What Would You Have Said To This Parent?

[cheerfuldom]

This happened several years ago but I just remembered it today. I am curious what you all think about this parenting scenario. This family was terminated not long after this discussion because kiddo was getting out of control with demands and crying and even having a full time assistant was not enough for her. Okay so the basic conversation was that the parents said that they did not use the word "no" at home and did not want us to tell their child "no". We could set boundaries for her but not use the word "no" because they did not want her to be able to say no to them. They had no replacement word for no in their home and were not supportive of any of the routine or structure that we had in place at the daycare. It was just a really confusing scenario because they were super nice, very professional hard working people, very traditional and "all American". They said they just didn't want to use the word no but their actions showed that they were not willing to say or show no in any way. So all that to say, what would you have told a parent who specifically ask that you not use the word no? they said they would be supportive of us using a replacement word or setting boundaries by our actions, it was just the actual word they had a problem with. In addition, we were given "permission" (ha ha!) to use no with the other children, just not theirs. As if their child would never learn the word unless it was said specifically to her.

I saw this little girl about a year later when I was running errands. The dad talked for a bit but the mom was totally rude to me. The little girl was equally snobby and rude so apparently the princess was still in charge in the household. The mom didn't want to admit that she was pregnant even though she was huge (probably not far from delivering) and that was even weirder.

[Unregistered]

Interesting because just last month I was pulling my hair out from a little girl always telling me "NO" when she was asked to do something or not to do something. I mulled it over, asked others what to do (choose your battles was told to me enough) but she said no for everything-from sharing to safety issues. Then I had another little one starting because of her and finally a third. It was making me miserable! So the solution I came up with instead of saying NO is I now just will say "Please don't do that" or "That is something that isn't allowed" or "Childs Name we need to be nice to our friends". For the last couple of weeks I haven't had a child tell me no! It has been wonderul. Also, I have changed our time out spot to a quiet spot. I have just started telling the little ones that they need to go to the quiet spot for awhile and I will let them know when they come out. Has worked like a charm as I think they were tired of hearing you need a time-out. Also the tattling is becoming another problem so I'm thinking of telling them to go tell "the cat", "the pig", "the bird", etc. We have none of those animals around but I figure they will go off looking for them and by the time they realize there isn't one they will have forgotten what they were tattling about!

[MarinaVanessa]

I actually had this exact same scenario with a family which I still have. I was also asked not to use the word no for the same reasons that your family told you. I didn't want to fuss about it so I agreed and simply used "uh-uh-uh" as a replacement when I simply wanted to say no and "danger" when it was a safety issue. I still do it out of habit more than anything (I've even caught myself saying it to my dogs ). It wasn't a big deal for me but I notice that this mom sort of believes that she can keep her son in a protected bubble. Can't watch certain shows and movies for example Tangled was a no-no because lady had a knife and stabbed the guy but Alpha & Omega was ok even though wildlife officer shot the wolf with a tranquilizer gun (how a 1 yr old can tell the difference between a real gun and a tranquilizer I will never know). She also doesn't allow anyone to call her son by a nickname and claims that there is no nickname for her sons name which is why she named him that, which obviously there is or she wouldn't have to request I not use or allow the kids to use a nickname (even though she calls me, my fiancé, a few of the other DC kids and my BIL by our nicknames). I don't understand her logic.

[nannyde]

I wrote about this in this blog:

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/ah-kids-these-days-2.htm

[morgan24]

I interviewed a family that didn't want me to ever say no. My daycare is in my basement and the Dad wanted to Mom to be able to stay upstairs the whole time the girl was here. I was upfront with them and told them neither one of those things would work for me because I don't let parents stay here and I do use no when needed.

It it stuns me the way parents let their children control everything. I sometimes wonder how these kids are ever going to become a productive member of society.

[E Daycare]

It it stuns me the way parents let their children control everything. I sometimes wonder how these kids are ever going to become a productive member of society

These kids grow up with having a wild case of the "gimmies" and a great sense of entitlement.

BIG surprises ahead of them!

I do like the suggestions for tattling and quiet time spot. I also use no when needed but usually its something that I see them doing and it comes out with a big fat NO!! yelled to get them to instantly stop exactly what they are doing. I hardly do that so it startles the crap out of the kids. They know though for the most part. One of my stares is usually enough to make them re-think what they are doing.

[nannyde]

I interviewed a family that didn't want me to ever say no. My daycare is in my basement and the Dad wanted to Mom to be able to stay upstairs the whole time the girl was here. I was upfront with them and told them neither one of those things would work for me because I don't let parents stay here and I do use no when needed.

