2nd Day With New DCG ... Oh Lord, She's A Screamer

[MarinaVanessa]

So today is my 2nd day with new DCG. She's 22 months (same as 1 DCB) and just officially started last week. One of my current families went from FT to PT and is on their last 2 weeks (this is 6 more days family ... now technically 5 more days). This DCG will be coming Tues and Thursday until "6 more days" family is gone. Once that happens DCG will be coming 3 days a week until mom has baby and goes back to work in August. Once DCM goes back to work I will have DCG and her sibling.

Today is her 2nd day here and yes, she cried her 1st day which is normal and again today but it's a high pitch creaming LOUD cry. It scares my baby and he starts to cry (not nearly as loud as her) and the other kids just stare at her and cover their ears which makes her scream louder. She flaps her arms while she's screaming and makes the motion like she's going to hit. I stopped that immediately with a firm and loud "NO HIT. WE DO NOT HIT" but she continued with her arm flapping. I left her and let her have at it ... it lasted just under 15 minutes. If it would have reached 15 minutes I would have called mom. Today she will only be here 3 hours because mom wants her to transition slowly.

I've noticed a few things that have me wondering about her however. First of all my other 22mo DCB already talks in full sentences (which to me is advanced) and my 2yo DCB can say quite a few words (which is delayed because they always talked to him like he was an infant). New DCG does not really say anything ... as in nothing at all. She'll look out my backdoor and see my dogs but won'e even attempt to say "dog" or "doggie". She can make animal sounds but barely and they don't really sound like the animal. You just know what she's trying to mimic by where she's looking. For example when she sees my dogs she barks but it sounds like a strong F sound. Like she touches her bottom teeth to her top lip and blows to make the F sound.

Second, she can't stand loud noises (even though she's the loudest) or strangers. I had to tell the kids not to make eye contact or to approach or talk to her unless she approached them first and even then if one of them laughs too loud or the room gets louder she starts screaming again. Oh lord, I'm thinking sensory disorder maybe? Or even autism because I put a snack out for her while I got the other kids down for a nap and she pointed to my fan so I turned it on for her and she's been done with snack for 20 minutes now and is still sitting in her chair watching the fan. What 2yo sits somewhere for 20 minutes unless they're watching cartoons or something?

Anyway, it's too soon to ask the mom about it. They're little things that I find odd about her and so I keep observing her to get something to back it up if and when I do talk to her about it. It's not too bad for me but it bothers the other kids who don't understand why they can wave and smile at her and she'll wave and smile back but if they take a step toward her or say something to her she starts screaming again

[countrymom]

hmmm I have a 2 yr old (she had a bday in feb) and she has an amazing vocabulary, but her brother at that age would talk like he was an alien, turns out he was tongue tied. Ask her to stick her tongue out and see if she can do it. Has she had ear infections. the staring of the fan is weird. Also, I've had screamers, I send them to the corner and when they are done, they are more than welcome to join us, its not fair to other children who have to listen to her and deal with her. I know its her second day, but thats just strange.

[MamaBear]

I would talk to her now

I wouldnt wait to tell her about whats going on. I think its important to communicate everything to the parents if the child is doing something strange. She definitely sounds like shes doing some weird stuff for her age. I dont know if I'd say the "autism" word, but just tell her the things shes doing and saying maybe.

[cheerfuldom]

I would wait it out. It is not a good idea to throw around a word like autism lightly. My 2.5 year old that just left was barely doing phrases and would be quite babyish around her parents. They did nothing to encourage the talking and in fact, gave her the binky a lot to keep her from talking. Anyway, all that to say, you really should give her a fair transition time before jumping to conclusions.

[daycare]

It's only day 2 sone kids take longer to warm up and are not very open with others. My own child is like this. He won't let my own family pick him up. He doesnt get to see them often so its hard for him.

You need to give it at least two full weeks before you can make judgement

[Cat Herder]

Is she coming from a center?

[MarinaVanessa]

I wouldnt wait to tell her about whats going on. I think its important to communicate everything to the parents if the child is doing something strange. She definitely sounds like shes doing some weird stuff for her age. I dont know if I'd say the "autism" word, but just tell her the things shes doing and saying maybe.

Oh I do tell the parents what goes on and how she behaves and such so don't get me wrong. I meant that I won't mention autism or disorder until really get a good idea of what I'm dealing with. She may just be a high needs child which after today, I'm more inclined to believe.

She's gone now but when she was here and we went outside she had no trouble or problems. None at all. The kids were running and shouting an she was laughing and smiling and was happy. I talked to her in full sentences and made commands to bring me things and to point out where things were and she understood me even when I used full sentences and more than that she made full eye contact with me and the children when they spoke to he so I'm not so sure about the autism now. I spoke to the dad at pick up about how long it went on for and what triggered it and about he fan and he nodded and said "yeah, she's just wierd like that". I told him that another DCD came to pick up a DCB and she had been fine for about 45 minutes until then but as soon as he walked in she began screaming again. He apologized for her hard day. I also got the impression that mom caters to her every whim. Then she didn't want to leave . So he stuck around outside with us for 10 minutes and finally just picked her up and took her. She cried but not as bad as earlier like she did with me earlier. I dunno, it's wierd.

Oh and I got a call during one if her quiet moments from someone interested in my opening and right after We make introductions and DCG starts screaming. I ask if I can call her back and the woman laughed and said it was ok. I waited until about an hour later to call back (after DCG got picked up) but she didn't answer so I left a message and havnt heard back Grrr. that was an hour ago. I'll be PO'd if I don't hear from her again because of screamer girl

[MarinaVanessa]

Is she coming from a center?

Nope, she's NEVER been away from mom. Mom has a job lined up that won't start until August. So yes that explains alot but not some of the stranger things like the fan thing or the language thing. She really FLIPS out.

[Cat Herder]

Nope, she's NEVER been away from mom. Mom has a job lined up that won't start until August. So yes that explains alot but not some of the stranger things like the fan thing or the language thing. She really FLIPS out.

Well, the reason I ask is that in the past (before I decided to enroll newborns only) I had alot of "rotary tantrum kids" (the hitting/waving/fan thing) from centers. They had been pummeled daily by kids who developed a bit faster than they did.

The waving around of arms and screaming was the quickest way to get an adult over and another kid off.

It took some time and set physical boundaries that the other kids could not cross to make them feel safe and begin to trust that they were not going to be overtaken or hurt.

Soon they will want out of their "safe space" to join the group and ask to go back to the "safe place" when they have had enough. Eventually they will not need that "safe space" at all.

It is slow go, but effective. I actually built it into my program from day one, now, because it really does eliminate SO many group dramas when they are able to "say" I need a break from my friends..