Who Should I Choose?

[Blackcat31]

I say Family #2

I immediately noticed that family #1 feels something strange is going on at daycare yet mom admits to spoiling her son so in essence to me that translates as "My child is not getting his way or is not treated as "special" enough so he is unhappy" and that is really why they want to leave. If it was an unsafe situation any mother would report it and not go back, yet post sounds as if boy is still attending.

The biggest vent on this board about parents is the ones who do not or will not work with us as far as rules and boundaries with their child and family #2 seems to be the one to want to do that. They have a schedule aready in place and are leaving old daycare because of the fact there are no boundaries and rules..."son is too spoiled"....sounds like the ideal daycare parent to me.

[nannyde]

I'd scrap both and keep interviewing. Lots of red flags.

[spud912]

What is the odd behavioral problem, exactly?

According to his mom, he regressed with his potty training, he stopped talking, doesn't smile all day, and he constantly makes whining noises and says no.

I don't know if it's the new daycare or the fact that he misses the old daycare (according to mom he still talks about old provider frequently).

[spud912]

I'd scrap both and keep interviewing. Lots of red flags.

What are your red flags with #2? Just curious as I didn't see too many, although there were several red flags with #1.

[jen]

One of my red flags...

Blaming the daycare provider because their child hits...What will they blame YOU for?

[nannyde]

What are your red flags with #2? Just curious as I didn't see too many, although there were several red flags with #1.

(3) Current daycare lady has had him since he was 6 weeks old. She spoils him and lets him get away with bad behavior (like hitting), which is why they want to leave.

I don't like the hitting obviously.

The provider "spoiling" him can be the get out of jail free card for his bad behavior. It creates a third party responsibility for bad behavior. It doesn't make sense that they ALLOWED that if they are after stable behavior.

It means you HAVE something else to refer to with his hitting or spoiled behavior that doesn't have to do with the parents.

Saying he is SPOILED means that they can attach a nice word to what could be very bad behavior.

Are you sure he didn't get KICKED out of that day care? I would ask to speak to that provider BEFORE I went further with him.

[mickey2]

How many interviews have you done? If you have narrowed it down to these two and you are not sure and have to ask yourself or anyone else you already know yourself there are red flags and you should not take either one.

I keep interviewing until I know for sure that it is a good fit without having to question who I want to take. When I get the perfect family to fit our group and myself I know it.

[spud912]

Thanks for all of the suggestions everyone! I've had a heck of a time finding a replacement for my last child who left nearly a month ago now and I'm just happy to have found children in the right age group (18 month+). I would like to keep looking but I don't know if it will be another month and I need to make something, kwim?

As far as knowing when I've found the perfect fit, I am fairly new to child care and I don't think I've quite got that down yet. My first two children ended up being perfect fits, but they were not my first choices and I found things wrong with them at the time.

I actually might go ahead and do a trial period with child number 1 because he really opened up while here during the interview. He also seems fairly mild mannered and gentle, which would be a better fit for my daughter and my dcg. If it doesn't work during the trial period, I could always get out of it.

[daycare]

Thanks for all of the suggestions everyone! I've had a heck of a time finding a replacement for my last child who left nearly a month ago now and I'm just happy to have found children in the right age group (18 month+). I would like to keep looking but I don't know if it will be another month and I need to make something, kwim?

As far as knowing when I've found the perfect fit, I am fairly new to child care and I don't think I've quite got that down yet. My first two children ended up being perfect fits, but they were not my first choices and I found things wrong with them at the time.

I actually might go ahead and do a trial period with child number 1 because he really opened up while here during the interview. He also seems fairly mild mannered and gentle, which would be a better fit for my daughter and my dcg. If it doesn't work during the trial period, I could always get out of it.

I was going to suggest a two week trail. I know most of us offer this to our families. Can you do a trail offer for both or would that put you at your cap.?

[spud912]

I was going to suggest a two week trail. I know most of us offer this to our families. Can you do a trail offer for both or would that put you at your cap.?

I could do a trial for both but I wasn't sure if I would get a good idea of who was better. I actually thought about doing maybe 1-2 days trial individually with each and then decide, but I wasn't sure if that sounded tacky.

[SilverSabre25]

If you're having reservations about both/either, than it might be best to choose one of them and then keep interviewing. If it doesn't seem to be working out, you haven't really lost anything. If it doesn't work out with one and you have not other/better prospects on the line, then you could call the second one back ("Hey, if you're still looking I had another spot open up if you're still interested") and still keep looking, just in case.

[ninosqueridos]

I'd do a trial with #1 if I had to choose.

[grandmom]

I vote #1.

The boy is obviously in transiton with dad gone. That has to be hard on a kid. That little guy needs a stable person to open their arms up and embrace him.

I'd bend backwards for a family with a deployed parent.

[CeceMHill]

I suppose it depends on how much of a challenge you're willing to take on. I'd probably go for family #1 myself.

[momatheart]

Ok, so I have done several interviews and have narrowed my one vacancy to two boys. I was wondering if you all could help me make up my mind!

Family One:
(1) Father is deployed, mother is also in the military
(2) Boy is 2 1/2 and potty trained
(3) Boy has been with current daycare for 2 months. Mother believes something strange is going on there. He is always upset throughout the day and he is picking up bad habits (such as whining). He is very introverted and is having a very hard time adjusting, according to mother.
(4) Prior daycare had him from 6 weeks to 2 years and they had to leave because dc provider quit. Boy really misses her.
(5) Mother admits that she spoils her son. They have no schedule on the weekends and therefore he will not take a nap for her (although she says he takes naps at daycare).
(6) Mother seems very nice. Boy opened up during interview (he was playing and sharing toys), something the mother said he doesn't do at current daycare.

Family Two:
(1) Met mother, father, boy, and older sister (who I would not provide care for). Family was very nice and open.
(2) Boy just turned 2 and has not started potty training yet.
(3) Current daycare lady has had him since he was 6 weeks old. She spoils him and lets him get away with bad behavior (like hitting), which is why they want to leave.
(4) Boy has a good schedule on the weekends and takes long naps.
(5) Boy was gentle with my children. He was upset when family went to leave and started throwing things and kicking toys. This does not bother me *too* much because the interview was during dinner time and stretching into bedtime, so I can understand how a major schedule change can really trigger a toddler temper tantrum. Parents say he responds well to discipline if necessary (such as time outs).
(6) Boy has limited speech, but mother says he is eager to learn.

Family 1 Hummm that child is upset at daycare, dad is deployed that could be why he is upset. Too many changes and now mom wants to put him in a new daycare? Regressing with potty training well this is why. Poor kido. This child needs to stay right where he is and not have another adjustment to go through. Mom said, she thinks something is going on at his current daycare. Humm yea he is not getting his way and is not being spoiled oh and since there is no schedual that poor child could be exhausted and that is why he is crying.

Family 2. I love the schedual. I love that the olde sibling was there and you got to see her. Red flag to me is that I think the current provider termed him for his behavior and I think also what you saw is the real deal. He threw toys and was kicking. How did mom and dad handle that? Did you like how they handled this in front of you? If they did nothing expect that if you take this child on.

Upon nit picking these two familys I say keep looking.