Just found out twins have autism

[Atroya]

I have a set of 4yr old dc twins that I just found out have autism. I have had them since last July. I could tell the first time I met them there was something not quite right. I have known for some time that it was probably autism, but the parents have never said anything. It will probably be diagnosed as high level autism, or Asperger's. At this point, the most frustrating thing is that this confirmation came from the school, and the parent's are still in the dark, or in denial. The one twin is not too bad, the worst sign is that he has a ritual for EVERYTHING. He does the exact same things, some of them rather strange, every day. If any of the other kids are doing something that prevents his rituals(not on purpose)he still gets upset. He is also very sensitive about little things sometimes. One of his rituals is continually opening and closing cabinet doors. The other one has different, and more prominent symptoms. He is only happy when he can watch tv, and it has to be the certain shows he likes. If anyone wants to watch anything different, he gets angry. He gets angry easily. He does not communicate well, and does not like to be touched. He does not control either happiness or anger very well, and is prone to either outbursts of loud laughter, or has temper tantrums when angry. He only eats certain foods, and if I try to give him anything else, he gags and coughs.
They both have trouble interacting with the other children. But as far as intellectually, they are both extremely smart. Academically, they are both above average.

I also have a nephew who was diagnosed with high level autism, so their behavior lit a spark right away. I have been looking it up on the internet, and everything they are doing points at autism. I know the school wanted them tested for developmental delays due to them both not holding pencils or crayons right. I asked the mother how the test went for the one who had it, and she just said she wasnt' happy with the results, but didn't go into detail. They are picked up by the school van for preschool, and I have had a lot of conversations with the driver of the van. I finally asked her if she knew if the school thought they had autism. She said she would find out...she knew that there were several families that had been contacted but were in denial. She said today that yes, the school thinks they both have it, but the parents have not been notified yet. Apparently there are a bunch of hoops the school has to jump through just to be able to notify the parents.

Anyhow, since their symptoms are pretty mild, in the whole big scheme of things, and I do like the boys, I do not plan on trying to get rid of them. So if anyone has any tips for dealing with this until the parents are notified(even then, from what I have seen, they will deny it) I plan on letting the school handle it, unless the parents ask me about it. It will be a long frustrating summer for both me, and all the kids, if I don't get some tools for dealing with this.
Thank you for any help.

[Zoe]

Before I did daycare, I was an Autism teacher in the elementary schools. Sounds like you've got your hands full!

The best thing you can do for things to go smoothly, is to structure your day as much as you can. Have activities for them at the same time every day. It won't get old, they'll love it and it's a comfort thing.

Have a schedule on the wall with simple pictures of what you are going to do every day. The twins can even be included with this by letting them put an arrow next to the activity that you will be doing at that time. I don't know how your day is even scheduled, but if you only want to have a structured play time for just these kids, that will be fine.

When it comes to transitioning to a new activity, give them PLENTY of notice! Transitions are stressful for kids on the Autism spectrum. So announce the change of activity 5 minutes before. Say, "ok, we're going to be playing with blocks in 5 minutes." Then do it again at 4 minutes. Keep going until it's time to change. Make it fun too, sound excited! Hopefully, you once they get the hang of the schedule, you won't have to have so many transition announcements.

Social communication is a problem and I totally get that talking to the other dcks about it really won't help, as they may be too young to understand. The best thing you can do is, like I said, structure the twins' day as much as possible. You don't have to do this with your other kids, so don't worry about that. If they have their own thing to do, it will keep them occupied with other things while your other kids are busy playing.

It is important for them to learn social skills, so maybe if you have a little time set aside each day for a group game, they can learn this way. They need to be taught phrases to say in order to better communicate with their peers. If they get frustrated, help them with what to say. Some kids take everything as a personal attack, because they don't understand others' feelings or intentions. So for example, if a kid wants to play with the toy that one of the twins is playing with, you should help the child with how to handle the situation. What should he say? Repetition, repetition, repetition!

I have other resources if you'd like. Just PM me your email address. It sounds like the school is trying to set up an evaluation for the kids, but the parents need to be on board with it first. Hopefully things will work out there so that they can get the assistance they need!

[safechner]

I would say to let school handles it. They are going get them evaluated no matter what the parents said or whatever.

I have a 10 year old daughter who is profoundly deaf and has PDDNOS. I have noticed something wrong with my daughter when she was 3 years old but I thought she was jealous of her baby sister or stage. I let it go for a while. She was normal before she hits 3 years old and she was in preschool. A few teachers noticed her so they decided to get her evaluated. They thought she have Autism but I don't believe them because it isn't like her after I research more information about Autism so we decided to take her to Specialist Doctor to take test on her and MRI on her brain. Finally she have PDDNOS. She is doing great so far.

[Unregistered]

I'm wondering what happened to the parents' right to privacy - if you and the van driver are able to discuss this before the parents are informed. Doesn't sound right to me.

[Zoe]

I'm wondering what happened to the parents' right to privacy - if you and the van driver are able to discuss this before the parents are informed. Doesn't sound right to me.

The parents have to be included in the evaluation process. The child cannot be evaluated without a parent's approval. The teacher can approach a special ed teacher with concerns and the sped teacher can observe, but can't do anything more without prior approval.

I too wonder how the bus driver got all this information, since it shouldn't really have been shared without the parents' approval, but I don't think the OP did anything wrong by asking an opinion.