Being Unreasonable?

[maudie65]

hello! my name is mari. i live in visalia ca. i have 3 kids and i am a licensed child care provider. and i have 2 kids enrolled in my daycare. i hope i can get some advice here please.


i have a little girl who has been with me for almost 2 years now. her mom is a friend but not a close friend. the mom works crazy schedules because shes a correctional officer for the county. i actually have watched this child for 13 hours days at one point. now the mom works over night and needs me for the days she needs to sleep. how do i go about with that? i hate having to watch the little girl when the mom has lunch with friends or goes to the gym. im i being unreasonable? i think that its unfair to me. i feel like im not a personal babysitter.
i watch kids when needed. like working, school, etc etc.
i have a life to and would like to spend time with my family and spend time doing my personal errands.
i have talked about this with my husband and mother and they think that im wrong. because im a child care provider they say i should watch them no matter what.
idk what do you ladies think?

[SilverSabre25]

I think you're going to find that most of the people on this board will take one of two very distinct sides--either you watch kids and don't care where the parents are (until they're late, ) or you restrict your care to ONLY during hours the parents are working. Either side is fine; it's your personal choice.

In this case, I consider sitting during the day so the overnight working mama can sleep is absolutely acceptable. Stipulate particular hours--say, 7 to 4, or something like that--that give mom plenty of time to get good sleep and maybe even a shower, but get the girl home early enough to spend some good time with mom.

There is a definite market for providers who are willing to accommodate unusual schedules and unique needs.

But, if you don't feel comfortable with it, don't do it. There's no faster way to set up resentment than to do something you're not truly comfortable with.

[maudie65]

i think i will have to talk to the mom about this and set certain hours for care. after reading so many great tips on here i think i will have a little more control over my business.
its great to hear so many opinions on things and it helps in seeing both sides of these issues.


thank you!

[ninosqueridos]

I agree about having set hours for your business. I fall in the "don't care what they're doing while I'm watching them" group. As long as my families respect the hours I SET FOR BEING OPEN FOR BUSINESS, then I have no gripes about what they do while their child is here. If you can move forward watching the child with set hours, then do it. Good luck!

[daycare]

I think I am a little different than a lot of other providers. I feel that as long they are abiding by my hours and policies and pay me on time I really don't care what my parents do. It's their loss if they decide not to spend time with their child and I am not going to try to force them.
I offer my parents a free Friday or saturday parents night out once to twice a month for 4.5 hours for every child in their family. I feel that parents need time to have date night and keep a healthy marriage or healthy single life by letting out some stress. Happy parents = happy kids.

[morgan24]

I'm in the I don't care what they are doing as long as I can get ahold of them if needed and they still pick up on time. I agree with daycare, it's their loss if they don't want to spend time with their children.

[Unregistered]

I wish I could find that

I don't work until 11. No one, I mean no one, is willing to let us come after 9 am. Thats our only time together. What a waste.

[maudie65]

i guess i've never looked at it that way...that, its their loss if they dont want to spend it with their child. thats very true and such a good insight. now im starting to re-think things.

[Childminder]

I feel that as a caregiver, continuity is of vital importance to a child. I watch children nontraditional hours and most of the parents are single so the fact that they are sleeping or out on a date or at school or at work is irrelevant to me.

There are providers that say don't get attached to a family or involved in their lives other than the regular 'business' side of daycare but that isn't me and has never been.

I've been caring for the little ones for over 40 years and watching second generations now. The children are made to feel like family here and years from now they will(and have) looked back on their time here as a safe and secure place to be. I would worry so much about that child if the mom was trying to watch the child at home while she was trying to sleep or in care somewhere else if she was being tossed around to multiple caregivers.

This is what I am, how I am. They are important to me. I am attached.

