The Parent That Calls Every Day

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  • Meeko
    Advanced Daycare.com Member
    • Mar 2011
    • 4351

    #16
    Originally posted by JenNJ
    That many calls would bother me - a lot. I would have to tell her that it was bothering our routine and that calls should really be saved for emergencies, change of plans/schedule, or the like. A phonecall a day even at 5 minutes a call takes 25 minutes a week awy from the kids. That's a lot of time to dedicate to reassuring an adult.

    And I disagree with unregistered who suggested a daily check in time or visits. I allow parents to visit whenever they choose, but baby goes with mom when she leaves. That would be confusing and upsetting for the child. And that is who I am worried about.

    We all make choices in life. This mom chooses to work outside the home. She chose daycare for her child. She needs to let her provider focus on her job (the kids) and have some trust. If she can't do that, she needs to figure out a way to stay home.
    Amen Jen!

    Comment

    • Symphony
      Daycare.com Member
      • Jan 2011
      • 222

      #17
      I have the check in the first few days parents, and then if their child had a rough night or something unusual is up they might check in and see how things are going. I send cute stories/pictures to all my parents maybe once a week.

      I do have one mom who comes and plays on her lunch hour and I don't mind at all. I enjoy the converstation, and her son isn't upset when she leaves. I have an open door policy where parents can come and go as they please, so long as their kiddos are ok with it too.

      I agree with pp's that it sounds like this dcm is having some trust issues. I would have an honest conversation with her about it, that must be frustrating on both ends!

      Comment

      • missnikki
        Advanced Daycare.com Member
        • Mar 2010
        • 1033

        #18
        She sounds like a 'helicopter parent'. You know the type- micromanage your every move from afar. They are somewhat easy to tame, you just have to let them know they are 'special' and that their concerns are valid, but that they have found the right person to trust their child with.

        To do that, you will need to have a talk with her. You might consider printing off a few 'daily notes' for her to fill out at drop off each day, until she's calmed down. These are half slips of paper that just have basics on them:

        -Best phone number to contact her in case of concern or question
        -amount of sleep last night
        -amount of breakfast
        -any concerns to look out for
        -which concerns she would like a phone call about
        -estimated pick up time

        Notice that none of those suggestions allow for her to really control you, but rather give her a means to sort of 'cut the umbilical cord' temporarily. That way she feels like she has a voice but then it also might occur to her that you have it under control. Hope that makes sense.

        Comment

        • TBird
          Advanced Daycare.com Member
          • Mar 2011
          • 551

          #19
          Aw, heck naw!!! 10 calls in 10 minutes??? Now that's just ridiculous STALKING!!! She would have gotten an ear full for that one!!! If she doesn't trust you to leave a message and get a phone call back later, than she needs to go elsewhere....shaking my head....:confused:

          Comment

          • nannyde
            All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
            • Mar 2010
            • 7320

            #20
            Originally posted by missnikki
            She sounds like a 'helicopter parent'. You know the type- micromanage your every move from afar. They are somewhat easy to tame, you just have to let them know they are 'special' and that their concerns are valid, but that they have found the right person to trust their child with.

            To do that, you will need to have a talk with her. You might consider printing off a few 'daily notes' for her to fill out at drop off each day, until she's calmed down. These are half slips of paper that just have basics on them:

            -Best phone number to contact her in case of concern or question
            -amount of sleep last night
            -amount of breakfast
            -any concerns to look out for
            -which concerns she would like a phone call about
            -estimated pick up time

            Notice that none of those suggestions allow for her to really control you, but rather give her a means to sort of 'cut the umbilical cord' temporarily. That way she feels like she has a voice but then it also might occur to her that you have it under control. Hope that makes sense.
            The note thing is a great idea BUT it would have to be filled out BEFORE they came thru the door. If you have forms for the parent to fill out while you are standing a few feet from them they won't want to do the writing when they can just tell you what they want.

            It's a great idea though.

            I had a parent that wanted a daily report home. I told her I don't do daily reports but if she would be willing to create a checklist report form that I could fill out with checks I would be happy to do it.

            Stuff like:

            breakfast full____ half_____ quarter_____ none____
            diaper changes 1____ 2____ 3______ 4_____ 5_____
            bowel movements 1_____2_____3_____
            mood: happy_____ sad______ mellow_____ fussy______

            and so on......


            Just create the form and make sure I can just do it by check and I can do it every day. Never heard back on that one.

            I think the real issue here is that the parent is requiring conferences on a child who is doing well and doesn't have any medical concerns. By five weeks it's time to get in the groove of being one of many and not expect that level of one to one conferencing.

