Oh! So That’s Where You Get It From!

[GretasLittleFriends]

How sad that this is the way things are going!

I am very thankful to have a mom that is quite the opposite. She is home on maternity leave and her older boy is home too. He just turned 3. He will be coming one day this week because mom has some errands to run about 1.25 hours away from home (2.5hrs round trip). That is a long car ride for the little man, and he is going through withdrawals not playing with the other kids. She called and asked if I would mind taking him for about 4 hours or so. I didn't mind in the least. The weather is supposed to be bad rain/snow mix. She said if it were to be a nice day she would take him with and go to a particular park up in that area and make it a fun day. Since it's not a good forecast she just wants to go, do her business then come back home. It's been 2 or 3 weeks since I've had this little guy, and I don't expect to see him again until mom goes back to work.

[E Daycare]

You may be right, but this greatly saddens and confuses me. I can almost understand, in this entitlement age, the parents wanting time away from the kids, as they have them all the time. I don't agree with it, but can almost see it. But the grandparents?? That's the best part of grandkids - you can love on em all you want and then send them home! If you lived 4 hours away, why would you NOT pick up and spend the afternoon with them?!?

I have a 3 yo grand-daughter. She is my world. She's 3, she has the attitude of a 3 year old, and she's spoiled. But I love every piece of her and spend as much time as possible with her. She comes every Friday and I look forward to Fridays for that reason. On the occasional day that she doesn't come, I miss her terribly. I can't imagine not having her in my life and spending time with her. I just don't get grandparents (especially) who don't want anything to do with their grandkids!! Is it really because there's so much more in life to do? Do people just not matter anymore? Or are the kids today so out of control that even grandparents don't want to bother with them? :confused:

Youre a wonderful grandmother and your grand daughter will forever love you because of this!

My mother passed away 16 yrs ago when I was on the cusp of being a teenager, my father never remarried and my brother and I moved out right at 18. So my dad has had A LONG time being on his own and is the "paying" grandparent. He sends savings bonds, plays Santa at Christmas and gives my nephew dollar coins to save but other then that, thats where his "hands on" ends. MY husband and I also live 7hrs away from our home town so it makes it harder.

My mother in law on the other hand? She is GRANDMA and she loves it!! She waited a long 8yrs for us to get pregnant and she drives down when she can to spend time with DS, gets up with him when shes here, feeds him, snuggles him, sits in on bath, all of it. When we go home we stay at her house because we know how much she loves seeing DS in his PJs first thing in the morning. She is what I call the grandma grandma. There are the grandparents you visit on holidays and the ones you see all the time no matter what. I have that, my moms parents are stuffy and off putting but my dads mom helped to raise us after my mother died. My dads mom is GRANDMA to us. DH, his dads parents wanted to be called Nana and Papa because grandma and grandpa sounded too old. His moms parents are grandma (and was grandpa).

Sad how now a days NO ONE wants to spend time with kids. I lost my mother young and will do everything in my power to spend time with my DS as much as I can. I love him, he was the missing piece to my puzzle. He needs the love, the memories, the support and most of all, me. He will always know I want to spend time with him and enjoy him.

We are on borrowed time.

[Lucy]

This makes me think of a very sad situation I had not long ago. I had a dcm that was on maternity leave and her mother and her MIL were both in town for a week staying with her to help out. Her husband was also off work that week. So we have 4 adults all in the same house for a week and wouldn't you know it... They brought their 18 mo old to me EVERYDAY that week, from open to close! I was so stunned! I even offered to give them a vacation week unpaid and they declined. Why would they need 4 adults to take care of 1 newborn and ship the 18 mo old off to daycare everyday? I just don't get it!

I hesitate to take the parents' side on this... and really I'm not fully taking their side... but my thoughts on this is that maybe they don't want to disrupt the 18 mo old's routine. We all know how it can happen that when a child is home for a week, then comes back to us, they can be little hellions the first day or so.

I'm probably looking at this through rose-colored glasses, but maybe they just want their 18 mo old to continue to benefit from the interaction with kids his/her own age. No? Ok, probably not. But it's a valid possibility. *shrug*

ETA: Or as someone above pointed out, maybe the grandparents are the type that spoil the heck out of the 18 month old, and the parents are more strict, and the parents just didn't want to deal with how badly the grandparents spoil him/her. I don't know.... I'm a benefit-of-the-doubt kind of person I guess!

[Unregistered]

My daughter-in-law nicknamed me "Psycho Nana" from when the twins were tiny...we actually had a run in and were both a little ticked off at each other because she thought I was stepping on their toes (and she was right!) but thankfully we worked it all out and are best friends again...I'd KILL to spend time with my grandsons and even though they are now 13 years old, they do still spend some time with their old Nana...which I LOVE!

I can see both sides...the child is away from daycare and gets all out of whack with schedules , etc. BUT why don't parents want to spend time with their kids?? Because the kids, in a lot of cases, run the show and the parents don't like it but don't know how to be the PARENT!

It's easier to have the daycare provider do all the grunt work and put up with the nasty behaivour...I've had parents here who want their 2 year olds to not nap so they can put them to bed at 6 p.m. at night...after they've picked them up at 5:30!! It would be too much trouble to look after them ...

I'd love to go back to the days of my son being a toddler so I could have a "do over" and enjoy it all again...LOL!! I enjoyed every minute of my grandsons as toddlers (they spent quite a bit of time here with us) and I miss those snuggly, sticky kiss days SO much...

[Unregistered]

I hesitate to take the parents' side on this... and really I'm not fully taking their side... but my thoughts on this is that maybe they don't want to disrupt the 18 mo old's routine. We all know how it can happen that when a child is home for a week, then comes back to us, they can be little hellions the first day or so.

