Mentally Unstable Mom

[Childminder]

I am new to this site and joined to vent, also to see if any have had an experience like this?

I am wondering if any of you family home providers have any suggestions.
One of my state subsidy mothers is off of her meds for bipolar and has bounced 2 checks for her share plus owes for more to the tune of about $300. She has not returned with her daughter nor returned my calls asking for payment. I then sent a statement of account and a reminder of contract (ie: late fees,termination fee, etc) and she text-ed me stating that she was not going to pay and if I took her to small claims court she would call the state and tell them I abused her daughter.

We don't have reps in this state. I can't call her caseworker either because we have no idea who they are. Just a number. If we call the state and ask to speak to the caseworker we are told that we may not, they only speak to the client.

Well the state showed up to investigate charges of the abuse to her child.
My husband was here and was able to input about his experiences with psyco-mom. Also the investigator contacted the moms that 'dubbed' her psyco-mom and they told of their many observations of the weird things she said and did in their presence. I have all of the NSF checks and copies of any paperwork. Plus I have documented all statements and incidents.

The investigator stated that there are way too many inconsistencies in our
stories and she is even going to investigate the salon she just freaked out at
and got fired from. I am just so very angry! I will now have all of this show up on my state records no matter that I'm the victim here. I've been doing this for many years and NEVER any issues before.

[mac60]

So sorry you are dealing with this. The joys of being licensed and the government involved again. You did nothing wrong, but once again, are taken to be the guilty party. I hope it all gets worked out.

[Chickenhauler]

I am new to this site and joined to vent, also to see if any have had an experience like this?

I am wondering if any of you family home providers have any suggestions.
One of my state subsidy mothers is off of her meds for bipolar and has bounced 2 checks for her share plus owes for more to the tune of about $300. She has not returned with her daughter nor returned my calls asking for payment. I then sent a statement of account and a reminder of contract (ie: late fees,termination fee, etc) and she text-ed me stating that she was not going to pay and if I took her to small claims court she would call the state and tell them I abused her daughter.

We don't have reps in this state. I can't call her caseworker either because we have no idea who they are. Just a number. If we call the state and ask to speak to the caseworker we are told that we may not, they only speak to the client.

Well the state showed up to investigate charges of the abuse to her child.
My husband was here and was able to input about his experiences with psyco-mom. Also the investigator contacted the moms that 'dubbed' her psyco-mom and they told of their many observations of the weird things she said and did in their presence. I have all of the NSF checks and copies of any paperwork. Plus I have documented all statements and incidents.

The investigator stated that there are way too many inconsistencies in our
stories and she is even going to investigate the salon she just freaked out at
and got fired from. I am just so very angry! I will now have all of this show up on my state records no matter that I'm the victim here. I've been doing this for many years and NEVER any issues before.

I really, really hope you saved that text that contained the threats of filing false abuse reports if you continue to demand payment.

I believe the terms are "fraud" "strong arm" "perjury" and "libel".....3 of which are felony's in most states, and the fourth can put a person in the poor house for a long, long time.

I'd start by turning the NSF checks over to the county attorney....they tend to frown upon bad checks being skated around.

The difference, you're going to have to sue....but you can't get blood from a turnip, and from your brief description, it sounds like you have a turnip.

So sorry you are dealing with this. The joys of being licensed and the government involved again. You did nothing wrong, but once again, are taken to be the guilty party. I hope it all gets worked out.

I fail to see how being licensed opens one up to dealing with lunatics....you can get loonies in an unlicensed daycare also.

[mac60]

This explains a little of it:

"We don't have reps in this state. I can't call her caseworker either because we have no idea who they are. Just a number. If we call the state and ask to speak to the caseworker we are told that we may not, they only speak to the client."

[ConcernedMotherof2]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of that. I am with Chickenhauler on this one--I really hope you saved the threatening text message and keep in mind that you will encounter people like this whether you are licensed or not. Had you not been licensed, perhaps it may have opened you up to even more issues.

Stay strong. Your other parents know and trust you and it sounds like they know that she is "psycho mom," so your reputation should remain in tact through word of mouth.

[sweetcinna]

I think I'm with ChickenHauler on this one too. Good luck!

[Childminder]

Mentally unstable mom

I have saved the text and even had the other people that witnessed anything write up documentation for my records. The state investigator emailed today that she is coming next week for my exit conference, what ever that is.

I know that she is a 'turnip' but if I don't at least try to get my money she wins. Oh the joys of dealin with some parents! Thank God that 99% of them have become like family over the years and I even have the second generations in my care now.

Thank you for your responses and I will check out some of the suggestions.

[Chickenhauler]

I have saved the text and even had the other people that witnessed anything write up documentation for my records. The state investigator emailed today that she is coming next week for my exit conference, what ever that is.

I know that she is a 'turnip' but if I don't at least try to get my money she wins. Oh the joys of dealin with some parents! Thank God that 99% of them have become like family over the years and I even have the second generations in my care now.

