What Do You Think About This? (Rant Included)

[New Sheriff]

Hi, everyone,

Somehow I accidentally posted this in the wrong forum. Trying again...

Thought I would post about something that's been bothering me. I would like your thoughts about a situation I have with one of the fathers at my daycare. His daughter is 18 months old, and has attended since she was six months of age. The family lives four houses from my daycare facility, and even though Mom works full-time, Dad is pretty much home all day, every day. He claims that he "can pretty much work whenever" he wants to, which apparently is...never. Now, of course, this is none of my business, but it bothers me that he drops his daughter off at 6am, when we open, and doesn't pick her up until 6pm (closing time), even though he's at home.

I realize that as long as I'm getting paid to care for his child, it shouldn't matter to me what he does with his day. However, his house is clearly visible from the daycare, and it irks me to see him outside, washing his SUV (and sometimes his wife's, too) while his daughter is in daycare 12 hours a day, five days a week.
She's getting better, but has always been a high-maintenance child who screams almost constantly, for no apparent reason. She screams if she sees an unfamiliar face, if one of the other children accidentally brushes up against her, if she hears a noise, if she's tired, if she's hungry, if she doesn't feel well, if she's happy.....etc.
There were a few times that she was at the daycare and obviously not well (and screaming). Knowing that Dad was home, a staff member called him to come get her. His response? "Just give her some Tylenol."

The ironic thing is that he comes off as this incredibly involved, overprotective parent. He and his wife have called the ambulance to their house several times for minor concerns; they've taken her to the emergency room probably a dozen times in the past five months for common colds or congestion. Dad is constantly grilling the staff about his daughter's feeding/nap times, bowel movements; asking why a "strange" blanket was draped over the side of her PnP (to keep the sun out of her face while she slept) and not to do that, as it could be "catchy." He doesn't want her nonperishable food to be refrigerated, because "it could develop bacteria" if it's chilled, then brought back to room temp. He 'requires' that her going-home outfit be different than the one she came in, and that she wear ballet-type slippers at all times so that the bottoms of her socks/sleeper feet don't get dirty...the list goes on.

Just this week, he began bringing her at 6am, telling the staff worker, "she's ready to eat now." Yeah....breakfast isn't until 8:30 am. Considering that he's just going back home (probably back to bed) and not off to work, I'm thinking that he can feed her before he brings her to the daycare. I sent a tactfully worded letter home with him yesterday, informing him that unless he feeds her before she arrives, it's a long wait until lunchtime.

I have many other problems with this parent (believe me), but my main issue is that he has his daughter in daycare all day, every day....while he's at home, doing....whatever he's doing. Initially I gave him the benefit of the doubt, thinking that he worked from home, but he does not. I would just think that a parent would want to spend as much time with his/her child as possible, but not in this case. Does anyone else think this is strange?

Thanks for reading my vent. Feel a little better now.

[wdmmom]

In my contract I specifically state that I only provide care for parents that work or attend school. He's clearly not doing either and it seems to me like he's got you ****ered into watching his kid so he doesn't have to.

I would find out the DCM's hours at work and specifically tell them that you have to place restrictions on the amount of time you will watch a child in a day. (My limit is 10 hours.) Then tell the family that if they are needing care, the child may attend during the DCM's work hours. If the don't like it, they can leave.

And as for a parent completely defying me and my rules and not picking their child up when she is sick, they would have been termed on the spot!

[QualiTcare]

does it bother you enough to lose the income?

if it does, get rid of them. if it doesn't, let it completely go.

[JenNJ]

I would attribute a lot of her difficult behaviors to a lack of parents face time. If you bring this to their attention, they will most likely pull her. As long as he is following policy and payment schedules, there is not much you can do unless you choose to renegotiate the contract, and again, you will probably lose her.

[morgan24]

Wow, you have listed a bunch of stuff I would never put up with. I would have a meeting with Mom and Dad. Start by letting they know you will only watch her for Mom's work hours. This dcd is trying to micro-manage you and I would put a stop to it.I would start telling him how things are done and if he doesn't like it, he will leave. When I have someone who tries to tell me that their child is hungry and ready for breakfast earlier than I serve it, I suggest that they take their child home and feed her because breakfast isn't served until 8.

