Please Help!

[Guest]

Hey guys! I am new to this forum because I am desperatley looking for help with one of my DC children. Hopefully someone on here can assist with some advice :0)
I have a this little girl whom is 3.5 since October and the issues at hand were strong when she started - tapered off just a little for awhile and now have come back full force. The mother has conflicting stories depending on the day. She has changed her story several times from she doesn't do it - to she does it - back to she doesn't..so no help there.

For starters she down right ignores people :-(..me, other clients, the other children etc. She for the most part plays ok with one of the dcc but if she is mad then she ignores her too! During our curriculum which has some direction based activities she will ignore my requests. If I ask her again she will then start to cry and ignore everyone for an hour or longer!! It boggles me. I do not know what to do she ignores me on a regular basis and the other children at least once per day. She does not EVER speak to the other clients. I have never in this business had a child do this..after the first few weeks they usually open up and are all gung ho about the curriculum and play time. No matter what I ask of this child she simply looks the other way :0(

And one more issue which has been a huge issue lately. She is potty trained however she has only asked me once in the time she has been here to use the potty. The child will go sit in a corner every day and pee on the floor without ever saying anything to me till I see the puddle..then when I realize it and take her to be changed she throws a fit like it was my fault. I take all the kids several times per day and have asked this little one if she had to go - get ignored then 20 minutes later I am cleaning my floor. I have resorted to putting her back in pull ups which the mother protested until I explained..I can NOT have her peeing all over the floor every day where the other children play :0( The Mother sends the pull up but will not put it on her.., she leaves that for me. When I put the pull up on the little girl..she is fuming. I try to explain to her how to get rid of them..but I get ignored on that too. I have tried and tried to talk to her about the importance of expressing her needs and wants..but she just ignores me.

Has anyone ever had this issue?? I am at a loss. It makes me nervous for her when she goes to school and I would like to find the root of it and fix it beforehand but I just do not know what to do here!

Any insight is hugely appreciated!!!!

[Michael]

Sorry I got to this thread so late. I am pushing it back up.

[Mrs.Ky]

Hey guys! I am new to this forum because I am desperatley looking for help with one of my DC children. Hopefully someone on here can assist with some advice :0)
I have a this little girl whom is 3.5 since October and the issues at hand were strong when she started - tapered off just a little for awhile and now have come back full force. The mother has conflicting stories depending on the day. She has changed her story several times from she doesn't do it - to she does it - back to she doesn't..so no help there.

For starters she down right ignores people :-(..me, other clients, the other children etc. She for the most part plays ok with one of the dcc but if she is mad then she ignores her too! During our curriculum which has some direction based activities she will ignore my requests. If I ask her again she will then start to cry and ignore everyone for an hour or longer!! It boggles me. I do not know what to do she ignores me on a regular basis and the other children at least once per day. She does not EVER speak to the other clients. I have never in this business had a child do this..after the first few weeks they usually open up and are all gung ho about the curriculum and play time. No matter what I ask of this child she simply looks the other way :0(

And one more issue which has been a huge issue lately. She is potty trained however she has only asked me once in the time she has been here to use the potty. The child will go sit in a corner every day and pee on the floor without ever saying anything to me till I see the puddle..then when I realize it and take her to be changed she throws a fit like it was my fault. I take all the kids several times per day and have asked this little one if she had to go - get ignored then 20 minutes later I am cleaning my floor. I have resorted to putting her back in pull ups which the mother protested until I explained..I can NOT have her peeing all over the floor every day where the other children play :0( The Mother sends the pull up but will not put it on her.., she leaves that for me. When I put the pull up on the little girl..she is fuming. I try to explain to her how to get rid of them..but I get ignored on that too. I have tried and tried to talk to her about the importance of expressing her needs and wants..but she just ignores me.

Has anyone ever had this issue?? I am at a loss. It makes me nervous for her when she goes to school and I would like to find the root of it and fix it beforehand but I just do not know what to do here!

Any insight is hugely appreciated!!!!

