How Do I Tell A SA's Family...

[AfterSchoolMom]

That I don't want their child back in the fall? After spring break, I usually begin talking to my current families about their plans for the next school year. I have one family aging out, and one that I'm pretty sure will return. However, I have one child that I DO NOT, FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, want to come back. I'm only tolerating the situation now because the year is almost over and I need the money.

The parents are super nice, always pay on time, and follow every policy to the letter. They back me up with the discipline at home as well - it just doesn't help matters. I know that if I tell them that I'm "downsizing", word will get back to them that I'm still advertising or looking to fill spots (without this child I'll have 2 to fill). I see them frequently within the community.

I don't want to lie, so I figure the best thing is just to be honest, but I can't just say "your child is horribly behaved and I'll die if I have to deal with them for another whole year".

What would you do?

[daycare]

I would tell them that you feel their child has out grown your program.

[godiva83]

I agree, say that your are sorry but your program is not suited for his needs and he is out growing your program! Say, that it isn't fair for him to be there for him...ect.

[daycare]

I Would just really try to sound as nice as possible and really stress how he has out grown your program.
Maybe say. Over the past several months I have noticed that little Johnny has surpassed all of the other children in care. I feel that Johnny is an extremely smart young boy who has out grown what my program has to offer and would be better off in a place that could challenge him. I believe that he is beginnInf to act out in boredom here and really want to see him excell. With much regret I feel that little Johnny has out grown my program here and I am not able to meet his needs any longer. I would really hate to hold back any child. I want the best for everyone here.
I dint know. Lol. Just an idea
Sorry I'm on my phone trying to type... Lol

[Blackcat31]

Maybe just say that your programis just not meeting his needs and that he needs an environment that is more structured or unstructured or whatever your programis not. If you "blame" yourself for not being able to meet his needs I doubt they will be mad or upset. Plus it will look like you are definitely putting the child's needs first.

I've termed over the same thing before and that is what I said. In my case, the child (age 4.5) was just naughty all the time...pushing other, doing things just to get on someones's nerves. I told mom he would do so much better in a program that offered more individualized care and that he was too advanced for my young group of kids who were mostly 3 and under.

[nannyde]

Maybe just say that your programis just not meeting his needs and that he needs an environment that is more structured or unstructured or whatever your programis not. If you "blame" yourself for not being able to meet his needs I doubt they will be mad or upset. Plus it will look like you are definitely putting the child's needs first.

I've termed over the same thing before and that is what I said. In my case, the child (age 4.5) was just naughty all the time...pushing other, doing things just to get on someones's nerves. I told mom he would do so much better in a program that offered more individualized care and that he was too advanced for my young group of kids who were mostly 3 and under.

he was too advanced for my young group of kids who were mostly 3 and under

The "too advanced" is the money shot. "individualized care" comes in a close second.

Even though... in real life the "age difference" between 4.5 year old and a three year old is just a blip/second/teeny tiny amount... the average parent will like this explanation.



It's sad that we feel so compelled to say words to avoid the truth and any argument or bargaining.

[AfterSchoolMom]

It's sad that we feel so compelled to say words to avoid the truth and any argument or bargaining.

In this case, the truth is "your child doesn't follow directions, breaks rules intentionally, and winds up the rest of the children, making their behavior ten times worse than it normally would be. My blood pressure rises automatically as soon as the bus arrives, and I dread each afternoon. I think that the only way you'll have success is by hiring someone to take care of them one on one, and pay them twice or even three times what you're paying me!".

I just don't think that's the most professional thing to say.

I can't really use the "too advanced" excuse either. This child is smack in the middle of my preferred age group. I could use that if they were on the verge of being old enough to stay home alone, but not in this case. They're not advanced, just out of control.

I guess I could just say "I think they'd be better off with one-on-one care" or something.

[Blackcat31]

he was too advanced for my young group of kids who were mostly 3 and under

The "too advanced" is the money shot. "individualized care" comes in a close second.

Even though... in real life the "age difference" between 4.5 year old and a three year old is just a blip/second/teeny tiny amount... the average parent will like this explanation.



It's sad that we feel so compelled to say words to avoid the truth and any argument or bargaining.

I agree Nan, but I didn't want to come right out and say "Your kid is really an a-hole." kwim? and who knows, maybe he would do better in a different setting. I just know my rules were not suited to his behaviors so it was not a good fit. I have gotten pretty good at saying what the parents want to hear WHILE still getting the results I need. I know that sounds bad, but I guess it works so I go with it....

[AfterSchoolMom]

"Your kid is really an a-hole."

Yes! This is the short version of what I said, and can't tell them!

[cheerfuldom]

I would just say that it isn't a good fit. You appreciate them trusting you with their child and trying to work things out but the situation is no longer working for you.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I would just say that it isn't a good fit. You appreciate them trusting you with their child and trying to work things out but the situation is no longer working for you.

I like this. Thanks!

[wdmmom]

I would tell the family that you are no longer accepting schoolagers and effective the end of the school year or summer, you will no longer be able to accommodate caring for their child.

[nannyde]

I agree Nan, but I didn't want to come right out and say "Your kid is really an a-hole." kwim? and who knows, maybe he would do better in a different setting. I just know my rules were not suited to his behaviors so it was not a good fit. I have gotten pretty good at saying what the parents want to hear WHILE still getting the results I need. I know that sounds bad, but I guess it works so I go with it....

What about just telling them you can't handle him? Tell them he gets froggy at your house and you just aren't up to another summer. At his age he may do great in a group of kids his own age.

There's a reason my State allows a one adult to fifteen ratio for school agers in centers but not in home care.

In centers the children have age mates to play with and occupy them. Their age mates are more durable, more advanced, more knowledgeable, more physical, able to get themselves out of trouble or a fire.... THAT'S what makes it work.

I have much respect for providers who can manage both littles and school agers. I know I couldn't do it.

Do you have his siblings? Usually when providers are compelled to keep school aged kids it's because the money they fear loosing on the younger sibling. The parents KNOW THIS. They know you will make do to protect the income of the younger siblings who are full time year around.

This is an ace in the hole the parents have to keep you dealing with the school ager who is badly behaved. It's also a way to get CHEAP care for the school ager. They use the salary for the younger kid as the anchor for to keep you tolerant and forgiving.

May I ask why you have kept him up till now?

[cheerfuldom]

I thought she said that this child was smack in the middle of the other kids ages so the environment is right, hes just too wild for her and her set up. Saying that he outgrew the program would just be a lie because he is younger than some of the other kids she is keeping......(unless I read this wrong).