Just Don't Think I Can Physically Do It Anymore!

[sahm2three]

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worn out! I get NO help with any of the house up keep, cooking, animal care, and very little help caring for my own children. I have tried talking to DH and his response is, "I deserve a break too. I work hard too." But WHEN do I get MY break?! That is always my question. If I do take an hour in the evening to do nothing, I PAY for it! I am up an extra hour in the night cleaning because no one does it but me. My kids are slobs. I am constantly telling them to pick up their shoes, coats, dirty clothes, etc that they just DROP all over the house, and I end up doing it because I am the second class citizen in this house. EVERYTHING IS MY JOB!!!!! DH just comes home and plays games either on his phone or on my Ipod. Everyone elses happiness is millions of lightyears ahead of my own. I am exhausted. I am feeling like I am going to break. I actually kind of just did as the dog pooped on the playroom floor (the fun runny kind) and I cannot find the carpet shampooer so I had to hand scrub it (and really just smear it deeper into the carpet). I could barely see what I was scrubbing because I was crying so hard. I am just done. I don't know what to do!!!! I am tired of being sick, I am tired of whiny sick kids being dropped off for me to deal with, and I am tired of not getting any help in this house!!!!!

Maybe just writing a daycare closing warning letter and showing DH will get his butt in gear? He sure likes the money I have coming in, but has no interest in helping me with anything. UGH UGH UGH!!!!

[dEHmom]

sorry you feel like this, I often feel this way too.

I've tried to show dh that my job is 24/7, at least he gets to leave his work behind at 330pm. doesn't get me anywhere.

I've been making dh get up to take ds potty, and making him do more lately, because I've had enough. I told him I'll stop doing laundry, and everything else at 430 when the dck's leave. .

[Symphony]

(((HUGS)))

I hear you! I use to be the one in charge of every single last thing in this house and I was fine with that. DH works crazy hours and works very hard, so I felt comfortable being the one who took on the full load at home. Now however, I am working fulltime daycare, and I have two other consulting jobs that I work from home, so basically two fulltime jobs plus all the housework and cooking?

I finally sat down by my husband at 11 one night and pointed out that my day had just ended. We had a long talk about the difference between a stay at home mom and a work at home mom. They seem to think because we are home all day, we don't need any time off or help.

I still do the majority of the work around the house and all of the cooking, but he pitches in everyday, and is SO appreciative now. My older children are also doing chores everyday now.

I think sometimes you really have to reach your breaking point before the men realize how dire the situation is.

[cillybean83]

kinda felt compelled to respond to this. this is why i'm divorcing my husband. i've tried the sitting down and talking, i've tried yelling, screaming, threatening, crying, begging, pleading, reasoning...nothing worked...well it worked for a day, maybe 2, then it was back to the "norm"...he gets up at 6, i get up at 7, his day ends between 2-4pm, mine ends around 11pm. I make dinner, do laundry, raise the kids, sweep the floors, mop, make the beds, take care of the dogs, run the errands, do EVERYTHING with our children, he plays playstation, poker, facebook games, watches tv. He rolls his eyes when asked to do anything, huffs and puffs when asked to pay attentio to our kids, complains when asked to do anything around the house...and not "womens work" as some pigs put it, but things like cleaning the carport, mowing the grass, taking out the garbage, etc...

So. I got to thinking....

Talking to him didn't work, he would never change...so I had to figure things out on my own and I came to one very important conclusion:

my life would be simpler, and easier, and happier, without him in it. I wouldn't be going from married to single, because he was emotionally gone anyway. I wouldn't be going from a partnership to a single parent, because I did everything with the kids on my own anyway. I would be losing a very big piece of baggage. Less laundry, less dishes, less cooking, less b*tching, less crying, less fighting, less depression, less EVERYTHING!

So I told him I wanted a divorce and he actually told me "no you don't"......

So I kept my plans to myself, and one day just said look, I really want a divorce, this isn't working, i'm done, you need to find a place to live, be a man about this or i'll be forced to make things, very, very ugly.

He complied and that was that, we're separated right now and I've NEVER been happier.

[sahm1225]

<<<<Hugs>>>>>

I think sometimes DH really don't understand what we do.

Is there anyway you can get a day off (maybe get your assistant to work the day and you go and do something just for you)? Can you afford to hire a cleaning lady for the day? You need a mental health day (Without DH and the kids) so that you can recuperate your strenght.... HUGS again, I know how much it ****s when you get to your breaking point..

