Holy Cow Moly Can’t Believe This

[daycare]

So I used to have a DCB age 3 who I termed back in dec for several things.
1. destructive behavior
2. constant tantrums
3. never came on a regular schedule.

Mom is a school teacher and the boy was very very smart, but I just could not take it anymore and asked them to leave.
Back in Jan. the mother asked me if she could use me as a reference for their new preschool that she was trying to get her child into. Not even sure why she wanted to use me, but i said ok. Now this is private high end preschool where they only take "the best of the best" whatever that means....

So 10 minutes ago I get a phone call from a lady who says she is a director of the preschool academy that the child goes to. She asks for me by name and I asked me if child ***X has ever had any issues with wild and destructive behavior.............I am sitting here floored. I didnt know what to say and was not even sure that they could call me to ask this...
The lady did not go into detail, however they were trying to terminate the child from their school and the mother was making claims that her child had never had issues before and are asking them to make special arrangments for him....
She said it may lead into a possible law suit. I told her that I was not comfortable answering her questions, but I did tell her that the child was asked to leave the daycare, I just didnt give reason...

has anyone ever delt with this before??

[Crystal]

wonder what Mom was thinking putting him there with the issues he had.....what did she expect? Sounds like she set the kid up for failure.

I would have told the Director that her being a director she herself should know better than to ask that question, considering confidentiality laws and all.....I'm shocked she called

[sharlan]

I don't think I would have said anything more than the child was asked to leave.

There's really no way for you to know what kind of fishing expedition she was on. Is she really a director of a preschool, is she a friend of the mother's, etc.?

[youretooloud]

That's how I hope I'd have handled it too. I'm not sure I would have left it at "I can only say he was asked to leave my daycare". I think I'd have been caught off guard and spilled my guts.

[daycare]

I dont really know anything about the school other than I call it the SNOB HILL school for children... Not sure if there is any realationship with the mother and director, but I found it to be rather strange of a director to expect a provider to answer these questions......hmmm something seemed fishy. I am still thinking about it

I am sitll in shock that she would call and ask this question. I am happy that I went with my gut and did not answer any questions...

[ChaserT27]

Some parents are in denial about their children and there is a good chance she did lie to the director either for denial or simply to get him in there, as well as attempt to keep him there.
If there was a possibility of a law suit in the near future I am sure the director would want all her T's crossed. Having a second person back her up on the destructiveness of the child..may be the sure way to win the case. :0(
I have had one or two schools over the years discuss with me or attempt to discuss a certain child. However I had given one of the parent's a copy of the child's file which she mistakenly gave to the school...
And depending on how destructible the parent is as well..yes there is always that possibility that she is trying to catch you in a law suit trap as well. :0(

Sheesh.I guess we can not really trust any one in the world!!

[nannyde]

I would have said "I can't discuss him with you but I can with your lawyer. If you need me have him/her supeona me"

[Country Kids]

The mother did ask to put you down as a reference so you know that your name and number were put on his application or some type of paperwork. I wouldn't have all been surprised to receive a phone call. They probably looked it up on his paperwork for last childcare and found it prudent to call you. You did answer the question but not specifically. I don't think you would have broken any law for answering it specifically. Yes, he was termed for behavior that was destructive to my setting is all you would have had to say. It would have been no different than someone calling for a job reference. What if this does turn into a lawsuit and you are called into court to testify-they will for sure ask you then why he was termed and you will have to answer to the t why you termed him.

This is why many childcares now ask for the last providers name and number. They want to know the reason for the child leaving from both parties. More likely than not the provider will tell the truth.

[wdmmom]

I think you answered the question appropriately. I wish we could all be on our toes like that! I probably would have been so caught off guard and said something that I would have ended up kicking myself later about::!

[daycare]

I think you answered the question appropriately. I wish we could all be on our toes like that! I probably would have been so caught off guard and said something that I would have ended up kicking myself later about::!

tust me I really had to stop and think about it... I felt bad becusae she was saying so much stuff that I had to shut her out for a second and think about what I needed to say.
I guess I could look at it from a reference point of view, but i didnot take this as a reference standpoint. I also thought to say what nan-de said...But just kept it really simple..

[jen]

When I worked in human resoures we would gave the follwing information:

1. Date start
2. Date end
3. Whether or not they were eligible for rehire, or in this case to re-enroll

That should keep you safe and sound and still make your point.

[daycare]

I am glad i bit my tonuge and stopped to think. Should they call me into court, then of course I will spill the beans on this kid....BTW
this child flipped over our eating table during lunch because I told him that he could not have any more grapes until he ate the rest of his food. All of the DCK were is shock, some cried out of fright and some cried becuase they were covered in food. the worst part was I still did not term him for another 2 months after that happened....
thanks for replying and your responses

[countrymom]

I would have told her everything. the problem is, is since this child has problems I think they need more proof that something is wrong and the parents don't want to do anything. You could have said that you had some issues with him too. Call tommorrow and speak to the director again, and just explain that you were caught off gaurd.

[daycare]

hahhaha for all i know she could be a luker or member on this site....ha too funny

I am not sure that i want to give any details unless I am forced to

[Meyou]

I think you did the right thing. You let her know he was terminated but didn't give out any personal information. Good for you for stopping to think. I would probably been really fllustered and said too much.

I'm one of those that ask for previous providers information and I do check with them. I look at it this way....if they left on good terms for a valid reason there should be no issue with me calling. If they lied to me about previous care then I'll know it as soon as they are reluctant to give up the number. I've had a couple of experiences with deceptive parents and I won't go through it again let alone put my little buds through another new friend transition that will only end with a termination.