I'm probably looking at this through rose-colored glasses, but maybe they just want their 18 mo old to continue to benefit from the interaction with kids his/her own age. No? Ok, probably not. But it's a valid possibility. *shrug*

ETA: Or as someone above pointed out, maybe the grandparents are the type that spoil the heck out of the 18 month old, and the parents are more strict, and the parents just didn't want to deal with how badly the grandparents spoil him/her. I don't know.... I'm a benefit-of-the-doubt kind of person I guess!

I think this is exactly the case for many families. My sister works and goes to school and commited to 5 days of daycare b/c she wasnt certain with studying, work, and on the job practicum stuff how much actual daycare she needed. She didnt want to short me or mess with me every week about what sched the kids were coming so they come 8-4 everyday. The last two weeks her dad has been up here helping and she has kept one kid home everyday and sent the other one (usually the older- in need of structure and engagement one). I think its more about consistency, routine, and structure. How much structure would be present in a house with a newborn and a bunch of grandparents? None in my experience, so if I had the option I would send my kids too and then get everything done so that the min I picked them up I could be engaged 100%. Plus they say not to make big changes when babies are born. Ripping a kid from daycare (and all their fun and friends) doesnt sound to me like a plesant way to adjust to all the changes going on with a new baby.

I also think the parents dont want to mess with you too much either. IMO they respect you and think highly of you and the service you offer so why wouldnt they want to provide you with some consistency and routine too. Maybe they are afraid if they make to many waves you will get rid of them.

[Lucy]

I think this is exactly the case for many families. My sister works and goes to school and commited to 5 days of daycare b/c she wasnt certain with studying, work, and on the job practicum stuff how much actual daycare she needed. She didnt want to short me or mess with me every week about what sched the kids were coming so they come 8-4 everyday. The last two weeks her dad has been up here helping and she has kept one kid home everyday and sent the other one (usually the older- in need of structure and engagement one). I think its more about consistency, routine, and structure. How much structure would be present in a house with a newborn and a bunch of grandparents? None in my experience, so if I had the option I would send my kids too and then get everything done so that the min I picked them up I could be engaged 100%. Plus they say not to make big changes when babies are born. Ripping a kid from daycare (and all their fun and friends) doesnt sound to me like a plesant way to adjust to all the changes going on with a new baby.

I also think the parents dont want to mess with you too much either. IMO they respect you and think highly of you and the service you offer so why wouldnt they want to provide you with some consistency and routine too. Maybe they are afraid if they make to many waves you will get rid of them.

Yes, exactly. I will admit there are some who I feel like they just want to "get rid of" the kids whenever they can, but something in this case tells me they're just going for consistency and routine. You have a valid point about the older sibling syndrome when new baby comes home. You don't want to upset the apple cart!!

[Gurdy]

I think this is exactly the case for many families. My sister works and goes to school and commited to 5 days of daycare b/c she wasnt certain with studying, work, and on the job practicum stuff how much actual daycare she needed. She didnt want to short me or mess with me every week about what sched the kids were coming so they come 8-4 everyday. The last two weeks her dad has been up here helping and she has kept one kid home everyday and sent the other one (usually the older- in need of structure and engagement one). I think its more about consistency, routine, and structure. How much structure would be present in a house with a newborn and a bunch of grandparents? None in my experience, so if I had the option I would send my kids too and then get everything done so that the min I picked them up I could be engaged 100%. Plus they say not to make big changes when babies are born. Ripping a kid from daycare (and all their fun and friends) doesnt sound to me like a plesant way to adjust to all the changes going on with a new baby.

I also think the parents dont want to mess with you too much either. IMO they respect you and think highly of you and the service you offer so why wouldnt they want to provide you with some consistency and routine too. Maybe they are afraid if they make to many waves you will get rid of them.

Truthfully, I think that parents use these reasons as excuses to justify the fact that they do not want to take care of their own kids because they are not used to having to do that all day. It is too hard for them. It is much easier to ship them off and not have to worry about their day to day needs.

I worked outside of the home for a while and thankfully had my Mom watch my kids when I worked daytime hours. Everyday I had off I had my kids with me. Why? Because I actually wanted to be with them and change their diapers and take care of them. My point is that I wanted to do everything for them the good and the bad. It seems some parents just dont want to deal with the hard part of being a parent.

Routines and schedules are very important, but everyone, even preschoolers, need a vacation from that sometimes. Parents tend to be so concerned about their "me time" that they forget kids need time off too. IMO kids need lots of extra hugs and time with Mommy after having a new baby brought in to their lives, not to be shipped off everyday from 7am to 5pm.

[countrymom]

Truthfully, I think that parents use these reasons as excuses to justify the fact that they do not want to take care of their own kids because they are not used to having to do that all day. It is too hard for them. It is much easier to ship them off and not have to worry about their day to day needs.

I worked outside of the home for a while and thankfully had my Mom watch my kids when I worked daytime hours. Everyday I had off I had my kids with me. Why? Because I actually wanted to be with them and change their diapers and take care of them. My point is that I wanted to do everything for them the good and the bad. It seems some parents just dont want to deal with the hard part of being a parent.

Routines and schedules are very important, but everyone, even preschoolers, need a vacation from that sometimes. Parents tend to be so concerned about their "me time" that they forget kids need time off too. IMO kids need lots of extra hugs and time with Mommy after having a new baby brought in to their lives, not to be shipped off everyday from 7am to 5pm.

your first paragraph said it all. I think parents don't know what to do with their kids all day. I'm serious. Ask the parents what they did with their kids all weekend, then you will know what kind of parents you are dealing with. Also your right about kids needed a vacation. I too think that kids need a break from routine, just like we need days off, school kids need days off too and so do daycare kids.