[dEHmom]

kinda felt compelled to respond to this. this is why i'm divorcing my husband. i've tried the sitting down and talking, i've tried yelling, screaming, threatening, crying, begging, pleading, reasoning...nothing worked...well it worked for a day, maybe 2, then it was back to the "norm"...he gets up at 6, i get up at 7, his day ends between 2-4pm, mine ends around 11pm. I make dinner, do laundry, raise the kids, sweep the floors, mop, make the beds, take care of the dogs, run the errands, do EVERYTHING with our children, he plays playstation, poker, facebook games, watches tv. He rolls his eyes when asked to do anything, huffs and puffs when asked to pay attentio to our kids, complains when asked to do anything around the house...and not "womens work" as some pigs put it, but things like cleaning the carport, mowing the grass, taking out the garbage, etc...

So. I got to thinking....

Talking to him didn't work, he would never change...so I had to figure things out on my own and I came to one very important conclusion:

my life would be simpler, and easier, and happier, without him in it. I wouldn't be going from married to single, because he was emotionally gone anyway. I wouldn't be going from a partnership to a single parent, because I did everything with the kids on my own anyway. I would be losing a very big piece of baggage. Less laundry, less dishes, less cooking, less b*tching, less crying, less fighting, less depression, less EVERYTHING!

So I told him I wanted a divorce and he actually told me "no you don't"......

So I kept my plans to myself, and one day just said look, I really want a divorce, this isn't working, i'm done, you need to find a place to live, be a man about this or i'll be forced to make things, very, very ugly.

He complied and that was that, we're separated right now and I've NEVER been happier.

wow cilly, as long as you are doing well, that's good to hear. I have a dh who does a lot, but sometimes I find it's just not enough, or it's not the right stuff he's focusing on. But as kids are getting older, it seems to be getting a little better. Finally. He sees how hard i'm trying, and therefore, he understands a little better.

[morgan24]

I'm sorry your having problems. You should write up a quitting daycare letter for you families and leave it on the counter for just him to read. Then when he asks you about it tell him you decide that you can't do everything so you are going to take care of your kids and house. If he wants to help more you'll continue daycare. I don't know if that would shake him up enough to help or not.

I had kids that were slobs for awhile. I decided that I was tired of picking up after them. I started putting all the crap they left laying around in big trash bags and taking it to the basement. They got sick of looking for their stuff and started putting it in their own rooms, which were total pig pens but at least it wasn't laying around where I had to pick it up.

[cheerfuldom]

We just went thru this same thing about 6 months ago. I had a full on meltdown, threatened a bazillion things. Okay so this was my plan of action and it is working.

1. Talk to someone about this. I went to my pastor. My husband refused to go with me but my pastor and my counselor (different people) both helped me come up with a way to talk to my husband, lay it all out and really ask for what I wanted with consequences if my needs were or were not met. In our case, I really did have my husband pack up his stuff and (almost) leave. He saw I was serious and thank goodness, really stepped up in every way.

2. Hired an assistant for the daycare. I cannot do all this all day with no breaks ever. Right now I am 36 weeks preggo and needing the help desperately. She comes three shifts a week, 2 hours each shift.

3. Get control of any lingering problems with the daycare families. Stop letting people treat you bad!

4. Get control of other family drama. In my case, there was a lot but I am getting better at setting boundaries. I don't talk to or spend time with people that do not bring something positive into my life, period.

5. Start saying no. I am so done with making other people happy at my own expense. If I don't want to go somewhere, I don't. If I need my kids to do something, they will do it, end of story.

Hope all this helps and you can get some resolution there.

[MyAngels]

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worn out! I get NO help with any of the house up keep, cooking, animal care, and very little help caring for my own children. I have tried talking to DH and his response is, "I deserve a break too. I work hard too." But WHEN do I get MY break?! That is always my question. If I do take an hour in the evening to do nothing, I PAY for it! I am up an extra hour in the night cleaning because no one does it but me. My kids are slobs. I am constantly telling them to pick up their shoes, coats, dirty clothes, etc that they just DROP all over the house, and I end up doing it because I am the second class citizen in this house. EVERYTHING IS MY JOB!!!!! DH just comes home and plays games either on his phone or on my Ipod. Everyone elses happiness is millions of lightyears ahead of my own. I am exhausted. I am feeling like I am going to break. I actually kind of just did as the dog pooped on the playroom floor (the fun runny kind) and I cannot find the carpet shampooer so I had to hand scrub it (and really just smear it deeper into the carpet). I could barely see what I was scrubbing because I was crying so hard. I am just done. I don't know what to do!!!! I am tired of being sick, I am tired of whiny sick kids being dropped off for me to deal with, and I am tired of not getting any help in this house!!!!!

Maybe just writing a daycare closing warning letter and showing DH will get his butt in gear? He sure likes the money I have coming in, but has no interest in helping me with anything. UGH UGH UGH!!!!

I'm sorry you are feeling this way - ((Hugs)). Are you at capacity with your daycare? If not, could you take in one more child and use the money to hire a cleaning lady?

