The Reason For My Absence And A Question

[DancingQueen]

I joined here a while back and was pretty active. But then I haven't posted much of anything in quite some time.
The reason for that is that my husband moved out (my choice - not his). So life has been unbelievably hectic the past few months. He moved out mid January.

I just wanted to know if this is something you think I need to report to the State at all? I know if someone moves in then the answer is clear - but since he is gone do I have to?

Also, I have to say. Keeping everything "daycare ready" all the time on my own is a LOT of work. Upkeep of the yard, the snow, shoveling my roof!!! etc. it has been an incredible challenge the past couple of months but things are starting to get easier.

[daycare]

trust me I know how you feel. I am married, but my husband works crazy hours. He is NEVER home and when he is, he has to sleep, so he might as well not be here...

I had to learn to do everything on my own. The entire house. Trash, sewer, odd jobs, cleaning, cooking, laundry, you know the stuff.

I found that I had to set a strict schedule in the start. Then I got really stressed out by having to be on schedule all the time. So I decided that ever saturday was my day and I just had to let things go that day. Cleaning the hosue when you have a house full of kids and no help was like rolling a rock up a hill. So sunday became my final day to take care of everything and I just kept my schedule clear.

i am sorry to hear about your situation, hang in there and don't forget to make time for yourself....

[DancingQueen]

Thank you for the advice. It helps a lot. And I do have my kids to help. My 16 and 14 year old are both very helpful. Especially my 16 (almost 17) year old son. He is absolutely amazing!

Since he moved out I have just made things worse LOL I have also decided to go back to school so I'm currently enrolled at Phoenix University taking classes (studying during nap time LOL), I am now my children's 4-H club leader, I run a bunny club and poultry club out of my house 2x per month plus we have 4-H meetings 2x per month, I joined the adult advisory committee for our Counties 4-H Fair Association. By doing that I have not been assigned treasurer for the Association as well as being in charge of all of the fair entries and tallies and creating a fair book, I have volunteered to assist the consession stand at my son's track meets, I have 3 kids in 4 dance classes and I volunteer at the studio to help reduce our dance class costs, My daughter is required to be an FFA member so I joined the adult advisory panel for that as well and we meet 1x per month and also have montly fundraisers, my 16 yr old is a super runner and I try to get to his meets as often as possible, my daughter is about to begin a HUGE SAE project involving raising rabbits to sell at market, we have 8 chickens and I am incubating 20 eggs right now so I will have to built a brooder and shelter for them next weekend, my son was just diagnosed with ADHD and we are about to begin his placement meetings at his school, my daughter's scoliosis screening came back poorly so we're about to go for further testing, my deck collapsed this winter so I have to build a new one, my pool collapsed and I need to decide what I'm doing with it, my car is about to die and I don't have money to replace it or repair it and.

um..
wait.. what was this post about again?
Forgive me - but boy that felt good getting that all out LOL

[daycare]

Thank you for the advice. It helps a lot. And I do have my kids to help. My 16 and 14 year old are both very helpful. Especially my 16 (almost 17) year old son. He is absolutely amazing!

Since he moved out I have just made things worse LOL I have also decided to go back to school so I'm currently enrolled at Phoenix University taking classes (studying during nap time LOL), I am now my children's 4-H club leader, I run a bunny club and poultry club out of my house 2x per month plus we have 4-H meetings 2x per month, I joined the adult advisory committee for our Counties 4-H Fair Association. By doing that I have not been assigned treasurer for the Association as well as being in charge of all of the fair entries and tallies and creating a fair book, I have volunteered to assist the consession stand at my son's track meets, I have 3 kids in 4 dance classes and I volunteer at the studio to help reduce our dance class costs, My daughter is required to be an FFA member so I joined the adult advisory panel for that as well and we meet 1x per month and also have montly fundraisers, my 16 yr old is a super runner and I try to get to his meets as often as possible, my daughter is about to begin a HUGE SAE project involving raising rabbits to sell at market, we have 8 chickens and I am incubating 20 eggs right now so I will have to built a brooder and shelter for them next weekend, my son was just diagnosed with ADHD and we are about to begin his placement meetings at his school, my daughter's scoliosis screening came back poorly so we're about to go for further testing, my deck collapsed this winter so I have to build a new one, my pool collapsed and I need to decide what I'm doing with it, my car is about to die and I don't have money to replace it or repair it and.

um..
wait.. what was this post about again?
Forgive me - but boy that felt good getting that all out LOL

omg you know what they say... it when it rains it pours..
But don't worry, things happen for a reason and sometimes things have ro get worse before they get better.