It seems to me this little girl is shy and scared. My little girl who is 3 doesnt talk to other adults it seems she is being rude by not speaking to them and looking away but she is VERY shy she does however play and talk to other children but only talks to me and her Father. As far as putting her back in pull ups I would also be mad if I was the Mother a 3 and half year old girl does not need to be in pullups if I was you I wouldnt of asked her if she had to potty I would of MADE her sit on the potty when it was potty time she would go. If she is shy she will come around it takes time try to reassure her everything is ok Mom will be back, maybe try 5 minutes of some one on one time a day like coloring together, reading to her, playing with her to get her to open up.

[Kaddidle Care]

I would question the mother first about whether the child has had her hearing tested. Rule out the physical first.

If she says yes and all is OK, make sure you are getting eye contact when asking her to do something.

Being non-verbal tells me there's something else going on - perhaps slightly Autistic? How is her speech when she does talk? Does she talk like someone that is hearing impared?

[daycare]

Is this her first time in DC or any type of care?

My son used to be very very shy and had a really hard time with my DC.

He is now 3.5 and has completely turned around. He talks to just all the kids, but only some of the parents.

When we go somewhere new, lets say the store. If someone tries to talk to him he will shut down and hide behind me or look the other way. Our doc says that he will grow out of it.


As for the pull ups, the mom is going to have to get over it. You are doing the right thing. This is group care and you have to meet the needs as a group. I had a 4.5 year old, a week shy of being 5 who did that/ He even pooped too. So I told mom and dad sorry, I cant take soo much time away from the other kids to constantly clean up the stool or urine mess your child made and then have to clean your child. I am the only one here, so it made it impossible for me to care for all of the kids.

As for the mom not putting her in the pull ups and making you do it, thats just being childish in my eyes. One of the things that you might explain to mom is that it is quite normal for a child to be potty trained at home but not at daycare. there is so much distraction at daycare, that it makes it a lot harder for them to remember to go. You might also tell them, that with several kids and only one of you, it's not always easy to remember to remind a child that they have to go. The child has to be taken every hour or two and as well as be able to tell you they have to go as needed. taking a child to the toilet every 20 -30 minutes teaches them nothing..

BTW how long has the child been there?

[ChaserT27]

Thank you for all your replies :0)
The little girl has been with me since Sept. 2010. The incidents were severe when she started which we broke down to being "shy, scared and adjusting". They tapered off for awhile but have now in the last month come back FULL throttle.
Putting aside the ignoring typical hellos..I tested her today to see what kind of :directions she is ignoring me on. She put her shoes on fine as well as cleaned up with the other kids. Out doors I set up a obstacle course for the them. She did fine and had a ball without me stating what to do..as soon as I made it a directed course..she shut down and stood by the fence with her back to me..would not respond.
During curriculum which is Zoo based this month we had samples of animal skin, fur etc. Very fun day for curriculum. Simple questions she mumbled the answers..no problem. As soon as I directed her where to put the fur she shut down. Head down and would not look at me. If I direct her to do things that are not typical every day things "shoes on, clean up, jacket on,line up" etc. I get the ignoring..??? Boggles me!! I have never had a child ignore me like this :0(

As far as getting eye contact - without getting in her face and holding her head up..there is no chance of it. She has had her hearing checked = no problem and I am 100% sure that is not the issue at hand.

I do take the kids every hour or hour and a half as well as ask in between for potty. She seems to do it in between those times. I have in fact just taken them and 20 minutes later I was cleaning up the floor.

I have done the one on one with her. There has also been a day where all kids were absent except her. Same occurrences.
As far as her vocal skills. She was NO doubt behind in that category when she first began however that was my first priority with her. She has come ALONG way over the months. According to the mom she is picking up what I am teaching but I have NO way to confirm this as she doesn't respond in a manner that I can test her on it.

