Could Something Be Wrong - It's Long Sorry

[daycare]

I work for ECFE in our area and we get calls from concerned family members all the time. If you can get an agency on board you can somewhat pass the fire onto someone else while you support your sister in law in getting the help this kid needs.

Get this kid out there. Offer to bring her to a community education class or a gym glass or something (where trained people will see her behavior and come right out and share with them you are concerned). Maybe your family isn't taking her out b/c they are afraid people will judge them and their parenting. Tell her its free (even if you have to lie and pay for it yourself) tell her YOU WANT to take her. Tell her anything to get this kid some outside her home exposure.

Find a way to get the mom supported by some community agency first and they will find ways to slowly work on her and help her understand that her daughter needs some help.

I can imagine that if someone came to me and said something was wrong with my kid I wouldn't take the message very positively BUT if she can build a relationship with a group first she will undoubtly be more willing to see what they are saying.

I have had many families disagree with my opinion of their child and the developmental red flags I've seen and that hurts but I promise you it is worth your effort. Even if you push her in the right direction and she doesnt yet do anything but hears your opinion you are helping this kid. It takes a long time for a parent to accept that something might be going on, many many discussions/examples, professionals might be necessary before she is willing to accept help.

Good luck, this tears at my heart. I can only imagine your feelings.

thank you for the very sweet response. I am going to try all of your suggestions, as well as others... Little history on my sister n law, she is also very spoiled. She is 36 and has worked the same job since the age of 18. She has only EVER worked 20 hours a week her entire life. Mommy got her the job at the hospital. She has never moved out of the hosue and has NEVER paid a bill in her life. She is the most unmoviated person that i have ever met in my life and her husband is exactly the same way.

My n-laws work dawn to dark daily, including weekends. they live 20 min from us and honestly, they come visit thier only grandson maybe once every 4 months. I hate taking my son over to their house becuase of all of the drama there. not to mention, they don't take him anywher and they throw him in front of the tv while he is there. He actually does not like to go very often. My husband does not understand why at all.

In the past, I have tried to sign her up for basketball thorugh the community rec dept. I have offered free child care, I invite my niece every where we go on outtings. But I am always told no, she's too little, she doesn't know how, or she just can't.

I am really going to have my work cut out for me on this one, but I am no choice. I love my niece and want to get her the help she needs and deserves.

[AmandasFCC]

I am not trying to argue with you here, and I certainly would NEVER allow any child to sit in front of a tv all day, but how do I report it? Say I feel she watch's too much TV? Too me that sounds silly. I just don't know if I could call CPS with out first trying to talk wtih them to help them. I want to make things good, not bad. then if they refuse to get the help, I will report them. I am about to put myself in a frying pan on high heat.

It's not that she is watching TV all day. You call CPS and say "I'm concerned about emotional neglect of this child. While they meet her physical needs of food and clothing and do not physically harm her, emotionally they are seriously neglecting her. They do not interact with her whatsoever, she does not leave the house. They literally sit her in front of the TV and leave her there all day."

And so on and so forth.

Personally though, I would speak to them first and let them know that what they are doing IS ABUSE and if they do not take the necessary steps to rectify the situation, as a mandated reported I will be reporting them to the appropriate government agencies.

[Kaddidle Care]

She sounds like an Autistic Savant. How is her eye contact - that's a big one with Autistic children, especially Aspies - it's actually uncomfortable for them to look you in the eye.

As far as the reciting - she may have a gift. My son used to do the Blendi-Pen commercial - it was NUTS! It was on every commercial break for Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon and he memorized the whole thing. (BTW - I never did buy them for him.) Many years later I've found that if he hears something, especially if he reads aloud, he's retained it. Sort of gifted that way.

The fact that she is watching up to 12 hours of TV and not craving anything else tells me that there's something not right. Even a neglected child would want to do something else. KWIM?

Sorry to say that it seems like the parents are too wrapped up in their own little world to notice hers. Time will tell - maybe try to convince them to get her in a Summer Kindergarten course if their town has one.

Very sad. Sorry you are meeting up with opposition from your husband. I'm sure he doesn't want to meddle but please point out to him what you do all day - it's very natural for you to notice when a child isn't behaving right.

[daycare]

She sounds like an Autistic Savant. How is her eye contact - that's a big one with Autistic children, especially Aspies - it's actually uncomfortable for them to look you in the eye.

As far as the reciting - she may have a gift. My son used to do the Blendi-Pen commercial - it was NUTS! It was on every commercial break for Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon and he memorized the whole thing. (BTW - I never did buy them for him.) Many years later I've found that if he hears something, especially if he reads aloud, he's retained it. Sort of gifted that way.

The fact that she is watching up to 12 hours of TV and not craving anything else tells me that there's something not right. Even a neglected child would want to do something else. KWIM?

Sorry to say that it seems like the parents are too wrapped up in their own little world to notice hers. Time will tell - maybe try to convince them to get her in a Summer Kindergarten course if their town has one.

Very sad. Sorry you are meeting up with opposition from your husband. I'm sure he doesn't want to meddle but please point out to him what you do all day - it's very natural for you to notice when a child isn't behaving right.

I thought that same thing about being an autistic savant, however i would never suggest that she was to anyone. The parents are LAZY and won't get her involved in anything... Not even the offer for free FC from me. I am not sure how I will approach the situation, but I know that i will tread lightly. I am alone on this and will need to make sure that I have a facts straight before opening my mouth.