            It's time to switch this communication to "in writing". Your idea is great or the idea of telling her that instead of daily phone calls you would like her to make a daily CHECK report form to go home that includes all the information she would like daily.
            http://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whispe...=doing+daycare

            Comment

            • Lucy
              Daycare.com Member
              • Jan 2010
              • 1654

              #21
              Like you, I expect calls the first couple days. Longer if they are young parents, or if it's a baby or an only child. If it starts to last too long or is getting on my nerves, I just don't do as much talking. I let them ask their question, "How is my Darling doing?" My answer: "fine". (silent moment) They ask "Is she getting along with the other kids?" My answer: "yep". (silent moment) "Did she eat a good lunch?" My answer: "yep". (silence). In other words, I give one word answers and allow the awkward silence while they are waiting for you to elaborate, but you don't elaborate! Also, I let the phone ring more times before I pick up. And I'll sound a little out of breath like I was busy and had to rush across the room to get the phone. If they persist, I would start letting it go to voice mail, then text back instead of calling.

              Comment

              • missnikki
                Advanced Daycare.com Member
                • Mar 2010
                • 1033

                #22
                Originally posted by nannyde
                The note thing is a great idea BUT it would have to be filled out BEFORE they came thru the door. If you have forms for the parent to fill out while you are standing a few feet from them they won't want to do the writing when they can just tell you what they want.

                It's a great idea though.

                I had a parent that wanted a daily report home. I told her I don't do daily reports but if she would be willing to create a checklist report form that I could fill out with checks I would be happy to do it.

                Stuff like:

                breakfast full____ half_____ quarter_____ none____
                diaper changes 1____ 2____ 3______ 4_____ 5_____
                bowel movements 1_____2_____3_____
                mood: happy_____ sad______ mellow_____ fussy______

                and so on......


                Just create the form and make sure I can just do it by check and I can do it every day. Never heard back on that one.

                I think the real issue here is that the parent is requiring conferences on a child who is doing well and doesn't have any medical concerns. By five weeks it's time to get in the groove of being one of many and not expect that level of one to one conferencing.

                It's time to switch this communication to "in writing". Your idea is great or the idea of telling her that instead of daily phone calls you would like her to make a daily CHECK report form to go home that includes all the information she would like daily.
                I was intending to offer the mom a way to communicate to the provider in the am, not other way around, to keep the nonstop this-and-that concerns me questions to a minimum...but honestly, I think either one would be a jumping off point to the mom to start the talk.

                Comment

                • SandeeAR
                  Advanced Daycare.com Member
                  • Sep 2010
                  • 1192

                  #23
                  This is what goes home with my kiddos each day:



                  SANDEEโ€™S DAILY REPORT

                  NAME_____________________________ DATE_____________________


                  Today I was: ( ) Happy Nap___________ to ______________
                  ( ) Fussy
                  ( ) Sleepy Nap___________ to ______________
                  ( ) Other
                  ( ) Clingy Nap ____________to_______________

                  Diaper/Potty Trips Meals and Snacks

                  ________________Wet Ones __________________________
                  ________________
                  ________________BM __________________________
                  ________________
                  __________________________

                  I had _____Wet Pull ups __________________________
                  I had _____Dirty Pull ups

                  Supplies Needed:

                  _______________________________________________________________


                  Under Diapers, I write in the time. Under Meals, I write in the time, list oz of bottle, food eaten, etc. Any extra info, I list on the space below Supplies needed.


                  Hope this Helps some. Ok, it won't line up right when I type it on here, put you get the idea. Two columns



                  Today I was Naps


                  Diaper/Potty Trips Meals


                  That is the way it should be.
                  Last edited by SandeeAR; 03-18-2011, 03:24 PM. Reason: tried to fix line up

                  Comment

                  • nannyde
                    All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
                    • Mar 2010
                    • 7320

                    #24
                    Originally posted by missnikki
                    I was intending to offer the mom a way to communicate to the provider in the am, not other way around, to keep the nonstop this-and-that concerns me questions to a minimum...but honestly, I think either one would be a jumping off point to the mom to start the talk.
                    Oh don't get me wrong. I dig your idea.

                    Either way.. the big one for your idea is it is done BEFORE the parent walks in the door. I think it would be tough to find a parent who would hand write open ended question responses when they could just say words to you.
                    http://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whispe...=doing+daycare

                    Comment

                    • missnikki
                      Advanced Daycare.com Member
                      • Mar 2010
                      • 1033

                      #25
                      Originally posted by nannyde
                      Oh don't get me wrong. I did your idea.

                      Either way.. the big one for your idea is it is done BEFORE the parent walks in the door. I think it would be tough to find a parent who would hand write open ended question responses when they could just say words to you.
                      But to quote the Nan, "Why let a parent give you words, when you can make it a policy in writing." Or some such....

