Get Rid Of Structure?

[krystamichelle]

So, I had an off night last night and didn't get much sleep. I decided to have a down day today and just let the kids have free play and cartoons. It turns out that their behavior is sooooo much better this way!! I don't constantly have to fight with them to get ready for things, try to get them to sit still for activities, etc. They're not constantly after me with requests for anything and everything. In summary, it's been a pretty blissful day.

Here's my dilemma: While I will still be making sure they get nap time in and their scheduled snack/meal times, I didn't do the scheduled letter time, and probably won't mess with arts and crafts or their scheduled physical activity. I provided a schedule that I would be following to the parents that included all of these things and they were pleased. However, considering that they behave much better, I am under less stress (actually, everyone seems much happier), and the parents drop them off at a different time every morning, I don't know if sticking to such structure is beneficial.

A little background: I have actually had a lot of issues with my five year old DCB. The parents and I think that he may have ADHD, but his doctor won't diagnose/medicate him until he's in school. He won't sit still for story time, interrupts letter time, speaks loudly, races and stomps through the house, and is constantly disrupting things. Today, he has been pleasant, playing quietly, speaking in soft, polite sentences, etc.

[ninosqueridos]

I would count scheduled meals, snacks, and naps as structure.

It sounds like it is working for you so far - here's to an easy rest of the day!

Having a quick, scheduled activity helps *me* so that's why I do it. Also, my group always seems to argue for things during free play, so I can't imagine them having to be "free" all day.

[SilverSabre25]

This is how our days are--schedule meal times and sleep times, but other than that, all free play. In the mornings I will offer the option to do something arts and crafts, or get out a special game, or do a special activity, but it is an option, nothing more.

Oddly, when I offer these things, I have two younger kids (barely 2 and almost 2) who get very upset and sit at the table crying like I'm forcing them to do the craft/art thing, or whatever we're doing! I try to get them to go play but they don't...it's weird!

I've tried having more structure (like a curriculum, etc) but it did not work for us at all.

Go for it! It might be that your group needs the freedom, or it might be that a few days of freedom interspersed with a few days of structure might be the key.

[TBird]

I LOVE STRUCTURE! But some days....the kids just aren't having it. Some days I have to let go of my OCD and just let them decide, LOL! Maybe you could switch back and forth...it makes things interesting and it will also keep you from burning out or getting bored with it.

[krystamichelle]

This is how our days are--schedule meal times and sleep times, but other than that, all free play. In the mornings I will offer the option to do something arts and crafts, or get out a special game, or do a special activity, but it is an option, nothing more.

Oddly, when I offer these things, I have two younger kids (barely 2 and almost 2) who get very upset and sit at the table crying like I'm forcing them to do the craft/art thing, or whatever we're doing! I try to get them to go play but they don't...it's weird!

I've tried having more structure (like a curriculum, etc) but it did not work for us at all.

Go for it! It might be that your group needs the freedom, or it might be that a few days of freedom interspersed with a few days of structure might be the key.

That's a good idea! I feel like I need to do it for the parents more than the kids actually want or need it. The four year old will be leaving for pre-k this fall and the five year old will be in kindergarten and knows all of his letters, sounds, etc., so letter time isn't very vital and the other stuff is just for fun. Thanks for the help!

Ninos, maybe I should relax a little bit on the "structure," which I think I have confused for curriculum anyway!

[krystamichelle]

I LOVE STRUCTURE! But some days....the kids just aren't having it. Some days I have to let go of my OCD and just let them decide, LOL! Maybe you could switch back and forth...it makes things interesting and it will also keep you from burning out or getting bored with it.

I think I'm going to try that. It sounds like a nice happy medium. Thanks!

[Blackcat31]

Why not have pre-set structured days such as M,W,F's as structured routine days and T and Th as free days.... This way the kids won't be too overwhelmed with the structured routine and they still get their fun days in as well.

As far as a 5 year old who behaves the way you describe, I honestly think it is normal..... I just cringe when parents immediately think their kid has ADD/ADHD before age 7. Up until that age, children aren't suppose to know how to regulate their behaviors and usually have very poor self-control UNLESS they are taught the appropriate behaviors. ADD/ADHD seems to be the cure-all explanation for bad or challenging behaviors.

[krystamichelle]

Why not have pre-set structured days such as M,W,F's as structured routine days and T and Th as free days.... This way the kids won't be too overwhelmed with the structured routine and they still get their fun days in as well.

As far as a 5 year old who behaves the way you describe, I honestly think it is normal..... I just cringe when parents immediately think their kid has ADD/ADHD before age 7. Up until that age, children aren't suppose to know how to regulate their behaviors and usually have very poor self-control UNLESS they are taught the appropriate behaviors. ADD/ADHD seems to be the cure-all explanation for bad or challenging behaviors.

I think that's a good idea. I'm going to talk to the parents first to make sure they're okay with it. As I said, I told them that I would provide this daily schedule, but it seems they need some downtime.

As far as the ADHD goes, I won't claim to know for sure that he doesn't just need more discipline, but he reminds me a lot of how my son was before he was diagnosed. Though my son has done awesome at home and school, it's not something I take lightly, and wouldn't encourage the parent's to do so, either. I also feel that it's become over diagnosed because parents won't do things to get a handle on their children. However, there are many things that DCB does that remind me of my son and are within the realm of the behaviors that many ADHD kids have.

[WImom]

I LOVE STRUCTURE! But some days....the kids just aren't having it. Some days I have to let go of my OCD and just let them decide, LOL! Maybe you could switch back and forth...it makes things interesting and it will also keep you from burning out or getting bored with it.

I agree with this and it's so me. I've been thinking of actually making just two or three days learning days and the rest free days. It will free up time for me too.