WWYD? Trying To Find A Solution That Doesn't Punish Everyone

[SilverSabre25]

We have a large picnic table in the playroom. It seats 8 and has a bench all the way around it (it's square). The table is used for art activities as well as many other types of play...it's in use by someone pretty much all day long.

I have one boy (will be 3 in May) who walks/stands on the bench many, many times a day. I don't allow this because it's not safe; if he falls, he could get hurt or he could hurt someone else. Telling him and reminding him about the rule hasn't worked very well. Time outs are NOT working (if I have to do T/O more than once in a day for a given issue, then I know it's not the right consequence). Having him sit beside me to play is NOT working--i can't do it forever, he doesn't understand, and he goes right back to standing/walking on the bench. He's the only one that does this anymore. The others all learned in about a week.

My instinct is to simply remove the picnic table. I don't want to do that, however, because it punishes everyone else, too. I hate, hate, hate doling out consequences that hurt everyone else for one child's issue. I already had to take away our smaller table and chairs because of issues with this boy standing on them, knocking them over, etc.

What else might be an appropriate consequence for this boy, or better yet...what's a better way to teach him that it is NOT okay to stand on the bench?

[nannyde]

I would ban him from table COMPLETELY. He would have his own little stow-away table that I pulled out for him to eat his meals. I wouldn't allow him near it for ANY reason. NO art... no crafts... no food... nothing until he understood that "I" claim the table.

I would refer to the table as MY table as in "do not touch my table".

Once he relinquished ownership of the table and his free will ability to use the table THEN I would start letting him have a guest appearance for a few minutes here and there and then work him into what the other kids naturally get.

He doesn't believe you. Make him a believer.

[Blackcat31]

I guess I don't have a good or easy solution for you but I can offer that he is perfectly capable of learning if you just keep removing him form standing at the table or find the cue word that reminds him to stop doing it. I have all my kids from the time they learn to stand KNOW that they cannot hold onto the table and walk around it or stand by it. It is for safety reasons and after a few days of physically removing them, I start saying my cue word and they will police themselves. I do this with young, just starting to walk, age kids so your soon to be 3 is just pushing your buttons...he IS perfectly capable of understanding that he cannot do it.

I agree about not removing the whole table...the others shouldn't lose something because of anothers actions. I think it is like the whole keep removing him until it clicks routine. For some, it is onl a few times, others make me want to pull my hair out...but eventually they do get it! Hang in there!!!

[marniewon]

I would ban him from table COMPLETELY. He would have his own little stow-away table that I pulled out for him to eat his meals. I wouldn't allow him near it for ANY reason. NO art... no crafts... no food... nothing until he understood that "I" claim the table.

I would refer to the table as MY table as in "do not touch my table".

Once he relinquished ownership of the table and his free will ability to use the table THEN I would start letting him have a guest appearance for a few minutes here and there and then work him into what the other kids naturally get.

He doesn't believe you. Make him a believer.

I like this ^^^!

[morgan24]

I agree that taking the table out isn't fair to everyone else. He is 3 and that is old enough to understand he can't keep getting on the benches. When I have one that wants to break, what we call a safety rule, they go into a super yard I'll set up for a few days and that is where they play for an hour or so. Then I go over our safety rule like no standing or running on the bench and give them another chance, if they do it again back they go by themselves and the second time is a little longer. I have never had one go more than one day before they decided that they would rather play with the group instead of being by themselves. I teach the kids from the time they start here that some rules are for their safety so they don't get hurt.

[kidkair]

I agree that taking the table out isn't fair to everyone else. He is 3 and that is old enough to understand he can't keep getting on the benches. When I have one that wants to break, what we call a safety rule, they go into a super yard I'll set up for a few days and that is where they play for an hour or so. Then I go over our safety rule like no standing or running on the bench and give them another chance, if they do it again back they go by themselves and the second time is a little longer. I have never had one go more than one day before they decided that they would rather play with the group instead of being by themselves. I teach the kids from the time they start here that some rules are for their safety so they don't get hurt.

This sounds like a great solution.

[SilverSabre25]

Thank you very much for the suggestions everyone!

I am forbidding him from touching the table. He had to eat snack yesterday sitting on the floor. He was NOT thrilled about this...but I reminded him time and time again WHY he was forbidden from touching the table. Hopefully it will get through in a couple of days.

My other idea I came up with is to possibly use a Superyard to gate the table off (with a space to walk through for those allowed to use it). That would give him a solid boundary he couldn't cross and will be my next step should what I'm doing now not work.

[JenNJ]

I always use the "reclaim and ban" trick. Every child here knows that those are MY toys and I share them each day so don't fight over them! ::

I hope it keeps working well for you!

[nannyde]

Thank you very much for the suggestions everyone!

I am forbidding him from touching the table. He had to eat snack yesterday sitting on the floor. He was NOT thrilled about this...but I reminded him time and time again WHY he was forbidden from touching the table. Hopefully it will get through in a couple of days.

My other idea I came up with is to possibly use a Superyard to gate the table off (with a space to walk through for those allowed to use it). That would give him a solid boundary he couldn't cross and will be my next step should what I'm doing now not work.

the superyard will work but you will have to hike the ones that can have it in and out each time. That would be tough.

I wouldn't have him eat on the floor. You can give him a tray like a small cookie sheet or cutting board for his "table" on his lap and have him sit in a small chair.

[SilverSabre25]

the superyard will work but you will have to hike the ones that can have it in and out each time. That would be tough.

I wouldn't have him eat on the floor. You can give him a tray like a small cookie sheet or cutting board for his "table" on his lap and have him sit in a small chair.

My superyard isn't a closed circle, if that makes any sense. I can arrange it so that there's a doorway of sorts.