Speaking Of My Own Children - How Much Weight

[DancingQueen]

does their opinion have on your business?

I ask because I'm starting to get quite a bit of resistance from my older two (almost 15 and almost 17) My 17 year old is respectful about it and helpful but he makes no secret that it effects the entire family and he doesn't enjoy it at all. My almost 15 year old does not hold it in at all. She says on a daily basis I HATE DAYCARE!...

They genuinely hate that I do daycare. And my 9 year old (the one with ADHD) really struggles when the daycare kids are around. and the daycare kids behave horribly when he is around. He seems to bring up the energy level of the entire house and the daycare kids bounce off the wall

To make things worse the summers are so boring for them because I can't go anywhere. i can't even bring them to friends houses or anything. I am trapped here in my house/yard and unless they can get rides then so are they. Their summer last summer was absolutely horrible.

I think he would be so much better off if I didn't do daycare. His psychiatrist said that asking him to behave in the daycare environment right off the bus from a stressful day of school is really asking a lot of him. He isn't suggesting that I change my career but he is just pointing out the obvious. Even suggested I find as many was as possible to have my son NOT be here during daycare hours.

I just wonder how much your daycare effects your family and how would you feel if you were me?

[cheerfuldom]

wow, that is really tough. I know daycare has been a stress on me, my husband, our marriage and my relationship with my own kids. They have had to share mommy from day one and sometimes I can tell they are just sick of having other kids around (but they are only 20 months and 3.5 years). We don't have another option so the best I can do is try to have separate areas for our family and the daycare. Everyone has their own space. The kids are not allowed in my girls rooms or mine and my husband's room. I don't have any suggestions for your teens though. I am guessing there is not an extra vehicle that the 17 year old can use during the summer? Is there any option to start scaling back the daycare or looking for other employment options? I know those would be big changes though. I am finishing my college degree right now and hope to not be in this position when my kids are school age. It is very taxing to share our household with a daycare.

[DancingQueen]

The seed is planted in the back of my head to start looking next summer. My dd will be in school full time then and I wouldn't have to pay for daycare if I found the right hours.

But that is 2 more summers of H. E. double hockey sticks for my kids.

And my almost 17 year old doesn't have his lic. yet. We're working on it - but even then he won't be able to drive anyone else in the car for a long time (Connecticut driving laws)

[laundrymom]

honestly,.... they either like it or hush about it. I wont tolerate them harping on me because THEY want to be out doing fun stuff. That is rude. They wouldnt go to their dads work and gripe to him in front of his boss about his hours, or about how they have to be restrained in their activities because of his schedule or limitations. Ill be danged if they are going to try it with my job. Here my income ($1,200 a week) is our bread and butter and they learn very young that this is not a hobby, or something thats going away. They either be respectful or learn to stand very still in the corner or sit in a kitchen chair. If they have an ugly attitude in front of a parent they are made to write a note of apology, and hand deliver it with a verbal one the next time they see them. I know it seems harsh but my career is NOT something I allow my children to dictate rules on. THEY are the kids, I am the parent. They know their place.

does their opinion have on your business?

I ask because I'm starting to get quite a bit of resistance from my older two (almost 15 and almost 17) My 17 year old is respectful about it and helpful but he makes no secret that it effects the entire family and he doesn't enjoy it at all. My almost 15 year old does not hold it in at all. She says on a daily basis I HATE DAYCARE!...

They genuinely hate that I do daycare. And my 9 year old (the one with ADHD) really struggles when the daycare kids are around. and the daycare kids behave horribly when he is around. He seems to bring up the energy level of the entire house and the daycare kids bounce off the wall

To make things worse the summers are so boring for them because I can't go anywhere. i can't even bring them to friends houses or anything. I am trapped here in my house/yard and unless they can get rides then so are they. Their summer last summer was absolutely horrible.

I think he would be so much better off if I didn't do daycare. His psychiatrist said that asking him to behave in the daycare environment right off the bus from a stressful day of school is really asking a lot of him. He isn't suggesting that I change my career but he is just pointing out the obvious. Even suggested I find as many was as possible to have my son NOT be here during daycare hours.

I just wonder how much your daycare effects your family and how would you feel if you were me?

[cheerfuldom]

any options for public transportation? I took the bus as a young teenager plenty of times but I know it really depends on the kid and the area you live in. Any options for a summer assistant so you can get out of the house with them more?

