loved to wear the little dresses!

[Sugar Magnolia]

Hmmm. The PINK one. What if you had tshirts and as an activity, tye-died them (or decorated them) for when they play at your house? Then, they can individualize each one to their liking.

I like this idea!

[kcnjason]

Boy in a Pink Dress

I completely apologize....after I wrote a response and posted it and then went back and read what I wrote I realized that I had went out of the lines and blabbed about something you were not even concerned about. I think it would be great to put the dress up, I like the idea of washing, etc....I would give the kids heads up that you are going to be washing the dress up clothes and warn him in advance and then when he comes the next day remind him that they needed a wash. I guess I would just stand firm and tell him he needs to find something different to play with. It sounds like he's attached to that dress for some odd reason, rather he's the one that gets the "ONLY" pink dress or whatever. I would hope it was just a stage. Good luck!