If your kids won't pick up their things as they go, perhaps you could do it for them, only put it someplace where they can't find it. When they run out of clean underwear, or can't find their iPod, maybe they'll get the point.

When dinner time comes around, and everyone starts asking "what's for dinner?" pull out a stack of takeout menus and say, "I don't know. What's for dinner?"

Hopefully you can get a resolution to this situation soon, before you reach the end of your rope.

[Mrs.Ky]

Just know you are NOT alone. I work 10 hours a day with daycare and work 24 hours a day with my own kids plus the laundry, housework, and cooking on top of it. It seems you need a big break maybe you can get a babysitter and you and the hubby go out for dinner and a movie. My husband and I did this last month it was great and plan to aleast do it once every other month.

[Lilbutterflie]

Just wanted to offer ((((HUGS))))

I hear you, we can ALL feel that way from time to time.

I feel as if some good advice has already been offered; but I'll put in my two cents, too.

Communication is KEY to your DH. Sit him down and as calmly as possible tell him that something HAS to change or you will be closing your daycare.

As far as your kids are concerned... if they are older (maybe 8 and up?) I would start hiding the things they are leaving around. When they start telling you or asking you where their clothes and possessions are, let them know that they were taken away because of their carelessness. Make them earn them back by taking out the trash, doing dishes, sweeping the floors, etc...

Take a day this weekend to have some ME time! Whatever you like to do, go off and do it! Forget about the state of the house, or how dirty it is. You NEED some me time this weekend b/c you are already past burnout!

[daycare]

I think at one time or another we all go through this... Here is waht I did.

Friday night as soon as the DC closed at 6:00 PM sharp I went on STRIKE...

I was so sick of it. I stopped doing everything and anything. I also went into my garage and turrned off the breaker to all of the electirc except for the kitchen. I told the entire family: guess what,,,, you do nothing you get nothing....Including me.. I am on strike, I am not cleaning cooking, or doing anything for anyone because NO one does anything to help me.

So for the first hour no one really did anything or said anything. Then the pressure started when their fav TV was about to come on around 8pm. Oh I am so sorry you have not helped do anything so the power stays off.

Then my daughter starts screaming MOM the water is freezing cold in the shower....Oh I am so sorry, you didn't do anything to help me this week, sorry I cant help you.

NOthing much happened on Friday, but then they all thought that I was going to turn the power back on...NOPE... the whole house was a disaster. especially the kitchen, as it was the only place in teh house with lights.

By saturday afternoon, things were crazy. I told my husband sorry I have a spa appointment gotta leave. Good luck.. As I was leaving I went and locked the box to the power breakers so that no one could turn it on.

I ened up going to the spa and then treated myself to a nice lunch/early dinner. I returned around 6:30 to find the entire house cleaned from top to bottom. I guess my husband got the clue. He rallied up the kids and made them clean.
I did not turn the power back on until Sunday night. I made them suffer..... Guess what it worked. and so when they struggle to help me, I say well I can always turn the power back off. DOn't foreget, you do nothing, you get nothing.....

I almost had to turn the power off last weekend, but then when I reminded them, they all got up and started cleaning up their stuff....

[countrymom]

I have to agree, your not alone, you should have been here the other day when I yelled at dh to help because I felt sick. But my dcm (we are good friends) says the same thing, she comes home late and nothing is done (she works ever other day) her dh said that she should start doing something because the house looks like a pigsty every day, ya lets say she had a blow out too.
You know what, close for a couple of days and catch up on what needs to be done, or take a vacation, I find that when I become like a crazy person I need to escape my house so I make dh take the kids to their activities and I go and sit in timmys for some coffee.

[cheerfuldom]

OMW! I can't believe you turned the power off! Well I do agree that sometimes something drastic to get attention does the trick. My husband was so shocked when I had him pack up his stuff and asked him how did he want to arrange visitation to see the girls. I don't know that it ever occurred to him that it is privilege to be married to me. Your job isn't over because you said "I do" eight years ago, you know? Sometimes people just get spoiled and lazy and we let them treat us like this so we are accountable for that too.

[wdmmom]

I too have a husband that doesn't and a broad of kids that are pigs.

The laundry has always been my worst enemy and my kids now have the creative idea that if they clean their room, they'll just toss all their clothes in the laundry...regardless of them being clean or dirty. That way their room looks clean.

I went on laundry strike (until I had no more undies:. The kids were complaining that they didn't have jeans, socks, etc. Awww...that's too bad. By the time I finally did the laundry, I had 12 loads! In 5 days mind you! Ridiculous!!!!

Now, they have received all their clothes back, washed, dried, and folded. All they had to do was put them away and I watched them do it! :: When I go to do laundry next week, I will count and whoever has more than 7 of anything isn't getting anything washed! Maybe that'll teach them!

As for turning the power off...with tomorrow being Friday and all...that's one HECK of an idea!