                      Comment

                      • Hunni Bee
                        False Sense Of Authority
                        • Feb 2011
                        • 2397

                        #26
                        We had a parent who would call between 8 and 11 am every day (extremely busy time) and sometimes a second time. It was always the same question "Is J alright?"....if he cried at drop-off it would be "Is he still crying".

                        Eventually we told her that we were usually very busy taking care of her son and the other children during those times when she called, and that answering the phone took us away from them. We asked her if she was satisfied with the care her son was getting, and we promised to call her immediately if there ever was a problem. We send home a detailed daily report on all kids under 3 and the preschoolers get a weekly one...so she was getting that and she always spend several minutes talking with her son's teacher at pick-up.

                        So....we kind of asked her to stop calling without actually asking her. Her son has been with us for more than 2 years and is now 3.5 and if he whines at drop-off, she will still call

                        Comment

                        • nannyde
                          All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
                          • Mar 2010
                          • 7320

                          #27
                          I wrote a blog about this Silver. Thanks for the idea

                          Sorry, your search did not find any daycare or childcare listings. Please search again with your zip code instead.
                          http://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whispe...=doing+daycare

                          Comment

                          • katie
                            Daycare.com Member
                            • Mar 2010
                            • 110

                            #28
                            my first dck mom was like this. The child was 13 months. I sent home a detailed sheet every day of the food, schedule, diapers. She still called 2 and 3 times a day. It was so bad that if I didn't answer due to diaper changes etc she would call back several times until I picked up. She always seemed to call right during her nap time. She napped for 2 hours. So I never got a break because I had to be on the alert to her call. I never had anything to say except she is SLEEPING and fine. She seemed irritated about everything I did. I feel I went above and beyond in every way, including accomodating her schedule. But she never stopped calling even unto the last day. Because It was my first experience I didn't know any different. Then later I realized how rediculous it really was. I would never tolerate it again. I support the parent having access at any time if there is a concern, etc. But after things are settled and you are in a routine I don't see the need for several daily calls. Just my opinion.

                            Comment

                            • Pammie
                              Daycare Member
                              • Jan 2010
                              • 447

                              #29
                              I guess that I'm in the minority here, but I have/had parents that call daily to check on their children, and I never mind that they do. They all understand that on occasion I can't pick-up the phone, and they either call back, or just leave a message. I had one family that the dad called daily on his lunch break every day for the 12 years that at least one of his children were with me. I currently have a mom of a 22mo that has called daily since day one.

                              The phone calls are quick - and I always make sure to relate a "precious moment" that involved their child that day. If it helps them get through their days at work away from their children to touch base and hear something funny or special that their child did, then it's not that much of an inconvenience for me. I feel it's one of the extras that I can offer my clients that make them feel better about their child being in my care. I look at it as just part of the "customer service" part of my job.

                              Comment

                              • nannyde
                                All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
                                • Mar 2010
                                • 7320

                                #30
                                Originally posted by Pammie
                                I guess that I'm in the minority here, but I have/had parents that call daily to check on their children, and I never mind that they do. They all understand that on occasion I can't pick-up the phone, and they either call back, or just leave a message. I had one family that the dad called daily on his lunch break every day for the 12 years that at least one of his children were with me. I currently have a mom of a 22mo that has called daily since day one.

                                The phone calls are quick - and I always make sure to relate a "precious moment" that involved their child that day. If it helps them get through their days at work away from their children to touch base and hear something funny or special that their child did, then it's not that much of an inconvenience for me. I feel it's one of the extras that I can offer my clients that make them feel better about their child being in my care. I look at it as just part of the "customer service" part of my job.
                                I think your difference with the OP is that your parents are making the call quick, they are accepting that everything IS fine, and they are using a tone with you that is a sharing tone not a contentious tone.

                                The OP's situation is very differnt. This Mom isn't accepting that everything is going great. She's actually making up stuff and fixating on health issues that don't exist. She's upset when she hears the child is well.

                                See the difference?

                                The other thing is that you are able to come up with precious moments to share with them. You obviously have a way of describing the normal day to day life with their child in a way that they find endearing and special. That's a gift and not something everybody has.

                                Kids don't really change that much day to day. Sure there are milestone days when you see something new and special but communicating those without usetting the parent who missed them is kind of a tricky business.

                                It's a skill you get over time and not everybody has the art down to a science like you do.

                                If the OP's parent was able to do a quick call and be happy when she heard the words "she's doing great" without further disection and questioning I don't think the daily call would be so hard to manage.

                                Most parents want to know that you really enjoy their kid and that they are doing well. When you run into parents who won't accept that it makes for difficult communication in any form. That's really the heart of the OP's issue. The daily part of it makes it worse but if the parent behaved the way yours do she most likely wouldn't have even posted the thread.
                                http://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whispe...=doing+daycare

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