How Long Before You Term?

[wdmmom]

I have an 18 mo DCB that started about a month ago. He only comes a few days a week but next week starts full time. I am running into issue after issue with this family.

I was apprehensive to start them but had the spot and the income is good.

1.) DCD usually does drop off and pickups. He started going through my house, walking into my kitchen, etc. I put a stop to that by putting up a gate and gave ANOTHER copy of my handbook where it specifically states NO ENTERING BEYOND THE FOYER. (I figured since the DCM did the interview, DCD never seen it.) I haven't had an issue since.

2.) This child is 18 months old and refuses to eat REAL food. The DCD brings me in the ASIAN meals that are blended and look and smell horrendous! He will not eat finger foods or any food that is chopped into picking pieces. I tried giving him spaghetti on his first day and it was all over including my walls, his hair, the floor, etc. The only food I have found him to eat is crackers during snack time. AND...he won't feed himself. Either my assistant or I feed him and he vomits all over! GROSS!

3.) He whines/screams/just makes constant AHHH noise. He doesn't cry. He does this constantly. From the time DCD leaves and all the way through the nap time. I fear the other kids aren't getting a well rested nap so I separated him from the rest so the noise is a little filtered.

4.) He doesn't sleep and DCD asks if he's tired. DUH...is there a trick to getting this kid to sleep?!

5.) The DCD has said he's spoiled...I think that's an understatement. He's still on a bottle too!

6.) DCD has asked me numerous times to work on Saturday. I won't do it. Then he went as far as asking both of my assistants to watch DCB Friday afternoons, Saturdays and Sundays! They both declined. That would mean childcare 7 days a week totaling about 65 hours of care!

Since he's only part time now and going full time on Monday, I considered working with him for 2 weeks and if this whining/screaming doesn't stop, I think I may need to discontinue services. I know the DCD will be mad but I really don't think I'm qualified enough to care for a child of this magnitude. I really feel he needs one on one care. Do you think this is unreasonable?

[cheerfuldom]

I doubt he "needs" one on one care but that is certainly what he is used to and it sounds like the parents are looking for nanny service 24/7. I personally would let him go because I don't see that any of these issues are magically going to change just because he is with you more. It probably will be a lot worse before it gets better. However, depending on how much you need the income and how much you are willing to tolerate, two more weeks can help you make that final decision.

[Meyou]

I'd give it a couple of weeks with him coming fulltime before I termed. Having him fulltime might make a difference in transitioning him.

[countrymom]

I agree with once he goes fulltime he will get better. It's amazing when routine is set in place how well children respons.

[Pammie]

You've made it this long with him I think giving two weeks of full time care would be fair - and transitioning to full time might make it easier for him to finally settle in!

Although since you're already having some issues, I would let the parents know that Monday starts a two week trial - and effectively, their two week notice. If things with the little guy don't improve - then by the end of the two weeks, you've finished out your notice, and can start advertising to fill the spot.

Good luck!

[Abigail]

2.) This child is 18 months old and refuses to eat REAL food. The DCD brings me in the ASIAN meals that are blended and look and smell horrendous! He will not eat finger foods or any food that is chopped into picking pieces. I tried giving him spaghetti on his first day and it was all over including my walls, his hair, the floor, etc. The only food I have found him to eat is crackers during snack time. AND...he won't feed himself. Either my assistant or I feed him and he vomits all over! GROSS!
Do you provide meals? He is old enough to learn the basic table foods that you provide to a child his age. I would tell the parents no more food from outside if you provide meals and he will learn to eat what everyone else eats.

3.) He whines/screams/just makes constant AHHH noise. He doesn't cry. He does this constantly. From the time DCD leaves and all the way through the nap time. I fear the other kids aren't getting a well rested nap so I separated him from the rest so the noise is a little filtered.
Have you addressed this issue with the parents?

4.) He doesn't sleep and DCD asks if he's tired. DUH...is there a trick to getting this kid to sleep?!
I would ask again what his sleep routine at home is. They might be picking him up and putting him to bed so then he will be awake all day with you. LOL. I would also ask both parents to get the story straight if he does take naps and if they have a special routine for sleeping.

