How would you handle this?

[Unregistered]

I do daycare for one child right now. He's been in my care since he was 6 weeks old and he's 3 now. I've always had issues with his mom and her lack of child rearing intuition, but I'm a little puzzled by her latest bit. Here's the deal: He's always had problems with being dropped off and so Mom has always been all lovey, dovey with him, giving hugs and kisses and more hugs and more kisses, and then wave at the window, etc.

Right about when school started, she started a different job that requires her to be to work a little earlier so now she needs to do a drop and run, as opposed to clinging on...and on....and on....for 25 minutes. So, fast forward 6 weeks later and he's his usual grumpy morning self when she drops him off and now she tells me that he says he's lonely at my house. Mind you, he's never given me any indication that he's lonely. We go for a morning walk together after my kids are on the bus, then he plays for a bit, then he usually does some sort of learning game/puzzle type of activity, then he plays more or looks at books.

He also LOVES to help me with laundry, like sorting socks or folding washcloths so if I have that to do, he helps. Then we have lunch and he takes a 4 hour nap and gets up when my kids get home from school. (The 4 hour nap is because his parents put him to bed at 9:30 and he gets up at 5:30/6:00.) So anyway, today when she came to pick him up, what does she ask him? "Hi! Were you LONELY again today?" Of course, he says "Uh, huh." all sad like and then she turns and says to me that he's been telling her that he's LONELY every day. I'd be willing to bet if she asked him if he had FUN at my house today, he'd have given the same answer. Why would she ASK him if he's lonely?

It's one thing if he told her, but she's the one bringing it up! She has no issue with his being an only child at home, so why should it be any different at my house? What would you do/say to that? She's come with that twice now this week and it's never been an issue previously.

Thanks for listening if you've read this far!

[Unregistered]

Oh girl, I feel for you! I have had one of these too. Mom would come IN every morning, plop herself down in the playroom and STAY for an HOUR chatting! Then, the goodbye would be drawn out for another 1/2 hour. She worked from home and this child was part time.
She'd say I'm going now, are you going to be okay? And just generally say things to get him going. He'd be so upset by the time she left it ruined my ENTIRE morning. She did this for TWO YEARS!
I would be willing to bet that this Mom is the same passive agressive type and even if you did find another child to care for to keep DCB from being "lonely" then she wouldn't like the new child. I've been there and I can just see it now!
It sounds to me like she is jealous of the time you have with her child, that she is not able to spend.
Are you willing to take in another one? I would in your case just to cover myself if this Mom is getting ready to pull her child out for some reason and this is her passive agressive way of telling you it's coming.
Have you asked her if she'd feel better if you took in another one? Is it something you even want to do?

[GretasLittleFriends]

I'd be willing to bet if she asked him if he had FUN at my house today, he'd have given the same answer. Why would she ASK him if he's lonely?

It's one thing if he told her, but she's the one bringing it up! She has no issue with his being an only child at home, so why should it be any different at my house? What would you do/say to that? She's come with that twice now this week and it's never been an issue previously.

If I were you, I'd take that bet, and give it a try yourself. When she asks him if he was lonely today, you ask him if he had fun. Be sure to use a slightly happier tone than which you normally speak.

I'd likely go as far as to talk to the little boy without mom there and see if he really is lonely and why he feels that way. I'd also kind of prompt him to discuss (right before his mom is due to pick him up) the fun things you did that day, and what was his favorite.

If it continues, I'd consider having a discussion with mom, without his little ears around, and discuss if this is just a phase. If push came to shove, I'd flat out ask her since he's the only child at home if he's lonely there too. I'd also mention the fact that he's not alone all day, your kids come home from school in the afternoon.

Good luck!!

[Unregistered]

Thank you for your reply! When she brought him today, she told me that since he's so lonely here she's going to start looking at her preschool options. I did tell her then that if she wouldn't keep bringing it up, he's really quite cheerful all the while he's here and only lonely if she asks. Later, while I was helping him with some pattern blocks, I asked him if he was lonely and he said he was lonely in his bed. (He doesn't like to take a nap, but would be unbearable if he didn't. He also has Mom sleeping on the floor next to his bed at home, which won't be happening here!) I asked if he had fun at my house and he said he does. I will try asking him, in front of her, if he had fun when she brings it up the next time, but I guess if she's looking for an excuse to move on, it's not going to matter. I don't think he'll be able to handle preschool yet with his sleeping hours, but I guess she'll find that out for herself. It's just disappointing to have her thinking he's so lonely when I know he has fun.

Also, I think some of this comes from the fact that SHE is lonely at her job now. She used to work with the public and was able to interact with a variety of people and now her new job requires her to sit in a closed office that happens to have no windows and only a few office people. For the most part, I think she sits at her desk in this office, all by herself, all day. I'm thinking it's taking it's toll on her. I know I would NOT be able to handle that at all. I wish there was a subtle way to mention my theory, but I doubt that it would be well-received so I'll probably just keep my theory to myself.

[kitkat]

It's nice when adults put words in kid's mouths, isn't it?!

I agree with the previous post. Try to talk to him when mom isn't there. Since she already used the word lonely, I'd ask him why he's lonely. Maybe it's because he misses mom and he's lonely for her. Mom is probably just projecting her feelings onto her son. Maybe she's having some transition issues with the new job and is passing that on to him.

If she says it again, then I would take pictures of him doing the fun things at your house and print them out for her to show her exactly how "lonely" he is

[AmandasFCC]

It's nice when adults put words in kid's mouths, isn't it?!

I agree with the previous post. Try to talk to him when mom isn't there. Since she already used the word lonely, I'd ask him why he's lonely. Maybe it's because he misses mom and he's lonely for her. Mom is probably just projecting her feelings onto her son. Maybe she's having some transition issues with the new job and is passing that on to him.

If she says it again, then I would take pictures of him doing the fun things at your house and print them out for her to show her exactly how "lonely" he is

I agree with taking pictures and showing how much fun he's having. I also agree that it's probably mom projecting her feelings onto her son, and that's really sad. Good luck!

[Unregistered]

Yup, I called it unfortunately. She's looking for a way to pull him and move on. Why can't she just say she thinks he's ready for preschool. Sorry you are going through this. Start looking now as I said for a replacement. I'll be she's already been looking. This is her way of letting you know that.

[Unregistered]

She had already told me he would attend preschool when he was 4 so I knew it would be coming. After thinking about it more today, I've decided I'm okay with it if she wants to pull him out now. I'm not sure what I did to offend her or if it's the fact that her boy is an angel for me and not at all for her, but she likes to play mental games and I really don't need that kind of crap anyway. Last week she told me she needed to take a ME day because her job was so very intense. I'd have been okay with that, except that she continued with something about how she knew I wouldn't understand since my job wasn't as mentally challenging as hers. Hmpffff!