"Had 3 Beers Before I Even Picked Him Up"

[Unregistered]

so earlier I posted a thread about rude behavior by the parents last week at a birthday party.

Just found out from one of the moms herself that she had 3 beers BEFORE picking her kid up that day. She has not apologized for the party behavior but now I am questioning my ability to judge people. The whole event was chaos with another kid screaming while this mom snatched her kid and took him out the back door. NEVER FOR 1 MINUTE DID I SUSPECT ALCOHOL WAS INVOLVED. Now I am running the whole thing over and over in my head thinking should I have noticed, was she buzzed, was this kid in real danger, should I have kept him at my house, etc?

The whole thing makes me sick. I do not drink so maybe I am outside the understanding of why anyone would do this or how I did not notice. I didnt say anything when she brought it up b/c other people were present and it wasnt in my home when she said it. I didnt feel like I should have said something about not being able to pick your kids up for daycare like that when I didnt even notice and we were at a social funtion when she mentioned it. KWIM?

WWYD?

[Sugar Magnolia]

SCARY!!!!! If you ever suspect her of drinking and driving, please don't release the child to her. If she fights it, call the police.
Side comment: what would posses someone to admit to a "required reporter" they endanger their child? You probably should report this to your states abuse/neglect hotline!

[jen2651]

I think you need to at least document the day and the experience you had with her that evening as well as the date and function she reported to you she had beers. This way if it happens again, it is a sign of a pattern, not just an afternoon of poor judgement.

[grandmom]

Unfortunately, we can NOT keep a child from a parent for any reason. Even if they are drunk. It's called kidnapping. Please don't put yourself in this position. You can plead, or beg, but don't refuse a child. You can threaten to call 911, but don't refuse a child.

When I hear things like this from one of my parents it makes me second guess everything. I wouldn't know what to do in your shoes. Just document it.

[sharlan]

You may want to check with your local licensing agency on that.

I am under the impression that it is illegal to release a child to someone that you suspect may be under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

I refused to release a child to his father who was drunk years ago, he threatened to call the police on me. I told him to go ahead and call. I called his wife and released the child to a friend of theirs.

[Blackcat31]

Why not discuss it directly with the mom? Seems to be the most logical solution in this case. Just tell her that the whole situation makes you uncomfortable and you would feel horrible if anything happened to her child.

You probably aren't going to change the world but you can maybe get this mom to think twice about her actions. However, be warned, many parents do not view this as dangerous or neglectful. I have several friends who think nothing of drinking all day in the summer on the lake and then not only driving the boat home but then driving the car home once they are docked. I also know a few people who will sit in the bar with their kid.

One of my dcd's stays an extra half hour after he is done working to have a few beers with the guys. I smell it on him everyday. I outright asked him one day and he told me. I talked to my licensor and there is nothing I can do legally. I can lecture him and tell him how I feel but legally I can do nothing. It is HIS child. I can choose not to provide services to a family with this type of beliefs but really, how many are like this and I am just not aware of it?

I have talked until I am blue in the face but parents parent how they choose to and you cannot change that. You may impact it but you really can't change it unless the parent wishes to change.

[CdnMumof4]

why not put something in your contract that states you will not release a child if you suspect the use of drugs or alcohol ? Call their emergency contact instead.

Good luck though- not an easy situation to be put in.