5.) The DCD has said he's spoiled...I think that's an understatement. He's still on a bottle too!
You certainly can and should put in your policies that at age one you no longer provide bottles unless requested. By 18 months, you should print them off a sheet that says how bad bottle feeding/paci's are on the teeth. Maybe they put him to bed with a bottle? Who knows! I would switch him to a sippy cup because he needs to learn the self help skills before it's too late. If you have a lower toddler rate, I would make sure he is still on the infant rate and mention that once he is able to perform tasks a child his age should the rate will lower. This should be an incentive to switch the baby stage.


Do you think this is unreasonable?
After all my suggestions, I would still give it a few weeks. If it doesn't change then give a two week notice or even just a week if you must. Nothing sounds too terrible, but two weeks down the road you'll know what to do. Keep us posted!

[wdmmom]

I agree with what you are saying and I have brought it to the attention of the parents, however...I don't think their parenting is what the ours consists of. They are of a different ethnicity. They work 65 hours a week and this kid has grown up in their shop. He makes the rules and given the traffic of people in and out, noise, etc, he sleeps when he wants to and eats when mom and dad have "down-time".

I utilize their place of business about once a month so that's how I came to know this family. I don't want to give up just yet and I don't want bad feelings but there are many other businesses I could use if it were to come down to it.

As for eating regular meals, he won't put anything in his mouth of consistency. It has to be pureed. Otherwise it triggers his gag reflex and he vomits all over. The only food I have found he will eat are the pureed Asian meals they bring in, yogurt and snack crackers.

I got some great advice from Nannyde so I'm hoping the next 2 weeks go smoothly. I'm optimistic that going full time, he will transition and adjust well.

I will keep everyone posted.

[nannyde]

I agree with what you are saying and I have brought it to the attention of the parents, however...I don't think their parenting is what the ours consists of. They are of a different ethnicity. They work 65 hours a week and this kid has grown up in their shop. He makes the rules and given the traffic of people in and out, noise, etc, he sleeps when he wants to and eats when mom and dad have "down-time".

I utilize their place of business about once a month so that's how I came to know this family. I don't want to give up just yet and I don't want bad feelings but there are many other businesses I could use if it were to come down to it.

As for eating regular meals, he won't put anything in his mouth of consistency. It has to be pureed. Otherwise it triggers his gag reflex and he vomits all over. The only food I have found he will eat are the pureed Asian meals they bring in, yogurt and snack crackers.

I got some great advice from Nannyde so I'm hoping the next 2 weeks go smoothly. I'm optimistic that going full time, he will transition and adjust well.

I will keep everyone posted.

Ahhhhh WDM mom: The next two weeks won't be smooth BUT you should be able to get in some meats and veggies in him. Take it easy.... and don't expect big changes in a short amount of time.

Have your goal be that he doesn't puke and you get a couple of tablespoons of meat and veggies down him a day. That's a realistic goal for the first two weeks.

I wouldn't take him off the bottle if he is still having them there. Too much change in a short amount of time. If he got a bottle it would be right after he ate some real food. I would even use the bottle for a cup for in betwen bites in the technique I taught you.

****ing bottle will clear any bits in his cheeks so you can have a freshly cleaned mouth and palate between four five bites. That will decrease his liklihood of gagging.

Send him to me for a couple of months. I'll send you video of him scarfing bbq and blue cheese cabbage within two months. ::

[ninosqueridos]

my ds has more than just a "strong gag reflex" - he has a feeding disorder diagnosed at 18mo by a speech pathologist - he is over 2 now and making sloooow progress. It *sometimes* is not a matter of just offering up food of chunkier/bigger consistency to get them to eat non-pureed foods - sometimes there is indeed an underlying problem. What has his pedi said about that??

[wdmmom]

If there is an underlying problem, the parents aren't concerned whatsoever. Being a first baby, they don't seem to think it's out of the ordinary to have to blend his meals and provide food to him that way.

Whatever this kid wants, this kid gets. I don't foresee the parents doing a complete overhaul on the way they are feeding, parenting, etc.

I have spent the entire weekend thinking about who, what, when, where, why, and how only to realize that even in 2 or 4 weeks, it's not going to change. I only feed him 1 meal a day...I don't see the parents changing how they are feeding. If they aren't and I do even get any progress made, I'm going to have to start over every Monday.

I think I will bring up the possibility of there being something wrong and ask that he be checked out by a doctor. If they refuse, that will be my explanation for canceling services.

[ninosqueridos]

sounds like a plan - good luck! It's so hard when you know no matter what you do on your end, your hard work will have to start over again each week.