Need Advice For Kids With New Siblings! :)

[gkids09]

I am having a bit of a problem...Not PROBLEM, really, just a little bit of a stress.

I have 14 kids enrolled in my daycare. Three of them have siblings 2 weeks old or less, one's mom is going to have a baby any day now, one has a 6 month old sibling, one has an almost 1 year old sibling, one has a 17 month old sibling (who also attends my daycare), and one has a cousin who is almost 3 months old. That leaves only FIVE that do not have a baby in their life (and 3 of those five are under age 3).

Here's the deal. At my daycare, the kids know how to act. They know that we use words to tell our feelings, we only TALK (no whining), and we follow all directions the FIRST time they are spoken.

With SO MANY babies around, I feel like all the kids I have have turned into babies too. If I have another whiner, another biter, another one to pee their pants (fully potty trained BEFORE the baby was born...), etc etc etc, I am going to scream.

I don't know what to do to make them understand that they are the BIG sister/brother, and not the baby. I had an almost five year old bite today, just because "he was looking at me." UH REALLY???

I have NEVER had this problem before, but there have NEVER been soooo many babies around either.

I need advice on how to handle this. Please tell me this phase doesn't last long. It's driving me crazy and making me seriously wonder why I do what I do. And I LOVE my job...so it's really making me ill and depressed. My dh has been very concerned about me, and has even washed clothes and dishes to help me feel better. Not that that's a BAD thing :: but I still need to know what to do with these kids!!

Thanks for ANY advice you can give me!!!

[Lucy]

This probably won't be helpful to you, but I'm going to say it anyway. I've learned in my 17 years of doing Daycare to just **** it up. This too shall pass. When they go home, they are no longer your problem. As hard as it sounds, when the last one walks out the door you have to turn off Daycare Lady and turn on Mom/Wife. I've had kids go through phases, and it makes you want to scream sometimes, but it passes. I guess what I'm saying is, don't let it get you down. It comes with the job. I know that isn't advice on how to fix it, just how to mentally handle it. Best wishes!!

[cheerfuldom]

I think you have to reevaluate what you can and cannot handle. We all have a tolerance level and it is up to you to know your limits. Things may get better for some of the kids but it sounds like a few of them have had plenty of time to get used to a new sibling or baby around. At a certain point, the healthy thing to do is to hire some help or cut back on kids. Not every thing gets better with time and you might have stretched yourself too far in taking too many kids or too many babies. Being tired at the end of the day is normal but if the stress of months of the same type of activity has really affected you and your overall well being, now is the time to make some changes. I know that I have stretched myself too far in the past and I needed someone to really help me get things in perspective and gain control over the situation. It might be hard to cut back but everyone will benefit in the long run.

[nannyde]

I don't have a lot of this because I rarely get sibs. When I do they usually leave at the three month mark when the cost of the daycare for two becomes too expensive for them to manage.

I have had three born into the daycare in the last three years. One family is still here, one is gone, and one just had the baby start. I haven't had any issues with the older kids.

Here I keep the babies separated from the older kids. They don't play with them or are involved with them in any way. They see them but they are trained to stay completely away from them. Other than introducing them to them and having times when we "invite" them to come see them... they have to stay away and be careful when they are around anything "baby" that may be out on the floor.

By the time a sibling is born the older kid has years of "stay away from the babies" so it doesn't affect them when the baby is their baby. They are used to it.

I think it's a relief to the older sibling to have a place to go where they can't have anything to do with the baby. They like the break. The older sibs don't pay any attention to them and just play with their mates.

Now once the baby is up and walking around they see more of them and the integration process begins.

[gkids09]

Oops...Guess I just assume everyone knows how things work in my daycare.

I will explain...I DO have an assistant, there are at least two, sometimes three of us working every day. We are a group home, so we can have 12 kids, as long as there are two people working. (I mentioned I have 14 enrolled; some are part-time kids.)

Also, I don't take children until they are one year old and walking (I posted this same thread before and put that in there, but it got deleted and I had to retype and forgot that part!).

The problem is, they are coming from HOME and acting like their new brothers and sisters. It's not that I can't handle it, it's that they have made a TOTAL turn-around from good behavior to awful behavior, in just a matter of days.

I know I can handle it. I just want to know HOW to show them they are the big sister/brother, and to act like it. We have a just turned 3 year old -who has a 2 week old baby sister- who went from sitting and playing with toys, making them speak, etc, to putting them in her mouth like a baby, then SCREAMING when it is taken to "toy time out" (bleach water) to be sanitized. She has NEVER acted like this. We have talked to her parents, and they can't figure out how to stop it either. They have tried (believe me, I've seen it..), and it just isn't working.

Is there a certain consequence that should be used to make these kids act their normal self, or will we have to ride this out for another few months???

[morgan24]

If she wants to act like a baby, treat her like one. I would give her a set amount of toys just for her, let her put them in her mouth if she wants. Then when she wants to something that 3 year old would do, I would say sorry you made the choice to act like a baby so you only get those toys to play with. I have the 6 sided play area that I can set up and put them in to play with the toys they want to mouth. At the end of the day you can clean all of the toys she mouthed. It shouldn't take long for her to realize it's no fun being by yourself with a bunch of baby toys.

[kidkair]

Have you tried getting books about being an older sibling? I'd go to the library and grab a bunch of books about new baby at home for the kids. They are probably a bit confused and having a hard time dealing with all the changes. New kid at home, spring time. Try and keep their days as simple as possible without demanding new behaviors and allowing for some backslides like the one who is fighting potty training. Read the books and talk to them. Let them know which of their behaviors are baby like and inappropriate for their age. Talk to them about proper ways to gain attention at home when mom or dad is caring for the baby. New additions to the family are difficult and with so many of the kids having them they are all reacting to each other's stress and acting out.

[Abigail]

I really agree with finding books. Most of your kids can relate to being big siblings. I would also try the approach to if you act like a baby then you will be treated like a baby. I think it is a stage because all of a sudden these little lives have been flipped from all of moms/dads attention to less than half of their attention with the new baby being demanding.

Perhaps asking the new parents what they do in the evenings/weekends with the child (not baby) would be beneficial because you would find out what is lacking.....probably attention or maybe forgetting to ask potty-training toddler if they need to use the bathroom, etc. The provider would be the person thinking outside-the-box to help determine what has changed in the household that the parents may have overlooked.

This information is on toddler transitions

http://www.toddlerstoday.com/articles/preparing-for-baby/toddler-transitions-1938/