It it stuns me the way parents let their children control everything. I sometimes wonder how these kids are ever going to become a productive member of society.

Dad wanted to Mom to be able to stay upstairs the whole time the girl was here

Oh now that's a new one. Haven't heard that before. What... pray tell.. was she to do all day upstairs? Work at "home" job?

[E Daycare]

Dad wanted to Mom to be able to stay upstairs the whole time the girl was here

Oh now that's a new one. Haven't heard that before. What... pray tell.. was she to do all day upstairs? Work at "home" job?

Id want to say "sure, and heres a broom and pan, the vacuum, sponges, cleaning solution and all my laundry for the week. Fill out all my paper work for the state/taxes, prepare the meals for us and answer my phones. No you cant interfere with my business and no the remotes dont work."

[Meeko]

It drives me nuts to see how parents let their children walk all over them. I have had so many situations where I have had to step in and take over where a parent just seemed to give up.....
Just a few of the things I've heard...

DCD talking about 2 year old girl: "Sorry! I know you don't allow gum at day care, but she insisted". (I wonder what he'll do when she "insists" on taking the car when she's 16?)

DCM: "Sorry about the noise (blood-curdling screams at 6AM)...he wouldn't get out of the car without a donut." (You're bigger than him, Mommy. Unstrap and him and carry him in here...WITHOUT the donut!)

DCM: "I know the blanket is dirty...but he won't let me wash it" (Really?!)

I grabbed a tissue and told the gum-chewer to spit. She did.

I told the donut screamer that if he screamed in the morning, he'd get a time-out as soon as he got inside the door...every morning he did it. He only tried it once.

As soon as Mom left, I told the dirty blanket boy that I was going to wash his blanket...it was dirty. He said "K" and walked off.

It's not rocket science....but parents just seem to be scared of their own kids....and the kids know it.

[countrymom]

when my kids where little, I always told them that I was the parent and that I was bigger and stronger than them, so I didn't put up with their nonsense. But now, my 13 yr old is a head taller than me and I'm afraid of her, luckily she's good so I don't need to worry.
I also don't use the word no alot, but I do use it. who ever heard of not using the word no. Can you imagine when they go to work or have relationships, these children are going to grow up thinking the world is their oyster and everything is handed to them on a silver plater.
I also find that parents are either afraid of making their children mad or just don't want to parent anymore or they want to be their childrens friends, none of those will ever work.

[cheerfuldom]

Thank you nanny (and others). I have remained fairly firm in traditional style parenting and providing and am glad I stood my ground when these parents asked for this. I really don't have time to waste trying to get a kid to behave without being firm and authoritative if needed. I think the best thing you can tell your kid is no sometimes. They need a lot more than just attention and hugs and cuddles and it is getting harder and harder to find parents that approach parenting this way. I was shocked to hear this from this particular family because the dad was a farmer's son! Very far from how he himself was raised.

[wdmmom]

What parents don't seem to understand is that the whole world is one, great, big NO! NO speeding, NO jaywalking, NO stealing, NO fighting, NO, NO, NO!

If they aren't going to learn it when they are 2, 3, 4 or 5, when are they going to learn it?!

[Live and Learn]

It's not rocket science....but parents just seem to be scared of their own kids....and the kids know it.

This is so true!::

[SandeeAR]

DCD talking about 2 year old girl: "Sorry! I know you don't allow gum at day care, but she insisted". (I wonder what he'll do when she "insists" on taking the car when she's 16?)

DCM: "Sorry about the noise (blood-curdling screams at 6AM)...he wouldn't get out of the car without a donut." (You're bigger than him, Mommy. Unstrap and him and carry him in here...WITHOUT the donut!)

DCM: "I know the blanket is dirty...but he won't let me wash it" (Really?!)

I grabbed a tissue and told the gum-chewer to spit. She did.

I told the donut screamer that if he screamed in the morning, he'd get a time-out as soon as he got inside the door...every morning he did it. He only tried it once.


As soon as Mom left, I told the dirty blanket boy that I was going to wash his blanket...it was dirty. He said "K" and walked off.


It's not rocket science....but parents just seem to be scared of their own kids....and the kids know it.

Only thing I would have added was to take the donut and hand it to the parent. I would have handed the blanket to the parent and said, now you can wash it today while he is in care

Also any child that couldn't be told NO wouldn't be allowed in my care. I want no part of raising a brat.

[Blackcat31]

If I were to interview a family who told me what OP said, then I would have said "No, I am not accepting your child into my program."

I may have included a copy of David Walsh's book "No: Why Kids of All Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It."
http://www.amazon.com/No-Kids-Ages-N...2105564&sr=1-1