By the sounds of it, you may be spreading yourself too thin. You sound like a great mom and you are really in there for your kids. Like i said, make sure that you make time for yourself. The last thing you need it to fall apart from just taking on too much and then cant be there for your kids or do the things that YOU enjoy for yourself....

I know that when we become a monther that we become selfless, but don't forget that you need to take care of you first no matter what....

hugs to you...chin up and hang in there...

[PitterPatter]

I joined here a while back and was pretty active. But then I haven't posted much of anything in quite some time.
The reason for that is that my husband moved out (my choice - not his). So life has been unbelievably hectic the past few months. He moved out mid January.

I just wanted to know if this is something you think I need to report to the State at all? I know if someone moves in then the answer is clear - but since he is gone do I have to?

Also, I have to say. Keeping everything "daycare ready" all the time on my own is a LOT of work. Upkeep of the yard, the snow, shoveling my roof!!! etc. it has been an incredible challenge the past couple of months but things are starting to get easier.

I hear ya! I have been a single Mom for 5 years now. I too put my DH out.(that doesnt stand for darling husband either ) He doesnt even try to contact our son for years now so I do it ALL. But the only time I really wish I had someone to help is on grocery day (we do most of our shopping in 1 trip then milk, bread, fresh veg, etc once a week). Mowing the lawn every Saturday, I miss having help. I have a lot to mow so I do miss the help doing that and in the summer it's really tuff on me (i'm overweight/bad knees and don't do well in the heat). We live on a corner lot so in the winter, shoveling the sidewalk around the house every morning at 7am gets to me as well by tiring me out before DCKs even arrive. It's gotten easier as time went by though. It only takes me an hour or so to get it all done. (gas push mower not riding)

So I too do everything on my own. It's a lot more work for me but we are happier. At 1st it seemed overwhelming and at times still does but once u get a routine going it's not so bad. I tend to feel proud of myself for keeping my home and daycare clean and running smoothly while keeping the outside clean and tidy as well. It's just me here and my 9 yr old. I know families with 2 parents that can't keep a home/outdoors tidy so give yourself a pat on the back for doing so well! And KUDOS to any other single Mother out there working her tail off everyday!

As for reporting it, I would mention it to my monitor if it were me. After all it is a change of people in the home.

[PitterPatter]

Thank you for the advice. It helps a lot. And I do have my kids to help. My 16 and 14 year old are both very helpful. Especially my 16 (almost 17) year old son. He is absolutely amazing!

Since he moved out I have just made things worse LOL I have also decided to go back to school so I'm currently enrolled at Phoenix University taking classes (studying during nap time LOL), I am now my children's 4-H club leader, I run a bunny club and poultry club out of my house 2x per month plus we have 4-H meetings 2x per month, I joined the adult advisory committee for our Counties 4-H Fair Association. By doing that I have not been assigned treasurer for the Association as well as being in charge of all of the fair entries and tallies and creating a fair book, I have volunteered to assist the consession stand at my son's track meets, I have 3 kids in 4 dance classes and I volunteer at the studio to help reduce our dance class costs, My daughter is required to be an FFA member so I joined the adult advisory panel for that as well and we meet 1x per month and also have montly fundraisers, my 16 yr old is a super runner and I try to get to his meets as often as possible, my daughter is about to begin a HUGE SAE project involving raising rabbits to sell at market, we have 8 chickens and I am incubating 20 eggs right now so I will have to built a brooder and shelter for them next weekend, my son was just diagnosed with ADHD and we are about to begin his placement meetings at his school, my daughter's scoliosis screening came back poorly so we're about to go for further testing, my deck collapsed this winter so I have to build a new one, my pool collapsed and I need to decide what I'm doing with it, my car is about to die and I don't have money to replace it or repair it and.

um..
wait.. what was this post about again?
Forgive me - but boy that felt good getting that all out LOL

WOW Lady!! My advise is slow down a little, just a tad

U have to make sure u have a little time for YOU!! Even if it's just a 15 minute bubble bath. Something that is just for YOU!