Mom thinks she is being (and I quote) "a brat". I told her I really do not want to label her with that but something is going on and in order for me to do my job..I need to figure out how to respond. It is not like she throws tantrums (that I can deal with LOL)..she simply ignores, sulks in a corner etc. And no exaggeration..she will sit in a corner by herself sulking for an hour or more if I let her. I just do not know how to respond to this in a manner that gets the point across.."you can not ignore me..it is rude and will not be accepted here"

Previously when she began her "mode" during curriculum I would simply remove her from the situation as to not disrupt the others. This however got her out of it and allowed her to play. The Mom has asked me NOT to do this. Remove her to avoid disruption but do not allow her to play as this she feels is a reward. I agreed. Tried it today - and she was un bothered by it.

:0(

[Fastrackmom]

I have a 1 1/2 year old who is the same way. He refuses to do things when I ask. I tell the parents about it. They are fully aware. He is still in diapers so I don't have the potty problem but everything else he refuses, at first I thought it was cuz he was really stubborn. But Im not positive. A child is not allowed to pee on the floor. I would do pull ups too.

[ChaserT27]

Yes we are def. doing pull ups. I was actually informed today by Mom that the DCG peed on the grandparents floor because she was mad at them fo rnot catering to her. She wanted them all of a sudden to put her on the potty when she has used the step stool for quite some time now. They told her no so she simply peed on the floor :0(
Maybe the Mom is right and she is doing this because she wants ALL the control..?? I know kids fight some things because they have that urge for control. I pick my battles with kids because I understand this, but this one battles everything :0( Eeekkk got my hands full I guess!!!

[wdmmom]

I would get this girl in your routine, no buts about it. All the kids go potty at 9am, she goes too. Put her on the toilet even if she throws a fit. I would keep her in the same activities as the other kids. And get down to her level when speaking to her. I would eliminate as many distractions as possible and base the curriculum on group activities and discussions.

[jojosmommy]

I would go back to pull ups and not force the toilet training on her. Tell mom she will be in pull ups and she will let me know when she has to go. I am not forcing her to sit on the potty. It is her job to understand her body enough to tell me she has to go. If she isn't there yet then she will get there. She may resent you for forcing her on the potty and be peeing on the floor for control or spite.

I would also address the hearing. If she is capable of hearing but chooses not to then it is a behavioral thing. If she can't get with the group and function I would have to give her notice. I am not one to get rid of kids but if she is controlling the group with her actions (or lack of actions) you are being held hostage in your own home and so are the other kids. Kids do things to avoid or seek attention. Sounds like both here and she was getting rewarded by getting removed from the group. She got to play and got to avoid the group time activity. I would force her to be present. If she choses not to participate then her loss but she isnt getting out of functioning with the group. I would give her ignoring everyone the least bit of attention possible. She is still getting some attention when she is doing this or she wouldnt be doing it anymore.

[ChaserT27]

Just an update and maybe some insight ~
So I decided to test miss thing today. She was grumpy upon drop off but her Dad is out of town for the week so I am assuming..this is not helping. Anyways ~ I completed the curriculum with her ONE on ONE. Gave her praise when due and if incorrect I waited till the page was done then would explain why it is incorrect then go over again to make sure she got it. I still got mumbles but at least NO shut downs at all. Questions answered with hardly hear able answers..but they were answers none the less! And even when I pressed this time - she kept on. AT one point she looked like she was going to shut down..I backed off for a second then continued and so did she.
Still has not expressed her needs (potty, shoe tied for the 100th time etc.) (but it is day one of testing theories so will give that time)
At lunch I had handed her the utensils etc. and asked her to say Thank you. For the first time she spoke VERY clear and quite loud "Thank you!" smiled and went about her lunch.

Sooooo...was she starving for attention??? Or... Do you think it is a mix of issues - lots of changes in life, tad bit of anxiety around peers mixed with needing some attention?

[Jenjo]

She sounds like a girl who needs some kind of control in her life. Give her choices that you can live with. "You can come and do this activity with us or you can sit and pout in the corner". Don't let her play with toys though. "You can sit on the toilet and go pee or you can wear a pull up". When you are doing a activity be a little animated and talk about how much fun it is, not to her just in general. When other kids go to the bathroom praise them. Of course if she makes the choice you want her to, make a big deal about it. Find time to give her some one on one like read a book to her and let her sit on your lap. Good Luck