aggressive child...but only to adults ?!?! (long!)

[melskids]

i'm wondering your thoughts on this.....

i have an almost three year old, and this new behavior started about three weeks ago. he has been with me since birth, and was a wonderful baby. by the time he was two, he would display your normal two yr old behaviors. some temper tantrums, etc. no big deal, really. redirection has always worked, or just ignoring the tantrum until he calmed down.

recently he has become aggressive. but not with the other kids. with the adults!!!! anytime someone comes in to the house, he turns into jekyll and hyde. three weeks ago my licensor came, with her boss. he completely became a little monster. he was ripping my house apart, literally. he bit my licensors' boss!!! i was soo embarrassed to say the least. (i did post about this incident previously)

i thought it was a one time thing. but now, every time an adult comes into the house, he does this. whenever another parent comes in, he does it. everytime. yesterday, my computer guy stopped by to fix something, and he walked right up and hit him.

what do you think his deal is?

i try to limit the amount of people who are here daily. i mean, we hardly ever have "guests", but it is gonna happen. people are going to come in and out, kwim?

he doesnt behave like this when no other adults are here. his aggression is only directed to the adults. occasionally, after someone comes in, he may push or hit another child, after he's been wound up.

and he never does it to me, ever.

a little backround.....

mom just had a new baby and started a new job. her boyfriend (not this childs father) drops off and picks up, and sometimes dad does too, or his girlfriend. so he has a lot of transitions going on, with different adults in his life. i know they have behavior issues with him at home too.

do you think hes just having a super hard time figuring out who is supposed to be in charge? is he not adjusting to how many adults are in his life? craving attention?

and what do i do here when someone comes over? i cant have him beating up everyone that walks through my door

redirection doesnt work when he is in this mindset, and time out is a joke to him. i'm thinking i will literally have to hang
on to him, or at least hold his hand while someone is here picking up/dropping off?

[Meyou]

My gut instinct is that he's jealous of sharing you with other grownups. His mama has a boyfriend and a baby. His dad has a girlfriend. It's a rotating door of who is picking him up so he doesn't have that reassurance of KNOWING who is going to be there other than with you.

I'd try and keep him away from other adults coming into the home if you can. Talk to him about visitors and being polite and just wait it out.

[TBird]

Oh it's gotta be the new baby!!! He's probably a little upset with adults right now and wants to get their attention......negatively. You may have to work out a game plan with the parents and give him a little bit more attention and/or positive reinforcement. He sounds like a good boy so it will probably be short lived....hang in there!!!

[SimpleMom]

wow! new baby, "step-parent's"...this little one has soooo much going on. i can't imagine all the confusion going on inside of him right now. sounds like that's the source of the acting out. Holding his hand, giving extra hugs, providing special activities for pick-up and drop off may help during this time.

That would be a bit embarrassing to have a youngster bite a licensing official
I'm sure that they are more concerned with how you react to it than the bite itself. parent's may be concerned with both, since their children also attend. if you get a concerned parent just reassure them that it's a transition thing and such.

hope this stage is short-lived!!
take care