One of the other issues is that because she has no sleep schedule, she does not even wake up until 12-1:00 pm in the afternoon. This was one of the main reasons why they declined free DC from me because i said if she is going to come she needs to be here at the latest 9:15am when my classes start. She will also be required to take a nap with the rest of the kids. i learned taht her naps sometimes occured at 10pm at night and then woke again around midnight to go to bed sometimes after 2am.

Right now i don't have an opening for her, but am going to try my hardest to have mom and dad bring her for the weekend.. We shall see..

[QualiTcare]

I thought that same thing about being an autistic savant, however i would never suggest that she was to anyone. The parents are LAZY and won't get her involved in anything... Not even the offer for free FC from me. I am not sure how I will approach the situation, but I know that i will tread lightly. I am alone on this and will need to make sure that I have a facts straight before opening my mouth.

One of the other issues is that because she has no sleep schedule, she does not even wake up until 12-1:00 pm in the afternoon. This was one of the main reasons why they declined free DC from me because i said if she is going to come she needs to be here at the latest 9:15am when my classes start. She will also be required to take a nap with the rest of the kids. i learned taht her naps sometimes occured at 10pm at night and then woke again around midnight to go to bed sometimes after 2am.

Right now i don't have an opening for her, but am going to try my hardest to have mom and dad bring her for the weekend.. We shall see..

maybe you suggesting that should might be a "savant" could be your ticket inside KWIM? if you contact a local agency that will come to your home and evaluate a child the first thing they will need are signed forms from the parents. you can TELL the parents that you want her to come over because someone from a local agency will be evaluating some of the children in your care, and you want them to evaluate HER to see if she is a "savant" or gifted or however you want to phrase it. dupe them into it by using flattery. after they're flattered/excited mention, "oh yeah, you have to sign this paper before they'll be allowed to give their opinion about her." or whatever. when the agency comes out and evaluates the child they will want to speak with the parents afterward and then it's sort of "out of your hands."

[daycare]

maybe you suggesting that should might be a "savant" could be your ticket inside KWIM? if you contact a local agency that will come to your home and evaluate a child the first thing they will need are signed forms from the parents. you can TELL the parents that you want her to come over because someone from a local agency will be evaluating some of the children in your care, and you want them to evaluate HER to see if she is a "savant" or gifted or however you want to phrase it. dupe them into it by using flattery. after they're flattered/excited mention, "oh yeah, you have to sign this paper before they'll be allowed to give their opinion about her." or whatever. when the agency comes out and evaluates the child they will want to speak with the parents afterward and then it's sort of "out of your hands."

this is a great idea and think that this might be my best option. this way I don't have to say anything at tall once she has gone through the eval...

Also it will be someone else that determines if there are issues or not instead of me. thanks so much for giving me this idea. It sounds great.....will also keep me from getting an argument with any of my family members..

[QualiTcare]

this is a great idea and think that this might be my best option. this way I don't have to say anything at tall once she has gone through the eval...

Also it will be someone else that determines if there are issues or not instead of me. thanks so much for giving me this idea. It sounds great.....will also keep me from getting an argument with any of my family members..

i wouldn't call them to say this. i would go over to their house just for a visit like last time and then when mom is around be like, "omg, i can't believe how she recites all of those lines. i was telling my friend about that. that's amazing!" then while she's all glowing with pride, say something like, "you know, i have someone coming over to my daycare next week to evaluate some of the kids for kindergarten readiness (or something). i think you should let her come over so she can see her and see what she thinks. she might be gifted!"

i know it's bad, but desperate times call for drastic measures, right?

if she's up for it then say, "you know, i think i might have the paperwork in my car from when i spoke to the lady that's coming. all the kids have to have permission forms signed. let me go get one."

get her to sign the papers giving permission, set up the time for the eval, and then just make sure she gets the kid over there!!

[daycare]

i wouldn't call them to say this. i would go over to their house just for a visit like last time and then when mom is around be like, "omg, i can't believe how she recites all of those lines. i was telling my friend about that. that's amazing!" then while she's all glowing with pride, say something like, "you know, i have someone coming over to my daycare next week to evaluate some of the kids for kindergarten readiness (or something). i think you should let her come over so she can see her and see what she thinks. she might be gifted!"

i know it's bad, but desperate times call for drastic measures, right?

if she's up for it then say, "you know, i think i might have the paperwork in my car from when i spoke to the lady that's coming. all the kids have to have permission forms signed. let me go get one."

get her to sign the papers giving permission, set up the time for the eval, and then just make sure she gets the kid over there!!

I think that this is the most non confrontational way that I can do it....sounds really good....I don't care if it is sneaky, it just needs to be done..

I think this is great way...thank you again

[Live and Learn]

Nice suggestion Qualit.
Be careful Daycare and good luck.

[Unregistered]

failure to thrive

I would discuss this situation with the appropriate authorities for them to make a determination. It's possible that the child is autistic or has some other disorder - but in this situation, it's probably unlikely. I think what you're seeing is a classic case of failure to thrive and neglect. Parenting consists of love, affection, food, shelter, clothing, bonding, socialization, etc. Without it, children exhibit a variety of obvious socialization problems early on.