If a parent was at home and I called because their child was sick and got told to just give her some Tylenol, first I would of called Mom at work. Then if she wasn't picked up I would terminate. It sad but if you terminate this child will end up somewhere that will allow her to be there for 12 hours.

[missnikki]

This parent is getting you to do the hard lifting! He can feel like the World's Best Father when he makes all the decisions for her day. If this realy irks you (and I can understand why it might) then you need to discuss with him the fact that you will be providing equal care to all children, and this includes making decisions about where to store food, how to position them at nap, and when they need to go home. If he is going to fight you on these, they are non-negotiable and that arguing will result in parting ways.

[PeanutsGalore]

Those, are truly stinky parents. If she has to be with you for 12 hours a day, then thankfully, you are probably a bigger and better influence in her life than her "parents". For the moment, anyway.

Don't know how you put up with it, but I'm glad you have a place to vent and feel better now. Happy Friday!

[ninosqueridos]

sounds like they need a "Daddy's Helper" in their home ::

I've cared for a child full time (50hrs/wk) for the DCD who was unemployed for almost 3 years (and yes, he was home...never looking for/applying for jobs). Even DCM knew DCB would be better off with me all those hours. Didn't bother me a bit - the only time it annoyed me was when DCB would get sick while in my care, and DCD would take up to NINETY minutes to pick his son up when he was only 15min away at home.

If it bothers you that much, then term. It probably doesn't help that you could physically *see* him at home doing nothing.

[KEG123]

Didn't read what everyone else said, but if you want here there less hours, then you can either say "I only do contracted hours around your work/school schedule" or "My new rules are that the child cannot be in care more than 10 hours per day"

[nannyde]

The only way to get this to reasonable number of hours is to attach money to it.

You need to inform them that you are raising your rates. Effective in two weeks the new rate is $35 dollars more per week. You are offering the current rate for children who attend the center for nine/ten or less hours per day as long as the hours are scheduled and remain the same daily. (you decide if it's nine or ten.. I would do NINE)

Please let us know if you would like a schedule change or a rate increase. If you choose the schedule change please let us know the hours you will be using daily so we can staff accordingly.

He will most likely choose the schedule change and bring her eight/nine a.m. to six p.m. He's going to want to "get it over with" in the morning when he can just have her sleep in or do a morning of confined in the high chair and TV. Mornings are easier than evenings.

He is asking you to change her every day because she is sleeping in the clothes you change her into. I would be dollars to donuts she is going to bed right when she gets home.

The "pickiness" you are describing is actually not pickiness. He's parenting her with words to you. His exactness is about what someone else does. There is a subsect of parents who want to TELL someone how to care for their kids and be really really specific about it and have THAT ... those WORDS ... BE their parenting.

He's not DOING parenting. He's hiring it out and feels really great about how great he is as a parent because he's doing right by the kid by making sure YOU GUYS do the special special care HIS kid so richly deserves.

At the end of the day... when he's got you guys to do his version of precise care... he feels that HE has been an EXCELLENT parent. It's a really easy way to parent because it's just words and demands... not the physical care and supervison of a child.

[happykidschildcare]

Im with Nanny..I work 9 hr days for my set rates if you want 10 hours you pay extra for the extra hour, but I will never have a kid in my house past the 10 hr day mark...way too much time with you and not their parents!

[Checkinkids.com]

Yep NannyDe knows whats she's talking about. In my wife's daycare, there have been parents like that. That drop kids off at 6am their kids (and themselves) still dressed in pajamas. They go back home, probably go back to bed and don't work till 9. They don't come to pick up the kids till 6pm. You have to attach money to it to solve it. Start charging hourly for them and suddenly they'll only be there 3 or 4 hours a day! I don't think people even realize how it feels to the daycare provider when people take advantage of service like that.