[DancingQueen]

My kids would never, in a million years do anything wrong during daycare hours or in front of parents. They know better.
But they verbalize it often off hours. We have an open and honest relationship and I'm glad they talk to me about this stuff. I would never punish them for verbalizing how they feel about the environment in their own home if they are doing it in a respectful manner.

the only exception is my daughter's "I hate daycare" and even that isn't done DURING daycare. it is usually after hours when she's tripped over a toy or reached for the goldfish only to discovere there aren't any left. She is venting but it isn't in a way that I'd ever punish her for.

[DancingQueen]

any options for public transportation?

I live in a very rural community on a very busy road (route 44). Have to drive anywhere we go.

I would love to go the assistant route but I just can't afford to relinquish any of my income right now. Especially now that my husband isn't living here. Funds are insanely tight.

[cheerfuldom]

yikes laundrymom, you sound like a tough cookie! I understand that you are hard working and obviously have a challenging job that has to be done. But it IS a sacrifice for the rest of the family too. There is definitely a line where kids are being disrespectful to mom but also, there is something to be said for hearing them out at times and trying to find a compromise if at all possible. I would never want my kids to be afraid to even talk to me about something. I might not be able to change anything but at least they can have the comfort that they are heard and that mom understands. A 17 year old stuck in a house all summer with babies is clearly not having very much fun. What is wrong with trying to help him find some alternatives to being bored? Camps, lessons, friends and all that stuff are what makes memories. Maybe I am just reading the tone of your post wrong but it really rubbed me the wrong way.

[BentleysBands]

i'm kindof like you laundrymom...my kids (18,16,12,6) have all grown up with me doing homedaycare. as they have grown, yes they soetimes hate it BUT they also know its our play $$ to do fun things, cell phones,etc...so they dont really complain. we do our fun things on the weekends and i always take a week off during summer just for them. it can be hard to juggle but all my kids/hubby know this is what i love, make great $$ and can be home for them all. and we actually LIVE daycare ...our house is small so its all daycare (walls,toys,etc) . but i also stopped taking kids under 2yrs so not having pnp's in their rooms has drastically made a difference and not hearing a screaming baby.

[laundrymom]

Yes I am a tough cookie. I operate at full capacity in order to give my family the lifestyle they have asked for. The only compromise here is what we do when Im finished working, during our free time. I will not compromise on quite naps or respect towards me and the other adults here. I sound harder in print than in life,.. My kids are easy going, go with the flow kind of kids, from 16 yrs on they have cars, and activities they go to without me, my almost 20 yr old is still at home, going to college. He knows,... naps are quiet, you lose your room to the pack and plays or porta cribs, you cant have anyone over during then. My 17 yr old is the same way. The younger two (almost 13 and almost 10 ) often get to do things with their older sibs. If there is another adult here they may swim. They are allowed in the back yard without supervision. I dont think its a sacrifice for the family as far as me having my work here, if I did work outside the home they wouldnt be here at all so being unable to leave or whatever during the day isnt what I see as a sacrifice. There is no option of me ever not working full time. I would go NUTS!!! . Im a very hyper, over energized, person and I am bored to tears if I have only 6 kids in daycare for a day. I know it sounds like Im a hard arse. but its really not like that. We have time for them to hang in their rooms, play with their friends, etc. but naps are quiet. During that time they get me to themselves. I know it sounds like I am a "I ruler you worker" type person but really thats not the case. I just dont allow them to have a say or make me guilty for the choices I have made to support my family. I feel that in todays society children often have more choices than they should. Here I limit their choices and only give them the options that I prefer to go along with. But,... mine are older,... they have been in my daycare since conception. They know no other way of life. This is their normal. Maybe that is why they just dont have an issue? Im on year 23,.. so I guess Im just set inmy ways too. . I promise Im not a meanie terd.

yikes laundrymom, you sound like a tough cookie! I understand that you are hard working and obviously have a challenging job that has to be done. But it IS a sacrifice for the rest of the family too. There is definitely a line where kids are being disrespectful to mom but also, there is something to be said for hearing them out at times and trying to find a compromise if at all possible. I would never want my kids to be afraid to even talk to me about something. I might not be able to change anything but at least they can have the comfort that they are heard and that mom understands. A 17 year old stuck in a house all summer with babies is clearly not having very much fun. What is wrong with trying to help him find some alternatives to being bored? Camps, lessons, friends and all that stuff are what makes memories. Maybe I am just reading the tone of your post wrong but it really rubbed me the wrong way.

