Dishonest

[Greenshadow]

Why is that parents are always trying to discredit their caregivers?

A mom that Ive had her kids in my care for a year now decided to not call me about a situation but email me via facebook to discuss with me why her sons diaper hadnt been changed. Right out of the blue. It was a busy day but I did change this child! Ive never in a years time been accused of not changing his diaper but it was upsetting for her to come at me with photos and accusations. I told her that if I had in fact not changed her son since naptime, which I know 100% that I checked his diaper after his nap and because it hadnt been peed in, I didnt change it, that I was sorry about that and it was a complete overisight on my part. Its not like something like this has ever happened in my care. Ever.

This mom and I get along very well although she can be quite anal about her children, which I can appreciate, usually. But to come at me with this was hurtful. She wrote me back and told me that she was more relieved that I has said that I could have overlooked changing him and not that I had changed him before she got there because she would know that Im lying and she wouldnt be able to trust me.

It just feels like she is looking for a reason to discredit me. And Im not sure why. It almost makes me want to term her just for the uneasiness I feel now. Maybe Im just over-reacting. I need to get some sleep.

[Live and Learn]

That is just weird!:confused: photos and accusations on FB?...weird.
Sorry you had to deal with that drama!! Have a good weekend.

[morgan24]

What a crappy why to go about asking you something. I don't think I would of even answered the message via facebook. I would of waited until she came back to care and then addressed it. So many times people will say something to say via email or facebook that they would never say to your face.That's why I don't have any parents on facebook and I don't give them my email. I had a child who would get up from nap dry and didn't get a diaper change. Then 1 to 1 1/2 hours later would load her diaper up with a huge pee. Maybe that is what is happening with this child. Forget about it and enjoy you weekend.

[Greenshadow]

I have a separate fb page that isnt my personal one that my parents belong to. Thats where she wrote it. Not on the Wall but a private message. I dont know why she didnt just call me to address it over the phone! We've always had open communication but this really upset me. Even now, the next morning to be accused of something and then for her to test me to see if Im dishonest. Ive been watching her children for a year now. You'd think we'd be past this stage. Im really bothered by what she's doing. I cant afford to term her but I just feel in my gut that this is over the top and that she might need to move on.

[morgan24]

Maybe it would help you to feel better if you asked her if she has any other questions to please ask you instead of pm you on facebook. Then you can tell by her tone if she is accusing or just asking. I would be bothered about her trying to trick me to see if I was being honest and the way she approached you would of bothered me. I understand not being able to afford terming, been there myself. After you let her know that you would rather communicate face to face, I would forget about what she wrote.

[TBird]

You poor thing...I'm sorry. If she felt so strongly about it, she should have called you. Facebook is unreliable (and not somewhere where you discuss your child or business) and who's to say you would even check it.

Anyway, I feel like I really have to be careful with parents like this....especially if they're "touchy" about diapering and cleanliness. I had one like that and at pick up time I would specifically tell her if he had or hadn't been changed. He usually pooped right before pick up (lucky me), so I would wait to change him until he pooped. If he hadn't pooped by the time she got there, I would tell her so she new that he hadn't gotten a new diaper and then I would give her the option if she wanted him changed or not.

It's usually timing and we obviously don't have control over it all the time. If you have a good track record (which it sounds like you do), she should know that it was a timing thing or something similar. I hope you were able to put her mind at ease. Don't let it rattle you......Monday is a new week Sister!!!

[Unregistered]

I am so sorry that this mom did this to you! I can not believe the problems that some of you amazing ladies have with your families! Most of you obviously work so hard and love these kids in your care but some of you seem get weirdo moms or dads. I have wondered at times how some can have absolutely wonderful kids and parents while others have so many nightmares!

I have been very fortunate in the years that I have been caring for children and have never had anything other than one family who had a "princess" I quickly turned that one around. She could be the only princess at home but here I have many princes and princesses and they are all special to the "Queen"!

I rule my daycare home, no one else! and any parent who even tries to give me grief is spoken to and explained the way I do things and why I do things, then if they think we are not a suitable fit then they need to find a place that is. I never let anything that bothers me go and I speak up for myself and my policies.

Messaging you about a diaper! Give me a break! If the child did not have a red butt and was just wet I would tell her to change the baby and save the drama!

I do diaper changes as follows. I check first thing in the am when they come in by feeling and changing if needed. Then after breakfast at 9 am, before lunch at 11, before nap at 1 pm, after nap at 3 pm and any other time that they need to be changed.

Other things do come up and it can happen where a child who is not stinky might be over looked if you have an excessively cranky child who needs extra care or difficult day. I can see how it can happen. It has probably happened to others of us.

Is the child a full time child or a part time child?

If you still feel uneasy about this I would say something to the moms face about it.