[R&R]

It's unclear whether the issue here is that you don't want the parent taking time to herself that isn't work related or the amount of time the child is in care.
Hmm, is the child is care more than 45 hours a week?
You have the right to decide on your hours. If overnights don't work or late hours don't fit than you have the right to say 'no'.
But, if you don't want her to pull her child you'll have to come up with a plan. Have a meeting and spell out the plan for care in writing. Explain to her that the child needs some consistency from mom too and that while you understand her need for 'alone' time, if she could limit it to 2-3 hours a week you'd all be better off.
Try to remember that this mom may need gym time to remain safe at her job, just as you may need to leave early to take state mandated trainings for yours.

[Sunny Day]

I have posted hours--8:00-5:30 Monday to Friday and I am ADAMANT about those hours being kept. That being said, I don't care what the parents are doing while their kids are in care, as long as they are reachable and their kids are picked up on time, I don't really feel its any of my business. I have a couple of moms who are actually on Maternity Leave for their second child and bring their older child a couple days a week to a)give themselves a bit of a break and have some time with just the baby and b)give the older child time away and to socialize. This has worked out great for me and the parents! I would get irritated if they said they're going to pick their kids up at a certain time and then called and said they're picking them up later due to some personal thing they want to do because I plan my days around what kiddies are here and when....

[jen]

I don't work until 11. No one, I mean no one, is willing to let us come after 9 am. Thats our only time together. What a waste.

Aww, thats too bad! I'd let you come after 9am. I'd just ask that they stayed on the same nap schedule as everyone else and have breakfast before they come. Also, I really appreciate it when I know exactly what time late-comers are going to arrive. I try to have my day reasonably planned, so if you tell me 9:30 and we are going to paint that day, I will wait for Jr. to arrive. I **** at waiting, so it would annoy me if you said 9:30 and arrived at 10. I know lots of providers would just start without you, but I hate that. One, because I really don't want to step 2 feet away from a kid with a paintbrush to meet you at the door...and I meet everyone at the door. And two, because when Jr. doesn't have a project to take home at the end of day, he'll be sad.

I would try to find a home daycare provider who might be more understanding of your circumstances; then assure them like crazy that you will be respectful of their schedule!

Good luck! I really its great that you want that time with your child!

[Unregistered]

Mari

hello! my name is mari. i live in visalia ca. i have 3 kids and i am a licensed child care provider. and i have 2 kids enrolled in my daycare. i hope i can get some advice here please.


i have a little girl who has been with me for almost 2 years now. her mom is a friend but not a close friend. the mom works crazy schedules because shes a correctional officer for the county. i actually have watched this child for 13 hours days at one point. now the mom works over night and needs me for the days she needs to sleep. how do i go about with that? i hate having to watch the little girl when the mom has lunch with friends or goes to the gym. im i being unreasonable? i think that its unfair to me. i feel like im not a personal babysitter.
i watch kids when needed. like working, school, etc etc.
i have a life to and would like to spend time with my family and spend time doing my personal errands.
i have talked about this with my husband and mother and they think that im wrong. because im a child care provider they say i should watch them no matter what.
idk what do you ladies think?

I don't want you to take this in the wrong way because I know what you're going through. I've been there before and it stinks. You are being used as a doormat by this parent and unless you do something about it, you won't see any changes for the better. Your husband is wrong and your mother is wrong. You are absolutely entitled to be a business person who has set hours and your time after and before those hours are yours! It's not your husband or your mother doing your job, it's you. It's your business! You need to remember that always. Once you do, it will be much easier to stand up for yourself and stand your ground.

Do you have a contract? If not, get on the ball and get one put together and make sure that it's thorough. If you'd like, I'd bet that there are a lot of people willing to share their contracts with you. I know that I'd be willing to let you use mine if you needed to. You do not have to watch this woman's children while she is socializing unless you want to! This is your business and you're the one who has to live with it. As far as your husband is concerned, you may just need to find a nice way to keep him from getting involved since you two have to live together! As far as your mom is concerned, it's perfectly acceptable to tell her to butt out.

I hope that I haven't offended you, because that wasn't my intention. I just know that everything changed for me when a dear, wonderful, strong, caring and business saavy friend told me to get myself a backbone! My job has become so much more enjoyable and I don't feel used anymore. Good luck! Like I said, if you don't have a contract, I'll gladly share mine with you!