[AnythingsPossible]

I haven't read all the posts, so forgive me if any of this is redundant!
My kids (14,12,9) have been given a very firm option. If they truly hate daycare that much, I will quit, however, with me quitting means the loss of tv, internet, my oldest's cell phone, participation in band, piano lessons, family vacation, new things they want, new clothes and shoes, and anything else fun that isn't a necessity. I do daycare to provide them with the things they enjoy doing. We could survive on my husbands income, but we would be doing only that, surviving, nothing extra.
Take into consideration that if you closed your daycare and had to find a different job, their summer's would still be dull and boring. You couldn't drive them to friends house's and to activities if you were at work. If you didn't work at all you probably wouldn't be able to afford to buy gas to run them places.
Last summer I let myself get really down because of my children's dislike for daycare. I had to make them and myself realize that to have the life we have and the life they enjoy daycare is what needs to be done! So as soon as they are ready to give up their stuff, I will be thrilled to quit!

[Evansmom]

I'm like some of the pps in that we could make it on my husband's salary only BUT we'd give so much up. My DD is committed to band, she's a section leader and will likely be captain next year, all of that costs hundreds of dollars, even the leadership camp is $$. She's also learning Chinese and excells at it. She has a chance to go to Taiwan as an exchange student this summer so we bought her ticket. It's so important b/c she's 17 and about to go to college where she plans to study Chinese. Plus now she drives and we have to pay for her car and teen insurance (very high!) All those opportunities would be non-existant for her if I didn't work.

Yes both of my older kids (17 and 12) balk in the summer about how I'm stuck at home and can't drive them around. But they know they live a better lifestyle and have more opportunities with me working so we all adjust to live with it. I don't think it's terrible for kids to have to make these kinds of adjustments, it builds character. Plus if I didn't work we'd likely only have one car so in the summer we'd still be stuck at home! ::

[3kidzmama]

yikes laundrymom, you sound like a tough cookie! I understand that you are hard working and obviously have a challenging job that has to be done. But it IS a sacrifice for the rest of the family too. There is definitely a line where kids are being disrespectful to mom but also, there is something to be said for hearing them out at times and trying to find a compromise if at all possible. I would never want my kids to be afraid to even talk to me about something. I might not be able to change anything but at least they can have the comfort that they are heard and that mom understands. A 17 year old stuck in a house all summer with babies is clearly not having very much fun. What is wrong with trying to help him find some alternatives to being bored? Camps, lessons, friends and all that stuff are what makes memories. Maybe I am just reading the tone of your post wrong but it really rubbed me the wrong way.

My views are similar to laundrymom's. My job isn't negotiable as far as my kids are concerned. And realistically, the kids whose mothers do daycare aren't any worse off than those whose mothers work outside the home. My children would STILL be stuck at home all summer (or in someone elses daycare) if I worked elsewhere. That's life when both parents must bring in an income in order to pay the bills.

[nannyde]

My son doesn't have an opinion on it. I started doing home child care seven years before he was born. It's the only life he knows.

[MyAngels]

does their opinion have on your business?

I ask because I'm starting to get quite a bit of resistance from my older two (almost 15 and almost 17) My 17 year old is respectful about it and helpful but he makes no secret that it effects the entire family and he doesn't enjoy it at all. My almost 15 year old does not hold it in at all. She says on a daily basis I HATE DAYCARE!...

They genuinely hate that I do daycare. And my 9 year old (the one with ADHD) really struggles when the daycare kids are around. and the daycare kids behave horribly when he is around. He seems to bring up the energy level of the entire house and the daycare kids bounce off the wall

To make things worse the summers are so boring for them because I can't go anywhere. i can't even bring them to friends houses or anything. I am trapped here in my house/yard and unless they can get rides then so are they. Their summer last summer was absolutely horrible.

I think he would be so much better off if I didn't do daycare. His psychiatrist said that asking him to behave in the daycare environment right off the bus from a stressful day of school is really asking a lot of him. He isn't suggesting that I change my career but he is just pointing out the obvious. Even suggested I find as many was as possible to have my son NOT be here during daycare hours.

I just wonder how much your daycare effects your family and how would you feel if you were me?

I wonder if you could have a family meeting with your children to discuss the concerns, and explore options and alternatives to the problems you are facing. I don't think kids sometimes truly appreciate the benefits of having their parent working at home. I know there were several times during the years my kids were growing up that we discussed what life would be like if Mom gave up the daycare and went "back to work." We always came to the unanimous conclusion that the benefits far outweighed the drawbacks, which gave the kids that much more appreciation not only for what I did, but what the daycare families (and their willingness to pay me) brought into our lives.

And, who knows, maybe you'll come to the conclusion that you'd all be better off if you were working outside the home.