Advice On How to Keep a Hard Child or How to Term Contract

[Guest]

So, I started a new kid this week. Very little one with the kind of temperament I thought was a myth! Goes to sleep easily, doesn't cry unless something is needed, and even then, cries quite quietly. Easy to smile, happy little baby. I swear, I didn't think any of you were really telling me the truth when you said you had babies like this!

Now that I see the positive impact a baby with a mild temperament has on me and my household, I really, REALLY don't want to take care of my screamer anymore. I like her (when she's not screaming), I like her mom, but there's always something going on with her that causes extra work and so much worry that it's to the point where my soul just feels ****ed out at the end of each day. I know it's just a matter of time before I ask the other child to find a new situation. I just feel like I'm giving up too easily or leaving the mom in the lurch. Honestly, her little one needs to be home with mommy, and in lieu of that, she needs a nanny who is dedicated to caring for only her, but I don't think they can afford that. I don't know how to approach it, because I know she's going to feel like I found a replacement child and am now trying to give hers the heave-ho, but I honestly planned on keeping them both, adding another child and hiring an assistant! I just see that it's not feasible anymore, because the assistant would end up being dedicated to only one child. I'm trying to figure out if i should try to keep her on and hire an assistant anyway, but I don't even know if it makes sense to attempt because I have a feeling it's just not going to work out and we're going to have to end the relationship eventually. How would you handle it? I want to be in this business long-term, at least for a decade or more, so I really want to set myself up for success before irreversible burnout sets in.

[jen]

I don't think you are giving up too fast. If that baby isn't a good fit, it isn't helping anyone to keep her there. I would say something like:

Daycare Mom, I have been thinking alot lately about the dynamics of our child care. I'd really like to expand, perhaps take on an assistant. I am concerned about baby name. I don't think that the new dynamic is going to work for her. She really is happiest with one on one care or at the very least, a very small group. I hate to see her unhappy, and I am really committed to growing our daycare family. I am thinking that what would really work out best for baby screams alot, is a smaller group or perhaps an infant and toddler specialist. I got the number for CCR, I am sure that they can help you find a spot for her that will better suit her needs.

[jen]

Or, if you prefer a more professional approach...you can always use the standard...

Dear Daycaremom,


I have truly enjoyed getting to know you and your family. However, due to some upcoming changes in the dynamic of our family daycare, I will no longer be able to accommodate baby x as of this date.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to know and care for your child.

Sincerely,

Me

Then, when she asks, you can tell her that you plan to expand and you don't think the baby will adjust...

[daycare]

have you spoken to the mom about the screaming behavior??

If I were you, I would put the screamer on a probation period of 14days. During this time the child needs to improve. The parents will need to help assist you on this. When the 14th day has been reached, you need to decide if the child has shown any improvement. IF so, then continue with care. If not, let the child go.

I would sit with the mom and a probation contract and say look heres whats going on and this is what we need to do to fix it.

Mom will get the hint and help out to resolve the matter or she will get offended and leave....

[PeanutsGalore]

have you spoken to the mom about the screaming behavior??

If I were you, I would put the screamer on a probation period of 14days. During this time the child needs to improve. The parents will need to help assist you on this. When the 14th day has been reached, you need to decide if the child has shown any improvement. IF so, then continue with care. If not, let the child go.

I would sit with the mom and a probation contract and say look heres whats going on and this is what we need to do to fix it.

Mom will get the hint and help out to resolve the matter or she will get offended and leave....

She knows she's a screamer. She knew before the child started and just didn't tell me. Honestly, the only way I know how to alter the behavior at all is to not respond to the screaming, because it has helped out a bit here, but after observing them play during lunchtime and listening to how they deal with things at home, I have no reasonable expectation that the behavior will ever change.

I had one alternative solution that I was going to try so I could keep her (hire an assistant and let her nap in the basement), but now that I type it up, it sounds kind of insane. I don't want to do it, but I suppose I'll have to face up to terming the contract. I feel so much more at peace today without them here.

[daycare]

She knows she's a screamer. She knew before the child started and just didn't tell me. Honestly, the only way I know how to alter the behavior at all is to not respond to the screaming, because it has helped out a bit here, but after observing them play during lunchtime and listening to how they deal with things at home, I have no reasonable expectation that the behavior will ever change.

I had one alternative solution that I was going to try so I could keep her (hire an assistant and let her nap in the basement), but now that I type it up, it sounds kind of insane. I don't want to do it, but I suppose I'll have to face up to terming the contract. I feel so much more at peace today without them here.

yes the basement thing does sound insane...
It does sound like you are to the point of terming.....I think that jen offered you a great letter... I would never hire an assistant to keep a probelm child. and would only fire an assistant if it were profitable. Or necessary for backup care.

[Michael]

More termination letters from the forum: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ination+letter

[PeanutsGalore]

Well, I reached the end of my wits this week and finally got the guts up to ask her to leave. She was so sweet and understanding, and I feel horrible. I am such a wimp; I cried! I wish there were more info I could give her to help her find another caregiver, but I did give her the number to the local ccrr.

I'm worried about them and hope they find a better situation than this one was.

Sigh. Now to try and find another kid so I'm not living off of the income from one child for the rest of the year. Because you all know how well we are paid.

[wdmmom]

I've been in the same situation you are now. I decided to give it 4 weeks. This way I wasn't overreacting. I gave the child the same treatment daily, the same schedule, ect., then determined whether it would be beneficial to terminate care. I even went as far as advertising a "potential" opening just in case!

Oddly enough, DCP's came back at the end of the second week (they were still in their probation period) saying they were going to go ahead and terminate services. They (first time parents) didn't feel their lil one (the only baby I had at the time) was getting care like she would at home or with family.

It all worked out in the end.

[SimpleMom]

Give a notice. It's been too hard on you and it'll affect your care for the others. You've tried--that's great. It's ok if it didn't work. It'll be uncomfortable at first to give the notice, but afterwards you'll feel a whole lot better.

[MommyMuffin]

I have a difficult infant that I will be letting go after the summer. I have a dcb whose sibling is coming to take the spot. It was hard for me to decide to let him go.

But, you have to make a business decision, not a personal one. And that is just the way it is. Sad but true.