Thank you for your responses and I will check out some of the suggestions.

There is always the option of putting a lien against anything she has (and you said she's on assistance, so she probably doesn't have much if anything) or garnishment of wages.

"Exit Conference" sounds to me like the investigator sees this for what it is....BS, and is closing the case.

[Unregistered]

I kind of had the same problem. Only it was my sister. She brought the kids over and her 1 year old had a burn on the top of his foot. she claimed it was from a curling iron bc her 21 year old step daughter wasn't properly supervising her children. I told her as a mandatory reporter if she returned them for care I would have to notify DHS as she was putting her kids in danger.
Long story short, she won't bring them back. I sent her 3text messages: 1)Are you bringing the kids back? 2) Are you planning on ever bringing the kids back? 3)If you're not bringing the kids back we need to talk about how you are going to pay your bill and if I don't hear from you in 5 days I am sending it for collections. All this was done over 3 days.
Now her boyfriend is trying to get me for harrasment. He keeps calling and swearing on my phone. And I have sent her bill to small claims. So much for sisters.

[Unregistered]

I really don't like dealing with headcases.

I have dealt with a lot of psycho daycare parents in the past and the lesson that I took from meeting those people is to learn to identify "crazy" and make haste with getting it out of my life. I have had the state called on me by a psychomom and I was completely caught off guard by it. In hindsight the signs were there, but I just didn't know what I was looking at. Now I know and even though I still get angry to this day when I think about the false report that she filed and how it will always be on my report even though none of the allegations were established, it still tarnishes my record. You could sue the psychomom but even if you win, it's harder than heck to collect court settlements. If you can afford not to, I wouldn't even waste the time on going to court for it. Even if you win, you still lose. It ****s but it's the way it is. If you have a lawyer or if you are willing to spend some money to have a lawyer compose a letter on your behalf, I would suggest having a letter sent to psychomom letting her know that you don't want her to contact you for any reason and if she does, that you are going to consider pursuing legal action. In the letter, you can deny the allegations of her report and you can remind her that filing a false report is against the law. Sure, the letter really doesn't mean much legally but it does put the psychomom on notice and let her know that you have her number. In my case, the psychomom had an accomplice (who was actually a competitor who was trying to get my clients to drop me and come to her for a lower price and more flexible hours) and I had my lawyer send a letter to both of them. I also had evidence that the provider who was trying to take my clients was advertising as a licensed provider even though she wasn't licensed then. I kept the newspaper ad and had my lawyer make a copy of it and put it with the letter. I had really good luck with the letter and I'm really glad that I went to my lawyer and had the letter written. It showed the psychos that I wasn't going to just sit back and do nothing, I would defend myself. Also, you may have been told by the licensing agent who came to visit you that you shouldn't talk to anyone about the investigation. I was told not to talk to anyone about it, but I decided that since it was my reputation and license at stake, that I would make the decision about disclosure on my own. I opted to fully disclose any and all information that I had about the investigation to all of my daycare families. I told them the name and number of the licensing agent just in case they had any questions that I didn't have answers to. I gave the investigating agent the names and numbers of all of my daycare families, including all of my past clients. I knew that I didn't do anything wrong so I wasn't scared of losing my license and possibly even facing criminal charges. I was embarrassed that I was in the position of being investigated in the first place for reports that were completely ridiculous. When I told the daycare parents about everything that was going on, they supported me 100%. I think that if I had listened to the investigating agent and kept it to myself, the daycare parents might not have felt as inclined to support me. I'm a full disclosure kind of person and it has worked out really well for me.

I hope that this all goes over as smoothly as possible for you and now when you have a psychomom to deal with, you can learn to recognize it early and have the chance to cut that family loose. I have found it best to try to avoid "crazy" as much as I can. It's insane for me to think that I can deal logically with a crazy person, so I just try not to engage psychos in the first place!

Good luck!

[Lucy]

Just wanted to point out that this thread is 14 months old. Not sure if you noticed the date. I hope it all turned out ok.

[jen]

I kind of had the same problem. Only it was my sister. She brought the kids over and her 1 year old had a burn on the top of his foot. she claimed it was from a curling iron bc her 21 year old step daughter wasn't properly supervising her children. I told her as a mandatory reporter if she returned them for care I would have to notify DHS as she was putting her kids in danger.
Long story short, she won't bring them back. I sent her 3text messages: 1)Are you bringing the kids back? 2) Are you planning on ever bringing the kids back? 3)If you're not bringing the kids back we need to talk about how you are going to pay your bill and if I don't hear from you in 5 days I am sending it for collections. All this was done over 3 days.
Now her boyfriend is trying to get me for harrasment. He keeps calling and swearing on my phone. And I have sent her bill to small claims. So much for sisters.

Uhmmmm...seriously, that is NOT child abuse and you have zero business reporting that...that was an accident. Good God, I wouldn't bring my kids back either.