Try and have yourself a good weekend and do not stress over it.

I am a registered user however I am not using my regular computer so have not signed in.

[SandeeAR]

If this isn't typical behavior for her, could she be looking for an excuse to leave your care? Has anything changed for her? Her financial situation? Work? Family volunteered free care? Anything she has mentioned?

If so, maybe she is looking for an excuse.

BTW, I NEVER check diapers until up for 30 minutes after nap, Unless you can smell a dirty one :: Waiting 30 minutes, gives them time to do the "Oh, I just woke up pee". I also, check them each again, just before pick up time. If wet, at all, we change, so they go home dry.

I do understand, you can miss one, nobody is perfect. However, since we do this day in, day out, pretty much on the same schedule, we know that is rare.

Do worry about it. You know you do your best each day. It is her problem, let it go and enjoy your weekend

[GG~DAYCARE]

I have a dcg who would hold it for so long and than do a masive pee. It would always seem like I hadn't changed her in a really long time! Her Mom knows this so she always checks to see if she has a full diaper before she leaves my care. Sometimes I catch it and sometimes Mom does!! I don't know how old your dck is but right before they show signs of potty training they hold it as long as they can and than do a big pee. Hope it helps!!! I hate when a parent feels I may be neglecting my duties!!

[dEHmom]

I know myself personally, I have more guts to say things when it's not face to face. I've always been pretty shy and when someone is looking me in the eyes, I can't find the "right time" or the words to say things.

Maybe she just didn't know how to say anything to you? But it also sounds like she was trying to get some "evidence" to hold against you, and since you didn't respond with anything that could be held against you she gave up?

[QualiTcare]

I have a dcg who would hold it for so long and than do a masive pee. It would always seem like I hadn't changed her in a really long time! Her Mom knows this so she always checks to see if she has a full diaper before she leaves my care. Sometimes I catch it and sometimes Mom does!! I don't know how old your dck is but right before they show signs of potty training they hold it as long as they can and than do a big pee. Hope it helps!!! I hate when a parent feels I may be neglecting my duties!!

this is exactly what happens. you can check and they'll be bone dry and an hour later have pee soaking through to their clothes/bed - whatever.
it happens with elderly people as well and you feel like you have to defend yourself against people who don't understand it.

i would explain to this mom next time i saw her that kids start doing this especially when it's close to time to potty train and that you have been and will continue to check her diaper, but you'd welcome her to check it as well before she leaves so it can be changed before she goes. i guarantee if she actually starts doing that there will be a day SOON where she checks it, it's dry, and then she realizes just a short time later at home that the diaper is soaked and looks like it hasn't been changed all day.

how old is the child? is it old enough to start putting on the potty after nap?

[Greenshadow]

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions.

The boy just turned 2. He is not ready to potty train. Its nothing like that. The mom came early to pick him up and I felt him to see if he needed changing as I had changed his diaper during naptime because he always poops after I lay him down. It wasnt long after he had woken up that she showed up to take him home. I didnt think his diaper was that bad since I'd just changed it during his nap.

This is something that has never ever happened in my care. It bothers me that the ONE time something comes up, she has to ask me about it in a way that makes it sound like she is accusing me of something worse. I mean, one incident in a year?! Anyway, the line is drawn. Im upset by it and I will be bringing it up to her on Monday.

We arent "friends" but we've had excellent communication over the past year. She even told me once that I was her "daycare soulmate". LOL. So I think its hurt me more than anything that Ive come to realize she still doesnt trust me. I thought she did.

[Greenshadow]

She sent me an email last night and tried to attach the photo of the diaper but the attachment didnt come through. This is what she wrote " Tell me what you think. This is the craziest diaper I've ever seen."

This is what she wrote to me on Friday night.
"Beth, I know he's been there a year, and he's never come home like that. So, I know you change his diapers. I appreciate that you are being honest and might have changed *her other son* and overlooked *this son*. I tried sending you a pic but I'm having trouble with my phone. If you forgot, I can live with that. I was more worried if you said you changed him before I got there and then I would always think you weren't being honest with me. I am so relieved now. I can show you the pic on Monday. Thanks. Have a good weekend. I can sleep now. "

So I thought she was over it. Apparently not. She's trying to send me the photo, like I need to see it.

[MN Day Mom]

I would send her a message back saying...

I do not need to see the diaper on Monday morning. I will trust that it is the craziest diaper you have ever seen. Maybe he emptied his bladder on the way home as surely one of us would have of noticed a bulging diaper prior to his leaving here... if nothing else we would have of smelled it.

I totally understand how you aren't going to feel the same with this parent.... sorry you are dealing with this.

[mickey2]

Is it the same "wishy washy" one from this thread?

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28005

If so I would be saying bye bye!

Poor you! You should not have to be going through this stuff.