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Back in the day. . .
You know, not to start a debate here but....
I remember (waaaaaaay back) when I was 5 or 6. I said a few naughty words to my mother and you know what I got? A mouthful of soap. I never swore at her again. She also instructed my day care lady (and close family friend) to give me a bar of soap if I start getting sassy with her....It only took the threat of "giving me the soap" and I was a perfect angel!!
I'm not saying that DCP should be able to do this, however...because in todays society it is probably considered cruel and unusual punishment. It's more of a flashback in time, hey I remember when moment
Carry on!!Comment
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I can relate...allthough it was my grandma who did it to me for saying boobies....I will never forget it for as long as I live...
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So here is the thing, I never tell dcm every last detail of what went wrong, otherwise we would be in an hour talk all day.
I only inform parents when it is something that i feel they need to know. If it is an issue that I can't control or if it is something way out of line.
Mom knows that there are major issues with his behavior. She does try to assist me in any way possible to resolve the issues.
Everyday that this child is here, he throws toys, potty mouth, refuses to listen or can't listen, and lately he has been telling the other kids to do bad things. Ex: yesterday we were playing with playdough and he told one of the DCG "hey throw that playdough at the wall, or throw it at other DCG"
I chose to only tell the mom about the potty mouth yesterday, becuase the other kids were picking up on it and this is something that he has to be getting from home because he is the only one here who starts it. At pick up for one of my other DCK the kid ran up to their mom and said *** said $hit head today. The mom looked at me and said what, really.. I told her that I planned to talk to mom about it AGAIN.
When DCM comes to pick up sir potty mouth, this is what I say to both mom and child: " *** had an ok day today, overall not too bad, however, he did have some issues with using potty mouth again today. We know how to use good words and have talked about the good words that we can say, like silly billy and etc." I then get down to the level of DCB and tell him, "guess what, tomorrow is a new day and we can try to have an even better day tomorrow, go home and pratice your good words with mom." I tell mom that other kids were picking up on it and that we really need to focus on him using good words. I say no more..
So are all of you guys saying that I need to not tell mom anymore when her son is breaking rules and just try to deal with them the best that I can here? Like I said, I don't tell every thing to parents, just those things that i can't seem to get a grip on.....Comment
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Okay, I might have missed it, but when you referred to it as "potty mouth" I was thinking things like "poopy head", not "$hit head". That would be incredibly unacceptable in my house -- not even my husband and I use words like that in private. I would be separating the child and he would be playing by himself,either in a playpen or play yard. The other kids would pick up on that kind of language really quickly, and I definitely would NOT want parents to think it had been picked up from me or one of my family members.
I'm thinking that may actually be something I would term on, if it's a habitual thing, and I'm one that's not quick to jump to permanent solutions like that!
Yikes, good luck. That's a tough place to be in, and definitely something I WOULD be talking to mom about every time it happened!Comment
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I guess I don't agree with the majority of the pp's in regards to not telling mom anything. This is something that dcm should be working on with him at home!! It is affecting your business and your other clients and you don't want to lose them because of this child. Same with hitting/pushing - if it's a daily thing, either mom needs to be working on this with you to correct it or dcb needs one to one care, as he doesn't seem to be able to play nice with others. Mom can't help if she doesn't know.
What I would do is have a conference with her, let her know they are on probation. List the offenses that are serious enough to warrant a termination (basically anything that this child is doing that could cause you to lose clients). Keep a log all day and at the end of the day, send it home. Don't say anything to mom at pick up, she'll know it's all right there in the log. In the log, make sure to note the positive as well as the negative. This may help her to see that she needs to take an active role (or more active role) in helping dcb do well in society.
In the conference, let her know that you know after working all day the last thing she wants to hear is how bad her kid was. Let her know about the probation, and the log, and that she can look over the log at any point in the evening and call/text/email any questions. That way you don't come off as complaining every day.
Of course, this will only work if you can afford to get rid of him if the probation period does not go the way you want it to. Although, I don't see at this point how you can afford to keep him like this - you will eventually lose the rest of your clients if you choose to keep him the way he is
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In an effort to keep this dc family you might lose the others. If I had my kid in daycare I wouldn't want my child exposed to that type of language.Comment
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this is exactly what I am afraid of. I have great GREAT families and when they hear the words that this child is using, even they are shocked. The DCB comes across very sweet and helpful, which he is a lot of the time.
I am going to get all of my documents together and pull out when this issue started and schedule a conference with mom. I was really hoping to wait until after the eval took place, but I don't think that it can wait.
Thanks so much for all of your help, support and advice. I know now what I need to do and am going to make sure this gets taken care of asap.
thanks ladies...........oh and if any of you are male, thank you too...
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Well here's my opinion on it. Just my opinion, take it or leave it. If you DON'T tell the parents about the problems you are having, there will be no follow up at home and when the child does it at home, they will blame the Daycare for it. Round and round we go!
From one of your posts: "The worst part Is that she knows he has a major behavior issue and ha also agreed to allow for a behavior evaluation to be conducted. I guess she is just tired of hearing about it, just as much as I am telling her about it. "
So.. when is the behavior evaluation going to happen? Has she scheduled something yet or does she prefer to stick her head in the sand some more?Comment
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..the eval will take place in May. I am still waiting for the lady who will be conducting the eval to get back to me on an exact week that she will be able to come. DCB will be leaving to see his dad in a few days, so I have to wait for him to come back. UGH..
not that I have anything aganist miltary, but dad is in the marine core and I think that this is where DCB gets a lot of his potty mouth from..... DCM told me that DCD thinks it's funny...... But DCD only gets his a few times out of the year.... sad
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If there needs to be follow-up at home, then I talk it over with the parents. But, it does no good to just to tell the parents the same thing every day.
Also, all misbehavior is relative. For a normally very good kiddo to not listen to me one day, I would tell the parents. For a child who typically doesn't listen to me, I'm not going to mention it everyday, but I will make mention if they have a particularly good (or a very bad) day.Comment
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acually I can understand what mom is saying, she doesn't want to hear everyday that her ds has done something wrong. I think you need to pick and choose what you want to tell her. Also, are you punishing him for his behavior, I also when I have to come down to it I will reward for good behavior, I hate to do it but sometimes you have to.Comment
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mom and I are doing a reward chat. he gets smiley faces every time he does something good. i am the praise queen, I really am. I will tell him everything good, even if he is just doing nothing, I will tell him, Wow you are sitting so nice and quiet that is really nice to see. WOuld you like to read a book with me?
Yes, I do give him time to reflect as well. he is 4.5, so he knows the difference between right and wrong. I will give me 3 chances with the same issue before he will have to get seperated from the rest of the group to play alone.... if its really bad, I will not allow him to play, but just sit there and think about what he did wrong and how we can make it better....
I am really looking forward to meeting with the lady that will come to conduct the behavior eval on him. I am also frustrated of having to tell, remind, and punish him for his behavior and am looking forward to learn how to help him improve......Comment
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Since curbing a bad behavior requires support from both the daycare provider and the parents at home, countrymom has a good idea. Why not try to focus on one single behavior and work your way down from most severe to less severe? Talk with mom ahead of time and set up some guidelines as to what is okay and what is not and what the consequences are going to be BOTH at home and at care. Then have a discussion with the child and make sure he understands.
Expectations and consequences should be clear and non-negotiable. Once you establish this, you and mom can support one another and work towards a common goal. If she asks how his day was you can simply say "He had a good day" or "a not so good day" and leave it simply at that.
She will know what having a bad day is if she is on board with the whole one behavior at a time process. If she needs more info, let her do the asking.Comment
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