Desperately Need Advice for Colicky Baby

[kangmandi]

Here's some background story:

I am a work from home mom (I have a job other than watching children). I have two teenagers and a 9 year old. My best friend begged me to watch her grandchildren - let's just say that her son & his wife aren't the best parents in the world.

The 9 week old is a screamer, a terribly colicky baby. The problem is that she needs to go onto soy formula. The reason that I know this is because I bought her some, and "magically" for three days she had no colic. I didn't tell the parents this though.

However, I have mentioned several times now that they ought to try out soy formula because it has worked for many people that I know. They always cop a HUGE attitude when I say it. I've tried to be really nice and encouraging, but since their doctor didn't suggest it, then I am wrong, this is their baby, etc. etc.

Did I mention to everyone that I do NOT get paid for watching these children? I am doing this because I'm trying to help out them out.

My question is this: is it okay to ask a parent to change a baby's formula when she is colicky? They are telling me that I am overstepping my boundaries by suggesting this. I think it is appropriate to ask them to change it, or to get another person to watch the kids, since I'm doing it for nothing. I just want them to try something instead of just letting her scream in agony, even if I am wrong about the formula, I don't think it will hurt her to switch for a week or two.

[wdmmom]

I would talk to your best friend about it. It's her child, maybe she could have some pull when it comes to that type of thing.

OR---

Print off information about all the different types of formula there is. For example: Gentlease claims to be for "Gas & Fussiness".

If you can't get anywhere with the friend or the parents and you are tired of a chronic crier/screamer, do what you have to do to get other work done....especially since you are doing it for FREE!

OR---

Tell the parents that they are going to have to start paying $2.00 an hour. Tell them part of that stipulation is they need to take the child to the doctor and find out if her formula needs switched.

If they still refuse, tell them it's going to cost them $5.00 per hour because a lot of ear plugs are going to need to be purchased!::

[dEHmom]

More than likely they don't want to consider soy formula because they can't afford it.

By telling them you tried it, they can a) decide to switch or b) scream at you for doing that. I would suggest telling grandma to purchase the same stuff you had tried, and hand it to the parents, show them that the baby is in pain from what they are feeding, and that this DOES help.


That's all you can do.

It's hard as a first time parent to have people tell you you are doing it wrong. Or that there is a better way. But once they see the difference, they may change their attitude. Maybe grandma will be willing to pay the portion they can't afford of the formula.

[AfterSchoolMom]

Simply tell them that you will not continue to watch her for FREE unless they try something different. I'll bet they change their tune!

[Unregistered]

i'm appalled that YOU thought it was ok to switch the child's formula without telling the PARENTS . I would be beyond pissed. If they do not heed your 'advice' then let the child go if you can't stand it. Or move on. Its not your place to decide what the child needs. you can only suggest.

[SandeeAR]

Simply tell them that you will not continue to watch her for FREE unless they try something different. I'll bet they change their tune!

Ditto, not only is the baby suffering, so are you.

[youretooloud]

I think they should try a different formula, but I don't know that Soy is always the right choice.

Many girls who have soy formula go through puberty a little earlier than their peers, some people think it could raise the chances of breast cancer later on. There are several reasons that a parent would not want to try Soy. (plus, it smells worse)

There are other formulas though. It wouldn't hurt them to try something new. There are ways to get formula less expensive since formula is a huge cost to parents. Obviously, since they are putting their 9 wk old into daycare, and can't pay you, there are money issues, so we have to respect that. They just don't have the financial means to buy costly formula, when the store brand formula is cheaper. This might honestly be the best they can do.

You are very good to provide free care! You are saving them at least $200 a week by doing this. But, if you start to feel too stressed, or taken advantage of, you wouldn't be wrong to say you can't do it any longer.

I hope they are applying for WIC or other help, because they seem to need something.

[dEHmom]

btw....the store brand formulas are mostly exactly the same as the name brands, sometimes even better.

Sometimes they need to try different brands, not necessarily different types or formulas.

I raised all 3 of mine on the fortified w/ iron parents choice formula. $10/can opposed to $25/can and up. I compared everything on it in terms of ingredients/nutrition, and discussed with my doctor, and several others. I recommend this formula. There are so many different things.

And to simply change the formula is not good for baby either, it needs to be done gradually.


I was trying to not start this, but I see someone else mentioned the disagreement with switching without parent consent. I would be extremely upset with this. I know I battle with my mother and my mil about what they gave/give my children. But it is a little different within family.

[nannyde]

I wouldn't switch formula without asking them about it.

I would just tell them that she needs her own adult because of her medical needs and you are not able to do that. You have spent enough time on this with them and they feel it isn't your place.

Your only role is whether or not you can provide care. I would tell them you don't have the ability to one to one her and she needs someone who is trained in the care of a child with colic.

[PeanutsGalore]

I think they should try a different formula, but I don't know that Soy is always the right choice.

Many girls who have soy formula go through puberty a little earlier than their peers, some people think it could raise the chances of breast cancer later on. There are several reasons that a parent would not want to try Soy. (plus, it smells worse)

There are other formulas though. It wouldn't hurt them to try something new. There are ways to get formula less expensive since formula is a huge cost to parents. Obviously, since they are putting their 9 wk old into daycare, and can't pay you, there are money issues, so we have to respect that. They just don't have the financial means to buy costly formula, when the store brand formula is cheaper. This might honestly be the best they can do.

You are very good to provide free care! You are saving them at least $200 a week by doing this. But, if you start to feel too stressed, or taken advantage of, you wouldn't be wrong to say you can't do it any longer.

I hope they are applying for WIC or other help, because they seem to need something.

I was going to suggest WIC as well. Having no money in this particular situation is a cop out, because WIC income limits make it easier to qualify for cash-strapped moms. They can get the formula for free; even specialty formula. And they might qualify for other benefits as well.

If I were you, I'd try to bow out gracefully. You're being a very good friend, but you have absolutely no power in this situation. If the baby is driving you bonkers and you love this family and they aren't going to do anything to help their own child, then I can't see this ending well. You might lose a friend.

At the very least, if they have trouble finding someone else to watch a screaming baby, that might be the incentive they need to get the kid some help.

[Amy]

That's tricky, because it is not your child, but you are caring for her as a favor for a good friend.

It sounds so strange to me because my daughter was colicky for the first six months, like she screamed nonstop all day, and we tried EVERYTHING, even resorting to reflux medication. If soy formula had worked, there is no question she would have been drinking soy formula!

I would try to convince them to try it out for a week or two and see if they notice a difference. Say it in the most non-judgmental you can, emphasizing how worth it is to find a way to make the child more comfortable. It's all about the kid, not the power struggle between adults.