Great job u are doing though!! I shall call u SuperMom!

[marniewon]

OH. MY. GOSH!! I need a nap just reading about all that you do!!!!!

Do you truly enjoy all that you are involved in? If not, I would suggest cutting back just a little. Unless you love it all and really work well under pressure, that is. My main concern is that you will get burnt out very quickly, especially with no one to really vent/talk things through with. We're here, of course, but it's not always the same as a face to face.

It's great that your kids are of the age to really be a big help to you - and just think, they are learning valuable lessons along with helping you!

Good luck to you and don't be a stranger

[missnikki]

WOW! I guess I'd say, you made your bed, now lie in it and enjoy the whole thing without anyone stealing the covers!

[DancingQueen]

Do you truly enjoy all that you are involved in?

Honestly? I really do.
This is why I've carved out some me time. 2x per month I get out with no kids and I have girl's night out.
I also go to my sister's every Friday night (with kids in tow) and we stay there pretty late and I drink some wine and we talk for hours and it is so theraputic. All the while the kids (mine and hers) are off playing or watching movies or running around outside.

I love my sister. She is more of a co-parent with me (for my children) than their father is most times. She is my rock.

[PitterPatter]

OH. MY. GOSH!! I need a nap just reading about all that you do!!!!!

Do you truly enjoy all that you are involved in? If not, I would suggest cutting back just a little. Unless you love it all and really work well under pressure, that is. My main concern is that you will get burnt out very quickly, especially with no one to really vent/talk things through with. We're here, of course, but it's not always the same as a face to face.
It's great that your kids are of the age to really be a big help to you - and just think, they are learning valuable lessons along with helping you!

Good luck to you and don't be a stranger

Yes what she said too!! I have my Mother for a good venting! U could always get 1 of those wobble punching bags and put a pic of your DH on it. That may help too. :: j/k

[MyAngels]

Thank you for the advice. It helps a lot. And I do have my kids to help. My 16 and 14 year old are both very helpful. Especially my 16 (almost 17) year old son. He is absolutely amazing!

Since he moved out I have just made things worse LOL I have also decided to go back to school so I'm currently enrolled at Phoenix University taking classes (studying during nap time LOL), I am now my children's 4-H club leader, I run a bunny club and poultry club out of my house 2x per month plus we have 4-H meetings 2x per month, I joined the adult advisory committee for our Counties 4-H Fair Association. By doing that I have not been assigned treasurer for the Association as well as being in charge of all of the fair entries and tallies and creating a fair book, I have volunteered to assist the consession stand at my son's track meets, I have 3 kids in 4 dance classes and I volunteer at the studio to help reduce our dance class costs, My daughter is required to be an FFA member so I joined the adult advisory panel for that as well and we meet 1x per month and also have montly fundraisers, my 16 yr old is a super runner and I try to get to his meets as often as possible, my daughter is about to begin a HUGE SAE project involving raising rabbits to sell at market, we have 8 chickens and I am incubating 20 eggs right now so I will have to built a brooder and shelter for them next weekend, my son was just diagnosed with ADHD and we are about to begin his placement meetings at his school, my daughter's scoliosis screening came back poorly so we're about to go for further testing, my deck collapsed this winter so I have to build a new one, my pool collapsed and I need to decide what I'm doing with it, my car is about to die and I don't have money to replace it or repair it and.

um..
wait.. what was this post about again?
Forgive me - but boy that felt good getting that all out LOL

This made me tired just reading about it, let alone doing all of it .

I wouldn't think you'd need to let the state know that your EX is out of the home permanently unless he was considered your assistant or something like that.

[Blackcat31]

DancingQueen you are living proof that life is only 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it!

You seem to be in pretty good spirits and that says alot!! Hang in there! If life was easy it wouldn't be worth it...kwim?